Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 31
Like Tree58Likes

Christian Family Forum

Discuss family topics/issues, and give and receive encouragement here.

Thread: Trying to choose husband over parents

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    November 14th, 2017
    Posts
    21
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Trying to choose husband over parents

    This is a little follow up to a post I made earlier about my husband not wanting to go around my family at all. Though I don't completely agree with his decision I'm going to stay with him for the upcoming holiday. I feel a little guilty and sad for my parents but that's the right Christian thing to do right? I asked them to apologize and my dad reached out but not in a sincere way and my husband said come back when your sincere basically. My parents have done wrong things but I do wish he didn't want to cut them off. On the other hand I wish my parents would try a little harder on the apology. I guess I'm just looking for some reassuremrnt that staying with my husband is the good decision
    MarcR, oldethennew and joaniemarie like this.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 12th, 2016
    Age
    38
    Posts
    4,145
    Rep Power
    89

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    You're doing the right thing.

    The marriage covenant is between man, woman, and God. Not parents, in-laws, out laws, friends, and cousins.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

  3. #3
    Senior Member Willie-T's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 7th, 2015
    Age
    72
    Posts
    22,258
    Rep Power
    310

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    We don't "try" to choose..... we DO IT.
    __________________________________________________ ________________________________________
    “True eloquence consists of saying all that is necessary, and only that which is .” François Duc De La Rochefoucauld (among others)
    I am the righteousness of God, in Christ Jesus.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    July 2nd, 2017
    Age
    62
    Posts
    1,147
    Rep Power
    20

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Maybe visit the parents after christmas.

    I am ALWAYS glad when theses holidays are over. My wife is in her own little world.
    You are doing right for sure.
    Demi777 likes this.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 20th, 2011
    Age
    42
    Posts
    19,508
    Rep Power
    193

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    It's the commitment you made before God. I'd say you can't get more reassuring than that.
    Give me a new voice
    Give me a heart for repentance and make it stay
    Cause I've idolized my words
    It's all my fault
    But it's comfortable
    ~Poured Out, Rival Choir~

  6. #6


    Oby
    Oby is offline
    Member
    Join Date
    December 22nd, 2017
    Age
    47
    Posts
    38
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    I believe what others are saying is true. The commitment you made before God is most important.
    It sounds like your husband isn't cutting them off entirely. He wants a sincere apology. There is hope there. He hasn't said he will never speak with them no matter what, has he?
    Meanwhile you shouldn't feel like you have to choose between them. You can love all of them equally. It isn't exactly the same situation but my parents divorced when I was young and I love them both even though they do not love each other.
    Your parents love you, check. Your husband loves you, check. If they love each other that's a bonus. You aren't missing out on love. They are.
    Demi777 likes this.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    November 14th, 2017
    Posts
    21
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Oby View Post
    I believe what others are saying is true. The commitment you made before God is most important.
    It sounds like your husband isn't cutting them off entirely. He wants a sincere apology. There is hope there. He hasn't said he will never speak with them no matter what, has he?
    Meanwhile you shouldn't feel like you have to choose between them. You can love all of them equally. It isn't exactly the same situation but my parents divorced when I was young and I love them both even though they do not love each other.
    Your parents love you, check. Your husband loves you, check. If they love each other that's a bonus. You aren't missing out on love. They are.
    I just feel guilty for not spending the time with my parents I usually do on the holidays. It's hard because I was on my parents side for s time but we went to counseling and I than decided just some seperation would be good while me and my husband work on our marriage. Now they are all sad and playing the victim and saying I'm not honoring them like the Bible says
    oldethennew and Beez like this.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 13th, 2015
    Age
    61
    Posts
    18,965
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    381

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Seekingadvice75234 View Post
    This is a little follow up to a post I made earlier about my husband not wanting to go around my family at all. Though I don't completely agree with his decision I'm going to stay with him for the upcoming holiday. I feel a little guilty and sad for my parents but that's the right Christian thing to do right? I asked them to apologize and my dad reached out but not in a sincere way and my husband said come back when your sincere basically. My parents have done wrong things but I do wish he didn't want to cut them off. On the other hand I wish my parents would try a little harder on the apology. I guess I'm just looking for some reassuremrnt that staying with my husband is the good decision
    First, your husband didn't shut and lock the door. He told your dad what he could do to persuade hubby to change his mind. (Sincere apology.)

