Struggling with sick, embarrassing memories

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BillG

BillG

Senior Member
#61
Feb 15, 2017
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#61
Gemmy

How we doing?
 
Gemmy

Gemmy

Member
#62
Apr 30, 2014
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#62
BillG said:
Gemmy

How we doing?
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Hello BillG. Thank you for checking in on me :) . Today, I am feeling better. I do admit that I have now been struggling with self esteem issues and somewhat of a missing Identity. I still do not feel as happy as I should but I haven't stopped praying.
 
H

heartofdavid

Guest
#63
#63
Gemmy said:
Hello BillG. Thank you for checking in on me :) . Today, I am feeling better. I do admit that I have now been struggling with self esteem issues and somewhat of a missing Identity. I still do not feel as happy as I should but I haven't stopped praying.
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Intimacy with Jesus comes through worship.

Intimacy produces fruit along side it.

Joy comes as a benefit.
Joy is strength.
Where ever his presence is there is joy.

Your prayer cup is full. Your worship cup is lacking.
Sing and worship until his presence comes.

Worship becomes your warfare.
 
BillG

BillG

Senior Member
#64
Feb 15, 2017
8,879
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#64
Gemmy said:
Hello BillG. Thank you for checking in on me :) . Today, I am feeling better. I do admit that I have now been struggling with self esteem issues and somewhat of a missing Identity. I still do not feel as happy as I should but I haven't stopped praying.
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Be like Jacob. Cling on to God. He will surely bless you.
 
K

kitty

Member
#65
Jan 8, 2018
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#65
I dont feel quoting this from the old testiment is helpful at all, where genuine sorrow for past sin is apparent then the sin is nailed to the cross let it go
 
Lucy-Pevensie

Lucy-Pevensie

Senior Member
#66
Dec 20, 2017
9,263
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#66
(((Hugs))) Jesus loves you Gemmy!

Don't let the devil throw your past in your face anymore. (and don't beat yourself up).
You have been set free and you can claim that.
You're a new person with Jesus!
 
G

gdyloves

Banned
#67
Aug 8, 2017
315
4
0
#67
Gemmy said:
When I was younger, I was molested by a cousin. As I got older, and this is really hard to say, I started to develop a horrible view of sex. I really hate saying this but here it goes... at a young age, I started viewing porn and ended up discovering beastiality. Before I go any further, I'm in no way attracted to animals or anything. This is nothing that has happened recently. I am a born again Christian and I no longer look at those things nor do I want to and I didn't have a desire to at the time.

When I was a teenager, I did something very sickening by letting one of my old pets smell my private area and as a child, I was humped by one of our dogs... I AM NOT at all proud to say this. Looking at who I am now, I wish I would've never did that. I wish I never discovered these things, I wish I was never molested, and I wish I could take back the things I saw. I know this is very demented and I apologize. I have not for a second thought about going back to these things. They just haunt me now and I've had voices in my head telling me to commit suicide but I'm a Christian and would never do that. I hope you are still able to talk to me after this as it was very hard for me to come to you with this. My flashbacks are centered around what happened with my pet and it's been killing me. I want to take it all back..........
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I think that as a child you did not know better, but as soon as you were old enough to know right from wrong and started to spiritually mature it was something you turned from and something you never did again. Obviously this is something that weighs heavy on your heart which shows you have remorse and if you ask God for forgiveness (which literally means "let go") he will forgive you. And with that said it is about time you also forgive yourself and let it go.
 
C

ColoradoGal

Member
#69
Jul 23, 2017
52
8
0
#69
Gemmy said:
Hello BillG. Thank you for checking in on me :) . Today, I am feeling better. I do admit that I have now been struggling with self esteem issues and somewhat of a missing Identity. I still do not feel as happy as I should but I haven't stopped praying.
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I've had self-esteem issues forever.

However, I also realize they come from making superficial comparisons to other people and getting stuck in ruts of unfounded negative thinking (question the negative thoughts you have and rationally analyze their legitimacy, you'll see it's trash and that alone helps clear them up) as well as before I was a Christian, I didn't understand God's love for me in spite of my flaws and inability to conquer all my sins. Read scriptures about God's boundless love for us - you - is really helpful.

Paul was a killer and look what God did with him. You've done NOTHING.
 
K

Kaylyn

Junior Member
#70
Jan 3, 2018
17
0
0
#70
I understand this sin haunting you. I have sins from 40 decades ago that haunt me. Things I have done, things that were done to me. I have asked for forgiveness and I know Jesus paid my price. I don't know that because of me but because of Him. I'm solid in Jesus, it's myself that's the weak noodle. There's a passage in he Bible that talks about our "old man" rising back up. This is what we've left behind. But satan loves to bring our sins back to the forefront of our minds.

