Hello Everyone,
I am writing this thread after pondering a story that a co-worker shared with me today. I've decided to turn it into a poll and I realize the choices will be imperfect and in some cases, incomplete, but I think you'll get an idea of the discussion I'm looking for in this thread.
This is a multiple choice poll, so feel free to choose any and all answers that you agree with. Most of all, I am hoping for some specific answers/posts from people who may have experienced this in some way so please feel free to share your thoughts. Even if you have not experienced these types of situations, please feel free to write your thoughts and opinions--all are welcome.
When I was about 26 years old, I was introduced to a guy who said he was a Christian and we started spending time together. He was raised by a strongly believing mother and grandmother, knew the Scriptures better than I did, and his personal study Bible had more notes and signs of use than my last three Bibles put together.
However, he was open about the fact that sex (specifically, pornography and a fascination with "alternative" sex cultures such as sadomasochism) had been his downfall since puberty, but he said he'd done away with all that six months before he met me and was trying to go for a clean start. He said a girl like me would be perfect for him, someone to supposedly keep him on track towards his re-dedication to Christ. This was the first time I had dated someone I could really talk to about faith and the Bible, and I was more than willing to give it a chance.
The first time I saw his personal journal, it was lying out in the living room of the house he was sharing with some friends. It had a blank cover and so at first, I didn't realize it was a journal, but of course, after reading the first few lines, I knew what it was, but that didn't stop me. In our real-life conversations, he was elusive and although he talked about me being good for him, always changed the subject when I asked about an actual commitment and relationship. In his journal, he had written several pages about whether or not I could be "the one" but would never talk about it in real life.
The second time I read his journal, he had moved a few hours away and I had gone to see him (he had no car and no money, so I went to visit him). He left his backpack with me and told me he had to "run some errands" and would be back.
Like a moth to a flame, I opened the pages of the book to the point where I had last left off, and I guess I paid the price.
He wrote about a girl he'd met at the new place he was working... and that the two of them were going to meet up the next day after I had left. He wrote of their plans in detail. Let's just say, although they both worked at a coffee shop, they weren't meeting for coffee.
This was the first person I had dated after my husband had left me for someone else about a year and a half ago (I had been officially and legally divorced a year before I started dating, and my husband had divorced me, though I had begged him to reconsider and we had tried counseling and all the good things people recommend for crumbling marriages.) I had come home from work as usual and my husband had moved out without saying a word while I was gone--I just walked in the door, started looking around, and felt the numbing shock that half the house was gone. It wasn't until a year later that I found out that my husband had found someone else while we were still married and had left me to be with her.
Fast forward to my current story--I read about this guy's detailed "non-coffee" plans with this other girl, closed the book, and stared at the wall. I felt my heart tearing into pieces, but I blanked out my emotions as best I could and made the resolve in my heart that I would never go out with him again. I stopped taking his calls, made myself unavailable when he asked for me, and eventually told him it wasn't working out and that it was time to move on. I never told him about what I'd done.
Despite the circumstances, as I look back at this, I feel I was, of course, wrong to look at his personal belongings and if faced with the situation again, would try my best to put the book down without reading it, pray that God would show me anything I needed to know, and leave it at that.
Now, take in contrast, my co-worker: in a similar situation, she found her step-daughter's diary lying open on the living room table and said, "If she didn't care about someone reading it, she wouldn't have left it out like that." My co-worker read the entire thing... and found some things she did not like at all. She plans to confront her step-daughter about it and I found myself wondering what I'd do in a similar situation.
I realize it is completely different in the case of a minor you are responsible for as a parent.
But what if the things you found in your child's diary were not about sex or drinking or drugs, but rather, thoughts such as, "I can't stand my Mom. She won't let me do anything, and she tells me not to do this or that, even though I know she was doing those things at the same age," or, "My Dad is the biggest hypocrite. He tells me what to do all the time and how I have to obey because God says so, but I see him doing just the opposite of what he tells me to do all the time. If I have to obey the rules, why doesn't he?"
Would you confront your child about these issues?
I apologize that many of my threads tie in several trains of thought at once, but I wasn't entirely sure how to break this one down into specifics.
I would like to know:
1. Under what conditions would you read someone's diary, if any, and would you confront them? Why or why not? Do you feel it is ever justifiable to read someone's personal thoughts without permission?
2. Have you ever experienced this already yourself, whether involving an adult or a child, and how did it turn out?
3. If you are the person whose diary was read and the person who read it confronted you, what happened, and what did it do to your sense of trust?
God bless, and thank you so much for sharing.
