Married to a husband who doesn't believe

[MarineWife86]

Hi everyone, I am a newbie. My name is Jessica, I'm 24, and my husband and I have been married for three years (today!). He is a US Marine and is currently gone training (not deployed yet) right now. I joined this site because this has been on my mind for the past few days and I'd love to hear some insight.

The movie Fireproof is our marriage in a nutshell, with the exception of me being interested in another man like Katherine and the doctor. We're distant, I'm left feeling unappreciated, he's left feeling like I nag, and respect is a big issue for us.

I've decided to give 110% effort to our marriage (we are not considering separation, I just know we can be better for each other than we are). I'm not going to continue to look at my marriage as "Well why should I try if he isn't". I'm going to show my faith through my actions of kindness, patience, unconditional love, forgiveness, etc.

But the point of my post (sorry!), I just wish for my husband that he knew the Lord. I feel like so much of what he is missing for himself would be fulfilled. He is very uncomfortable with showing love, and he looks as Christianity as a theory among hundreds of others, and nothing more. I feel like if he knew God, and felt His unconditional love, he would be able to GIVE unconditional love. I just see the movie, I see Kirk Cameron's character find God and everything just seems to fall into place. His heart becomes fully enveloped into his marriage. The movie just made me a little sad, I know my husband needs Him. I've known this for years. I've taken him to church with me but he was just so uncomfortable, that I felt like it was better for both of us to not go then me drag him and push him further away from the idea.

How do you handle a spouse not being a believer? Besides praying, I don't do anything else because I fear very much that if I become pushy, I will backtrack with him, and that's the last thing I want to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[JMans1187]

I can't give you any advice, because I'm struggling with that myself! But I wanted to let you know I will be praying for you! I hope you are stronger and more patient than I am!

 

[OreoSoleil]

Something God has been showing me is -- they will see by your actions. The key to that is to not try and make anything happen. this is personal between you and God. Get closer to God -- have God search your heart and cleanse it. And be honest with Jesus -- asking Him to save your husband. God works in amazing ways -- ways you and I would never dream of. But right now -- it is you God wants to work on --because in all reality -- you are the only one you have control over.

Through love your husband will come to know God -- that is key --1 Corinthians 13 -- really study what that means. Read how Jesus touched peoples life -- He was amazingly loving. Love we could never understand.

God has brought you to a great place -- and your husband is very blessed to have a praying wife. It is God's will that He be saved -- so keep praying and getting closer to God.

 

[trev82]

wow i just posted a topic lol , i have the same problem but with my wife she is the same way its like she cant be botherd with the Lord i know she works sundays where i go to church by myself but Jesus is my Life but she just dose not want to try she some times reads her Bible but she is slowly stoping i know your feeling , i gave my life to Jesus over a year ago and my wife and i been together for over 6 years and married for 6 months i am so so lost , there is this other woman at my Church she catches my eye there is no Lust its some thing spiritual and i dont know what to do she added me on facebook i guss it dose not hurt to be friends i truly love my wife but almost the same case as yours i dont know what to do i am lost

 

[Redeemed79]

I also have an unbeleiving partner but he is pretty sweet about any thing i choose to do (this helps). Although his salvation is very important to me. I know its cliche but we have to go back to the Word for all our answers.1 Peter 3:1&2. I think it comes down to fervent prayer...the fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much! I know the frustration but honestly i let go and let God knowing He says that His word does not come back void. So when in prayer use the Word.
I pray Lord for all of us who have unbelieving partners. I pray for the strength and patience needed to overcome this situation lord and Your Word says that we are overcomers in Christ, Lord Your Word also says that if we are submissive our partners will be won over by our conduct, Lord you also say that you wish that none should perish and that Your Word WILL NOT return void. I thankyou Lord that you are just, and true and merciful and that Your favour is upon each of our lives. In Jesus name. Amen.

 

[Pheonix]

Seeing as how I'm not married myself I maybe shouldn't be saying anything on this topic, but here it is anyhow. Feel free to disagree.

Despite everything that is happening, keep one thing firmly in mind. You have made a commitment to your spouse. I think it' in Corinthians that it speaks of this topic, I can't remember which one or exactly where. But it says that if your spouse is happy to stay then you are a witness for the Lord to them or something along those lines. Keep your faith strong, keep praying and perhaps one day your significant other will realize there is something real in your lives and take an interest in it.

