[h=2][FONT=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]I want to set some background for this post. I'm a 45 year old Native American/Mexican male. My wife is a 44 year old Chinese/German female. We are both in our second marriage, and this February will be our second anniversary. My father in-law is 68 Germany decent raised in the Carolina's. The three of us are Christian's, i'm not sure what faith my wife's step father is?[/FONT]
I’m trying to figure out if what I did is right or wrong. Last year at Christmas we had my wife’s family over for gift exchange and dinner. I put my gifts aside and waited to open them once they were all collected together. I started opening my gifts and got to a small vertical box that had an orange alabaster and steel knife. I held the knife to gage the weight and sturdiness of the knife. My father in-law at the other side of the kitchen island noticed that I had the knife that he gave me in my hand.
He said “Do you know why I gave you that knife?” I said “No, but I do like it and thank you.” He said “It’s because you are an Indian. You people should anyways have a good knife.”
My wife's step-father in-law in the meantime piped in a joking manner: “It’s so that he can scalp you.”
My father in-law continued with a story about a Native American friend of his: “You people have …” His stories continued for about 5 minutes, and he kept referring to me as “you people”. As of that point I never realized that I was different to my father in-law. I didn’t realize that he had categorized me as something else other than an equal. As he kept telling his story and referring to me as “you people”, I held my tongue and just acted as if I was okay with everything. My wife was busy with things, and like a majority of the time is absent with things around her. Her sister noticed what her dad was saying and gave me a “I can’t believe he is saying that look”. I was so worked up because I’m his son (his son in-law) a member in his family. I wanted to correct him and ask him to leave if he couldn’t correct things, because he was insulting me in my home.
The night went on and my father in-law stayed in my house for a couple more hours. I walked him to his car, and pondered if I should tell him how I felt with his comments. Instead I wished him well and a Merry Christmas. I felt uneasy about the whole ordeal, and kept it to myself. I prayed that night asking God what I should do, and that I should be patient and level headed.
The next morning… The wife needed to stop and do an exchange, and I waited in the car for her return. I kept thinking about what had happened in the evening and decided to call my father in-law. What I said is what made things go wrong. I opened up with salutations and he asked what was going on. I told him “Last night I was really upset with you, and almost asked you to leave the house.” I explained to him about the “You people” and “scalping” comment, at first I thought it was him that made the reference of scalping. He told me that it wasn’t him that made the “scalping” comment. He then told me that my wife has “Indian” inside of her. It’s not so much that he said “Indian”, but I have corrected him in the past that it is “American Indian or Native American.” The conversation turns for the worst, he gets worked up about the situation and then tells me “I don’t have to be politically correct to anyone, in fact I won’t come over to your house again.” Before I could say anything he hung up the phone on me. I didn’t call him back to resolve anything because you just sparked like a firecracker and hung up, I figured it would be best to let him cool down a bit.
20 minutes later… We drove to my mother in-law and I hadn’t said a word to my wife about what just had happened with her dad. When we arrived I asked that her stepdad and myself step out side and have a private conversation. I explained to him what happened, he immediately apologized about making the scalping comment. He then said it was distasteful on his behalf, and should have not made the comment. I asked him what I should do about my father in-law? He told me that he was known to have a temper, and that was a reason why my wife’s parents are no longer married. His advise was to not say anything and let things blow over, that my father in-law will get over it.
Four months later… I forgot about the issue, and just put it aside because I normally don’t have contact with my father in-law. Although, I knew that my wife was in contact with her dad weekly. There was a time that my father in-law need to travel to the next town. He doesn’t trust his driving and asked my wife to help with the drive. He refused to come to the house other than to pick up my wife, but would not come inside. I wasn’t home so I know this from my wife’s narrative. During the drive with my wife, my father in-law tells her why he’s not stepping into our home again. He said that I was very disrespectful for talking to him about Christmas. When my wife got home she was fuming, I explained what had happened but she wouldn’t calm down. I told her that I don’t have an issue with him coming into our home. I feel that I never got resolution other than him hanging the phone up on me. Also if she wants me to I’ll be happy to talk to him to clear top the situation. She told me that he doesn’t want to talk to me. My wife was on his side, and told me that night how much of an A-hole I was. That how could I get offended by the use of “Indian”. I told her that my issues wasn’t about “Indian” it was about “you people” and knowing that he categorized me as something else.
The holidays… I’m reliving the whole issue again about last Christmas. So much so that my Father in-law refused to spend Thanksgiving with us. He doesn’t want to come over for Christmas. My wife told me the other night that she is going to ask her mom to host Christmas at her house. In addition that she doesn’t want me to attend, because her dad will be there. She said that I should do something with my dad and brothers. I told once again that don’t have an issue with talking to her dad and to rectify the issue. She told me absolutely not, because that would just cause more of an issue. :-|
I’m hurt and torn and the moment. I needed to stand my ground, for someone (anyone) causing an issue in our household. I waited and gave things sometime rather than reacting that night, which would have been a lot worst.
