Husband got mad and shoved me into the counter and cubbard I am calling Abw tomorrow
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I don't know. She says the kids are grown now. I don't know why they are referred to as kids, or why they are part of the conversation.
I have noticed the past 16, going on 17 years, the poorest of us, keep the most companion animals.
This kind of stuff is what I deal with everyday. You can give advice, point out the obvious, until you're blue in the face.... sometimes you just have to walk away.
I have noticed the past 16, going on 17 years, the poorest of us, keep the most companion animals.
This kind of stuff is what I deal with everyday. You can give advice, point out the obvious, until you're blue in the face.... sometimes you just have to walk away.
Just read the whole thread., I'm so sorry Jennifer. When someone has been abused physically they are messed up both physically and mentally. Thinking processes get messed up especially after a life time of abuse. Abused people learn to deal with life and survive day in and day out emotionally and physically. It's not the "right" way but it's the way they know because it's what they learned. It's distorted thinking and living.
It takes a major "crane" for a person to get out of their own stinking thinking. It's never too late Jennifer and Jesus loves you where you are 100% and even if you had gotten your kids back 15 yrs ago., and married a good man and had a good family life., and were raised by good parents and were the most wonderful girl who made all the right choices., God would love you exactly as much as He loves you now. Because of Jesus.
Because of Jesus we can access the help we need. Am praying for you Jennifer. This thread has some really good advice as well as resources and advocates for you. God bless you.
It takes a major "crane" for a person to get out of their own stinking thinking. It's never too late Jennifer and Jesus loves you where you are 100% and even if you had gotten your kids back 15 yrs ago., and married a good man and had a good family life., and were raised by good parents and were the most wonderful girl who made all the right choices., God would love you exactly as much as He loves you now. Because of Jesus.
Because of Jesus we can access the help we need. Am praying for you Jennifer. This thread has some really good advice as well as resources and advocates for you. God bless you.
Wow i never said anything about quitting a job I said I want to work!!!! I have severe damage to my back I said the only way I would quit my part time job was if it is making my back worse. I don't want to live on ssd or ssi Thank you very much hence why I have been finishing up a college degree. So don't assume I enjoy sitting around getting my ssd entitlement and living off that which I busted my ass and paid into by the way.. I could very easily crawl into a little ball and let my life slip away all depressed and messed up but I choose not to. So it sounds like to me you could use a bit of a attitude adjustment. Don't put me in a category with what ever people you see on your job thank you. No one knows the true hell i have been through in my first 24 years of life. So don't pretend to know if assume that I am just being lazy or what ever. If you have not suffered from ptsd you would have no clue how bad it can get. I brought myself out of a deep depression and pure hell to fix my life. So once you have walked my walk you can judge me until then i suggest you have a little more compassion and respect. Now if you want to man up and start talking like a person who may actually care I will listen if you want to keep being judgemental asshole then i don't need to hear it thanks I hear enough of that day in and out. I already said if you have questions to ask me. But I see no questions just assumptions
I will touch on that pain thing half the time my pain is managable sometimes it is not it just happened to be a day before he got mad a have me a stove I pulled several muscles in my back . That is where the severe pain came in. As long as I sleep good and try to stay moving around and not try to do ten million things in one day I canmanage good enough. That is why I am ready to go back to work starting out part time.
Although I may seem ungrateful about some of these posts I do appreciate alL the advice and wisdom. I would appreciate a little respect though and not have people assume that this or that is more important or less important etc. With you all not knowing much of the situation i don't feel it is a place where you can just assume things with out asking about it first. I do care about my life I do care about my kids I do care about my dogs. I do want to work and be independent. So to assume other wise is inaccurate. My dogs are like my children they help me in huge ways with depression and anxiety and other things. I can not have my dogs from birth to 6 years and just dump them off someplace especially when they do their job and help with my issues. My kids are adults the one lives on her own the other one wants to live with me. They are my life always have been always will be.
