Chronic Adulterer...seeking Christian help!

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guineapigmom

Guest
#1
Not sure if this is the right spot to put this, I apologize if it isn't.
Hello all, I am new here and look forward to meeting everyone. I'm 29 and have been married to my current husband for 3 years. I love him dearly and he is such a loving and patient husband and child of God. He should have left me several times over but continues to love me and try to help me overcome my struggle with adultery. My first marriage ended because of an affair, not because he wanted it to end, but because I did. Most of the time it is emotional adultery and flirtatious behavior, some adulterous thoughts, but there has been one physical one. And yes, my husband knows about all of this.

Every time I think I have gotten to where I can beat this, I fall right back down. I am so tired of hurting my husband, who absolutely does not deserve this and I feel deserves better than me (he says he knows what I could be and what God wants me to be). I don't WANT anyone but my husband, but I keep finding myself wanting the attention and fun of flirting. And no, my husband does not do anything to cause my behavior. He is a loving, attentive husband and ALWAYS puts me first, even before himself, in everything. This is within me. I don't necessarily want to have sex with these attractive guys, but I enjoy the attention. I always have, even as a young girl. (I had boyfriends in second grade. Don't know if that's abnormal or not). My last adulterous behavior was within this last week and my husband, still, wants to help me overcome this, bless his wonderful soul.

So, I have decided that I will not go anywhere without him. I will tell him of any thoughts and any behavior that may happen, as hard as it might be (I always feel like it will make it worse if I tell him). That's all well and good. But work is the trouble area. I have no plan of attack for there, and most of the time, that's where this sin has been hitting me! I know I get bored easily. I always have, in anything. I enjoy new, exciting, different.....and I know that that is part of my downfall, but I have no idea how to overcome it. My heart hurts, my soul is heavy...I know God has forgiven me, again, even though I absolutely DO NOT deserve it, but I am still depressed.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, I desperately need help. If anyone has experienced this or is experiencing this same thing, it would be great to hear from you.
Love in Christ
 

kaijo

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2017
355
54
28
#2
Did you know... that "voice" inside your head... which sounds EXACTLY the same as your own voice (yet is "almost" impossible to extinguish between "you" and "it") ....is actually.. an evil spirit? (or demon if u like... and no, demons are nothing like what you see on your hollywood screen in the lounge ^^").

In a nutshell... u need to be able to recognize when "its" speaking... and Not "you" speaking... and you gotta tell it to "SHUT UP" and "GET LOST".... just like Jesus said to that evil spirit who was possessing that man, following him around...and just like Paul said to that evil spirit who possessed that young girl.

Ok, ill just get my shield ready... its about to rain a bunch of rocks and stones down on me now lol ^^"
 

kaijo

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2017
355
54
28
#3
And if u wanna know what kind of spirit it is... it sounds to me like a spirit of Idolatry. Where you love (almost worship) the appearance of the flesh you have been given. And desire others to do likewise...
 

HannahA

Senior Member
Sep 16, 2017
132
17
18
#4
Not sure if this is the right spot to put this, I apologize if it isn't.
Hello all, I am new here and look forward to meeting everyone. I'm 29 and have been married to my current husband for 3 years. I love him dearly and he is such a loving and patient husband and child of God. He should have left me several times over but continues to love me and try to help me overcome my struggle with adultery. My first marriage ended because of an affair, not because he wanted it to end, but because I did. Most of the time it is emotional adultery and flirtatious behavior, some adulterous thoughts, but there has been one physical one. And yes, my husband knows about all of this.

Every time I think I have gotten to where I can beat this, I fall right back down. I am so tired of hurting my husband, who absolutely does not deserve this and I feel deserves better than me (he says he knows what I could be and what God wants me to be). I don't WANT anyone but my husband, but I keep finding myself wanting the attention and fun of flirting. And no, my husband does not do anything to cause my behavior. He is a loving, attentive husband and ALWAYS puts me first, even before himself, in everything. This is within me. I don't necessarily want to have sex with these attractive guys, but I enjoy the attention. I always have, even as a young girl. (I had boyfriends in second grade. Don't know if that's abnormal or not). My last adulterous behavior was within this last week and my husband, still, wants to help me overcome this, bless his wonderful soul.

