parents favoritism!?

[celi007]

How do you respond to favoritism in the family? I know that I'm an adult it shouldn't bother me but something deep inside it hurts. I only mention it here never would they(my parents) understand.My sister of course takes pleasure of seeing me struggling I was involved in a head on car collision my car was completely totaled. My dad felt sorry for my and offered to help me lent me his car in the meanwhile to go to work and move around.My apartment is a couple of houses from my younger sister she lives with my older divorced sister,so she knew I had a car accident. I went to my older sister for help.my little sister looked at me laughed and try older sister not to bother with me.My older sister said nothing and proceed to help me.

I had to get help so I could move around go to work. In the meanwhile while I got a new car I had no car my dad offered to get me to work,but I got fired . I got another job week later.my dad then.. decided to lent my his car.i used it solely for transportation to get to work...my younger sister rarely comes to my parents and come over when my mom and I were outside her house gardening she drove by and saw us . she stopped I quickly ran inside the house I avoid her she is so intimating.My parents don't see how judged and rejected looked down upon by her I feel by her. I just remember growing up my parents always taking my siblings side... my parents deeming the bad seed telling them I was the jealous envious crazy one....

My instinct tells me my little sister only stopped by to get some sick validation.She wanted to be seen as the GOOD hero child.she lent my dad her car cause she had seen me driving again but with my dad's car.... my dad barely uses his car.. I needed car more thus he lent it to me....so why the heck does she suddenly want to come in to the picture???? seems rather shady egotistical of her ..my instinct tell me her motives aren't pure...help really??? my dad barely uses his car .

 

[Blain]

No matter your age favoritism hurts, it is the most common mistake parents make and they normally are completely oblivious to it and oblivious to how it makes the other children feel. I mean look at Joseph and his brothers, Joseph's Father Jacob clearly loved and adored Joseph more than his brothers and these were full grown men and yet it hurt them so much they sold their little brother into slavery.

Favoritism is sad because it makes those who are on the other end feel less important less valued less cared about less loved and it is like I said the most common mistake I see parents make all the time

 

[Corbinscam]

I ignore petty drama. If they like someone else better...they're free to feel that way. My mother does. Her loss.

 

[blue_ladybug]

ALL parents have a favorite child(ren).. My mom wanted girls, and got 3 of them. She didn't want a boy, but got 1. She favors him (he's the oldest) and treats us girls poorly. So I have as little to do with her as possible, and in all honesty this sounds horrible, but I won't shed many tears when my mom dies. So nope, I'll only be immensely relieved when she dies..

Your sister sounds like an attention seeker and a spoiled brat..

 

[Demi777]

ALL parents have a favorite child(ren).. My mom wanted girls, and got 3 of them. She didn't want a boy, but got 1. She favors him (he's the oldest) and treats us girls poorly. So I have as little to do with her as possible, and in all honesty this sounds horrible, but I won't shed many tears when my mom dies. So nope, I'll only be immensely relieved when she dies..

Your sister sounds like an attention seeker and a spoiled brat..

My mothet never had a favorite. She always treated ny brother and I equal and according to our character.
My mommy is a super hero

 

[Depleted]

How do you respond to favoritism in the family? I know that I'm an adult it shouldn't bother me but something deep inside it hurts. I only mention it here never would they(my parents) understand.My sister of course takes pleasure of seeing me struggling I was involved in a head on car collision my car was completely totaled. My dad felt sorry for my and offered to help me lent me his car in the meanwhile to go to work and move around.My apartment is a couple of houses from my younger sister she lives with my older divorced sister,so she knew I had a car accident. I went to my older sister for help.my little sister looked at me laughed and try older sister not to bother with me.My older sister said nothing and proceed to help me.

I had to get help so I could move around go to work. In the meanwhile while I got a new car I had no car my dad offered to get me to work,but I got fired . I got another job week later.my dad then.. decided to lent my his car.i used it solely for transportation to get to work...my younger sister rarely comes to my parents and come over when my mom and I were outside her house gardening she drove by and saw us . she stopped I quickly ran inside the house I avoid her she is so intimating.My parents don't see how judged and rejected looked down upon by her I feel by her. I just remember growing up my parents always taking my siblings side... my parents deeming the bad seed telling them I was the jealous envious crazy one....