I am writing this thread after pondering a story that a co-worker shared with me today. I've decided to turn it into a poll and I realize the choices will be imperfect and in some cases, incomplete, but I think you'll get an idea of the discussion I'm looking for in this thread.
This is a multiple choice poll, so feel free to choose any and all answers that you agree with. Most of all, I am hoping for some specific answers/posts from people who may have experienced this in some way so please feel free to share your thoughts. Even if you have not experienced these types of situations, please feel free to write your thoughts and opinions--all are welcome.
When I was about 26 years old, I was introduced to a guy who said he was a Christian and we started spending time together. He was raised by a strongly believing mother and grandmother, knew the Scriptures better than I did, and his personal study Bible had more notes and signs of use than my last three Bibles put together.
However, he was open about the fact that sex (specifically, pornography and a fascination with "alternative" sex cultures such as sadomasochism) had been his downfall since puberty, but he said he'd done away with all that six months before he met me and was trying to go for a clean start. He said a girl like me would be perfect for him, someone to supposedly keep him on track towards his re-dedication to Christ. This was the first time I had dated someone I could really talk to about faith and the Bible, and I was more than willing to give it a chance.
The first time I saw his personal journal, it was lying out in the living room of the house he was sharing with some friends. It had a blank cover and so at first, I didn't realize it was a journal, but of course, after reading the first few lines, I knew what it was, but that didn't stop me. In our real-life conversations, he was elusive and although he talked about me being good for him, always changed the subject when I asked about an actual commitment and relationship. In his journal, he had written several pages about whether or not I could be "the one" but would never talk about it in real life.
The second time I read his journal, he had moved a few hours away and I had gone to see him (he had no car and no money, so I went to visit him). He left his backpack with me and told me he had to "run some errands" and would be back.
Like a moth to a flame, I opened the pages of the book to the point where I had last left off, and I guess I paid the price.
He wrote about a girl he'd met at the new place he was working... and that the two of them were going to meet up the next day after I had left. He wrote of their plans in detail. Let's just say, although they both worked at a coffee shop, they weren't meeting for coffee.
This was the first person I had dated after my husband had left me for someone else about a year and a half ago (I had been officially and legally divorced a year before I started dating, and my husband had divorced me, though I had begged him to reconsider and we had tried counseling and all the good things people recommend for crumbling marriages.) I had come home from work as usual and my husband had moved out without saying a word while I was gone--I just walked in the door, started looking around, and felt the numbing shock that half the house was gone. It wasn't until a year later that I found out that my husband had found someone else while we were still married and had left me to be with her.
Fast forward to my current story--I read about this guy's detailed "non-coffee" plans with this other girl, closed the book, and stared at the wall. I felt my heart tearing into pieces, but I blanked out my emotions as best I could and made the resolve in my heart that I would never go out with him again. I stopped taking his calls, made myself unavailable when he asked for me, and eventually told him it wasn't working out and that it was time to move on. I never told him about what I'd done.
Despite the circumstances, as I look back at this, I feel I was, of course, wrong to look at his personal belongings and if faced with the situation again, would try my best to put the book down without reading it, pray that God would show me anything I needed to know, and leave it at that.
Now, take in contrast, my co-worker: in a similar situation, she found her step-daughter's diary lying open on the living room table and said, "If she didn't care about someone reading it, she wouldn't have left it out like that." My co-worker read the entire thing... and found some things she did not like at all. She plans to confront her step-daughter about it and I found myself wondering what I'd do in a similar situation.
I realize it is completely different in the case of a minor you are responsible for as a parent.
But what if the things you found in your child's diary were not about sex or drinking or drugs, but rather, thoughts such as, "I can't stand my Mom. She won't let me do anything, and she tells me not to do this or that, even though I know she was doing those things at the same age," or, "My Dad is the biggest hypocrite. He tells me what to do all the time and how I have to obey because God says so, but I see him doing just the opposite of what he tells me to do all the time. If I have to obey the rules, why doesn't he?"
Would you confront your child about these issues?
I apologize that many of my threads tie in several trains of thought at once, but I wasn't entirely sure how to break this one down into specifics.
I would like to know:
1. Under what conditions would you read someone's diary, if any, and would you confront them? Why or why not? Do you feel it is ever justifiable to read someone's personal thoughts without permission?
2. Have you ever experienced this already yourself, whether involving an adult or a child, and how did it turn out?
3. If you are the person whose diary was read and the person who read it confronted you, what happened, and what did it do to your sense of trust?
God bless, and thank you so much for sharing.
