sexual harassment and what to do?

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TashaB

TashaB

Junior Member
#1
Sep 26, 2017
19
3
0
#1
Since ai was 11 years old my moms boyfriend has been overly interested in me. Slapping my butt and saying inappropriate things. I told my mom then and nothing ever came of it. I moved out as soon as I could but now I am living with them again due to hardships and he is making me incredibly uncomfortable. Slapping my bitt and asking me to shop him my breast and such. I told my mom and she just shrugged it off. I ask him to stop he my dad and I'm his daughter and he doesn't. Just says were not blood related. I just need advice on what you think can stop this. I don't have anywhere to go right now and being a single mother of 3 I find it almost impossible to find anything affordable.

I felt extremely uncomfortable posting this but it's to that point I just don't know hat else to do.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#2
Jun 30, 2015
24,681
13,368
113
#2
This is an awkward situation; you are certainly correct for interpreting it as sexual harassment. It would be considered that in any other setting, and it is inherently evil. You have my prayers.

First, seek the Lord about it; He may convict your stepdad to repentance, and that may be the end of it. He may also direct you to take different action. Ask specifically for protection for yourself and your kids, and for a new place to live.

Second, subject to God's direction, file a police charge for sexual assault. Since neither the abuser nor your mom sees anything wrong, you are likely to be subjected to such abuse until you deal with it. Moving out may protect you and your kids, but won't deal with the root of the problem, and the abuser may turn to others to vent his evil inclinations.
 
Prov910

Prov910

Senior Member
#3
Jan 10, 2017
880
47
0
#3
Tell him that you have absolutely no idea what your mother sees in him. And that there is no possibility that he will ever be anything more than an acquaintance to you—an acquaintance through your mother. (I think it's safe to assume that this is the case.)

Also tell him that you don't want him to ever touch you again. Ever! Under the law, unwanted physical contact amounts to the tort of battery (as in assault and battery). Even if you walk up behind someone and flick their ear—that's battery (albeit a relatively minor case of battery). Unwanted physical contact of a sexual nature (e.g., a slap on the butt; touching a breast) is sexual battery. Ask him how he would feel about having that on his record? Point out that all it would take is a hidden camera.
 
Rosemaryx

Rosemaryx

Senior Member
#4
May 3, 2017
3,713
4,077
113
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#4
TashaB said:
Since ai was 11 years old my moms boyfriend has been overly interested in me. Slapping my butt and saying inappropriate things. I told my mom then and nothing ever came of it. I moved out as soon as I could but now I am living with them again due to hardships and he is making me incredibly uncomfortable. Slapping my bitt and asking me to shop him my breast and such. I told my mom and she just shrugged it off. I ask him to stop he my dad and I'm his daughter and he doesn't. Just says were not blood related. I just need advice on what you think can stop this. I don't have anywhere to go right now and being a single mother of 3 I find it almost impossible to find anything affordable.

I felt extremely uncomfortable posting this but it's to that point I just don't know hat else to do.
Click to expand...
Hi Tasha...I have prayed for you and truly feel your pain...May I suggest that you ask God for His Mighty power to give you strength to approach both of them together, your mum and her boyfriend, and if your mum does not take notice of you, then no matter how hard things are for you personally at the moment you may need to move out because you as a mother need to protect your little ones from him...

I have been in your situation with my sister and her husband, my sister took her husbands side, and now my sister has not spoke or seen me for over 20 yrs, and is separated from her husband for other reasons...

There is always someone somewhere who can help you, look online for Christians places that have centres for women who need shelter, you are not on your own, be still before God as He ask us to, pray and keep praying, He hears all your cries, He will give you directions, do not be scared, Jesus has you in the palm of His hand, He cares for you...Please keep us updated sister...God bless you...xox...
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#5
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#5
Get pepper spray and spray him when he touches you. Better yet, kick him in the *ahem* next time. He'll learn to keep his paws to himself..
 
P

pckts

Guest
#6
#6
Your mother's reaction is a disgustingly common one. Denial or ignorance to it helps her maintain a false sense of security and her vanity. Never leave your children alone with him, and you are well within bounds to pepper spray him when he does it.
 
