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Christian Family Forum

Discuss family topics/issues, and give and receive encouragement here.

Thread: Advice???

  1. #1
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    Default Advice???

    I am new here but I need to get advice. My husband has been very rude to me lately and last night I was paying the bills at the table and my DD climbed on the table... my mind was occupied. My husband shouts at me and say was I thinking letting her climb up there. I get up and put her back on the floor. And few minutes later she does the some thing. And I am on the phone and trying to put in numbers and talk to a automated voice. He starts shouting again. And I get up put her back on the floor and when I go to sit down I look at him and he is giving me the most Disgusted look he can give. I ask him why was he looking at me that way. He says “ just shut up” . I absolutely honestly do not know what I have done and why he is acting that way. It has been this way for a few weeks. I have asked him what is wrong and if there is something I can do to help. I was raised in a Christian and was taught to not ever get mad and show your anger. But my blood is boiling and I don’t want to say or do anything I would regret but I can’t wait for him to come home everyday and see what rude things he has to say next. We have been together 3 years and I never seen this side of him. Please help and give me advice or something I can use to figure what is going on.
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  2. #2
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    Default Re: Advice???

    Sorry for the miss spelling. I didn’t not see that when I was typing
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  3. #3
    Senior Member MissCris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice???

    A couple of things-

    First, the idea that you are never to get angry or show it is just not...right. The Bible says “be angry and do not sin”, and “do not let the sun go down on your anger”. God knows we are going to feel angry sometimes- and He doesn’t command us to just bottle it up. We can- and need to- express it, or it festers. Should we blow up and scream at people and throw things or hit them? No. But you absolutely Should discuss it with your husband, that you feel this way. I know that’s easier said than done- I personally have a hard time with the same thing.

    Second- Something I’ve learned in my own marriage is that the more I ask my husband to tell me what’s bothering him, the more he retreats- he feels like I’m nagging, even though in my mind, I’m trying to help. If I push long enough, he blows up and yells and may or may not ever get out what’s wrong...not a great way to work things out. So I ask him once, and leave it at that- he either solves it on his own, or eventually feels like talking about it.

    The one sure thing here is that there is no excuse for him to treat you the way you described, no matter what his problem is. This you need to express to him.
    Tommy379, stand2 and Deade like this.


    There's joy for the morning
    Oh sinner, be still
    Earth has no sorrow
    That Heaven can't heal
    -Crowder

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Advice???

    I talked to him Saturday about it. And I haven’t said anything else about it. I have asked once a week for about 3 weeks. I was taught young to not get mad and to not show my anger. But I have got angry before and I have been mad before. But never to this point. But we was taught that that it is not something that happens all the time. I can tell you everytime I have been angry in my life. But this time I know what he is saying and doing it wrong. And I don’t have any words to say or how to fix it. We didn’t have something similar happen like this happened our first year of marriage. But never this bad. I can’t ask him how his day went at work without some him putting me down about something or calling names or just getting plain out mad about something he is seeing me do.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member MissCris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice???

    Quote Originally Posted by Lindseyd90 View Post
    I talked to him Saturday about it. And I haven’t said anything else about it. I have asked once a week for about 3 weeks. I was taught young to not get mad and to not show my anger. But I have got angry before and I have been mad before. But never to this point. But we was taught that that it is not something that happens all the time. I can tell you everytime I have been angry in my life. But this time I know what he is saying and doing it wrong. And I don’t have any words to say or how to fix it. We didn’t have something similar happen like this happened our first year of marriage. But never this bad. I can’t ask him how his day went at work without some him putting me down about something or calling names or just getting plain out mad about something he is seeing me do.

    I’m sorry this is going on All I’ve got is my own experience to pull advice from, and it’s not much. What works for some doesn’t work for others, and advice is free and often just as valuable.

    You are right to be angry at being treated that way. And every person on this site could tell you how you should handle it, or what they think is going on, and it still wouldn’t be helpful- you’re There, you know your husband- is he under a lot of stress lately? Has there been some major upheaval in his life? Is he prone to depression? You’re going to be your own best resource to work this all out; do you have a pastor you could talk to?
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    There's joy for the morning
    Oh sinner, be still
    Earth has no sorrow
    That Heaven can't heal
    -Crowder

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Advice???

    Quote Originally Posted by MissCris View Post
    I’m sorry this is going on All I’ve got is my own experience to pull advice from, and it’s not much. What works for some doesn’t work for others, and advice is free and often just as valuable.

