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Thread: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

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    Default had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Hi can i get some feedback on this problem i divorced my first husband because he abandoned me and was with another woman, i met a christian man and wanted to marry him but i had to leave my church they say that you cant marry untill your first husband dies?
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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty View Post
    Hi can i get some feedback on this problem i divorced my first husband because he abandoned me and was with another woman, i met a christian man and wanted to marry him but i had to leave my church they say that you cant marry untill your first husband dies?
    Thank God you are away from that brood of vipers.
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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    I always thought it was hypocritical when a sinner could be divorced 10 times & get saved & it be alright, but if you're saved & divorce 1 time for any reason, you're out of an office & sometimes outta the church.

    They could forgive a sinner, but not a brother or sister.

    Go figure.

    Traditions of men & full-blown hypocrisy.

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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty View Post
    Hi can i get some feedback on this problem i divorced my first husband because he abandoned me and was with another woman, i met a christian man and wanted to marry him but i had to leave my church they say that you cant marry untill your first husband dies?
    Hello Kitty,

    Regarding your husband being unfaithful, below is what Jesus said regarding this issue:

    "But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.

    So, there is an exception there for ether party in the marriage who is unfaithful. Paul talks about this saying that if an a wife or husband becomes a believer and the other is not, but desires to remain with him or her, then don't seek a divorce. But if the unbelieving wife or husband wants to leave, then the believing husband or wife is not bound in such circumstances. In your case, your husband was not a believer and he was unfaithful. A man or woman in such cases is free to remarry, but only to one who is in the Lord.

    I would suggest reading 1 Corinthian 7 regarding your concerns just to become familiar with the different issues regarding marriage and remarrying.

    Blessings in Christ!
    But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control ...

    I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit ...

    This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit ....

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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty View Post
    Hi can i get some feedback on this problem i divorced my first husband because he abandoned me and was with another woman, i met a christian man and wanted to marry him but i had to leave my church they say that you cant marry untill your first husband dies?
    I'm not entirely sure my church would have married hubby and I for the same reason. (We were already married, so there is that.)

    Honestly? What did God's Word tell you?

    And, it sounds like you already know, so I'm not sure what the question is?
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    Lynn

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    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty View Post
    Hi can i get some feedback on this problem i divorced my first husband because he abandoned me and was with another woman, i met a christian man and wanted to marry him but i had to leave my church they say that you cant marry untill your first husband dies?
    Hi kitty, nice to meet you.

    It says in your profile that you are separated from your husband and in another thread you posted that you are presently in an abusive relationship. Or maybe I misunderstood?
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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Hmmmm I think I missed that other thread.
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    So you're telling me this is a signature line??

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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahwatukee View Post
    Hello Kitty,

    Regarding your husband being unfaithful, below is what Jesus said regarding this issue:

    "But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.

    So, there is an exception there for ether party in the marriage who is unfaithful. Paul talks about this saying that if an a wife or husband becomes a believer and the other is not, but desires to remain with him or her, then don't seek a divorce. But if the unbelieving wife or husband wants to leave, then the believing husband or wife is not bound in such circumstances. In your case, your husband was not a believer and he was unfaithful. A man or woman in such cases is free to remarry, but only to one who is in the Lord.

    I would suggest reading 1 Corinthian 7 regarding your concerns just to become familiar with the different issues regarding marriage and remarrying.

    Blessings in Christ!
    I agree with this completely. My ex husband was a non believer and when I caught him he was sleeping with 6 other women ( he went into addiction therapy later). I asked him to go to councillors but he refused and said he couldn’t be faithful and in fact didn’t want to be. My church (at the time), said I had done all I could to save things, he wasn’t in the faith so religious council wasn’t appropriate for him and I had kept my marriage promises and therefore I was free to divorce and remarry. I’m still single but I’m hopeful one day I’ll meet the right man who has a testimony of Jesus Christ.
    Please pray and ask the Lord to guide you, He always will.
    V
    xxx
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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Thats right i am with the christian man that is my second husband it only took 7 months for his true colours to emerge he assulated me badly and is awaiting trial i found out he has lied to me and kept hidden the fact that he battered his ex wife

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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty View Post
    Thats right i am with the christian man that is my second husband it only took 7 months for his true colours to emerge he assulated me badly and is awaiting trial i found out he has lied to me and kept hidden the fact that he battered his ex wife
    Ah! That could be why your church won't marry you. You ARE already married!
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    Lynn

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    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    So the (Christian) man assaulted you and had battered his ex? Or are you referring to the man whom you say abandoned you? I'm confused now...............
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    So you're telling me this is a signature line??

