In need of Godly Counsel, please.

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A

ashley06

Guest
#1
#1
I am writing this with such humility. Please gently guide me.

I was married at 18 to my high school sweetheart. We believed in God and Jesus but neither went to church, read the Bible, or lived following Christ. I was "saved" and baptised at 16 and that's as far as that goes. My ex Husband was saved and baptised as a child. We never went to church or anything of the sort. My ex husband left me for another woman. He moved her in a week after he filed for divorce. He is engaged to be married. The last two years of our marriage he was distant. I seen him talking to other women online. I also had a brief affair right before he left me that know one knew about (until me posting now). Instead of following Christ i started seeing another man (who is divorced from an adulterous wide) after my ex filed divorce papers. I am now engaged with the daughter we have together. Him and I now abstain from sex because I'm trying to do the right thing. I know it's late in the game. I have owned my past mistakes and have repented and cried out to the Lord over them.

I have anxiety and obsess over everything. So that hinders my walk with the Lord... I seen a post about people in second marriages are not going to inherit The kinddom of God because they are now alduterers according to 1 Corinthians. All i have done for a month now is obsess over that. I constantly feel condemned over that and have no peace. The only mature christian influence in my life is my grandmother, who lives states away from me, told me i would be right with the Lord if I marry my fiance now. She told me the devil was on my back and I need to rebuke him and get married. In a way, I trust her counsel. But I know she loves me and doesnt want to see me hurt either.

I don't have a pastor or anyone to go to. So i am seeking godly counsel here. I hope this is okay.

I personally felt good about marrying my daughter's father. I felt he was sent by God. We were going through the same things. We were blessed with our daughter. (I tried for years with my ex and never even a scare) But i am also a babe in christ. I don't know much. But I was convinced I was right. Then I seen that post in a christian Facebook group and havent been sure of anything since. I had no personal conviction from reading scripture either while studying my bible until i read that. I know jesus allowed remarriage in the event of an unfaithful spouse, but in the end we were both unfaithful.

Do you think if I marry this man, my daughter's father, who I love, I won't go to heaven? Or am I to raise my daughter as a single mother and remain celibate? There will never be reconciliation with my ex husband. This I know.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
Pardon me for sounding blunt, but you say that instead of following God, you went and had an affair with a divorced man, who you are now engaged to. You had premarital sex, foolishly didn't use protection. In my opinion, you weren't "blessed" with this kid. Your daughter is the result of unprotected, lustful passion and unfortunately, she got born into the mess you have created. You WERE still married at the time of this affair, yes?

And the guy you're with now? What's his reason for getting divorced? Did his wife cheat on him, did he cheat on her or what? Who filed for divorce first in his marriage? If his reason for divorce, is infidelity then you'd better stay single and learn from your mistakes. Because you're about to go straight from the frying pan into the fire. :/ What if you marry this guy, and somewhere down the road you get divorced again? The fact that you have no peace about this, should tell you that you're doing the wrong thing by marrying this guy. Don't screw up your child's life by making more mistakes with this guy. Stay single and concentrate on taking care of your kid.
 
M

mj007

Banned
#3
Feb 5, 2017
1,118
36
0
#3
Do what your heart says but give it time to come to a definite conclusion about what is right. All right decisions come in peace, they don't come in confusion or anxiety. What causes confusion or anxiety is making mistakes out of a lack of patience and stillness. You should allow God to give you the 'perfect counsel' that no person really can, but most importantly listen to what answers you get. :)
 
Dreamstate

Dreamstate

Banned
#4
Aug 27, 2017
521
9
0
#4
You appear to be a person who has not been encouraged to study The Bible enough and because you haven't received the right advice, you are in this predicament, if I were you I would start as a Christian again and study The Bible more, whenever you are happy to, see what catches your interest, you need to learn to stand on your own two feet.
 
A

ashley06

Guest
#5
#5
blue_ladybug said:
Pardon me for sounding blunt, but you say that instead of following God, you went and had an affair with a divorced man, who you are now engaged to. You had premarital sex, foolishly didn't use protection. In my opinion, you weren't "blessed" with this kid. Your daughter is the result of unprotected, lustful passion and unfortunately, she got born into the mess you have created. You WERE still married at the time of this affair, yes?