My instinct tells me my little sister only stopped by to get some sick validation.She wanted to be seen as the GOOD hero child.she lent my dad her car cause she had seen me driving again but with my dad's car.... my dad barely uses his car.. I needed car more thus he lent it to me....so why the heck does she suddenly want to come in to the picture???? seems rather shady egotistical of her ..my instinct tell me her motives aren't pure...help really??? my dad barely uses his car .

So your dad lets you borrow his car until you can afford one because he always takes your sister's side and you're the bad seed?

I think you have an odd sense of "parental favoritism."

And your mom doesn't understand? Ever think she does understand, but it's something her two daughters ought to resolve because they're grownups after all?

I wouldn't rely on your instincts, if I were you.

 

[Depleted]

ALL parents have a favorite child(ren).. My mom wanted girls, and got 3 of them. She didn't want a boy, but got 1. She favors him (he's the oldest) and treats us girls poorly. So I have as little to do with her as possible, and in all honesty this sounds horrible, but I won't shed many tears when my mom dies. So nope, I'll only be immensely relieved when she dies..

Your sister sounds like an attention seeker and a spoiled brat..

I disagree. I do think all parents get stuck with one kid most like them, and one kid most like them. (Most like them in a negative way and then most like them in a positive way. lol)

I feel bad for my oldest brother because he was both to both parents. (And it worked out perfectly for my Dad's needs all these decades later.)

I also think parents tend to love their kids differently because their kids are different. My oldest brother rarely got what he wanted because my parents understood if he did, it wasn't going to be good. (Enter one small forest fire when he bought himself a magnifying glass, one bullet breaking a basement window and going who-knows-where, when he secretly bought himself a gun, one cop bringing him home when he "borrowed" Gram's car at 14, BUT he did NOT put those two cases of beer in the shrubs. Older brother did that. lol)

My older brother got whatever he wanted, because most of the time he was responsible for his things. (My dad still has a hard time believing that's the brother who put the beer in the shrubs, and both brothers have copped to the truth, and laugh over that. lol)

I sometimes got what I wanted, but that didn't work out often, because I didn't want it but for a couple of months. (Hey! It's why my basketball and tennis racket lasted for decades. lol)

My parents rarely had to give little brother anything, because we three older ones spoiled him rotten all by ourselves.

The two youngest ones got bounced back and forth between their mom and all our dad, so really tough figuring out what they needed, except, after 26 years Dad finally got the son that did have all his good traits and only one bad trait from Dad. (Sadly, neither of them see that one trait at all, once more bad.)

We were all loved. We were all loved differently. The one thing I've learned from having four brothers and a sister is kids are always the exact opposite of one another, no matter how many kids you have. None of us could be any different from each other if we tried to be, and yet, each of us was loved in the best way three flawed parents could love us.

The oldest was favored for his fierce determinism.
The second was favored for his can-do and did-do spirit.
I was favored as the one who accepted bad things as part of life.
My younger brother was favored in his independent spirit.
My sister was favored for her sense of duty to family.
My youngest brother is favored as the thinker/the brains/the quiet one with big thoughts.

 

[celi007]

Response to Depleted... favoritism in the sense that my father allowed my little sister to have a boyfriend and spend the night over/sleep over drink no curfew..yet super strict with me I only had one boyfriend and I married him but divorced.He/ex was abusive... dad shows favoritism in that he over looks her poor decisions and to this day he stands by as she mocks me my life..... I was in a horrible car accident...my sister saw I was hurt .. but she took a jab at me .. she could've just say nothing do nothing but nope she opted to add more pain... cruel.

I healed got better.went back to work co workers offered to help get me to work and home... but I got fired anyways ...then my dad intervene when I got new job he felt sorry for me he finally realize how badly I was hurting but mind you both he and my little sister knew I was hurting... but my dad finally lent me his car for the sake of my new job..he knew she mocked my pain indifference from her you've felt better but no she chose to inflict pain to an already hurting person..that mind you never have I done anything against her I avoid her she is so intimidating.