Sometimes I can't believe I was ever in some of the situations I was in. I have an anger issue and am tormented by it at times. God is the only One I can rely on. No one else can pop me out of that. I am so sorry for the sins you are tormented by but it's true, if you repented those are gone. They're separated permanently from you. So when the thoughts and guilt come back you can say, "What are you doing here? You have nothing to do with me."
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#71
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,972
113
#71
if you are a 'child of Yeshua', then of course our memories will always be in our
home computer, but as for the embarrassment, it will become 'history'..,
for we know that our Saviour has forgiven ALL of our PAST sins...
it's the new ones that must be 'repented' of while The Holy Spirit teaches us how
to 'over-come' as our new desire is to obey and please our Maker and walk in
His Holy Light in our new-found will to serve Him, and Him only in Obedience...
 
Gemmy

Gemmy

Member
#72
Apr 30, 2014
187
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#72
Hello everyone. Just thought I'd give an update on how I'm doing.

I've been up and down. Unfortunately, I keep pulling out more bad memories of things I've seen that I originally forgot all about. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts and sadly, it feels like I don't know who I am anymore. I keep having"what if people knew" thoughts, which just continues the cycle. I can say I don't feel as bad as I did when I posted this topic a few weeks ago but I'm still struggling some. I'll be seeing a therapist soon and may possibly have to get on antidepressant meds. Please continue praying for me. This has not been an easy battle.
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#73
#73
Gemmy said:
Hello everyone. Just thought I'd give an update on how I'm doing.

I've been up and down. Unfortunately, I keep pulling out more bad memories of things I've seen that I originally forgot all about. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts and sadly, it feels like I don't know who I am anymore. I keep having"what if people knew" thoughts, which just continues the cycle. I can say I don't feel as bad as I did when I posted this topic a few weeks ago but I'm still struggling some. I'll be seeing a therapist soon and may possibly have to get on antidepressant meds. Please continue praying for me. This has not been an easy battle.
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Thanks for the update Gemmy! I'll keep praying.
 
longtrekker

longtrekker

Senior Member
#74
Sep 23, 2014
396
194
43
#74

Hi Gemmy


Am praying for u.

I think sometimes personal circumstances can exacerbate these ugly memories in the nature say of some people who live and or work by themselves where their thinking can become progressively inward and there’s nobody around to lift the needle out of the groove.

Fortunately u have a daughter to help ‘distract’ u ….but perhaps more people or activities in your life would help to deflect/lift/forget that gloom.

And let’s not forget that ultimately this is nothing more than just the accuser of the brethren pointing the finger day and nite at us and thus meaningless in that we know we are forgiven and cleansed white as snow. There is no stain on u Gemmy - God has no memory of our past sins.

I expect a lot of what I said is a rehash of some of the advice given here before – but it doesn’t hurt to hear it again…
 
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Gemmy

Gemmy

Member
#75
Apr 30, 2014
187
100
43
#75
longtrekker said:

Hi Gemmy


Am praying for u.

I think sometimes personal circumstances can exacerbate these ugly memories in the nature say of some people who live and or work by themselves where their thinking can become progressively inward and there’s nobody around to lift the needle out of the groove.

Fortunately u have a daughter to help ‘distract’ u ….but perhaps more people or activities in your life would help to deflect/lift/forget that gloom.

And let’s not forget that ultimately this is nothing more than just the accuser of the brethren pointing the finger day and nite at us and thus meaningless in that we know we are forgiven and cleansed white as snow. There is no stain on u Gemmy - God has no memory of our past sins.

I expect a lot of what I said is a rehash of some of the advice given here before – but it doesn’t hurt to hear it again…
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Thank you longtrekker :) I am doing somewhat better tonight. This battle has been fierce but I've been fighting back as much as I can. I'm definitely gonna try to get out more and get back into drawing and writing so I have something else productive to do. I appreciate you for your kind words. I definitely have to remember God's word and promises when it comes to dealing with the past.
 
Deade

Deade

Called of God
#76
Dec 17, 2017
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Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#76
Hello Gemmy, you have been told that God remembers you sin no more. Once we confess our sins, like it says in Isaiah, God blots them out. Those ugly thoughts and guilt feelings are coming from our enemy, Satan, or one of his demons. Do not harbor those thoughts, they are not yours so don't keep them.

Quench them with you faith: Ephesians 6:16: "Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked." These are the demonic thoughts coming into your head. A demon will whisper things to you like suicide and sexual thoughts about animals. God does not want you to have them and He has empowered you to resist them with faith.

God is greater than those demons. Romans 8:15: "For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father." Do not stay in that prison of fear. That is not the Spirit God sent you. :cool:
 
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