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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    sorry for the confusion let me try to explain i was married to my first husband for 32 years but he left me for another woman i then divorced him my church was ok with this,i then met a christian man(my first didnt go with me to church not sure if he was saved or not) i was so happy i had someone who cared about me and would go to church with me he said he loved me and asked me to marry him i said yes and we got married, my church was disgusted with me and i am not allowed back ,i didnt care i went to hubbys church we were married there and i joined them they were ok with this then 7 months into our marriaige he violently assualted me i found out he had a past that i didnt know about he has been in jail for violent crimes. which brings me to my problem were they right am i being punished by god for being in a wrong relationship? i have since separated from him hope this clears up the mess im making of these posts x

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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty View Post
    sorry for the confusion let me try to explain i was married to my first husband for 32 years but he left me for another woman i then divorced him my church was ok with this,i then met a christian man(my first didnt go with me to church not sure if he was saved or not) i was so happy i had someone who cared about me and would go to church with me he said he loved me and asked me to marry him i said yes and we got married, my church was disgusted with me and i am not allowed back ,i didnt care i went to hubbys church we were married there and i joined them they were ok with this then 7 months into our marriaige he violently assualted me i found out he had a past that i didnt know about he has been in jail for violent crimes. which brings me to my problem were they right am i being punished by god for being in a wrong relationship? i have since separated from him hope this clears up the mess im making of these posts x
    I looks like you stepped on another pile by marrying your second husband. I don't feel that you are being punished by God by remarrying because biblically you were free to do so by the infidelity of your first husband. Maybe one day you might go to your first church. A lot of good people find themselves in bad relationships so don't beat yourself up over this. Being separated will give you the time to focus on spiritual matters of the Lord.
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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Hmmmmmmmmmm
    So you're telling me this is a signature line??

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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    I think you need to stop getting married and be single. Then you wouldn't get into situations like this..


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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty View Post
    sorry for the confusion let me try to explain i was married to my first husband for 32 years but he left me for another woman i then divorced him my church was ok with this,i then met a christian man(my first didnt go with me to church not sure if he was saved or not) i was so happy i had someone who cared about me and would go to church with me he said he loved me and asked me to marry him i said yes and we got married, my church was disgusted with me and i am not allowed back ,i didnt care i went to hubbys church we were married there and i joined them they were ok with this then 7 months into our marriaige he violently assualted me i found out he had a past that i didnt know about he has been in jail for violent crimes. which brings me to my problem were they right am i being punished by god for being in a wrong relationship? i have since separated from him hope this clears up the mess im making of these posts x
    I'm really sorry you're going thru this terrible battle, sister. Don't believe the lie that God is bringing the hammer down on you and is angry at you. God is not that way at all. Isaiah 54 reads: "As in the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters would never again cover the earth, so now I have sworn never to be angry with you, never to rebuke you."

    When we warn our children not to run into the street so they won't get hit by a car, but our children run into the street anyway and get hit by a car, do we punish them on top of that? No, a loving parent would run into the street and rescue their child and nurse them back to health. The Lord is a perfect Father, more loving than we could ever be to our own children.

    The Lord gives us His wisdom and teaches us the way to walk for our own good. When we run ahead of God and make hasty choices that don't turn out for the best, we end up falling down and getting hurt. God is so kind and helps us in all our troubles. He is a loving Father who offers grace and mercy everlasting.

    No, God is not punishing you, sister kitty. Jesus paid the cost of all our sins. I pray in Jesus' name you learn to lean on Father God and let Him guide you and heal your broken heart, dear. And I hope you get as far away as possible from that criminally abusive man. The Lord bless you and keep you, kitty and make His face shine upon you and give you peace.
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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty View Post
    sorry for the confusion let me try to explain i was married to my first husband for 32 years but he left me for another woman i then divorced him my church was ok with this,i then met a christian man(my first didnt go with me to church not sure if he was saved or not) i was so happy i had someone who cared about me and would go to church with me he said he loved me and asked me to marry him i said yes and we got married, my church was disgusted with me and i am not allowed back ,i didnt care i went to hubbys church we were married there and i joined them they were ok with this then 7 months into our marriaige he violently assualted me i found out he had a past that i didnt know about he has been in jail for violent crimes. which brings me to my problem were they right am i being punished by god for being in a wrong relationship? i have since separated from him hope this clears up the mess im making of these posts x
    No, you were punished by a douche bag, because he's a douche bag. (Second husband.) He's the creep. You aren't.

    Gen. 6:5 The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

    The flood did not change the heart of Man. We are, naturally, wicked. The only reason the world isn't utterly consumed with Man's depravity is God's common grace.

    Think this one out. Is the child being punished by God through a pedophile? Is the kid playing basketball with his buddies when he was shot by a drive-by shooter being punished by God? To bring it to your country, were those people on those bridges in London being punished by God by the idiots in the vans? No! There are plenty of douche bags all around the world. The victims aren't being punished. The perpetrators are EVIL! The world is full of evil. The world IS evil!

