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Christian Family Forum

Discuss family topics/issues, and give and receive encouragement here.

Thread: When a lost person dies

  1. #1
    Junior Member DeaconJimsDaughter's Avatar
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    Default When a lost person dies

    Hello, right now, my daughter's father's grandmother is dying. Her kidneys have stopped and she is unconscious and being given morphine. It's only a waiting game now. That whole side of the family is lost. I want to be encouraging and sympathetic but I don't really know what to say other than my thoughts are with them and I said a prayer for the grandmother. I don't feel I can be honestly comforting when I'm pretty sure I know where she is going. (I won't say for certain because I'm not God, but I could assume going by what I know of her and that side of the family.) I prayed for God to change her heart before she died, but I'm not confident that prayer did anything.

    What would you do in that situation?

    I've tried talking to my ex about Jesus in the past and he reacted very defensive and hostile towards the idea. He's a very negative person and full of hurt and anger, depression. He always talks about wanting to die or not caring if he died. (one of the main reasons we are not together.) He's a good loving father though. But he is very lost.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a lost person dies

    What do I do in that situation? Love the people who are living through it. I don't think death is a good time to tell someone, "Oh, by the way. Your grandmother is going to hell." But it is a very good time to love your daughter.
    PennEd, Dan58, Laish and 1 others like this.
    Lynn

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    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a lost person dies

    The best thing to do is to pray for the soul of the grandmother and to be as comforting as you can. Allow God to speak words of comforrt and encouragement through you.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

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    Senior Member Dan58's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a lost person dies

    I'm sure your former mother-in-law has heard the story of Christ during her life time, so you never know where a persons heart will turn at the end (death bed conversion). Even atheist in foxholes pray when they're convinced death is near . People convince themselves there is no God during their lifetime, but when push comes to shove, they will reach out in the end, because there is no hope in or from anywhere else. Hopefully, God heard your prayer and softened her heart where she prayed to Him herself, before going unconscious and getting the morphine. Not much else you can do, salvation is an individual choice.

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    Senior Member OneFaith's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a lost person dies

    The safe thing to say, if asked, is “God is Judge”. But even in this situation never lie. If she passes and people say “Well at least she went to heaven.” Do not nod your head in agreement, rather say “I hope to see her there someday.” Or if they back you into a corner and ask if you think she went to heaven, say “From what I’ve read in the Bible, it’s hard to conclude that, but I’m not God, and I don’t know everything about her situation, or the thoughts in her mind, so I truly can’t say. All we can do is our best to follow the Bible and hope to see our loved ones there.” They are still here, so leave room for their doubts about their own salvation so that they will study and obey, cause you want them to make it There whether their loved one did or not.

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    Default Re: When a lost person dies

    Unfortunately I have been in similar situations with two family members so I deeply feel your pain and confusion about what to do. Having both situations in my rear view, I'll share my perspective and I hope it is helpful for you.

    Here's the foundation of my philosophy on how to behave. We are not responsible for another person's salvation. (Decades ago my mom heard Chuck Swindall say that on the radio and she has repeated it to me so many times.) God knows their hearts, where we are only aware of what we see on the outside. Continue to pray vigilantly based on the needs that you observe and leave the rest to God. Because you leave it to God, the burden is His and He will reveal to you any task He has for you in regards to witnessing. In addition, since the burden is His you are free to comfort the grieving with compassion. That doesn't mean you say things like "she's going to a better place" but you can say things like "I know how this hurts you, lets grieve together" and then offer hugs and be silent. They will speak if they need to. Physical proximity and touch is as comforting as words.

    He might be lost, but you are not. Quietly shine your light and God will use you as He sees fit.

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    Senior Member blue_ladybug's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a lost person dies

    Don't ever assume that you know where a person is headed to after they die. God alone knows the condition of this woman's heart, and will judge her accordingly..





    Quote Originally Posted by pottersclay View Post
    Blue_ladybug is innocent, as we know in scripture " all people who like orange tabbies are innocent."

    Quote Originally Posted by TruthTalk View Post

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    Go to my profile Blog tab to read my testimonies.






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    Junior Member DeaconJimsDaughter's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a lost person dies

    they have said, "She just wants to go be with Grampa now". I don't know them that well so can't with a clear conscience agree with them that that is where she is now. (she passed away last night) I won't confirm to them that is where she is since she may not have been saved. I don't want to enable/encourage false hope/belief that everyone goes to Heaven just because you loved them. That helps no one. But I won't just outright tell them she went to hell either. (I agree, I'm not God so I don't know for sure) And that would only push them away from God and now is not the appropriate time. We can only assume going by what we see. So I won't be saying things like "Yeah, she's with Grampa now. In a better place." Who knows, He may be in heaven or hell, and she may have gone to the opposite place. I feel like the best I can do is just hug them and say my thoughts are with them.
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    Senior Member blue_ladybug's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a lost person dies

    Like others have said, we don't know what conversations she may have had with Jesus in her last days or moments.. So yes, just giving your condolences and saying your thoughts are with them is sufficient.
    DeaconJimsDaughter likes this.





