e-mail....

mcubed · Feb 15, 2018

My son asked about his father again tonight. I said what I always do ... daddy loves you he just needs Y-shua because his life is a little messed up and he does not want to hurt you. ... My son's dad walked out in 2006, and I have said the same thing ever since... I can stand before G-d and say I have never slandered my son's dad ... for the benefit of my son. Tonight I facebooked my son's dad and said you are a piece of *hit but your son wants to see you and I have never told him what a piece of *hit you are. ....

I'm thinking I should have not called him a piece of*hit like five times... But he has to know he is a worthless human being for walking out on his autistic son in 2006... How do you send an e-mail to a worthless piece of *hit to make him see his son? It's Probably just prayer ... right... humans really do suck but for the grace of G-d.... But if there is an email to send that does not call someone a piece of *hit like five times (already sent that) I would be receptive... I would take your advice.....

shrimp · Feb 15, 2018

mcubed said:

This is really your call, but to me it doesn't seem like a good idea to try and involve that man (I use this term very loosely) with your son's life. He clearly has no love for your son. Some day Your son will be ready to hear about the truth but in the meantime he doesn't need someone to teach him how to be a dirtbag.
IMHO, There is no letter, no email, no phone call, No words that can be said that will adequately solve anything. Just take some time and calm your emotions and then, tell him that he needs God because what he is doing and has done has severely hurt a child. or leave it alone. But definitely take a breather before you decide.
There is no easy road. I'll be praying for you and your son and his estranged father.

CountMyFreckles · Feb 15, 2018

Why push the father to be a part of his life? If he doesn't have the guts to stick it through and be a part of his life, then you are looking at a lifetime of him coming and going. Heartache after heartache. Instead, protect your child's heart now. If the father doesn't want to be there, don't force it. The more time that passes, the less a child thinks of the absent person, and the less the hurt consumes them.

My children are in the same boat. Something happened to one of my little girls and she told her father as we tell our children to do. He didn't believe her and did NOTHING to protect either girl from it happening again. Neither did he protect his other children, or his nieces and nephews. I took away full visitation and told him he may only see the girls if I or another responsible party is there to supervise (meaning his mother or his sister). He has seen the girls twice since everything came out equating to about once a month. We are now half way through month three and he hasn't texted or called to set up a date to see them. They don't even ask about him. He was rarely a part of their life while we were together, and less so after we divorced. We went from 4 days a month to now an hour or 2 a month. (He knows he can spend as much time with them as he wants, as long as it is supervised. I do NOT limit him. I homeschool, so there is NO excuse that he can give to say they are not available for him to see them.) I let them call him whenever they want, but in the past 3 months, they have only asked to call twice. The more he is around them, the more their hearts seem to hurt. I don't see a reason to push them together to increase the heartache.

finaldesire · Feb 15, 2018

mcubed said:

My son asked about his father again tonight. I said what I always do ... daddy loves you he just needs Y-shua because his life is a little messed up and he does not want to hurt you. ... My son's dad walked out in 2006, and I have said the same thing ever since... I can stand before G-d and say I have never slandered my son's dad ... for the benefit of my son. Tonight I facebooked my son's dad and said you are a piece of *hit but your son wants to see you and I have never told him what a piece of *hit you are. ....

I'm thinking I should have not called him a piece of*hit like five times... But he has to know he is a worthless human being for walking out on his autistic son in 2006... How do you send an e-mail to a worthless piece of *hit to make him see his son? It's Probably just prayer ... right... humans really do suck but for the grace of G-d.... But if there is an email to send that does not call someone a piece of *hit like five times (already sent that) I would be receptive... I would take your advice.....

Yep humans suck and so do you and I.

mcubed · Feb 15, 2018

finaldesire said:

Yeah, doesn't that just bite!?! Never abandoned my child though!!! Am I better than the dad... YES, I AM... BUT THAT WAS NOT MY QUESTION AND YOU DID NOT ANSWER IT EITHER!!!

finaldesire · Feb 15, 2018

mcubed said:

My old Christian mentor said to me once "What helps me to forgive others is that I realize that I am also capable of their sins"

mcubed · Feb 15, 2018

finaldesire said:

I have forgave my son's dad... The question is not his manhood or what kind of person he is that is settled by his abandonment... I asked what can I say to him to make him see his son or contact him. His son is 24, autistic. Dad owes nothing, I never went after him for support. His son wants wants his DADDY!!! You settle that!!!! If you are capable of abandoning you son I feel sorry for you... But I m not!!!

finaldesire · Feb 15, 2018

mcubed said:

I have forgave my son's dad... The question is not his manhood or what kind of person he is that is settled by his abandonment... I asked what can I say to him to make him see his son or contact him. His son is 24, autistic. Dad owes nothing, I never went after him for support. His son wants wants his DADDY!!! You settle that!!!!