    Second, you're not doing anything different than most of us have had to do during the holidays. There is always a choice -- her parent's house, his parent's house, or home. Mathematically, we cannot do all three at the same time, (unless we're living in a very crowded house. lol) Most people who get married have to make that decision every year. And most people feel guilty for the choice they did make. It's not real guilt. (Real guilt is sin guilt.) It's a change in tradition.

    Assurance? How about going for a very merry Christmas at home with hubby? That's a good thing!
    tourist and preacher4truth like this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

  9. #9
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 13th, 2014
    Age
    63
    Posts
    18,362
    Blog Entries
    5
    Rep Power
    372

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    As a married woman your husband is a higher priority over your parents. It does appear that neither your husband or parents get along. While both sides seem to have issues it becomes imperative for your parents to make a sincere effort to patch things up and smooth the path of reconciliation.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  10. #10
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 13th, 2014
    Age
    63
    Posts
    18,362
    Blog Entries
    5
    Rep Power
    372

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Seekingadvice75234 View Post
    I just feel guilty for not spending the time with my parents I usually do on the holidays. It's hard because I was on my parents side for s time but we went to counseling and I than decided just some seperation would be good while me and my husband work on our marriage. Now they are all sad and playing the victim and saying I'm not honoring them like the Bible says
    Your parents way of thinking is wrong. As I mentioned in a previous post your parents are no longer #1 because you're a married woman now and you're rightly sticking by your man. Honoring your parents means respecting them, and caving in to their demands. If they are sad that is their issue, not yours and certainly not your husband. You should feel no guilt over this. This happens to most married couples every year, especially the holidays. You could compromise and rotate when you and your husband visit them. Of course, if they are cold to your husband and go out of their way to make him uncomfortable I don't blame him in the slightest not wanting to squander a holiday being in a place that he's not really welcomed.
    Beez likes this.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  11. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    February 28th, 2016
    Age
    69
    Posts
    6,440
    Rep Power
    174

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    if you sincerely know that your parents are right in God's eyes, then go
    with the hearts that you have known from birth...

  12. #12
    Senior Member Angela53510's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 24th, 2011
    Age
    64
    Posts
    9,267
    Blog Entries
    2
    Rep Power
    302

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    When you marry, you become one with your spouse, and leave your parents. Time to start doing what your husband wants, and let go of your parents!

    Parents should never come between a husband and wife. You need to understand that your husband comes first. The commandment to honour your parents is NOT the same as obedience. Honouring means you don’t yell at them, call them names, use or abuse them. If they are throwing this commandment in your face, they are 100% in the wrong.

    Tell them you love them, but your submission is first to God, then to your husband, and then respectfully hang up. I’ve heard of men being tied to their mother’s apron strings, you are the first woman. Any implication that you are being disrespectful by siding with your husband, says they have a big problem!

    I suggest you read the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend, and start building a few boundaries with your parents!
    "And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Cor. 12:9 NASB

  13. #13
    Senior Member preacher4truth's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 28th, 2016
    Age
    53
    Posts
    5,086
    Rep Power
    173

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by oldethennew View Post
    if you sincerely know that your parents are right in God's eyes, then go
    with the hearts that you have known from birth...
    Horrendously unbiblical counsel.
    People are offended that God is God.

    Oh, my brethren! bold-hearted men are always called mean-spirited by cowards. - Charles Spurgeon

    Open Theism and Molinism, two inept theological camps, do err in this sense; God doesn't have an R&D department, He does all things perfectly.