And are you saying that "the poorest of us" should NOT have animals? Y'all are talking like she's got 10 dogs or something, when in actuality, I believe she only has 2 dogs..
I did say I just spent 300.00 on my male lab because he was very sick but other then a visit to the vet most often it is just money to feed them. Which by the way is like 60 bucks a month. They may look like horses but they are not so it is not that expensive to feed them. Heck my one daughter can eat 60 bucks of food in one sitting lol.
D
Didn't help my confusion. (Sorry, probably me. lol)
So, you used to get SSI, but when you married, you didn't? May I guess you were talking about SSI for kids with disabilities? Which, yeah, is still Disability, but it's a different kind. The kind that ends either when you get married or when you move away from home, unless you can prove you're still unable to work. Just me guessing, because I got SSDI (the kind where you become disabled as an adult) while married, and he was still working back then.
If that's the case, then even getting on SSDI is all about how much you put into Social Security/quarters you've worked. I could be wrong here, (and I really hope I am for your sake), but if you've been unable to work most, if not all, of your life, you can't go on the type of Disability I'm on. Please, please check by calling a lawyer. Even a disabilities lawyer will be able to tell you the basics, because they won't take you as a client unless they think they can win the case. So, finding out if they will take your case is free, at least. (If they won't, that means you aren't eligible, because you already have proof your spine is bad.)
So, you used to get SSI, but when you married, you didn't? May I guess you were talking about SSI for kids with disabilities? Which, yeah, is still Disability, but it's a different kind. The kind that ends either when you get married or when you move away from home, unless you can prove you're still unable to work. Just me guessing, because I got SSDI (the kind where you become disabled as an adult) while married, and he was still working back then.
If that's the case, then even getting on SSDI is all about how much you put into Social Security/quarters you've worked. I could be wrong here, (and I really hope I am for your sake), but if you've been unable to work most, if not all, of your life, you can't go on the type of Disability I'm on. Please, please check by calling a lawyer. Even a disabilities lawyer will be able to tell you the basics, because they won't take you as a client unless they think they can win the case. So, finding out if they will take your case is free, at least. (If they won't, that means you aren't eligible, because you already have proof your spine is bad.)
D
BUT double-edged sword here. I really wish you could get a job and work, but I don't see that happening for the same reason I can't do it. Both of us could work, if we could find a boss who doesn't mind if we can't come in half the time or more, but most bosses prefer paying workers for working, not for not working, so they tend to fire people when they can't work the hours consistently. You couldn't, (and trust me, I really do understand you couldn't, so I'm not blaming you here) go to the second day of training. How are you planning on keeping a job when you can't work the days they want you to work? It doesn't matter if you get a full-time job or part-time job, unless the boss doesn't care which hours you work. I don't know that boss that doesn't care.
Add to that, part-time work? Most jobs that have part-time hours pay minimum wage or a few coins more than that per hour. That would be enough for a room in a boarding house, but not enough for an apartment. And, without an apartment, Children's Services won't let your daughter live with you. They tend to demand she have her own room.
I know what you want, but is it doable? I can see you doing all right if friend or family took you and your daughter in and assume that means forever, and you'll contribute to household expenses as you can afford to. Or even if you were the one to take care of the household chores. But practically speaking, I don't see how you're getting out of there with what you want.
Has your social worker come up with something that is doable? I really don't want you to stay there either, but practically speaking, I don't see you getting out.
And, yeah, really, it does have something to do with the dogs. $300 for a vet bill? We don't have pets because we can't afford that. You live on less.
I don't know what you bought for Christmas, but it seems like every time you have money, you spend it.
You've been living like this for how many years now? Had you saved $60 a month into an account, you could have your own place now. I really think you're sabotaging your own plans. For some strange reason, part of you wants to stay. Until you can kick that mindset out, you will always be in danger of being killed by him.
You're worth more than that. I just wish you'd believe that.
