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Thread: Trying to choose husband over parents

  1. #21


    Oby
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    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    [QUOTE=oldethennew;3395532]
    Quote Originally Posted by Oby View Post
    Another thought to consider...
    If you love your husband and he loves you and treats you well, your parents should love him for this.
    If your parents love you unconditionally they will want you to be with the man you love and they should put their own priorities aside. They will support your decision to honour your husband as you have made the commitment to him before God and they raised you to follow God. They raised you well.[/QUOTE
    ================================================== ==

    what a sweet, precious post, (as long as 'abuse' is not included') with lots of 'hope',
    but unfortunately, this is very 'rare'...
    I was going to add a caveat about abuse but I figured it was obvious. An abusive husband is not a good husband and doesn't meet the criteria of "treats you well".
    oldethennew likes this.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Dan58's Avatar
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    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    I'd leave your husbands anger with himself. Disowning your parents because of his unwillingness to forgive them seems counter-productive. If hubby doesn't want to see your parents, that's fine, but its a negative influence to forbid you from maintaining a healthy relationship with them. Remember, your husband invaded your private text messages where your Dad expressed his feelings to you, so if your husband was minding his own business in the first place, there wouldn't be an issue. Its just sounds like since your parents didn't approve of how your husband was acting and treating you, so he is now using you to get back at them. Your father's apology wasn't good enough for him? Please.. Don't be a pawn used to punish your parents, they did nothing but express their opinion to you, and I suspect they were right? jmo
    oldethennew and joaniemarie like this.

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    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Seekingadvice75234 View Post
    This is a little follow up to a post I made earlier about my husband not wanting to go around my family at all. Though I don't completely agree with his decision I'm going to stay with him for the upcoming holiday. I feel a little guilty and sad for my parents but that's the right Christian thing to do right? I asked them to apologize and my dad reached out but not in a sincere way and my husband said come back when your sincere basically. My parents have done wrong things but I do wish he didn't want to cut them off. On the other hand I wish my parents would try a little harder on the apology. I guess I'm just looking for some reassuremrnt that staying with my husband is the good decision

    You should read my post about my father in-law. It's difficult dealing with in-laws. In the end my situation with my FIL and myself came to a happy middle. I spent Christmas with him and my wife's family, and things are on the positive. God answers prayers, this situation was heavy in my heart for awhile. There still isn't a perfect finish to it but that is something that I pray about.
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  4. #24
    Senior Member Prov910's Avatar
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    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Seems like most of the posts in this thread are simply advising to go with the spouse over the parents. But the elephant in the room is your husband's failure to forgive your parents for whatever it is that they did. (I'm guessing their infraction is fairly minor.) Perhaps you should tell your husband to put on his big boy pants and forgive them. His behavior seems rather childish if you ask me.
    Dan58, oldethennew and joaniemarie like this.
    ================================================== ===========
    10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. Prov. 9:10

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    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by oldethennew View Post
    we will never know the whole story - if this is an 'abuser' of any sort, then
    the question of 'loyal', becomes evident...
    I wouldn't say he is abusive, though I also feel
    Cutting off my parents is an extreme measure. He feels my parents have hurt him and are against the marriage. I feel they have always tried to be nice and that's the constant argument.

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    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Prov910 View Post
    Seems like most of the posts in this thread are simply advising to go with the spouse over the parents. But the elephant in the room is your husband's failure to forgive your parents for whatever it is that they did. (I'm guessing their infraction is fairly minor.) Perhaps you should tell your husband to put on his big boy pants and forgive them. His behavior seems rather childish if you ask me.
    His defense is that he has gone and sat down with them and my parents told him they weren't going to change, so he feels this is an option. He knows it's tearing me apart, but he's so sure my parents have it out for the marriage

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    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by oldethennew View Post
    we will never know the whole story - if this is an 'abuser' of any sort, then
    the question of 'loyal', becomes evident...
    There is a difference between choosing your husband and being isolated from loved ones. Waiting for parents to be sincere doesn't sound mature to me. You dad reached out and attempted an apology. It sounds like you're spouse is unforgiving. You did choose your husband and you should but if he is trying to keep you from family, there may be some things that your husband needs to work through. I'm sorry he is questioning (and perhaps demanding?) your loyalty. Your parents may be in the wrong but to burn bridges is a bit of an extreme. I pray you can find a balance.

  8. #28
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    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Seekingadvice75234 View Post
    He knows it's tearing me apart, but he's so sure my parents have it out for the marriage
    Sounds like this issue is one-sided. He is placing his hurt and fears as a higher priority than yours. This isn't about loyalty and this isn't about submitting This is just about him. Marriage is about your unity and equality. Not power and submission. If he knows this is hurting you but doesn't care that speaks volumes of his view of the relationship and your role. To me this is a big red flag. If he isn't temperamental, try to discuss the lack of balance in your relationship.

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    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Seekingadvice75234 View Post
    I just feel guilty for not spending the time with my parents I usually do on the holidays. It's hard because I was on my parents side for s time but we went to counseling and I than decided just some seperation would be good while me and my husband work on our marriage. Now they are all sad and playing the victim and saying I'm not honoring them like the Bible says
    If your husband cannot see that this was an act of choosing your marriage already what more could prove it otherwise. Second your parents sound manipulative using scripture to get you to feel bad. Sounds like both your husband and parents are in the wrong but in different ways. Your parents shouldn't be shaming and trying to use scripture as a means to get what they want from you. Yet your husband shouldn't be questioning your commitment to your marriage either, and furthermore shouldn't demand you to disown your family. Much prayer for you

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    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    This has only been going on for about 2 months now so perhaps not enough time to say this won't be resolved but I'm starting to feel like the only way this marriage works is if I make my parents my enemy and side with my husband, but I don't agree with him. I'm actually trying to do that but it just makes me feel sad and isolated. My husband thinks I shouldn't be around them if they are against the marriage, but the only thing they are against is my unhappiness. All I even want at this point is for him to come around for like two days out of the year. Just some holidays. But he won't, and than I'm a bad wife if I want to see my parents on Christmas and leave him at home.

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    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Seekingadvice75234 View Post
    This has only been going on for about 2 months now so perhaps not enough time to say this won't be resolved but I'm starting to feel like the only way this marriage works is if I make my parents my enemy and side with my husband, but I don't agree with him. I'm actually trying to do that but it just makes me feel sad and isolated. My husband thinks I shouldn't be around them if they are against the marriage, but the only thing they are against is my unhappiness. All I even want at this point is for him to come around for like two days out of the year. Just some holidays. But he won't, and than I'm a bad wife if I want to see my parents on Christmas and leave him at home.
    And this marriage won't work, because that's what you're setting up to happen. You keep asking for advice, and then swap out for your own choices. You want everything your way, and your way only, much like your parents insist.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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