Husband wants a divorce

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7seasrekeyed

Guest
#41
#41
RuizLM said:
Thank you for your kindness. I have pushed so hard to make my marriage work. I love my husband and he knows I do. I have prayed every day to improve what we have and my husband has fought growth the entire time. I just want to move forward and have growth in a positive way. He is a good person but with me he seems to be defiant and refuses to give anything. He is honest and admits it as well. I feel very frustrated. I know reading my post may sound like I am being insensitive but I have left so much out. I don't want to insult my husband and I don't want to make him sound like an evil person but basically, he has said he would rather divorce than work on things.
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I do not find you insensitive. I find you frustrated and hurting.

I don't think he is being honest actually, because you don't go from 'I want to be intimate' to 'I want a divorce'

I think you might already know this, which is why you asked him questions instead of going along with him after the movie...you are looking for truth and do not find honesty in his actions

I don't 'hear' you tearing your husband down...your husband is being evasive and doesn't want you 'digging'

I am sorry you are going through this. I would pray and just ask God to bring to light whatever is going on so you know the truth and can make decisions based on facts

hugs
 
R

RuizLM

Junior Member
#42
Nov 27, 2017
19
0
0
#42
7seasrekeyed said:
I do not find you insensitive. I find you frustrated and hurting.

I don't think he is being honest actually, because you don't go from 'I want to be intimate' to 'I want a divorce'

I think you might already know this, which is why you asked him questions instead of going along with him after the movie...you are looking for truth and do not find honesty in his actions

I don't 'hear' you tearing your husband down...your husband is being evasive and doesn't want you 'digging'

I am sorry you are going through this. I would pray and just ask God to bring to light whatever is going on so you know the truth and can make decisions based on facts

hugs
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I know you are right and he has been evasive the entire time. It is his way of getting out of explaining things. He plays this role with me and only me. He turns into a child around me. He plays the role of being helpless. I don't want to be his mother, I want to be his wife.

He has lied so much to me. He tells me that he has plans for us and then when the time comes he will say he has work scheduled. For our 1st Anniversary, I didn't complain when the 2nd came and we were supposed to go out of town and he didn't tell me until the last minute that he had to work in Houston. We fussed back and forth and finally, he said he would rather work than do something for our Anniversary and he would rather get divorced than have to cancel anything with his profession. I ended up going with him to Houston but the thing that hurt me the most is that he went back on his word and he didn't even get a card or a gift and he lied about having something planned for us. It's just too much to even explain. It is all way to painful for me and it hurts to even say the words or explain it all. I know you understand.
 
7

7seasrekeyed

Guest
#43
#43
RuizLM said:
I know you are right and he has been evasive the entire time. It is his way of getting out of explaining things. He plays this role with me and only me. He turns into a child around me. He plays the role of being helpless. I don't want to be his mother, I want to be his wife.

He has lied so much to me. He tells me that he has plans for us and then when the time comes he will say he has work scheduled. For our 1st Anniversary, I didn't complain when the 2nd came and we were supposed to go out of town and he didn't tell me until the last minute that he had to work in Houston. We fussed back and forth and finally, he said he would rather work than do something for our Anniversary and he would rather get divorced than have to cancel anything with his profession. I ended up going with him to Houston but the thing that hurt me the most is that he went back on his word and he didn't even get a card or a gift and he lied about having something planned for us. It's just too much to even explain. It is all way to painful for me and it hurts to even say the words or explain it all. I know you understand.
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yes I do understand. I do wish it would not hurt like it does....but you can't avoid it. trust is an awful thing to break and when someone just cuts themself off it's even worse.

I think a good old arguement is better than silence and withdrawing. please understand the only answer you will get that gives you peace is the one that God will give to you

that does not mean things will get better and everything will work out either and I don't have the expectation you do think that which is one reason you are here talking

please give yourself some peace and pray for God to shed light on your situation and to give you peace. affirm your position in Christ and be resolved to see this through because you do want to change things but if it is a marriage, you either change and accept it (not saying you have to do that at all) or you decide it's been 2 years and you can't do more

I don't know what else to do. I feel that I have been going through mental abuse since we married
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abuse of any kind can change you. it's been two years and he would rather divorce than participate in the marriage. there is always the chance he is telling you to leave him alone thinking you will back off with the threat of divorce, but you do admit he has been lying regularly

as cliche as it sounds, you can only help yourself and stop hoping in him...it is not easy; the easy way is just continuing as you have been. the hard way and the real way, is to desire the truth here and I believe God understands everything you feel and He certainly knows what is going on

love without any actions to back up is just like water through a sieve

I am sure others here are praying for you and I will also. be strong and continue to believe God will work this out for you one way or another.

I seldom write in the family forum, but the best advice anyone can give you, is to lay it all out before God and pour out your heart to Him. He already knows and He has promised us peace in Him.