My mom used showed some favoritism but not so much anymore..she has seen my hurt how I stuff my sadness deep inside. I stuff so much I become a shell of a person sometimes so utterly depressed.
.. Time has changed her soften her heart.The younger her used to always side with my siblings. growing up I overhear her telling them I was damaged jealous envious...it hurt my soul hearing her say those things God I would have rather her beat the heck out of me than to speak use such hurtful words.... yeah favoritism this is it as a result a have no relationship with some of my siblings....Fast forward to years later my dear mother my mom my beloved mother finally sees the painful affects of favoritism ... my soul aches very much to be rejected...words are so unbelievably powerful they can break a person.

My instinct does tell me that my little sister motives aren't pure.She is barely comes to see my parents knows my accident situation.she sees me hanging out with my mom suddenly she offers her car???? really she offers her car ty dad that by the way uses it may once or twice a week barely... so I have an instinct she is not acting out of good spirited place.

Thank you all very much..
I greatly appreciate all your input..
God bless you.

 

[OneFaith]

How do you respond to favoritism in the family? I know that I'm an adult it shouldn't bother me but something deep inside it hurts. I only mention it here never would they(my parents) understand.My sister of course takes pleasure of seeing me struggling I was involved in a head on car collision my car was completely totaled. My dad felt sorry for my and offered to help me lent me his car in the meanwhile to go to work and move around.My apartment is a couple of houses from my younger sister she lives with my older divorced sister,so she knew I had a car accident. I went to my older sister for help.my little sister looked at me laughed and try older sister not to bother with me.My older sister said nothing and proceed to help me.

I had to get help so I could move around go to work. In the meanwhile while I got a new car I had no car my dad offered to get me to work,but I got fired . I got another job week later.my dad then.. decided to lent my his car.i used it solely for transportation to get to work...my younger sister rarely comes to my parents and come over when my mom and I were outside her house gardening she drove by and saw us . she stopped I quickly ran inside the house I avoid her she is so intimating.My parents don't see how judged and rejected looked down upon by her I feel by her. I just remember growing up my parents always taking my siblings side... my parents deeming the bad seed telling them I was the jealous envious crazy one....

My instinct tells me my little sister only stopped by to get some sick validation.She wanted to be seen as the GOOD hero child.she lent my dad her car cause she had seen me driving again but with my dad's car.... my dad barely uses his car.. I needed car more thus he lent it to me....so why the heck does she suddenly want to come in to the picture???? seems rather shady egotistical of her ..my instinct tell me her motives aren't pure...help really??? my dad barely uses his car .

God is a parent (of many!) and shows no favoritism (col3). But He does favor righteousness- that's why He loved Jacob and 'hated' Esau, cause He despises unrighteousness. Esau sold his birthright for a petty little lunch- showing disrespect for God. He was able to go hunt and cook his dad a meal- perfectly capable of making his own lunch, yet showed such lack of respect insulting its worth.

I have two kids, and never show favoritism. But one is a Christian and one is not. I treat them equally, but one has an extra piece of my heart. I love them both equally as my children. I love them both equally as my friends. But only one is my sibling in Christ- so that part of my heart can't be there for the other because that relationship doesn't exist (yet- I hope someday it will).

My eyes fill with the same amount of joy to see either one of them. I would die for either one of them. I truly love them equally and would do things for both of them- wash their dishes, lend them my car, however I can be a blessing to them, and show them how important they are to me. I love them both so deeply. Losing either one of them would rip my heart out. I cannot see how other parents can hurt one by favoring another, except for if they had worldly hearts- because that is not love, and love only comes from God.

 

[Depleted]

Response to Depleted... favoritism in the sense that my father allowed my little sister to have a boyfriend and spend the night over/sleep over drink no curfew..yet super strict with me I only had one boyfriend and I married him but divorced.He/ex was abusive... dad shows favoritism in that he over looks her poor decisions and to this day he stands by as she mocks me my life..... I was in a horrible car accident...my sister saw I was hurt .. but she took a jab at me .. she could've just say nothing do nothing but nope she opted to add more pain... cruel.

I healed got better.went back to work co workers offered to help get me to work and home... but I got fired anyways ...then my dad intervene when I got new job he felt sorry for me he finally realize how badly I was hurting but mind you both he and my little sister knew I was hurting... but my dad finally lent me his car for the sake of my new job..he knew she mocked my pain indifference from her you've felt better but no she chose to inflict pain to an already hurting person..that mind you never have I done anything against her I avoid her she is so intimidating.