So, I have decided that I will not go anywhere without him. I will tell him of any thoughts and any behavior that may happen, as hard as it might be (I always feel like it will make it worse if I tell him). That's all well and good. But work is the trouble area. I have no plan of attack for there, and most of the time, that's where this sin has been hitting me! I know I get bored easily. I always have, in anything. I enjoy new, exciting, different.....and I know that that is part of my downfall, but I have no idea how to overcome it. My heart hurts, my soul is heavy...I know God has forgiven me, again, even though I absolutely DO NOT deserve it, but I am still depressed.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, I desperately need help. If anyone has experienced this or is experiencing this same thing, it would be great to hear from you.
Love in Christ
it's really helpful to tell your husband everytime you feel that temptations is coming
and first thing is also pray to God everytime you feel it and always meditate on God's word
God bless you sister :)
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,862
9,581
113
#5
You know what flirting leads to, right? So quit flirting with other guys, and START flirting with your husband. :)
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#6
Don't buy into all this "it's all a demons fault" false teaching. In the bible we see Jesus holding people responsible for their own choices. When Paul discovered incest within a church he didn't blame demons, he said to cast them out of the church for the decisions they were making.
While demons can offer temptation it is still Our Choice to go along with it or not. It is still Our sin and our sinful nature that chooses sin. Not demons.

It sounds to me as if you didn't recover from your first marriage. Now you're carrying that baggage into your current marriage and acting out. While in your heart you know your husband is innocent that you haven't let go of past adulteries from your former husband prompts you to "get him before he gets me". Chances are some part of you fears your current husband will cheat. So you cheat first.
I'm on the receiving end of this currently. My gf is divorced and while she knows I'm nothing like her ex she sometimes becomes fearful and acts out in the fear from her past. Same as you. She's taking steps to get past it and it's been quite effective.
Perhaps it's time for you to do the same. Confront and deal with your past and how it causes you to react in the present. And continue taking ownership and not blaming demons.
You're facing the right direction, but you've yet to take a real step. Don't keep standing still waiting for change. Take the steps yourself and pray for God to guide you and aid you in healing. It works.
 

kaijo

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2017
355
54
28
#7
While demons can offer temptation it is still Our Choice to go along with it or not. It is still Our sin and our sinful nature that chooses sin. Not demons.
But that's what i meant.

How is it that demons offer temptations exactly? Isn't it almost like they are whispering in ones ear? (suggesting thoughts?).

And like you said .. "it is still Our Choice to go along with it or not." ... isn't that the advice i gave ultimately? (either listen to, and obey its suggestion...or tell it to Get Lost?)

I never said its the demons fault. I don't blame the demons. They're merely doing what they have been designed to do. Its up to Us ..to listen to...or ignore their ​suggestion.. ;)
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
6,877
1,949
113
Germany
#8
And if u wanna know what kind of spirit it is... it sounds to me like a spirit of Idolatry. Where you love (almost worship) the appearance of the flesh you have been given. And desire others to do likewise...
And who is the one thatd behind idolatry and adultery? Witchcraft and jezebelle....the list goes on and on
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
6,877
1,949
113
Germany
#9
Fasting and praying together with ur husband against this is my suggestion.
Restist the devil and he shall flee...
So keep resisting and when u get tempted just think no get out in Jesus name and think about how much u love your husband.
Renew your way of thinking, which is what repentence truly is about. Forgive yourself and fight it sis
God bless u
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#10
Feel I need to clarify my gf has not cheated or flirt, etc... I only meant that sometimes her previous marriages issues will pop up and affect how she acts towards me. Didn't want anyone who knows who she is to misunderstand and think things that aren't true about her.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
337
83
#11
There's a lot of "I" in your post.. You obviously like to flirt with men, perhaps it boost your self-esteem, perhaps it satisfies your craving for attention, perhaps your just incapable of saying 'no' to yourself. The reason a person doesn't cheat on their spouse is because they love their husband/wife more then themselves. Your faithfulness to your husband should surpass your own need and desire to get attention elsewhere. If you really love and care for your very tolerant husband, you wouldn't be looking for romance elsewhere. The commitment of marriage includes self-discipline, you agreed in your vows to stop playing the field and devote yourself to one person, and that person wasn't yourself.