I am truly sorry you are going through this and that he presented one person to you before marriage and a different person after marriage
 
R

RuizLM

Junior Member
#44
Nov 27, 2017
19
0
0
#44
7seasrekeyed said:
yes I do understand. I do wish it would not hurt like it does....but you can't avoid it. trust is an awful thing to break and when someone just cuts themself off it's even worse.

I think a good old arguement is better than silence and withdrawing. please understand the only answer you will get that gives you peace is the one that God will give to you

that does not mean things will get better and everything will work out either and I don't have the expectation you do think that which is one reason you are here talking

please give yourself some peace and pray for God to shed light on your situation and to give you peace. affirm your position in Christ and be resolved to see this through because you do want to change things but if it is a marriage, you either change and accept it (not saying you have to do that at all) or you decide it's been 2 years and you can't do more



abuse of any kind can change you. it's been two years and he would rather divorce than participate in the marriage. there is always the chance he is telling you to leave him alone thinking you will back off with the threat of divorce, but you do admit he has been lying regularly

as cliche as it sounds, you can only help yourself and stop hoping in him...it is not easy; the easy way is just continuing as you have been. the hard way and the real way, is to desire the truth here and I believe God understands everything you feel and He certainly knows what is going on

love without any actions to back up is just like water through a sieve

I am sure others here are praying for you and I will also. be strong and continue to believe God will work this out for you one way or another.

I seldom write in the family forum, but the best advice anyone can give you, is to lay it all out before God and pour out your heart to Him. He already knows and He has promised us peace in Him.

I am truly sorry you are going through this and that he presented one person to you before marriage and a different person after marriage
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I have been working and in deep prayer as I work. It has been a rough day for me. Not because of what was said last night. That is the easy part, it was expected and has become normal behavior. The hard part is preparing for the worst. Begining the necessary motions of becoming stronger than I have already been to deal with anything that God has planned for me. I am disappointed in myself for not realizing sooner. Thank you for the ongoing prayers and good night.
 
C

chinaandback

Junior Member
#45
Nov 28, 2017
6
0
0
#45
[FONT=&quot]Hi there. I'm so sorry you are going through this! I read through the thread so I've seen other posters comments. I'm wondering, could your husband be depressed? Not that's in an excuse to shut you out but it could explain some of the withdrawal.[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]I'd like to recommend a book you might find helpful. "Love Must be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis," by Dr. James Dobson.[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]In the meantime, I will pray for you! Blessings ~[/FONT]
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#46
#46
RuizLM said:
Thank you for sharing this with me. You said it like it is and it was painful to hear it said this way. It brought me to tears. But I needed to hear it. I often ask my husband why he married me. I don't see the reason and I don't understand why he did either. I feel he betrayed me by lying to me about the things he wanted in life and the future and in marriage. He really did desert me after marriage. I cried a lot when he first changed into this person he is. I didn't understand why he cut me off completely. I didn't know him that way. I knew a loving, caring man that gave me just as much as I gave him and it was a beautiful begining. I was so broken when it all happened and I accepted it and thought it would go back to the way it once was. But it hasn't .. Ahhh what a mess I have gotten myself into. Appreciate the story.
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We have The Lemon Law for cars in America. It's a law that the car either has to get fixed or the owner gets reimbursed or car sales people will keep selling bad cars. Is it the customer's fault if they end up with one of those cars?

No. Really. I'd like you to answer that. (Not to me. Just want you to answer it for you.)

Do you think the customer hurled head-long into that mess, or was it outside his/her knowledge? Do you think the customer was a fool for taking a brand new car off the lot, after even having a test-drive only to find out two days later that the engine doesn't always start when the key is turned? In any way, shape or form, was the customer the idiot in that scenario?

No? Good answer. You're the customer. You were promised something you didn't get. Yup. It's a mess, but it's not a mess you made. No way you could have predicted this, so stop blaming yourself.

Still a mess, but one you can leave, instead of clean up.
 
L

la_justicia

Member
#47
Nov 25, 2017
37
0
0
#47
I felt the same way..my pastor had to sit me down and let me understand that men operate totally differently. She said you have to take into consideration his past and how he saw his parents handle situations. If he had what was seemingly good training, doesn't mean it translated to him. If he didn't have good training, he is only reacting the way he was taught. Men are internal. Some don't express how they feel and if they do, they are afraid they won't be understood or they feel weak. But it is going to be prayers and the work of God to undo his thought pattern. Chances are, he had been that way long before you were married..so it is going to take take for it change. I know I wanted change immediately. But I also know it was not in my time, but in God's time. It can be frustrating but remember, God will never put more on us than we can bare. True Warrior task is what is happening. And remember he thinks he is trying to change. Don't knock that. If we hit back too hard, then they will quit altogether.
 
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