My mom used showed some favoritism but not so much anymore..she has seen my hurt how I stuff my sadness deep inside. I stuff so much I become a shell of a person sometimes so utterly depressed.
.. Time has changed her soften her heart.The younger her used to always side with my siblings. growing up I overhear her telling them I was damaged jealous envious...it hurt my soul hearing her say those things God I would have rather her beat the heck out of me than to speak use such hurtful words.... yeah favoritism this is it as a result a have no relationship with some of my siblings....Fast forward to years later my dear mother my mom my beloved mother finally sees the painful affects of favoritism ... my soul aches very much to be rejected...words are so unbelievably powerful they can break a person.

My instinct does tell me that my little sister motives aren't pure.She is barely comes to see my parents knows my accident situation.she sees me hanging out with my mom suddenly she offers her car???? really she offers her car ty dad that by the way uses it may once or twice a week barely... so I have an instinct she is not acting out of good spirited place.

Thank you all very much..
I greatly appreciate all your input..
God bless you.

What changed in you when you became born again?

 

[WineRose]

Thankfully, I'm an only child (I almost had a twin, but their embryo disappeared for some strange reason... :/ ), so I don't really know.

 

[Depleted]

Thankfully, I'm an only child (I almost had a twin, but their embryo disappeared for some strange reason... :/ ), so I don't really know.

Siblings are training wheels on how to learn how to get along with others. lol

 

[Miri]

Sounds like middle child syndrome, one day you will realise your parents
love you all, including you.

Parents tend to worry and be more strict with first borns.

Middle children tend to get a more relaxed experienced parental upbringing.

Younger children tend to have a more spoilt super relaxed upbringing.

Its nothing to do with favouritism, it's just how your on parents have grown and
become more skilled.

Stop comparing yourself to others and start counting your blessings. You are meant to
be you, a unique individual. You were not meant to be your older or younger sister.
Instead of seeking approval from others, seek approval from God. Try to see all of
this from His perspective.

No one can fill the life God has planned for you, better than you can.


How Birth Order Shapes Personality

 

[celi007]

What changed in me when I was born again... I used to have a eating disorder. I used food to numb my pain/satisfy emotional need.. I was utterly sad.. with deep lack of self worth,no value.To everyone I was happy. I wanted to belong fear not belonging,felt defective,feeling like loving not sure I could love.
I met a lady at work that saw through my facade.She was kind enough to show me that I was valuable by showing me kindness welcoming to her church.

Her kindness lead me to grow spiritually. I was sick but I'm healthy now recovered from my eating disorder. I believe that God is still working on me. God is the only one that can fill our void our identity.

Thank you all very much. I just had a a brief moment of sadness but I understand what you guys are trying to tell me.

 

[Miri]

Lynn was saying to another poster that in the 20s you think everyone
is judging you and you care what others think.

In your 40s you no longer care what others think.

In your 60s you realise that no one was bothered about judging you in the
first place and it is absolutely true. When you are older you will just learn to
be you and stop bothering about what others think, honestly it's liberating.

If you can learn that earlier, its even better.

 

[presidente]

Hebrews points out a difference between a bastard and a son. The son is chastized but the bastard isn't. So if your dad was stricter with you, maybe it's because he loved you.

Some parents get a little tired or just more laid back as they get older, so they are a little looser with the baby than with the older kids. It could be that, too.

I'm sorry your sister took a jab at you when you were hurt. Maybe she's upset with you about something. Maybe you could sit down with her and ask her if she's upset with you about something and try to clear the air, talk through problems, forgive each other, etc., and have a better relationship. That sounds like it might be a solution to this ongoing problem. She's your sister. You two should get along. How old is she? Some people become more decent as they grow older.

Other than that, if she does something like lend dad a car when you are borrowing his, don't let it bother you. Just ignore the attention-seeking, if that's what you think it is. Maybe she really did think he needed a car for some reason.

 

[Bella_Lee]

Our true validation and self worth can only come from God because sometimes people will fail us even our family members. The word of God says that you are loved with an everlasting love and his love for you is unconditional. I would encourage you to spend some time meditating on some scriptures that tells you how much God loves and cares for you to help you in the healing you need for your emotions. These are a couple that I read and it blesses and encourages me when I am feeling down: Romans 8:37-39 and Psalm 86:15. Sending you hugs and a prayer. Stay strong!