Your husband shouldn't need to go with you everywhere to baby-sit. Its sad that you can't be trusted, but only you can make yourself an honorable wife and work on your character flaw. Ask yourself why you even desire to flirt with other men when you claim to have a husband that you love dearly? If you can't control your sexual appetite or desperate need for the attention of other men, consider a divorce, for the sake of your husband. His forgiving nature is enabling your behavior, you do what you do because there are no repercussions, and your own wants/needs come first... jmo
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#12
There's a lot of "I" in your post.. You obviously like to flirt with men, perhaps it boost your self-esteem, perhaps it satisfies your craving for attention, perhaps your just incapable of saying 'no' to yourself. The reason a person doesn't cheat on their spouse is because they love their husband/wife more then themselves. Your faithfulness to your husband should surpass your own need and desire to get attention elsewhere. If you really love and care for your very tolerant husband, you wouldn't be looking for romance elsewhere. The commitment of marriage includes self-discipline, you agreed in your vows to stop playing the field and devote yourself to one person, and that person wasn't yourself.

Your husband shouldn't need to go with you everywhere to baby-sit. Its sad that you can't be trusted, but only you can make yourself an honorable wife and work on your character flaw. Ask yourself why you even desire to flirt with other men when you claim to have a husband that you love dearly? If you can't control your sexual appetite or desperate need for the attention of other men, consider a divorce, for the sake of your husband. His forgiving nature is enabling your behavior, you do what you do because there are no repercussions, and your own wants/needs come first... jmo
I agree with you especially the part about considering a divorce for the sake of her husband.
 
May 2, 2017
64
0
0
#13
I'm not quite experience the same thing but I used to be a chronic adulterer too. Every time i thought i beat it the devil was one step ahead of me. what finally worked was having faith strong enough that i believed i was no longer the same person that enjoyed those things. I believed it strong enough that i became it-that's how the Lord revealed it to me.
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
12,820
8,596
113
#14
Not sure if this is the right spot to put this, I apologize if it isn't.
Hello all, I am new here and look forward to meeting everyone. I'm 29 and have been married to my current husband for 3 years. I love him dearly and he is such a loving and patient husband and child of God. He should have left me several times over but continues to love me and try to help me overcome my struggle with adultery. My first marriage ended because of an affair, not because he wanted it to end, but because I did. Most of the time it is emotional adultery and flirtatious behavior, some adulterous thoughts, but there has been one physical one. And yes, my husband knows about all of this.

Every time I think I have gotten to where I can beat this, I fall right back down. I am so tired of hurting my husband, who absolutely does not deserve this and I feel deserves better than me (he says he knows what I could be and what God wants me to be). I don't WANT anyone but my husband, but I keep finding myself wanting the attention and fun of flirting. And no, my husband does not do anything to cause my behavior. He is a loving, attentive husband and ALWAYS puts me first, even before himself, in everything. This is within me. I don't necessarily want to have sex with these attractive guys, but I enjoy the attention. I always have, even as a young girl. (I had boyfriends in second grade. Don't know if that's abnormal or not). My last adulterous behavior was within this last week and my husband, still, wants to help me overcome this, bless his wonderful soul.