Let go and let God

Demi777 · Feb 15, 2018

Hey i am back in contact with my dad. It was hard for my mom too after him kidnapping,molesting and starving me.
Let him choose and stop calling him names. If he is ready he will say yes. A child isn't easy and I wasnt there but givr him a chance. Heck 12 years passed now

Demi777 · Feb 15, 2018

Im nottrying to bash u or be harsh. I just believe you gotta let go ot it'll destroy u more and more.
U didnt forgive him, u wouldnt call him names if u had. Theres so much hardened hearts on both sides most likely if one doesnt back down ur son will only be hurt more

mcubed · Feb 15, 2018

Demi777 said:

Thank you for your concern I just call a spade a spade like your dad a pice of *hit if what you say is true. It is what it is, I thought maybe I could get tips from a piece of once crap dad who said how a mother touched his heart. Doesn't look like I'm I'm going to get an answer so this thread is a wash. Thank you for the response.

mcubed · Feb 15, 2018

Demi777 said:

Thank you for your concern I just call a spade a spade like your dad a pice of *hit if what you say is true. It is what it is, I thought maybe I could get tips from a piece of once crap dad who said how a mother touched his heart. Doesn't look like I'm I'm going to get an answer so this thread is a wash. Thank you for the response.

LittleMermaid · Feb 15, 2018

I wouldn't force a dad to see his kid. Yeah maybe he is a bad dad...scratch that, of course he is because he isn't even in the picture. So why would you want him around your son? Your son asks for him because he assumes that if he had a dad around that the man would be good to him and love him. That is not always the case.

If the loser dad is out of the picture, then obviously he doesn't care to keep in contact with his son. If he came back, it probably wouldn't be good for your son. If the dad left because he has special needs, that means the dad doesn't want to be involved. I would let it go and move on. You need to talk to your son and tell him that he needs to move on too.

God is a father to the fatherless...I repeat that to myself when I remember my dad is alive and well but doesn't care to talk to me. It's all good though! I don't really care anymore.

Tell your son this. He has a father in the Lord. A true father who will never abandon him.

stand2 · Feb 15, 2018

As Christians, we should daily remind ourselves.....especially before prayer. You can't always get what you want......but you get what you need... (just like the song says).......Prayers for you.

Ugly · Feb 15, 2018

mcubed said:

How do you force someone to do what you want? If that were possible it would've been discovered by now and we would all be mindless government drones.
If he doesn't want to be involved then that's the answer. Cussing at him and calling him names isn't going to make him want to come near his son... and you.

I'm sure divorced people for centuries have wanted to make things happen like this. Plenty have sent nice messages, nasty, threatening, coaxing and more. None worked. Because you can't control others. If that person isn't willing then you're doing more damage than good. And prayer can help, but it doesn't mean God will force this man to do what you ask, either.
The best thing to do is learn to live with it.

notuptome · Feb 15, 2018

You still harbor a lot of hate in your heart toward your sons father. While I can understand your reasons it is still something you need to deal with before the Lord.

Your son is not a child at 24 although he has a challenge to cope with in his autism. Do you have a counselor helping your son? Have you considered enlisting the aid of a professional to help deal with this situation? Your sons questions are not likely to end on their own.

Only God can change the heart of your sons father.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

Purposelife · Feb 15, 2018

mcubed said:

I can understand your frustration. It is hurtful to watch our child want for the love of their other parent and we can't give it to them. It may not have been the nicest thing to say but we have all said things that we may later regret. The important thing is that you didn't downgrade your child's father in front of him. Praying that the dad will eventually come around.

AdolfHipster · Feb 15, 2018

It's funny how if a man does this in modern day, he is every bad name in the book (rightfully so too)... but when Abraham kicked his first born son Ishmael out (along with his wife/mother of his first born son) it's no big deal... "Abraham is still a great prophet... look how much God blessed him!" Maybe I'll never understand why Abraham is seen in the light that he is viewed in...

Anyways, I pretty much agree with the people who say it's pointless to force the sperm donor into seeing his son. I applaud you on not badmouthing the father and doing your best to raise your son without his help. You've done your part (and his).

blue_ladybug · Feb 15, 2018

Calm down, MC.. Hubby has major issues, and you said yourself that he needs God. You aren't better than hubby, and he isn't better than you. And it's a little too late to ask how to send an email that doesn't call someone a piece of **it, when you've already done it. :/ He may be worthless to you and your son, but he is NOT worthless to GOD.

mcubed said:

oldethennew · Feb 15, 2018

HOPE is the key word here, along with not trying to step-in and try and make things 'right'
for days and years gone by...your Love and attention along with his mother's should suffice the needs
of the son that you Love, at this particular time...you need to find that special PEACE that only our Saviour
can put upon our troubled hearts...GBY...

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