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Thread: Very Concerned about Nephew

  1. #21
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    Default Re: Very Concerned about Nephew

    Quote Originally Posted by kaylagrl View Post
    Being from Canada Im not use to meds being handed out so easily. Her husbands family are all on pills as Ive mentioned. Her oldest son is on meds and now they want to put the youngest on meds because of this hoarding type behavior. My mother talked to him,but he's 9 so he really can't put into words whats bothering him. And he doesn't want to say anything against his dad but I know the fathers behavior is upsetting both the boys. Its hard to find a good councilor to help when they believe meds solves all.I just don't know what to do to find help for the boys.
    Being from New Jersey, Illinois, Virginia, and Pennsylvania, I'm not used to meds being handed out like candy either.

    And it's not just the father's behavior upsetting this kid. He's being raised to believe that life is just one big parachute drop, and skip the parachute. If the drop doesn't work, take a pill. He's got NO security blanket. His father and mother have taught him that.

    He's nine, and trying very hard to come up with his own security blanket. That's bad. A kid should feel safe growing up. This boy does not.
    kaylagrl and oldethennew like this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Very Concerned about Nephew

    Quote Originally Posted by kaylagrl View Post
    My sister and her husband have had serious marriage issues their whole relationship. He settled down for a few years but now he's starting up again. And I believe the kids are old enough now to know whats going on,or that something is going on. The kids are being pulled in on adult issues and to me,thats wrong. My BIL just changed his meds and my sister says he's acting erratic again. I can tell the kids are stressed. Also they stick to my husband like he's their dad.They constantly want his attention, he can't move without them following him everywhere. Its like they're afraid they'll lose sight of him.

    They were up this summer and stayed at my mothers. We took them to a fair,on a riverboat ride and an old fort. When it came near time to go home I asked if they had a good time the youngest said "this was the best week of my life". I turned my head and cried. I grew up with parents that argued and were always on the verge of divorce. I know how stressful it is and it tears me up to think these two boys are suffering the same thing. I want to rescue them but they aren't my kids. I feel helpless to know what to do. My sister has just suffered it all out for the 17yrs they've been married. But the kids are trapped,they can't leave,they are stuck in the mess. Im just praying something will change before its too late.
    My aunt (uncle's wife...uncle being Mom's "little" brother) was a mess, and my uncle just let it happen. The oldest boy acted out, and they ran out of option, so he stayed with us for a year. Any chance your sister is willing to let you take her kids "while she works on the marriage?"

    Worse comes to worse, at least those kids learn what stability and security looks and feels like for a while.
    kaylagrl and oldethennew like this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Very Concerned about Nephew

    Quote Originally Posted by Depleted View Post
    Being from New Jersey, Illinois, Virginia, and Pennsylvania, I'm not used to meds being handed out like candy either.

    And it's not just the father's behavior upsetting this kid. He's being raised to believe that life is just one big parachute drop, and skip the parachute. If the drop doesn't work, take a pill. He's got NO security blanket. His father and mother have taught him that.

    He's nine, and trying very hard to come up with his own security blanket. That's bad. A kid should feel safe growing up. This boy does not.

    Quote Originally Posted by Depleted View Post
    He's nine, and trying very hard to come up with his own security blanket. That's bad. A kid should feel safe growing up. This boy does not.

    Yes,I agree and this sentence just kills me... I don't live close enough to be there often.They always want to stay here longer and it breaks my heart. My sister isn't in touch.I try to call and she doesn't answer.Ive tried to skype with them and she says they're too busy. I feel like she's trying to keep us on the outside.Yet when she comes home she tells us her marriage is falling apart,they are broke and the kids are in distress. I don't understand why she keeps us at arms length when we're only trying to help.



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    Senior Member kaylagrl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Very Concerned about Nephew

    Quote Originally Posted by Depleted View Post
    My aunt (uncle's wife...uncle being Mom's "little" brother) was a mess, and my uncle just let it happen. The oldest boy acted out, and they ran out of option, so he stayed with us for a year. Any chance your sister is willing to let you take her kids "while she works on the marriage?"

    Worse comes to worse, at least those kids learn what stability and security looks and feels like for a while.
    No,no chance she'd let the kids come here. Thats another issue.Her in-laws will not let the boys out of their sight. They harass her if she takes them anywhere,even when she comes here. They've threatened to take they boys from her and to call authorities on her,even though its their son beating holes in the walls and acting like an insane person. If they divorced his parents would do all they could to keep the boys. Its like the children are theirs,not my sisters and her husband.When the boys were younger and my sister brought them up here MIL would call the boys and try to convince them to come home promising them treats and toys. They called once and I hung up on them and called my BIL and gave him what for. He told his parents to back off. In fact Im the only one in the family that has stood up and went after her in laws and my BIL. I feel like my parents need to get more involved but I think they are afraid of losing the grandkids. Its just one huge mess. I thought things were calming down and now I find out they are worse,much worse.I talked to my parents and told them that this is serious and they need to step in for the boys sake. They seemed to agree and thats as far as it has gone. I feel frustrated and helpless.