So, I have decided that I will not go anywhere without him. I will tell him of any thoughts and any behavior that may happen, as hard as it might be (I always feel like it will make it worse if I tell him). That's all well and good. But work is the trouble area. I have no plan of attack for there, and most of the time, that's where this sin has been hitting me! I know I get bored easily. I always have, in anything. I enjoy new, exciting, different.....and I know that that is part of my downfall, but I have no idea how to overcome it. My heart hurts, my soul is heavy...I know God has forgiven me, again, even though I absolutely DO NOT deserve it, but I am still depressed.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, I desperately need help. If anyone has experienced this or is experiencing this same thing, it would be great to hear from you.
Love in Christ
Very brave of you to come on a public forum, express your weaknesses, and ask for prayer and help. Usually, not always, the roles are reversed, with men being in your situation. This person has great advice for people who struggle with lustful thoughts. I agree with him, to an extent, that temptation avoidance isn't really the cure for this problem. I hope this blesses you. Praying Jesus helps you always in this struggle:

[video=youtube;HCNBCm0egWo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCNBCm0egWo[/video]
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
337
83
#15
I agree with you especially the part about considering a divorce for the sake of her husband.
Yes, her husband has been a real Prince and deserves a devoted wife, but she's looking for a Yugo even though she has a Cadillac. Some people are just never content, always wanting more even when they have it all.
 
Feb 5, 2017
1,118
36
0
#16
I have a lot of respect for the fact you can be so open about something like this. You obviously want to change it but struggle to know how.

As I was just saying on a previous thread, the solution to all problems is love (because all love comes from God, through you).

So in thinking about;
Your challenge when trying to commit to your husband,
Your challenge to resist needing attention,
Your challenge to retain value in things and not get bored,

Where is the love problem? Does it all stem from a past experience you do not love? And what I mean by that, is that you haven't forgiven and therefore let go of, let God into it. Is it an insecurity with yourself, things you fear about what other people think of you? Maybe there are things about yourself that you could be more loving about. I am sure that in instances of doing the 'wrong thing' you feel a pervading fear right? As in, it doesn't feel loving towards yourself.


You can only let people love you as much as you have opened the door to loving yourself completely. It is in that place you find a peace, where you can focus, and value the present, value those close to you, and truly accept their love.


I really believe that where there is a problem, it's a love problem in your own personal world. And a problem with love in any area, becomes a problem in allowing God completely into your life.

Wouldn't it be nice, and wouldn't you feel more free, if you could overcome this issue? I mean, if you imagine it, not needing attention, not getting bored, valuing what you have around you, is that a peaceful imagining? That is because God is only a thought away. But you must fix the blockages to that, and ask yourself where are you lacking in love towards yourself.


You must love others as you love yourself, but if you do not act in a way that is loving toward others, usually it is a reflection of the way you love yourself. Being indecisive/confused can often be because thinking whether you love the self you are with when you are by yourself completely, is an uncomfortable thing. But you have to face that and put love in that place. :)
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#17
Not sure if this is the right spot to put this, I apologize if it isn't.
Hello all, I am new here and look forward to meeting everyone. I'm 29 and have been married to my current husband for 3 years. I love him dearly and he is such a loving and patient husband and child of God. He should have left me several times over but continues to love me and try to help me overcome my struggle with adultery. My first marriage ended because of an affair, not because he wanted it to end, but because I did. Most of the time it is emotional adultery and flirtatious behavior, some adulterous thoughts, but there has been one physical one. And yes, my husband knows about all of this.

Every time I think I have gotten to where I can beat this, I fall right back down. I am so tired of hurting my husband, who absolutely does not deserve this and I feel deserves better than me (he says he knows what I could be and what God wants me to be). I don't WANT anyone but my husband, but I keep finding myself wanting the attention and fun of flirting. And no, my husband does not do anything to cause my behavior. He is a loving, attentive husband and ALWAYS puts me first, even before himself, in everything. This is within me. I don't necessarily want to have sex with these attractive guys, but I enjoy the attention. I always have, even as a young girl. (I had boyfriends in second grade. Don't know if that's abnormal or not). My last adulterous behavior was within this last week and my husband, still, wants to help me overcome this, bless his wonderful soul.

