My husband divorced me for someone else after 23yrs of marriage.
We have three boys 16-20 who are all scattered.
I live w my parents.
Because of the control in my marriage, I never really knew how to do bills, balance a checkbook or budget.
I always had to ask him for money.
Going from that to single was a huge change for me.
In one respect, I have no more mental abuse.
On the other hand, I feel lonely and lost.
Now it's been since March and I'm going to get back out there to find a friend to do things with.
God is directing my path.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am going through a divorce as well, so I definitely sympathize with you. I have been married for 14 years and found out 4 years ago that my husband was unfaithful. Similar to your situation he was the one in charge of finances and everything. I was a stay at home mom when we first separated and so he continued paying the bills for the past few years. We tried again to see if we could overcome and start over, but we ultimately could not. I was so afraid, and in denial. I felt like my life was over, and if it were not for my son (who is now almost 8 yrs old) I don't know how I would have survived the pain, depression, anxiety, and fear that overcame my life. The only reason why I haven't completely divorced him all the way yet is because of the fear of not being able to provide financial security for our son on my own. These past four years have given me time to adjust emotionally to everything. At first I made lots of mistakes, learned some valuable lessons... really HARD lessons. Over time through prayer, this website, and faith in the Lord I have been feeling God lifting me and helping me be in the right places at the right times to start building a future for myself and my son! I could not say that I have done these things on my own, they are from God.
My spouse and I are now actually friends. We've agreed to the terms of our divorce needs. I have accepted that we are getting divorced, and we are working with a mediator to resolve all of the divorce issues currently, as it is much cheaper than paying for two lawyers. We are co-parenting fairly well! We recently sold our marital home and I was able to buy a new home for my son and I all by myself using the equity from the sale and what was left of money from a family inheritance. I agreed to let my husband have the equal amount of the equity from his retirement accounts in our settlement. I even sold my 2016 Honda Pilot and bought a less expensive vehicle, plus used cash I was going to be using for Interior Design school-- to buy this new home! I am so blessed to not have to raise my son in an apartment. I no longer have a mortgage payment, and I have no debt.
There are still many challenges ahead of me, and I feel much stronger now to face them than I did 4 years ago. Time, patience, God's timing, and faith have gotten me through so much and I continually thank my Heavenly father for all the blessings he has been giving me, and for guiding my path in His will for my life. I see this situation in a new light now. At first it felt like my life was over, and devastation... but now I see that my life was truly just beginning to blossom again, and out of the devastation came possibility! A fresh new start to learn about what God wants for me, and to become forever changed. This is my testimony, that healing is possible, God never ever abandons us, and that we are capable of SO MUCH more than we know, through HIM!