Add to that, part-time work? Most jobs that have part-time hours pay minimum wage or a few coins more than that per hour. That would be enough for a room in a boarding house, but not enough for an apartment. And, without an apartment, Children's Services won't let your daughter live with you. They tend to demand she have her own room.
I know what you want, but is it doable? I can see you doing all right if friend or family took you and your daughter in and assume that means forever, and you'll contribute to household expenses as you can afford to. Or even if you were the one to take care of the household chores. But practically speaking, I don't see how you're getting out of there with what you want.
Has your social worker come up with something that is doable? I really don't want you to stay there either, but practically speaking, I don't see you getting out.
And, yeah, really, it does have something to do with the dogs. $300 for a vet bill? We don't have pets because we can't afford that. You live on less.
I don't know what you bought for Christmas, but it seems like every time you have money, you spend it.
You've been living like this for how many years now? Had you saved $60 a month into an account, you could have your own place now. I really think you're sabotaging your own plans. For some strange reason, part of you wants to stay. Until you can kick that mindset out, you will always be in danger of being killed by him.
You're worth more than that. I just wish you'd believe that.
okay to answer a few of your questions of i can. Yes I used to get ssd and ssi for myself I got the ssi because my ssd is very low. But when we got married they counted his income and he made to much so I lost my ssi only. The ssi I got because when I was single I did not make a full Ssd amount so ssi kicked in to bring me up to liveable wage. My daughter who turns 18 next week wants to live with me she said she will pay her portions of bills. Either way if she moves with me or not I can get a place either that is income eligible or I can probably do a rent on a mobile home or something. The part time job is less then 20 hours a week it would be going to elderly persons house for two hours do light house work take them shopping and possibly to dr. Appointments . It is stuff I do myself anyways so it can't be that difficult and doing it 3 days a week I can spread the days out so I can work a day rest a day work test etc. I am just going to try it for a while if I find it is to much on me then I will stop. I find that even though I hurt like all heck i still push through and do what I got to do. I sometimes feel better when I am up and trying to be active instead of just turning to mush sitting around being broken as I am. Either way it is just a try out kind of thing. When I have both the ssd and the ssi I make enough to afford basic rent etc. The dog rarely gets sick to the point he has to go to the vet. It was more expensive this time because they did a blood test to make sure he did not have infectionin his blood. Other wise It is just normal dog food and flea treatments that costs me money.
I will have to contact social worker tomorrow it may take a bit for me to be able to see one in the mean time I will contact the battered woman's shelter and see what they can do to help start the process. I do want to leave this time and be done with this for sure I have to do it through the battered woman's place because it is the only way I can leave the apartment with out getting charged or ruining credit or my daughters credit. If i go through the proper channels the place I love now can not charge me for breaking the lease. Plus the battered woman's may be able to help me get security deposit and first months rent for a place and assistance with moving my stuff. These are all things I am going to find out I also will talk with my friend to see if he can help if need be and I just pay him back in instalments like I have before one time when he helpped me out. Did I touch base on everything I hope lol if not just ask me I will answer you.
I will have to contact social worker tomorrow it may take a bit for me to be able to see one in the mean time I will contact the battered woman's shelter and see what they can do to help start the process. I do want to leave this time and be done with this for sure I have to do it through the battered woman's place because it is the only way I can leave the apartment with out getting charged or ruining credit or my daughters credit. If i go through the proper channels the place I love now can not charge me for breaking the lease. Plus the battered woman's may be able to help me get security deposit and first months rent for a place and assistance with moving my stuff. These are all things I am going to find out I also will talk with my friend to see if he can help if need be and I just pay him back in instalments like I have before one time when he helpped me out. Did I touch base on everything I hope lol if not just ask me I will answer you.