Desertsrose

Desertsrose

Senior Member
#7
Oct 24, 2016
2,824
207
63
#7
Hi Tasha,

I'm so angered by what is happening to you and that your mom is ambivalent to the situation. I agree with Rosemary. There are many Christian centers for women and children. There are ministries all over the US that can help you.

Do you have a local church fellowship? I would encourage you to speak with the pastor because many times they have the information that will help you. Also, there may be people in your church that might be willing to take you in.

Also, I know of women who have called Focus on the Family or the 700 Club that have received prayer and help for many different reasons.

Focus on the Family - 1-800-232-6459

700 Club -
CBN Main Switchboard (757) 226-7000
24-hour Prayer 1-800-823-6053

This link below has various organizations with phone #'s that help women. I can't say which would be the most helpful, but it's a place to start to find help with your specific needs. Your children need protection from the monster living in your mom's house.

Broken Believers
https://brokenbelievers.com/2011/01/23/247-crisis-lines/

Dear Lord, we ask that you touch Tasha with your empowering grace. Please show her and lead in where to go and what to do. We can all offer great suggestions and yet we all realize that there's a path you have for her to take and I pray that You'll illuminate that path so clearly for her to follow. Please guide her each step of the way and remind us to pray for Tasha and her children. In the all-powerful name of Jesus whose name is above every name, amen.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#8
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#8
One thing most people here seem to be overlooking is that you think you can't move out. That is a problem. You are taking their charity, and a lot of "humbling" comes along with doing that.

You made a huge mistake in having those children without ensuring their future home and support. But, that is done, and you now have to live with it.

So, work your brain, and come up with some way of moving out. There IS a way. You just have to find it.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#9
Apr 18, 2013
9,325
2,415
113
#9
I think we all agree this is awful.

The question is what to do about it... as you're in a very precarious situation.



If you have a local pastor, you'd do well to get some pastoral counseling, and advice, and support, as soon as possible.
Beyond that, there are some older women on CC who are very wise, and can probably give you some prudent advice.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#10
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#10
You cannot afford to remain in the same house with this man and I use the term man loosely very loosely. What if he begins to manifest this kind of behavior toward your children?

Get out of there now. There are agencies that can and will assist you until you get yourself on a plan that is self sustaining.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
Lighthearted

Lighthearted

Senior Member
#11
Oct 17, 2016
1,782
841
113
53
#11
I came from a childhood of sexual abuse and lifetime of sexual harassment and battery. All of this is great advice and I would run with ALL of it! Tell your children what is appropriate physical contact and what is not. Make sure they know to tell you right away even if he were to threaten harm to someone (i.e, you)...that he is only lying to them and he can't hurt you. There are other places you can go with your kids...trust me, I know. Contact your local County HUD office and tell them the situation. They can give you a list of emergency places and get you on a list for low income/ no income housing. Your situation merits you being at the top of the list.
 
Lighthearted

Lighthearted

Senior Member
#12
Oct 17, 2016
1,782
841
113
53
#12
Willie-T said:
One thing most people here seem to be overlooking is that you think you can't move out. That is a problem. You are taking their charity, and a lot of "humbling" comes along with doing that.

You made a huge mistake in having those children without ensuring their future home and support. But, that is done, and you now have to live with it.

So, work your brain, and come up with some way of moving out. There IS a way. You just have to find it.
Click to expand...
Willie-T...you know I usually always respect your opinions, but I disagree with you on this one. Your words are truly hurtful. The last thing she needs is to feel guilty and liable. He's in the wrong for his actions whether she is using their " charity" or not. And it takes a male (notice I didn't say man) to make a baby. She also didn't say she hadn't been married. You are kind of assuming she hasn't been. Just saying. Where's the compassion?
 
E

Ellsworth1943

Guest
#13
#13
blue_ladybug said:
Get pepper spray and spray him when he touches you. Better yet, kick him in the *ahem* next time. He'll learn to keep his paws to himself..
Click to expand...
And while he is down on the floor, kick him again--and again---and---
Just in case he is a slow learner.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#14
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#14
Lighthearted said:
Willie-T...you know I usually always respect your opinions, but I disagree with you on this one. Your words are truly hurtful. The last thing she needs is to feel guilty and liable. He's in the wrong for his actions whether she is using their " charity" or not. And it takes a male (notice I didn't say man) to make a baby. She also didn't say she hadn't been married. You are kind of assuming she hasn't been. Just saying. Where's the compassion?
Click to expand...
Not at all! Like it, or not, when you choose to bring a child into this world (let alone, three) you have accepted the responsibility for those children. Period! Not your mother and her boyfriend.

