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Christian Family Forum

Discuss family topics/issues, and give and receive encouragement here.

Thread: Divorce is life changing

  1. #1
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    Default Divorce is life changing

    My husband divorced me for someone else after 23yrs of marriage.
    We have three boys 16-20 who are all scattered.
    I live w my parents.
    Because of the control in my marriage, I never really knew how to do bills, balance a checkbook or budget.
    I always had to ask him for money.
    Going from that to single was a huge change for me.
    In one respect, I have no more mental abuse.
    On the other hand, I feel lonely and lost.
    Now it's been since March and I'm going to get back out there to find a friend to do things with.
    God is directing my path.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Dino246's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    Welcome, NdCM! Glad to have you aboard.

    Divorce is no fun. Having been through one myself, I have a new perspective on the verse where God says, "I hate divorce." I believe that His hatred for it is as much for the damage it does to the individuals as the blot on His church.

    Glad that you are seeing positive change in the midst of the unpleasantness. Keep seeking Jesus for healing.

    One more thought... I'd recommend the daily devotional from DivorceCare.org. It's a Christian ministry. I found most of the daily messages quite helpful.

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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    Hi
    I actually took that class last year in the beginning of the divorce proceedings and I'm starting up again this Thursday.
    It takes an hour to get to the class but I know it will help where I am at right now.
    I get those devotionals too.
    It's crazy but I even have the book yet I'm extremely depressed..go figure!
    I am looking forward to the class though.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dino246 View Post
    Welcome, NdCM! Glad to have you aboard.

    Divorce is no fun. Having been through one myself, I have a new perspective on the verse where God says, "I hate divorce." I believe that His hatred for it is as much for the damage it does to the individuals as the blot on His church.

    Glad that you are seeing positive change in the midst of the unpleasantness. Keep seeking Jesus for healing.

    One more thought... I'd recommend the daily devotional from DivorceCare.org. It's a Christian ministry. I found most of the daily messages quite helpful.
    Dino246 likes this.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Yahweh_is_gracious's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    I've been divorced twice. It was a very painful process to go through each time. Many folks here at CC have been through divorce, and I'm confident you'll find support here.
    oldethennew likes this.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    One divorce here. Painful at first but later on I realized it was a blessing from God.
    oldethennew likes this.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    ChristianMom - I can empathize with your situation and my heart goes out to you and your feelings of loneliness, loss and emptiness...
    After 26 years of marriage, I never saw it coming... She just wants out and is determined on leaving and calling it quits - three kids 16-22... Our youngest is still at home and attending high school... The 'Serenity Prayer' and a new puppy have helped me through my struggles thus far, but I know the hardest struggles are yet to come...
    I pray that you are able to find that person who is able to return the same level of 'unconditional love' and commitment that I sense your heart so desperately seeks.

    May God Bless you in your time of need..
    asking4forgiveness likes this.

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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    I need to get to that point.
    How did you get to that?
    Solemateleft likes this.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Dino246's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    Quote Originally Posted by NewlydivorcedChristianmom View Post
    I need to get to that point.
    How did you get to that?
    If you click the "Reply with Quote" button at the lower right of a post, everyone will know to whom you are responding.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    Quote Originally Posted by NewlydivorcedChristianmom View Post
    I need to get to that point.
    How did you get to that?
    Trust in the lord, be true to your heart... I believe that he has a master plan... I sense that you are on the path to genuine peace and happiness... Patience is a virtue... God Bless
    renewed_hope likes this.

  10. #10
    Senior Member renewed_hope's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    Newlydivorcedmom:

    I can't say I've been in your shoes or know what it's like to have parents go through a divorce, but let me tell you God is a God of restoration. He not only puts your heart back together, but makes it good as new IF you allow him to take care of you.

    On a side note, I get that you have to find yourself again and since your ex husband controlled the money as well as everything else (I assume) I would enroll in a local community college. Not only will it help you heal, but meet new friends and ensure your future in being financially stable. It would also be a good living example to your kids of doing something that would better their life. You have a fresh opportunity, trust God and make the most of it, my friend
    I choose to honor God by inspiring people. How do you honor him?........