So, I have decided that I will not go anywhere without him. I will tell him of any thoughts and any behavior that may happen, as hard as it might be (I always feel like it will make it worse if I tell him). That's all well and good. But work is the trouble area. I have no plan of attack for there, and most of the time, that's where this sin has been hitting me! I know I get bored easily. I always have, in anything. I enjoy new, exciting, different.....and I know that that is part of my downfall, but I have no idea how to overcome it. My heart hurts, my soul is heavy...I know God has forgiven me, again, even though I absolutely DO NOT deserve it, but I am still depressed.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, I desperately need help. If anyone has experienced this or is experiencing this same thing, it would be great to hear from you.
Love in Christ
First, bingo! You hit "the right spot" for this. Family Forum, so where family questions and problems go.

Second, if you stay on here, (and after getting blasted enough from people answering such questions, you might choose not to stay), mind a request from someone with bifocals AND computer glasses? BIGGER font! I have a headache from straining to read. (Just a request. If you don't wanna, you don't have to.)

And finally to the heart of the matter. I really do see you're not taking this lightly. Good for you. BUT, have you noticed you aren't doing too well in your effort? There's a reason for that. It's not just you. It's all of us. But here's the problem -- you can't! Try as you might you are totally enable to do anything good. In your case it falls down to can't be good to your husband, other men, and even yourself. You can't! You won't be able to do even this one thing that seems just about anyone can do. You can't!

Now what? You got the regret. You got the failure. You got the frustration, but for the life of you, you cannot conquer this sin!

Remember me saying "It's all of us?" Know why? Because it is true for all of us, we simply pick different forms/ways of sinning that heap up. And we CANNOT change ourselves.

Get there and you get the rest. Are you feeling that full weight of "you can't" yet? Good, because that's half the news.

The other half is "Jesus can and has." That's where the phrase "Good News" (what we now call "gospel") comes in. We cannot. Jesus can. So now that you've come to the end of yourself, (you can't), take it to Jesus and tell him about it. Tell him you can't, then repent because you can't. Let's get real here. If any of us could not-sin, why would we need him? We can't, so we do (need him.) Get to that point. Repent. Tell him you really can't, and you deeply regret that.

Then this cool thing happens. He fills us with him! Him! Our "can."

Seriously, you have tried all you can, it hasn't work, so there is nothing to lose, except the inability to not-sin. Seek him. I suspect that's the moment you become born again. And after that, seek his help constantly. Every time you catch yourself falling back into sinning again, bring it back to Jesus and remind him you can't so you need him. (He doesn't forget that, but we sure do, and often.) The only way to not-sin is by letting the Lord in and letting him do his thing through us.

That, bruised and broken sister, is the beginning of "can not-sin." Anything else is whirling bald tires on sheer, unmeltable ice!

Jesus is our enabler in all the good ways we need ability.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#18
And if u wanna know what kind of spirit it is... it sounds to me like a spirit of Idolatry. Where you love (almost worship) the appearance of the flesh you have been given. And desire others to do likewise...
Prove this -- biblically.
 

slave

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2015
6,307
1,097
113
#19
The issue isn't even about the addiction to adultery, except by definition. But rather, it is about strongholds of Satan in our lives mentally. For men, it can be lust moreover than affection. But, regardless of the sin in its enticement it is nonetheless sin. I sense you recognize this and are at your wits end to solve the problem, or the stronghold.