    And yet, the Lord has seen fit to save some of us despite our evilness, and he changes us for our good and his glory. (Note scripture verse in my signature.) Some folks get changed the easy way. Their biggest strife in life are loss of loved ones, getting fired, or getting a D in Geometry. I kind of figure those are the ones who are open enough to go with God changing them. (I don't know. I'm not one of them. lol)

    And then God puts hardships -- tough hardships -- on others so we must lean into him and trust him more, because finally we get that we can't do it alone. You seem to be in that group. I'm in that group. The Apostle Paul was definitely in the group. (I think the apostles started that group. lol) BUT the whole purpose is God making sure we stick close to him or else it even gets worst! Remember how hard it was for Peter to remember to trust the Lord? Yeah, so definitely not God punishing us. He's getting through to us.

    Second husband beat you up? I am so sorry you were taken in by a douche bag. They are deceptive, aren't they? BUT God protected you. You wouldn't be here if he didn't. And I've already seen the Lord using you to help others because of that. You already told someone else they aren't alone with an abusive husband. How much did you need to hear that the first time you figured out you weren't alone? I mean, yeah, it doesn't change what happened, but it's a relief to know you're not the only one it has happened to. And we need, desperately, to know it's not us. Some people are douche bags! Some people are evil!

    Truly, truly, God's not punishing you! He's doing this because he's changing you to something good -- his kind of good -- and he knows you can now help others who discovered there are some really big douche bags in the world. So they too know they aren't alone and God loves them.

    Sounds silly, but God uses the weirdest ways to remind his kids how much he loves them. My hubby heard God tell him the first time that he loved him as hubby was falling off a 20 foot ladder headed right into a pile of wooden crates. Hurt! Really really HURT when he landed, but he remembered what God told him on the way down and used the next six weeks recovering from his injuries to seek the Lord. Guess what he learned by reading the Bible. God. Loves. Him!

    He's done that three times for hubby -- twice before something was going lay him up from injuries for a while, and once after. (Might have told him before, but hubby doesn't remember right before anymore. He vaguely remembers waking up six weeks later. And that was one of the first memories he had was that God told him how much he loves him.)

    Jonah got the fish stomach. Apostle Paul got the "blinding light" and stuck in a small house for three days because the light blinded him. Many of the apostles got prison time. All to give them time to remember God loves them!

    Horrendous what your second husband did. (Crappy what your first husband did too.) But God is using that to remind you how much he loves you. He's strengthening you, comforting you, guiding you through this, so you know he loves you and you need him.

    Your first church? I don't know if I'd want to go back to a church that would kick me out because I married a second time. I can see them not approving the marriage, (well, not scripturally, but maybe some add-on doctrine they think they have. I've never yet found the perfect church, so I give room for imperfection, since they give room for me, the imperfect), but if it is a truly Christian Church, they would take you back.

    That they kicked you out would be enough reason that I wouldn't go back, but you can always see if they'd take you back now.

    Personally, I think this is a time to find a new church that accepts you as-is, but I do get that there is double-hurt her. Lose your church and douche bag/second hubby does have to feel like double-whammy, but it's not. Press into the Lord for your strength and comfort, and I'm sure you can also find a new home/church too.

    But, no! Honestly. No way, no how is God punishing you. You don't get punished for being scammed. You get help!

    And... God loves you!!!
    Lynn

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    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty View Post
    sorry for the confusion let me try to explain i was married to my first husband for 32 years but he left me for another woman i then divorced him my church was ok with this,i then met a christian man(my first didnt go with me to church not sure if he was saved or not) i was so happy i had someone who cared about me and would go to church with me he said he loved me and asked me to marry him i said yes and we got married, my church was disgusted with me and i am not allowed back ,i didnt care i went to hubbys church we were married there and i joined them they were ok with this then 7 months into our marriaige he violently assualted me i found out he had a past that i didnt know about he has been in jail for violent crimes. which brings me to my problem were they right am i being punished by god for being in a wrong relationship? i have since separated from him hope this clears up the mess im making of these posts x
    You are NOT to blame for this. NO God is not punishing you, you were caught unaware. It isn't always easy to spot an abuser at the beginning of a relationship. Cling to Jesus sister, he is not angry with you.
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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by blue_ladybug View Post
    I think you need to stop getting married and be single. Then you wouldn't get into situations like this..
    Situations like what? Marriage? She was married for THREE DECADES before the first husband cheated on her!

    (I guess not giving marriage advice isn't working for you.)
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    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Senior Member Dan58's Avatar
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    Default Re: had to leave church because they wouldnt let me marry again

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty View Post
    i had to leave my church, they say that you cant marry until your first husband dies?
    Just for the fun, I'd go back to that church, and when they ask you if you remarried, tell them "yes", but its okay because you killed your first husband in order to comply with their rules.

    Quote Originally Posted by kitty View Post
    i found out he had a past that i didnt know about he has been in jail for violent crimes. which brings me to my problem were they right am i being punished by god for being in a wrong relationship?
    Your a victim of being a poor judge of character, God is not punishing you.. Do me a favor, the next time you marry, google the person and get a background profile on him, the research will save you a lot of grief and give you an idea of whom your marrying.

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