I talked to my wife about the situation last night, I told her that I would like to talk to her father. I’m asking for prayers and some guidance on how to talk with my father in-law. PRAYERS and HELP!
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I’m trying to figure out if what I did is right or wrong. Last year at Christmas we had my wife’s family over for gift exchange and dinner. I put my gifts aside and waited to open them once they were all collected together. I started opening my gifts and got to a small vertical box that had an orange alabaster and steel knife. I held the knife to gage the weight and sturdiness of the knife. My father in-law at the other side of the kitchen island noticed that I had the knife that he gave me in my hand.
He said “Do you know why I gave you that knife?” I said “No, but I do like it and thank you.” He said “It’s because you are an Indian. You people should anyways have a good knife.”
My wife's step-father in-law in the meantime piped in a joking manner: “It’s so that he can scalp you.”
My father in-law continued with a story about a Native American friend of his: “You people have …” His stories continued for about 5 minutes, and he kept referring to me as “you people”. As of that point I never realized that I was different to my father in-law. I didn’t realize that he had categorized me as something else other than an equal. As he kept telling his story and referring to me as “you people”, I held my tongue and just acted as if I was okay with everything. My wife was busy with things, and like a majority of the time is absent with things around her. Her sister noticed what her dad was saying and gave me a “I can’t believe he is saying that look”. I was so worked up because I’m his son (his son in-law) a member in his family. I wanted to correct him and ask him to leave if he couldn’t correct things, because he was insulting me in my home.
The night went on and my father in-law stayed in my house for a couple more hours. I walked him to his car, and pondered if I should tell him how I felt with his comments. Instead I wished him well and a Merry Christmas. I felt uneasy about the whole ordeal, and kept it to myself. I prayed that night asking God what I should do, and that I should be patient and level headed.
The next morning… The wife needed to stop and do an exchange, and I waited in the car for her return. I kept thinking about what had happened in the evening and decided to call my father in-law. What I said is what made things go wrong. I opened up with salutations and he asked what was going on. I told him “Last night I was really upset with you, and almost asked you to leave the house.” I explained to him about the “You people” and “scalping” comment, at first I thought it was him that made the reference of scalping. He told me that it wasn’t him that made the “scalping” comment. He then told me that my wife has “Indian” inside of her. It’s not so much that he said “Indian”, but I have corrected him in the past that it is “American Indian or Native American.” The conversation turns for the worst, he gets worked up about the situation and then tells me “I don’t have to be politically correct to anyone, in fact I won’t come over to your house again.” Before I could say anything he hung up the phone on me. I didn’t call him back to resolve anything because you just sparked like a firecracker and hung up, I figured it would be best to let him cool down a bit.
20 minutes later… We drove to my mother in-law and I hadn’t said a word to my wife about what just had happened with her dad. When we arrived I asked that her stepdad and myself step out side and have a private conversation. I explained to him what happened, he immediately apologized about making the scalping comment. He then said it was distasteful on his behalf, and should have not made the comment. I asked him what I should do about my father in-law? He told me that he was known to have a temper, and that was a reason why my wife’s parents are no longer married. His advise was to not say anything and let things blow over, that my father in-law will get over it.
Four months later… I forgot about the issue, and just put it aside because I normally don’t have contact with my father in-law. Although, I knew that my wife was in contact with her dad weekly. There was a time that my father in-law need to travel to the next town. He doesn’t trust his driving and asked my wife to help with the drive. He refused to come to the house other than to pick up my wife, but would not come inside. I wasn’t home so I know this from my wife’s narrative. During the drive with my wife, my father in-law tells her why he’s not stepping into our home again. He said that I was very disrespectful for talking to him about Christmas. When my wife got home she was fuming, I explained what had happened but she wouldn’t calm down. I told her that I don’t have an issue with him coming into our home. I feel that I never got resolution other than him hanging the phone up on me. Also if she wants me to I’ll be happy to talk to him to clear top the situation. She told me that he doesn’t want to talk to me. My wife was on his side, and told me that night how much of an A-hole I was. That how could I get offended by the use of “Indian”. I told her that my issues wasn’t about “Indian” it was about “you people” and knowing that he categorized me as something else.
The holidays… I’m reliving the whole issue again about last Christmas. So much so that my Father in-law refused to spend Thanksgiving with us. He doesn’t want to come over for Christmas. My wife told me the other night that she is going to ask her mom to host Christmas at her house. In addition that she doesn’t want me to attend, because her dad will be there. She said that I should do something with my dad and brothers. I told once again that don’t have an issue with talking to her dad and to rectify the issue. She told me absolutely not, because that would just cause more of an issue. :-|
I’m hurt and torn and the moment. I needed to stand my ground, for someone (anyone) causing an issue in our household. I waited and gave things sometime rather than reacting that night, which would have been a lot worst.
I talked to my wife about the situation last night, I told her that I would like to talk to her father. I’m asking for prayers and some guidance on how to talk with my father in-law. PRAYERS and HELP!
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