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    Default Re: Very Concerned about Nephew

    Praying for you and your family kayla...
    kaylagrl and oldethennew like this.

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    Default Re: Very Concerned about Nephew

    Quote Originally Posted by Timothy723 View Post
    Praying for you and your family kayla...

    Thank you so much,I truly appreciate that. Its the only thing that can help this mess.
    oldethennew likes this.

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    Default Re: Very Concerned about Nephew

    Quote Originally Posted by kaylagrl View Post
    No,no chance she'd let the kids come here. Thats another issue.Her in-laws will not let the boys out of their sight. They harass her if she takes them anywhere,even when she comes here. They've threatened to take they boys from her and to call authorities on her,even though its their son beating holes in the walls and acting like an insane person. If they divorced his parents would do all they could to keep the boys. Its like the children are theirs,not my sisters and her husband.When the boys were younger and my sister brought them up here MIL would call the boys and try to convince them to come home promising them treats and toys. They called once and I hung up on them and called my BIL and gave him what for. He told his parents to back off. In fact Im the only one in the family that has stood up and went after her in laws and my BIL. I feel like my parents need to get more involved but I think they are afraid of losing the grandkids. Its just one huge mess. I thought things were calming down and now I find out they are worse,much worse.I talked to my parents and told them that this is serious and they need to step in for the boys sake. They seemed to agree and thats as far as it has gone. I feel frustrated and helpless.
    If the outlaws (outlaws are the family members not connected to your family -- one of my grandmother's phrases) are threatening to take her kids away from her and she already knows you were able to stop their harassing, why not go with "Let them stay for us for the rest of the school year, so you have two less worries." That gives her half a year to work with, and if she doesn't feel any better about how it's going back home, you can keep the kids for the summer too. By then, play it by ear.

    I'm thinking this can do double-duty:
    1. Give the kids some stability.
    2. Give your sister time to see what's going on without all the distractions of his parents and the kids.

    Right now she's fighting four fronts:
    1. In-laws.
    2. Husband.
    3. Herself.
    and the 4th one is just byproduct of the other fights...
    4. The kids.

    This takes the kids out of the equation, the in-laws have nothing to threaten with, and so she finally has enough breathing room to fight the real fight -- between her husband and her. Her being the biggest fight, considering she's been willing to live like this for at least a decade.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Senior Member kaylagrl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Very Concerned about Nephew

    Quote Originally Posted by Depleted View Post
    If the outlaws (outlaws are the family members not connected to your family -- one of my grandmother's phrases) are threatening to take her kids away from her and she already knows you were able to stop their harassing, why not go with "Let them stay for us for the rest of the school year, so you have two less worries." That gives her half a year to work with, and if she doesn't feel any better about how it's going back home, you can keep the kids for the summer too. By then, play it by ear.

    I'm thinking this can do double-duty:
    1. Give the kids some stability.
    2. Give your sister time to see what's going on without all the distractions of his parents and the kids.

    Right now she's fighting four fronts:
    1. In-laws.
    2. Husband.
    3. Herself.
    and the 4th one is just byproduct of the other fights...
    4. The kids.

    This takes the kids out of the equation, the in-laws have nothing to threaten with, and so she finally has enough breathing room to fight the real fight -- between her husband and her. Her being the biggest fight, considering she's been willing to live like this for at least a decade.

    I agree with all you are saying but I know her answer would be no. I think the kids are a kind of comfort or buffer for her. Something to keep her busy and away from her husband. He works nights and sleeps days. She says he wants to change to days and I think she's scared he's going to do that.If he does everything will get worse. We've been rescuing her from the marriage the entire time they've been married. She's run home often when it gets too much for her. When they were first married her husband got so angry he threw all her clothes out on the lawn and told her to get the "f" out. As I said,the meds seemed to help for a while but it seems we're back to square one.

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    Default Re: Very Concerned about Nephew

    Quote Originally Posted by Adstar View Post
    What a tradgic thing to be happening to our societies.. Drugging everyone out like this.. Solves nothing and just makes a lot of money for the medical industries...
    This seems to be the standard practice of the medical industry. And I would say anti-depressants are right on top of the prescription list. So rather than try to get to the root of the problem, the standard is to just have the person drugged out like a zombie.
    kaylagrl likes this.

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