 

[kaffeine]

do your best to win him over. let your light shine before men so they will see your good deeds and honor their father in heaven. i know you can win him over because you sound like a good wife. i would know because i have one. it might take some time mabey 10 years mabey a month, but once he belives i think it will be so amazing! don't give up on him with divorce. your marrage is part of gods plan. bless you!

 

[BananaPie]

Well, I'm convinced that there is power in the Word of God, and He wants all to come takepart of His grace. After all, the Lord Jesus came to save us from ourselves.

You encourage your spouse to read the Holy Scriptures daily together with you. You may want to start with the Gospel of John. Pray dialy with him, and the Holy Spirit will do the rest.

You may want mature brethern from your church to talk to him about life in Jesus and the gift of salvation available to him. Yes, today is the day of salvation, for tomorrow belongs only to the Lord.

 

[OreoSoleil]

do your best to win him over. let your light shine before men so they will see your good deeds and honor their father in heaven. i know you can win him over because you sound like a good wife. i would know because i have one. it might take some time mabey 10 years mabey a month, but once he belives i think it will be so amazing! don't give up on him with divorce. your marrage is part of gods plan. bless you!

Neat way to say it

 

[paul1149]

The key to that is to not try and make anything happen. this is personal between you and God. Get closer to God -- have God search your heart and cleanse it. And be honest with Jesus...

I'm a guy and single, so take this FWIW, but I agree with Oreo here. If you read passages such as in 1 Peter about wives winning their husbands without a word, the idea is that having a quiet and peaceful spirit is far more winsome than winning an argument and proving yourself right. As Proverbs says, a soft answer breaks bones - IOW, it can break down the hardest defenses.

That peaceful spirit can only come by abiding in Christ's peace and love, and therefore it is a witness to Him. The point is not to focus too much on your husband, because that can devolve into you trying to make something happen without God's anointing. Instead, focus internally on God's presence as you reach out in love to your husband, and give God time and room to work in His mysterious ways.

Blessings,
p.

 

[laurajean]

As an Army Wife HOOAH! I can tell you from personal experience that your husband's upcoming deployment is a golden opportunity for your marriage. Bear with me, I know it sounds wacky. But, when your husband is deployed, and he is talking to his fellow soldiers, exchanging stories about their wives: he will realize what a blessing it is to have you as a wife. Just keep up the good fight. Make sure he knows how much you love him and miss him, that you are praying for him, let him know that HE is a blessing to YOU, etc. I hope this goes without saying, but don't go on a spree with that active duty pay and stay out of trouble. Not only will these make him think that you aren't being a good wife, but worrying about you takes his concentration off of his duty and jeopardize his safety. I hope this helps!

 

[bonnie2]

I'm a guy and single, so take this FWIW, but I agree with Oreo here. If you read passages such as in 1 Peter about wives winning their husbands without a word, the idea is that having a quiet and peaceful spirit is far more winsome than winning an argument and proving yourself right. As Proverbs says, a soft answer breaks bones - IOW, it can break down the hardest defenses.

That peaceful spirit can only come by abiding in Christ's peace and love, and therefore it is a witness to Him. The point is not to focus too much on your husband, because that can devolve into you trying to make something happen without God's anointing. Instead, focus internally on God's presence as you reach out in love to your husband, and give God time and room to work in His mysterious ways.

Blessings,
p.

This is good. A lady at my church just talked to us college-age girls on Sunday, she said that she was married to an unsaved man (she's a widow now) and God used her in his life to win him (the husband) to Himself. She was having trouble in her marriage, they were both irritated at each other, and then she heard a message about having a soft answer. She went home and made dinner for her husband, and while they were eating he was like, "I think it's time we went our separate ways". And she was like "but I made you dinner!" They both laughed and then they sat down together and she asked him "How have I been doing as a wife?" and he started listing her faults and she just humbly asked his forgiveness. He later said "those five words saved our marriage [but I made you dinner]!" I just wanted to share that story with you because it was such an example of a soft answer to me. And I've seen it in my own life, the few times that I've had the sense and self-control to actually give a soft answer, it really does work. It is amazing.