    You are right to be angry at being treated that way. And every person on this site could tell you how you should handle it, or what they think is going on, and it still wouldn’t be helpful- you’re There, you know your husband- is he under a lot of stress lately? Has there been some major upheaval in his life? Is he prone to depression? You’re going to be your own best resource to work this all out; do you have a pastor you could talk to?
    I don’t have a pastor at the moment. We moved to be closer to his family and I thought he would be happier. But we don’t have money issues, everything is good at work I try to make sure everything is cleaned and organized when he gets home and no stress when he walks in the door but something is wrong. I would not be on here is I had someone I could talk to. I don’t like putting these problems on other people. But I need something. I have read books and stories. And the Bible. But I am needing to know from a Christian point of view to see what I can do or try to when he gets home today. If I should say something later, or just be quiet and let him figure it out.
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  7. #7
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    Default Re: Advice???

    Greetings.
    Sorry, about what's going, ma'am.
    This is where family or friends and most importantly God comes in (God has always been and will continue to be there though).
    As a dude, I know that we can be quite tempermental. But it seems he has got a wrong idea about you in some way. That must be why he keeps attacking. Or this habit may be caused by drinking or bad crowd or somesuch. What u need is 2 reach out to God, because he is already holding out His hand. When u posted that u don't have a pastor, I wondered how much u communed with God. No situation is too little or too much for Him to handle. I advise you to let your family in on this. God can work through anyone. Don't 4get prayer is d key. I'll also intercede 4 u in my prayers.
    Don't slack, don't give d devil a chance. The devil only goes after what he is envious and afraid of. Have faith and you'll soon post on the testimony forum.
    God bless.
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    Default Re: Advice???

    Quote Originally Posted by Lindseyd90 View Post
    Please help and give me advice or something I can use to figure what is going on.
    You have not mentioned whether or not your husband is a genuine Christian. If he is not and you are, then the door is wide open for physical and spiritual conflicts. And it is quite within the realm of possibility that he could even become demon-possessed and come against you. If you attend a church you should go to the pastors/elders and tell them what you are facing. Have them visit you and your husband as soon as possible to see what the actual situation is, and what should be the solution.
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    Default Re: Advice???

    Lindsey, you are correct about this being something deeper. Whatever you do don't get pushy. I noticed you asked him what's wrong about once a week. It sounds like you are going about it in the right way. Keep praying and don't get impatient. I will certainly be praying for you also. Blessings your way.
    Magenta and oldethennew like this.
    Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God,
    to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

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    Default Re: Advice???

    Of course pray. I hope you are safe in your home. Try family counseling hopefully it will work and your husband will handle situations better. I hope you are able to talk to your husband without him yelling at you. Unfortunately, children cause lots of stress and Moms are often unfairly criticized.

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    Default Re: Advice???

    Thanks everyone for the reply’s. I didn’t try to say much to him this evening and tried to keep everything peaceful and the only thing I heard from him was that he was hungry. And he did not say anything else. He talks to our DD fine but won’t say a word to me. He does claim to be a Christian and I am looking for a church (regretfully alone). I do have a daily, sometimes all day prayer life. I know the Bible and what it says , and so does he. But something has got it give.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Advice???

    Quote Originally Posted by Lindseyd90 View Post
    Thanks everyone for the reply’s. I didn’t try to say much to him this evening and tried to keep everything peaceful and the only thing I heard from him was that he was hungry. And he did not say anything else. He talks to our DD fine but won’t say a word to me. He does claim to be a Christian and I am looking for a church (regretfully alone). I do have a daily, sometimes all day prayer life. I know the Bible and what it says , and so does he. But something has got it give.
    You should know that God is really impressed because of d way you don't let anger take over. He loves d way u control ur emotion. Speaking of which, we hardly see wives like that where I come from (That's why I'm always tell God to give me a God-fearing wife like u, when its my time). My point is: Don't change, u can't fight darkness with darkness. Always be aware of God even in situations like this.
    If it seems talking to him makes him snap, try that through someone he knows.
    Keep praying. God bless.

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    Default Re: Advice???

    If what you are saying about yourself is true.... Is he cheating on you? If everything is that perfect at home and work is good... Men do not change for no reason... Something has been thrown into the equation... He needs a reason to cheat... Men will create that reason.... To justify the it in there minds....

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