And the guy you're with now? What's his reason for getting divorced? Did his wife cheat on him, did he cheat on her or what? Who filed for divorce first in his marriage? If his reason for divorce, is infidelity then you'd better stay single and learn from your mistakes. Because you're about to go straight from the frying pan into the fire. :/ What if you marry this guy, and somewhere down the road you get divorced again? The fact that you have no peace about this, should tell you that you're doing the wrong thing by marrying this guy. Don't screw up your child's life by making more mistakes with this guy. Stay single and concentrate on taking care of your kid.
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I must have worded my post wrong or you have misread.... I only mentioned that brief affair to show that I wasn't completely innocent even though my husband left me for another woman.
The guy i am with now, is the guy I started seeing after my ex husband filed for divorce. Yes I sinfully had pre marital sex because I was not a practicing christian, and I knowlingly didn't use protection because I wanted a baby. This same guy is divorced because his wife was dating another man. He tried making it work with her numerous times because he was trying to be a good influence on her children and was helping raise them. She wanted her cake and to eat it too, So he left her because of her infidelity. She isnt a christian either.

Yes it all sounds like a horrible mess. But i did have peace about marrying him until I stumbled over that post on Facebook about people in second marriages not inheriting the kingdom of God. I thought I was doing right by the Lord and I'm just seeking for biblical advice.
 
A

ashley06

Guest
#6
#6
Dreamstate said:
You appear to be a person who has not been encouraged to study The Bible enough and because you haven't received the right advice, you are in this predicament, if I were you I would start as a Christian again and study The Bible more, whenever you are happy to, see what catches your interest, you need to learn to stand on your own two feet.
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You are correct. I am just now starting to read and study my bible to grow in my walk with the Lord. For the first time in my life. Right now i don't want to lean on my own understanding of the Bible because I could be wrong and that's why I seek godly/biblical advice. Thank you for your response.
 
A

ashley06

Guest
#7
#7
mj007 said:
Do what your heart says but give it time to come to a definite conclusion about what is right. All right decisions come in peace, they don't come in confusion or anxiety. What causes confusion or anxiety is making mistakes out of a lack of patience and stillness. You should allow God to give you the 'perfect counsel' that no person really can, but most importantly listen to what answers you get. :)
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Thank you for your response. I was at peace with my decision to marry until I came across a post in facebook condemning people in remarriages. So that has me questioning my peace and my understanding of scripture.
 
Dreamstate

Dreamstate

Banned
#8
Aug 27, 2017
521
9
0
#8
ashley06 said:
You are correct. I am just now starting to read and study my bible to grow in my walk with the Lord. For the first time in my life. Right now i don't want to lean on my own understanding of the Bible because I could be wrong and that's why I seek godly/biblical advice. Thank you for your response.
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Ok, you're welcome, have you started learning the basic commands of Jesus ?
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#11
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#11
Wow, this is a messy situation. So everyone involved cheated on each other, with the exception of your current boyfriend. Well, kudos to him for not cheating. However, seeing as there is infidelity in both marriages, I would heed the bible verse in that FB post, and remain single and co-parent your child with this guy.. You will be doing right by the Lord, once you extricate yourself from this mess. :)


ashley06 said:
I must have worded my post wrong or you have misread.... I only mentioned that brief affair to show that I wasn't completely innocent even though my husband left me for another woman.
The guy i am with now, is the guy I started seeing after my ex husband filed for divorce. Yes I sinfully had pre marital sex because I was not a practicing christian, and I knowlingly didn't use protection because I wanted a baby. This same guy is divorced because his wife was dating another man. He tried making it work with her numerous times because he was trying to be a good influence on her children and was helping raise them. She wanted her cake and to eat it too, So he left her because of her infidelity. She isnt a christian either.

Yes it all sounds like a horrible mess. But i did have peace about marrying him until I stumbled over that post on Facebook about people in second marriages not inheriting the kingdom of God. I thought I was doing right by the Lord and I'm just seeking for biblical advice.
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HisPeace

HisPeace

Member
#12
May 20, 2017
94
32
18
#12
The Bible tells us that the heart is deceitful and that it cannot be trusted. The best way to hear God's word is to REPENT of all known sin, confess your sin to the Lord and ask for help to not repeat the same sins and ask for forgiveness. Then seek his direction...God says in his Word that he will give His Wisdom to all who ask. I would suggest reading the Proverbs for direction in right living, read and pray with your daughter's father as well. You are not to be unequally yolked with an unbeliever, so it is important that he is truly born again...(i.e., is there fruit in his life despite his mistakes? Has he repented of his sins?) and not just a "pew warmer". With God, all things are possible, including taking this relationship to where it needs to be or causing it to wither if it is not His will for you. Be patient in seeking your answers!
 