    Quote Originally Posted by pottersclay View Post
    Blue_ladybug is innocent, as we know in scripture " all people who like orange tabbies are innocent."

    Quote Originally Posted by TruthTalk View Post

    I love "Orange Tabbies" , God created the world and then, "Orange Tabbies" .....

    Go to my profile Blog tab to read my testimonies.






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    Default Re: When a lost person dies

    I agree, the best you can do is hug them and say your thoughts are with them. I do understand your position. My husband lost a good friend and in his grief he verbalized that she must have gone to heaven because she was such a good person. And she was. I didn't point out that he knows the only way to heaven is through salvation, even though I felt compelled to speak the truth. I just said I understood how he felt.

    It might help you to have a go-to phrase for when you're with the family. Something noncommittal like, "I understand," or "do you need to talk about that?" and then just let them talk. I definitely think you're wise in not sharing your belief regarding her place in eternity. If specifically asked I would take that as a witnessing opportunity from God and proceed with, "I can't know first hand about Grandma's relationship with God but I do know how to obtain salvation" and hope the person inquires about salvation and what that means. If you use that line, by all means come up with a better word than 'obtain.' That sounded like some book-learning from the 1950's but it's all I've got.

    God puts us where He can use us. He may intend to use you in this situation. If that is the case, the devil is aware of your potential too. Guard against hasty words and listen for God's voice. I mention the 'hasty words' because I myself am prone to speaking before I stop to listen to what God has for me to say. I am praying for guidance for you. I also offer my sincerest condolences to you and her family.

    Quote Originally Posted by DeaconJimsDaughter View Post
    they have said, "She just wants to go be with Grampa now". I don't know them that well so can't with a clear conscience agree with them that that is where she is now. (she passed away last night) I won't confirm to them that is where she is since she may not have been saved. I don't want to enable/encourage false hope/belief that everyone goes to Heaven just because you loved them. That helps no one. But I won't just outright tell them she went to hell either. (I agree, I'm not God so I don't know for sure) And that would only push them away from God and now is not the appropriate time. We can only assume going by what we see. So I won't be saying things like "Yeah, she's with Grampa now. In a better place." Who knows, He may be in heaven or hell, and she may have gone to the opposite place. I feel like the best I can do is just hug them and say my thoughts are with them.

  11. #11
    Senior Member notuptome's Avatar
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    Default Re: When a lost person dies

    I've seen it several times and it's never a comforting experience. I believe you can know with a great deal of certainty if a person who has rejected Christ dies he or she is not going to be with Jesus. The RC part of the family is really difficult to talk to about this stuff but when they die no one is certain where they have gone.

    I know what the bible teaches and I know that without Christ they departed into everlasting fire and condemnation.

    For the cause of Christ
    Roger
    The bible is a mirror not a magnifying glass
    use it to examine yourself not others.

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    Default Re: When a lost person dies

    Quote Originally Posted by DeaconJimsDaughter View Post
    they have said, "She just wants to go be with Grampa now". I don't know them that well so can't with a clear conscience agree with them that that is where she is now. (she passed away last night) I won't confirm to them that is where she is since she may not have been saved. I don't want to enable/encourage false hope/belief that everyone goes to Heaven just because you loved them. That helps no one. But I won't just outright tell them she went to hell either. (I agree, I'm not God so I don't know for sure) And that would only push them away from God and now is not the appropriate time. We can only assume going by what we see. So I won't be saying things like "Yeah, she's with Grampa now. In a better place." Who knows, He may be in heaven or hell, and she may have gone to the opposite place. I feel like the best I can do is just hug them and say my thoughts are with them.

    Agreed! Those of us who are in a relationship with God/Jesus are comforted by the knowledge that when we die we will be with them in heaven. Those who are not in this relationship don't have God, Jesus, heaven or hell in their line of thinking so to talk with them about those things in this moment is not being sensitive to their need. I think expressing your sincere sorrow at the pain they are feeling in the loss of their loved one is what they will remember about how you cared for them in their time of sorrow. And God may use that as a stepping stone to more of a relationship with the family so that you could have an opportunity in the future to share your faith.

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