    A god who can be fashioned by our own thoughts is no more a god than an image produced by our own hands. - Charles Spurgeon

  14. #14
    Senior Member Beez's Avatar
    Join Date
    November 27th, 2017
    Age
    68
    Posts
    348
    Rep Power
    23

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Quote Originally Posted by Seekingadvice75234 View Post
    I just feel guilty for not spending the time with my parents I usually do on the holidays. It's hard because I was on my parents side for s time but we went to counseling and I than decided just some seperation would be good while me and my husband work on our marriage. Now they are all sad and playing the victim and saying I'm not honoring them like the Bible says
    I'm sorry, Seeking, but this is so divisionary -- that they would lay it on you that you are not honoring them as the Bible says. To me, it looks like they taught you well, that would choose to be with your husband, especially as you are helping to work on and heal your marriage. There is no greater honor toward those who reared you than for you to put your marriage first at this time.
    Angela53510 and MarcR like this.
    He is found by those who do not seek Him. He says, "Here I Am! Here I Am!" to those who never called His Name.
    Worthy are You, O L-rd our G-d, to receive glory, honor, and power; for You
    created all things. Because of You, they are and were created.


  15. #15
    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 20th, 2011
    Age
    42
    Posts
    19,508
    Rep Power
    193

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    You made a choice to marry. Your made a choice to commit to your husband.
    You made this commitment to God and before God.
    God's standard is that commitment is greater than that of the one to your parents.
    A consequence of what you chose.
    Easy? Not at all and I don't envy you, so not trying to make it sound easy. But the answer is easy. The action is difficult.
    Give me a new voice
    Give me a heart for repentance and make it stay
    Cause I've idolized my words
    It's all my fault
    But it's comfortable
    ~Poured Out, Rival Choir~

  16. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    February 28th, 2016
    Age
    69
    Posts
    6,440
    Rep Power
    174

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    we will never know the whole story - if this is an 'abuser' of any sort, then
    the question of 'loyal', becomes evident...

  17. #17


    Oby
    Oby is offline
    Member
    Join Date
    December 22nd, 2017
    Age
    47
    Posts
    38
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Another thought to consider...
    If you love your husband and he loves you and treats you well, your parents should love him for this.
    If your parents love you unconditionally they will want you to be with the man you love and they should put their own priorities aside. They will support your decision to honour your husband as you have made the commitment to him before God and they raised you to follow God. They raised you well.
    oldethennew likes this.

  18. #18
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    October 13th, 2017
    Posts
    26
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    When I first met my ex I didn't get along with either of her older brothers.This went back to highschool. They were jocks and I was a leather coat wearing long haired metal head.They would fight me and my younger brother and sometimes we'd initiate the fight.Then when I started dating their sister things got worse and it escalated once we married.I never had a problem with her parents but I stayed away from their family gatherings because of her brothers and she stuck right by my side.Years later me and one of her brothers became and still are good friends. Now when it comes to your husband it's best to stick with him because of the vow the both of you made before God.It sounds harsh to suggest not being with your parents on the holiday..but truthfully your duty lies with the man you married and vice versa. I pray it all works out for all of you.Be blessed.

  19. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    February 28th, 2016
    Age
    69
    Posts
    6,440
    Rep Power
    174

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    [QUOTE=Oby;3395420]Another thought to consider...
    If you love your husband and he loves you and treats you well, your parents should love him for this.
    If your parents love you unconditionally they will want you to be with the man you love and they should put their own priorities aside. They will support your decision to honour your husband as you have made the commitment to him before God and they raised you to follow God. They raised you well.[/QUOTE
    ================================================== ==

    what a sweet, precious post, (as long as 'abuse' is not included') with lots of 'hope',
    but unfortunately, this is very 'rare'...

  20. #20
    Senior Member maxwel's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 18th, 2013
    Age
    42
    Posts
    6,927
    Rep Power
    194

    Default Re: Trying to choose husband over parents

    Parents or spouse?


    I flat out tell my family I'm not coming to visit because I'm spending Christmas alone with my spouse...

    and I don't even have one.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. When does your future husband become your present husband?
    By MahogonySnail in forum Christian Singles Forum
    Replies: 54
    Last Post: October 28th, 2014, 06:36 AM
  2. Replies: 73
    Last Post: June 6th, 2013, 06:36 PM
  3. Why did God Choose you?
    By Becky216 in forum Christian Family Forum
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: August 3rd, 2012, 04:54 PM
  4. If you had to choose between...
    By Ryan1976 in forum Bible Discussion Forum
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: August 22nd, 2009, 08:32 PM