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Thread: Marriage troubles, 25 years married

  1. #1
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    Default Marriage troubles, 25 years married

    I have been married for 25 years. I am a Christian, my husband has denied God twice to me. He has a gambling problem, he is depressed,h as PTSD, spends hours on his phone, pulls away from the family, has a female "best friend", they text, and they work together, she was is married but has left her husband, I have expressed my dislike of their relationship but he says I am being jealous. We are going to counseling, we started at my church, which was his idea, but after the first together appointment and then one on one he decided it wasn't right for him. Now we are seeing individual counselors. Things are not getting better, he hasn't tried to improve, I believe that he doesn't want our marriage to work, he wants to move on. I know we are suppose to honor our vows until death do us part, but I also know that adultery is wrong, I believe that he has committed adultery, maybe not with another women, but he has cheated on me everytime he gambles, lies about gambling. He has taken food out of our families mouth, he as a caused us to almost loose our home, he has caused me to age and have health issues because of gambling and all the things that goes with it. I am at my last straw. I have tried and tried and I am just about done.

  2. #2
    Senior Member blue_ladybug's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage troubles, 25 years married

    Sooo, hubby isn't a Christian. He doesn't believe in God. He lies, cheats, gambles. He most likely has committed adultery. He hasn't honored his wedding vows. He won't do counseling because it "doesn't work for him". Which is his way of saying he doesn't want to work on the marriage.

    Yeah, I'd be done with a guy like that, too. :/

    He needs help for his gambling addiction. He needs psychiatric help for his PTSD. Praying for him may not help since he's an unbeliever. Instead, pray for God to show you what to do next.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage troubles, 25 years married

    If you're thinking of leaving him and trying to qualify his gambling as a biblical stance to divorce, that's not going to work. Because that's not actually adultery.

    I would urge you to first try and get him to seek help for his PTSD before taking more steps. This affliction can cause many bizarre behaviors, depending on the degree and severity.

    There is a simple treatment called EMDR. A counselor that has been certified is all that is required. It is considered the most effective PTSD treatment available.
    It is safe from a spiritual standpoint as well. Nothing weird about it. Basically you are wide awake and follow a light from side to side with you eyes (not hypnotism). This simulates REM sleep. They focus on the cause, with some guidance from the counselor. It can unlock the trauma, letting the individual process them as memories. May be worth looking into. It usually takes a few sessions is all.
    Try that first and see if that helps in other areas as well.
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    The kinds of lies that says they'll keep us safe and satisfy us
    We blame the lies outside of us
    But it's the lie that lies inside that captures the depth of desires and false messiahs

    ~Beautiful Eulogy - Messiah~


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    Default Re: Marriage troubles, 25 years married

    you hit the nail on the head :-) thank you

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    Default Re: Marriage troubles, 25 years married

    No I am not using his gambling excuse as divorce, there is a lot more going on than just that. And he won't get help for his PTSD or depression, he has been seeing a counselor has not worked on any of those things. He has to help himself and he isn't willing to do that.

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    Senior Member MissCris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage troubles, 25 years married

    Marriage is not an easy thing under the best of circumstances sometimes. I can sympathize somewhat with what you’re going through, and I wouldn’t blame you if you often find yourself wishing it was just over already, that he’d leave so you could stop fighting. I know how lonely it can get in a one-sided marriage and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

    I’m not going to say whether you should keep trying or not- I’m sure your posts only scratched the surface of all the problems and it’s not a call anyone outside your marriage can make.

    I do want to say though, remember your wedding vows- in sickness and in health. And your husband is sick. It’s not your job to cure him, but I do believe in standing beside your spouse when they don’t even know which way is up. It takes courage to do it, and you’ve shown that you’re willing to get whatever help you both need- you’re already ahead of the game. Most people would have left at the first sign of real trouble.


    There's joy for the morning
    Oh sinner, be still
    Earth has no sorrow
    That Heaven can't heal
    -Crowder

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    Default Re: Marriage troubles, 25 years married

    Quote Originally Posted by Mybrokenheart View Post
    I have been married for 25 years. I am a Christian, my husband has denied God twice to me. He has a gambling problem, he is depressed,h as PTSD, spends hours on his phone, pulls away from the family, has a female "best friend", they text, and they work together, she was is married but has left her husband, I have expressed my dislike of their relationship but he says I am being jealous. We are going to counseling, we started at my church, which was his idea, but after the first together appointment and then one on one he decided it wasn't right for him. Now we are seeing individual counselors. Things are not getting better, he hasn't tried to improve, I believe that he doesn't want our marriage to work, he wants to move on. I know we are suppose to honor our vows until death do us part, but I also know that adultery is wrong, I believe that he has committed adultery, maybe not with another women, but he has cheated on me everytime he gambles, lies about gambling. He has taken food out of our families mouth, he as a caused us to almost loose our home, he has caused me to age and have health issues because of gambling and all the things that goes with it. I am at my last straw. I have tried and tried and I am just about done.
    If he had two broken legs, would you think marriage counseling would be the answer?

    He has two broken legs. One of them is called "PTSD." The other one is called "gambling addiction." Both are closer to diseases than some mere marital problem. He needs treatment desperately. He needs a doctor. Someone who understands both problems and can treat them.

    And, because he has those problems, you need someone that can treat you as a family member of someone who has those problems. Because you're exhibiting characteristics that aren't normal in a marriage either.

    (BTW, denying God doesn't mean he's not a Christian. It could just as easily mean he's really angry with God.)
    NotmebutHim likes this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Marriage troubles, 25 years married

    Quote Originally Posted by blue_ladybug View Post
    Sooo, hubby isn't a Christian. He doesn't believe in God. He lies, cheats, gambles. He most likely has committed adultery. He hasn't honored his wedding vows. He won't do counseling because it "doesn't work for him". Which is his way of saying he doesn't want to work on the marriage.

    Yeah, I'd be done with a guy like that, too. :/

    He needs help for his gambling addiction. He needs psychiatric help for his PTSD. Praying for him may not help since he's an unbeliever. Instead, pray for God to show you what to do next.
    Yeah. We know. If it's a guy, you're going to tell the woman to dump him. SNAFU!
    NotmebutHim likes this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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