The truly foolish thing for her to do is listen to all the "feel-good" advice being given on here that is intended to make a big noise about how much you guys care for her. It sounds great, but it is dangerous to her and her children.

All that stuff will do is get her kicked right out of the house... onto the street, with nowhere to go, and no plans of any kind. Some of it could even result in criminal charges against her, and the very real likelihood of her losing custody of her children.

This is NOT a situation in which to simply post things that will make her feel all warm and fuzzy about a bunch of people taking her side. She needs to wake up and take the responsibility to do something effective.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#15
Jul 3, 2015
55,817
25,994
113
#15
I agree that violence against a criminally minded pervert is not a good idea in this scenario.
 
TashaB

TashaB

Junior Member
#16
Sep 26, 2017
19
3
0
#16
Willie-T said:
One thing most people here seem to be overlooking is that you think you can't move out. That is a problem. You are taking their charity, and a lot of "humbling" comes along with doing that.

You made a huge mistake in having those children without ensuring their future home and support. But, that is done, and you now have to live with it.

So, work your brain, and come up with some way of moving out. There IS a way. You just have to find it.
Click to expand...
I had kids in a stable financial situation. When I became Christian in 2015 my fiancé left me because he didn't like the fact. It's kinda of absurd ai feel the need to defend myself and on a Christian site no less. It's not easy being a single mom especially since I was always a stay at home mom so I didn't have to work. I tried for the first year to stay afloat alone and all I did was fail at it. Obviously I made bad choices but nothing can be done and at least I know I have Gods forgiveness.
 
TashaB

TashaB

Junior Member
#17
Sep 26, 2017
19
3
0
#17
And violence is never the answer. Especially for Christians. I feel there's no way for me to talk to my parents as I have multiple times to no avail. I can try speaking to a pastor but as I just moved in here a month ago I haven't even found a church home. And I of course never leave my children here with him or anywhere alone with him. So thanks for everyone advice. I'll keep praying about the situation and I know God will come of with the answer in his own time.
 
Lighthearted

Lighthearted

Senior Member
#18
Oct 17, 2016
1,782
841
113
53
#18
Willie-T said:
Not at all! Like it, or not, when you choose to bring a child into this world (let alone, three) you have accepted the responsibility for those children. Period! Not your mother and her boyfriend.

The truly foolish thing for her to do is listen to all the "feel-good" advice being given on here that is intended to make a big noise about how much you guys care for her. It sounds great, but it is dangerous to her and her children.

All that stuff will do is get her kicked right out of the house... onto the street, with nowhere to go, and no plans of any kind. Some of it could even result in criminal charges against her, and the very real likelihood of her losing custody of her children.

This is NOT a situation in which to simply post things that will make her feel all warm and fuzzy about a bunch of people taking her side. She needs to wake up and take the responsibility to do something effective.
Click to expand...
Well Willy, I would hope she could take the least invasive route first and foremost. See most people in this world, even Christians make mistakes. I'm giving her support and assumption here that God did equip her with a brain.
Sister, I see that you are a new Christian mom. God bless you.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#19
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#19
TashaB said:
I had kids in a stable financial situation. When I became Christian in 2015 my fiancé left me because he didn't like the fact. It's kinda of absurd ai feel the need to defend myself and on a Christian site no less. It's not easy being a single mom especially since I was always a stay at home mom so I didn't have to work. I tried for the first year to stay afloat alone and all I did was fail at it. Obviously I made bad choices but nothing can be done and at least I know I have Gods forgiveness.
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I didn't realize that. Then the insurance money should more than take care of you four for years.
 
TashaB

TashaB

Junior Member
#20
Sep 26, 2017
19
3
0
#20
Do you mean child support? I don't get that. If I did I would most certainly be able to afford a place. Not that I didn't go after child support, I did. He just never pays it.
 
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