===============================================
yes, Jesus Loves us the 'same', but when we make those old, choices, no matter why
we will 'reap' what we sow, at some point...and thus begins another aspect, sea,of our 'growing-up'
into Christ and His ways, instead of ours since birth, leaving our old willful ways
behind us, day by day...
yes, Jesus Loves us the 'same', but when we make those old, choices, no matter why
we will 'reap' what we sow, at some point...and thus begins another aspect, sea,of our 'growing-up'
into Christ and His ways, instead of ours since birth, leaving our old willful ways
behind us, day by day...
D
Light bulb lit over my head. aka Ooooooooh!
I did not know women's shelters helped pay for moving in costs on renting. Great deal!
Since you already were on SSDI, then the approval thingy isn't as long-winded and as stringent. (I could not get on for 18 months solely because I kept going to more and more doctors to find one who could fix me. Little did I know, doing that held up the paperwork. Worse yet, the doctors and I were in the dark on the cause, so working to fix what wasn't the problem. My primary knew. It's just that if she told, she feared a colleague would be sued, so she never said. Once I ran out of money to try and get it fix, then a mere 6 months later, I was approved.)
And, I'm still thinking your new job will be above and beyond what you can do. Ever try and put in, and then take out, a wheelchair from the trunk of your car? You'll probably have to, if you're helping old people shop. (I'm old people, anymore, so not a put down. lol) Ever try to lift up and old person when they fall? They may be smaller than they were, but no one ever weighs only 40 pounds, and many older folks can't get up once they fall, and age causes more falls. You're picturing loading shopping bags as the heaviest thing you'll have to lift. I'm picturing and unyielding wheelchair or old person as the heaviest thing you have to lift. Worse yet, once you get the wheelchair in the trunk, (and I swear they do NOT want to go peacefully lol), you have to get it out, even if you threw your back putting it in. And, if you are successful once, realize you have to lift that same wheelchair at least three more times. More, if they want to go shopping and then have a few more errands.
Lighthouse keeping I can see you pulling off. Shopping or doctor appointments with someone in a wheelchair or even unsteady on their feet, will do you in.
On the good side, I think it pays better than minimum wage.
I truly hope the women's shelter can get you a place.
As for bad credit? Who cares? Good credit is for people planning on buying a house. You aren't. If you can find a place to live, you redevelop enough credit to become trustworthy for apartments by living wherever you land long enough to have them notice you're paying rent on time every month. That's all apartment managers want. "Pay rent on time each month." Do that for a year, and that's enough for the next place, IF there is a next place. You can get your credit restored in a decade. And if you and he signed the papers for where you live now? Honestly, they don't care if one of you moves out, just as long as they keep getting the rent paid every month. (Trust me on this one. I was in property management for a while. lol)
If he stops paying your part of the rent, then he gets kicked out. You already have a place, so if he wants to be that foolish, that's his problem. Also, it takes at least 90 days to kick someone out, (plus at least a month of unpaid rent that tells them it is time to kick the person out.) If that contract is up before that time, (and it's not like you're moving out today), then it's all his problem. Sure, your credit record takes a dive, but do you have credit cards anyway? If you do, stop using them. Live on what you make. And keep adding to a savings account, because something is going to go wrong eventually, and you'll need the money to take care of it.
And, for the future. $300 to see if your dog has an infection, when your dog is showing all the signs of an infection? Try asking the vet for antibiotics under the assumption the dog has an infection. And, if it doesn't clear up, THEN get the blood work done. Vets don't make much, so a blood test was just a little added profit.
When our income nosed-dived to 60%, and then another 60% three years later, we had to learn how to hunker down, and then hunker down some more. We really learned the difference between need and want. Your dog needed antibiotics. Your vet wanted the blood test. See the difference? lol
Start thinking in those terms, because you'll have to tighten the belt even more.
I did not know women's shelters helped pay for moving in costs on renting. Great deal!
Since you already were on SSDI, then the approval thingy isn't as long-winded and as stringent. (I could not get on for 18 months solely because I kept going to more and more doctors to find one who could fix me. Little did I know, doing that held up the paperwork. Worse yet, the doctors and I were in the dark on the cause, so working to fix what wasn't the problem. My primary knew. It's just that if she told, she feared a colleague would be sued, so she never said. Once I ran out of money to try and get it fix, then a mere 6 months later, I was approved.)