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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    In all thing trust God. Lean not to your own understanding. I am separated fromy wife after 19 years of marriage, it's been two months and it's hard but it was necessary. I am so at peace in my home but my emotions are all over the place. I am hoping God help us change our attitude towards each other. I have to lay my pride aside but is so hard. There are so many walls built between my wife and I. I don't want a divorce but I don't like the tension and strife. Draw close to God and He will help you through the process. Pray for me as I pray for you. God bless

  12. #12
    Senior Member Huckleberry's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    Quote Originally Posted by NewlydivorcedChristianmom View Post
    My husband divorced me for someone else after 23yrs of marriage.
    We have three boys 16-20 who are all scattered.
    I live w my parents.
    Because of the control in my marriage, I never really knew how to do bills, balance a checkbook or budget.
    I always had to ask him for money.
    Going from that to single was a huge change for me.
    In one respect, I have no more mental abuse.
    On the other hand, I feel lonely and lost.
    Now it's been since March and I'm going to get back out there to find a friend to do things with.
    God is directing my path.
    Concerning financial matters, I highly recommend reading Dave Ramsey's books (especially
    The Total Money Makeover) and listening to him either on the radio, podcast, or YouTube.
    He gives Biblically sound financial advice and can help you be successful with your money.

  13. #13
    Junior Member asking4forgiveness's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    Quote Originally Posted by NewlydivorcedChristianmom View Post
    My husband divorced me for someone else after 23yrs of marriage.
    We have three boys 16-20 who are all scattered.
    I live w my parents.
    Because of the control in my marriage, I never really knew how to do bills, balance a checkbook or budget.
    I always had to ask him for money.
    Going from that to single was a huge change for me.
    In one respect, I have no more mental abuse.
    On the other hand, I feel lonely and lost.
    Now it's been since March and I'm going to get back out there to find a friend to do things with.
    God is directing my path.
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am going through a divorce as well, so I definitely sympathize with you. I have been married for 14 years and found out 4 years ago that my husband was unfaithful. Similar to your situation he was the one in charge of finances and everything. I was a stay at home mom when we first separated and so he continued paying the bills for the past few years. We tried again to see if we could overcome and start over, but we ultimately could not. I was so afraid, and in denial. I felt like my life was over, and if it were not for my son (who is now almost 8 yrs old) I don't know how I would have survived the pain, depression, anxiety, and fear that overcame my life. The only reason why I haven't completely divorced him all the way yet is because of the fear of not being able to provide financial security for our son on my own. These past four years have given me time to adjust emotionally to everything. At first I made lots of mistakes, learned some valuable lessons... really HARD lessons. Over time through prayer, this website, and faith in the Lord I have been feeling God lifting me and helping me be in the right places at the right times to start building a future for myself and my son! I could not say that I have done these things on my own, they are from God.

    My spouse and I are now actually friends. We've agreed to the terms of our divorce needs. I have accepted that we are getting divorced, and we are working with a mediator to resolve all of the divorce issues currently, as it is much cheaper than paying for two lawyers. We are co-parenting fairly well! We recently sold our marital home and I was able to buy a new home for my son and I all by myself using the equity from the sale and what was left of money from a family inheritance. I agreed to let my husband have the equal amount of the equity from his retirement accounts in our settlement. I even sold my 2016 Honda Pilot and bought a less expensive vehicle, plus used cash I was going to be using for Interior Design school-- to buy this new home! I am so blessed to not have to raise my son in an apartment. I no longer have a mortgage payment, and I have no debt.

    There are still many challenges ahead of me, and I feel much stronger now to face them than I did 4 years ago. Time, patience, God's timing, and faith have gotten me through so much and I continually thank my Heavenly father for all the blessings he has been giving me, and for guiding my path in His will for my life. I see this situation in a new light now. At first it felt like my life was over, and devastation... but now I see that my life was truly just beginning to blossom again, and out of the devastation came possibility! A fresh new start to learn about what God wants for me, and to become forever changed. This is my testimony, that healing is possible, God never ever abandons us, and that we are capable of SO MUCH more than we know, through HIM!

  14. #14
    Senior Member Dan58's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    Quote Originally Posted by NewlydivorcedChristianmom View Post
    I never really knew how to do bills, balance a checkbook or budget.
    I always had to ask him for money.
    Marriage is life changing too, just in reverse ... But look on the bright side, you now have the opportunity to learn how to do bills, balance a checkbook, live on a budget, and make your own money. And I guarantee you, your next husband will appreciate those attributes.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Divorce is life changing

    Great Post, Dan, well put, coupled with and understanding heart!...
    asking4forgiveness likes this.

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