So, remember how we as Christians walk in Christ. The Christian experience does not begin with walking, but rather with sitting in Christ (Spirit-to-spirit one-on-oneing). Every time we reverse the divine order, the result is disaster. The Lord Jesus has done everything for us, and our need now is to rest confidently in Him. He is seated on the throne by God, and we are seated with Him there, so we are carried thru in His strength. Not in a pretend victory, however, but in the reality of His victory wrought out in us by faithful obedience thru the Holy Spirit's guidance.

You are trying even harder; but to be sure , the Bible tells us to give up all of our efforts and to give into His strength in us; and then do as He calls us to do. I can't emphasize this enough, that all true spiritual experience begins from rest.

But, indeed, it does not end there. For once we find our strength in His rest thru sitting in things already accomplished in Christ, we do need to walk in His light in our marriages and in the world. As heavenly people, we are required to bear the stamp of that heavenliness upon us in our earthly conduct, including our marriages. And this is where new problems come to bear, and where you are at right? Spiritual warfare! ... But, let me ask first again, have you spent time in sitting in prayer and in His rest? Are you continually in prayer and do you meditate on His Word day and night? Is your life - Jesus Christ? And do you expose and demand Satan to back off, based on Christ's authority in you?

Read Ephesians 5 and then turn to Corinthians 7 and read. This is the real married life - a spiritual one before God and not just in theory. Yet, even though in His rest this is what reality requires, it still doesn't answer our thwarting attempts by Satan to disembowel God's sanctity within our efforts, having us be sideswiped and dislodged by our lack of confidence in Christ, as we venture a go outside of His protection and empowerment. Satan is so relentless in pressuring us that some have even given into the lie that, "we cannot do it! These are impossible demands."

Since the day that Adam took the fruit of the tree of knowledge, man has been engaged in deciding what is good and what is evil. The natural man has worked out his own standards of right and wrong, justice and injustice, and striven to live by them. But, of course, we as Christians, we are different - right?!! Yes, but in what way are we different? Since we are converted, a new sense of righteousness has been developed in us, with the result that we too, quite rightly, are occupied with the question of good and evil.

But have you realized that for us the starting point is a different one? Christ is for us the tree of life; He is our life. We do not begin from the matter of ethical right and wrong. We do not start from the other tree. We begin from Him; and the whole question for us is one of life.You know right?? .. but, the question is for empowerment ... do you know your Lord? And are you calling on His strength from His demand of right, and thus His empowerment to accomplish it, or are you striving to do right in your own strength, by way of your weak flesh, unknowing you are yet a slave to the other tree?

Are you going to sit in Christ to gain strength to break Satan's stronghold? If you do , God will break those bonds, for Christ has already broke those bonds for you.. Yes, you must die to the right to yourself in those instances of temptation, but this is a matter of abundant life and not a matter of begrudgingly hard sacrifice you are obeying God toward in dismay. This is the spiritual revelation ... you will see it while resting in Christ as He is our wisdom, you will see why you can do it and must do it for your life to have life. May God Be in those times of rest, and may He give you the wisdom and strength to abide in Spiritual Truth over the lies and torment of slavery to Satans distractions, mindfully and bodily. In essence then, if God is for us who can be against us? Right?!

I know my Lord, thus, I know He will help you thru this, just remember to seek first with all your strength the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. In other words, seek His face, relationally, and He will bring victory to what has been Christ's victory already.
 
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W

Wild

Guest
#20
Poor guy, I'd have left you a long time ago. Seems he does everything right to please you and you still go behind his back and sleep around. Now I'm pretty sure Depleted will get on my case and defend you , but I'll say it anyway. You got the spirit of Jezebel in you, and only Jesus can cast it out. I'm not talking about an exorcism and all that nonsense. Just pray and read the word , and love on your husband. He's there for a reason, you should feel lucky to have such a guy. I've been alone for my whole life , if Lord wills it for me to find a woman who sounds as loyal and faithful as your husband, I would not betray that. So stop flirting and stop seeking attention, and be happy with what you have in the man that you married.
 
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