And, I'm still thinking your new job will be above and beyond what you can do. Ever try and put in, and then take out, a wheelchair from the trunk of your car? You'll probably have to, if you're helping old people shop. (I'm old people, anymore, so not a put down. lol) Ever try to lift up and old person when they fall? They may be smaller than they were, but no one ever weighs only 40 pounds, and many older folks can't get up once they fall, and age causes more falls. You're picturing loading shopping bags as the heaviest thing you'll have to lift. I'm picturing and unyielding wheelchair or old person as the heaviest thing you have to lift. Worse yet, once you get the wheelchair in the trunk, (and I swear they do NOT want to go peacefully lol), you have to get it out, even if you threw your back putting it in. And, if you are successful once, realize you have to lift that same wheelchair at least three more times. More, if they want to go shopping and then have a few more errands.
Lighthouse keeping I can see you pulling off. Shopping or doctor appointments with someone in a wheelchair or even unsteady on their feet, will do you in.
On the good side, I think it pays better than minimum wage.
I truly hope the women's shelter can get you a place.
As for bad credit? Who cares? Good credit is for people planning on buying a house. You aren't. If you can find a place to live, you redevelop enough credit to become trustworthy for apartments by living wherever you land long enough to have them notice you're paying rent on time every month. That's all apartment managers want. "Pay rent on time each month." Do that for a year, and that's enough for the next place, IF there is a next place. You can get your credit restored in a decade. And if you and he signed the papers for where you live now? Honestly, they don't care if one of you moves out, just as long as they keep getting the rent paid every month. (Trust me on this one. I was in property management for a while. lol)
If he stops paying your part of the rent, then he gets kicked out. You already have a place, so if he wants to be that foolish, that's his problem. Also, it takes at least 90 days to kick someone out, (plus at least a month of unpaid rent that tells them it is time to kick the person out.) If that contract is up before that time, (and it's not like you're moving out today), then it's all his problem. Sure, your credit record takes a dive, but do you have credit cards anyway? If you do, stop using them. Live on what you make. And keep adding to a savings account, because something is going to go wrong eventually, and you'll need the money to take care of it.
And, for the future. $300 to see if your dog has an infection, when your dog is showing all the signs of an infection? Try asking the vet for antibiotics under the assumption the dog has an infection. And, if it doesn't clear up, THEN get the blood work done. Vets don't make much, so a blood test was just a little added profit.
When our income nosed-dived to 60%, and then another 60% three years later, we had to learn how to hunker down, and then hunker down some more. We really learned the difference between need and want. Your dog needed antibiotics. Your vet wanted the blood test. See the difference? lol
Start thinking in those terms, because you'll have to tighten the belt even more.
Yeah, she tells the abusive hubby that he's leaving then he clocks her on the side of the head with an ashtray. These matters are not always so easily resolved especially when there is always the threat of violence. Hubby does need to leave though and she needs to divorce this animal so she can get on with her life. She knows all of this stuff and doing her best to restore her peace of mind and economic survival. Hopefully, next time hubby decks her the cops will haul him away and lock him up for an extended period to time. and that her stay in the hospital will not be for long. This is the best case scenario at this time.
Z
Indeed.
I do understand that people who are abused think differently but when you want out, you get out!!
I was abused. Started stripping to get out because I needed money, I had nothing that wasn't his.
I'm not saying to go strip but that I know what it's like to make choices.. stripping led to a whole new set of problems.. But God delivered me from them in the end
I do understand that people who are abused think differently but when you want out, you get out!!
I was abused. Started stripping to get out because I needed money, I had nothing that wasn't his.
I'm not saying to go strip but that I know what it's like to make choices.. stripping led to a whole new set of problems.. But God delivered me from them in the end