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ashley06

Guest
#13
#13
blue_ladybug said:
Wow, this is a messy situation. So everyone involved cheated on each other, with the exception of your current boyfriend. Well, kudos to him for not cheating. However, seeing as there is infidelity in both marriages, I would heed the bible verse in that FB post, and remain single and co-parent your child with this guy.. You will be doing right by the Lord, once you extricate yourself from this mess. :)
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Well if i were to extricate myself from this "situation", it would take a while. I don't have family i can stay with. All I have is my fiance and daughter. I am a stay at home mom, have been since she was born 2 years ago. I was 18 when I married my ex husband and took care of the home while he worked in the Army. I never went to college because of him. So i have nothing to fall back on.
 
T

Thehappymom

Junior Member
#15
Jun 13, 2017
28
1
0
#15
blue_ladybug said:
Pardon me for sounding blunt, but you say that instead of following God, you went and had an affair with a divorced man, who you are now engaged to. You had premarital sex, foolishly didn't use protection. In my opinion, you weren't "blessed" with this kid. Your daughter is the result of unprotected, lustful passion and unfortunately, she got born into the mess you have created. You WERE still married at the time of this affair, yes?

And the guy you're with now? What's his reason for getting divorced? Did his wife cheat on him, did he cheat on her or what? Who filed for divorce first in his marriage? If his reason for divorce, is infidelity then you'd better stay single and learn from your mistakes. Because you're about to go straight from the frying pan into the fire. :/ What if you marry this guy, and somewhere down the road you get divorced again? The fact that you have no peace about this, should tell you that you're doing the wrong thing by marrying this guy. Don't screw up your child's life by making more mistakes with this guy. Stay single and concentrate on taking care of your kid.
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Sounds had but I agree with most of what you say here
 
A

ashley06

Guest
#16
#16
HisPeace said:
The Bible tells us that the heart is deceitful and that it cannot be trusted. The best way to hear God's word is to REPENT of all known sin, confess your sin to the Lord and ask for help to not repeat the same sins and ask for forgiveness. Then seek his direction...God says in his Word that he will give His Wisdom to all who ask. I would suggest reading the Proverbs for direction in right living, read and pray with your daughter's father as well. You are not to be unequally yolked with an unbeliever, so it is important that he is truly born again...(i.e., is there fruit in his life despite his mistakes? Has he repented of his sins?) and not just a "pew warmer". With God, all things are possible, including taking this relationship to where it needs to be or causing it to wither if it is not His will for you. Be patient in seeking your answers!
Click to expand...
Thank you for your response. I have been praying for forgiveness over all of my past sins and for peace over what I am supposed to do. My fiance is ADD so he has me read the Bible to him. We are now starting to pray together as well and trying to find a church. I don't want to have to give up our relationship because I feel it would not benefit our daughter's upbringing. I am trying to learn to listen for God's answers and not my own overthinking and anxieties. I've got so much prayer and work to do.
 
A

ashley06

Guest
#18
#18
Dreamstate said:
:D Of course you don't
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So then care to elaborate? I'm genuinely seeking help discerning scripture here. If we stay on topic here... The way i understand, Jesus allows for remarriage in the case of a spouse being unfaithful. My husband left me for another woman, thus being unfaithful. Though i was too in our marriage but that wasn't the cause of our divorce and I repented of that sin. God is just to forgive if we confess our sin to him through Jesus, correct?
 
Dreamstate

Dreamstate

Banned
#19
Aug 27, 2017
521
9
0
#19
ashley06 said:
So then care to elaborate? I'm genuinely seeking help discerning scripture here. If we stay on topic here... The way i understand, Jesus allows for remarriage in the case of a spouse being unfaithful. My husband left me for another woman, thus being unfaithful. Though i was too in our marriage but that wasn't the cause of our divorce and I repented of that sin. God is just to forgive if we confess our sin to him through Jesus, correct?
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:)No dear, you need to learn the basics first.
 
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