Adoption and Preparation to Adopt
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No experience to lend to you on this subject. Some friends at church adopted children from Korea years ago and things worked out fine for them.
Things are difficult today especially if you are required compromise your religious beliefs to obtain the children through the adoption agency.
I believe you may be able to become foster parents as a trial run to see if you have the constitution for other peoples children in your home. We had a family in church go that route and eventually adopted the foster kids but it too was difficult because of the legal system and terminating parental rights of the birth parents.
You will learn to pray through this.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
Things are difficult today especially if you are required compromise your religious beliefs to obtain the children through the adoption agency.
I believe you may be able to become foster parents as a trial run to see if you have the constitution for other peoples children in your home. We had a family in church go that route and eventually adopted the foster kids but it too was difficult because of the legal system and terminating parental rights of the birth parents.
You will learn to pray through this.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
That is just when I figure we will be ready. We need to save up money for the adoption, possibly get a bigger house, and ultimately, I think that that is just when we will be settled in our own place so that we will expand our family. Even though we have 3 bedrooms o
ur current house is very small for just the 5 of us. And I don't know if we will be here for the long haul. I would like to have our own place, in the interior, but even if we end up staying here I would like a bigger house that belongs to us so we can make adjustments.
D
I'm chuckling at this. I live in a 3 bedroom rowhome. 1200 sq. feet. (According to realtor websites. Truthfully, I don't get square feet. It's about 35 feet long and 16 feet wide, three floors including the basement.) Before us a family with four kids lived here. When I was a kid, most people had 3 bedroom houses and a normal sized family included six kids. I knew a family with 19 kids -- 5 bedroom house, and you bet Mom and Dad got their own bedroom. Oh! Also one full bath and a half bath. (I've done a lot of thinking over the years on how that family got ready for school every day. lol) My parents did buy a house when Mom became pregnant with me, but because they were renting a one bedroom with two boys already.
Kids really don't think about size of house. They think about who lives at home. I suppose when the kids become teenagers it might start mattering, but matter or not, I grew up in an era of "deal with it." lol Besides, since you don't know where you'll be by then, does it matter where you start?
I was thinking you were interested in the law, the logistics, and the heartbreaks. I'd be most worried about adopting through a place I thought was legit, but wasn't.
Kids really don't think about size of house. They think about who lives at home. I suppose when the kids become teenagers it might start mattering, but matter or not, I grew up in an era of "deal with it." lol Besides, since you don't know where you'll be by then, does it matter where you start?
I was thinking you were interested in the law, the logistics, and the heartbreaks. I'd be most worried about adopting through a place I thought was legit, but wasn't.
We tried to adopt 4 black kids when we lived in Oakland, Ca. We fostered them for almost three years and everything was done except the finalizing. Just before it became final there was a turnover at the DHS. The new case worker and her supervisor didn't approve of inter-racial adoptions: this was 1991. A year later, the Federal government pass a law that hindered these people blocking those adoptions. Too late for us. 
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Yeah that is a concern. One of many. There are laws concerning size of house these days. Hey, one of my friends can't get her child out of foster care unless she gets a two bedroom apartment or house.
I don't know that I could do foster care, I would be stressing out all the time about bonding with a child only for that child to be moved to a new family or reunited (not saying that that is wrong, it would just tear me up inside).
There are laws concerning size of house these days. Hey, one of my friends can't get her child out of foster care unless she gets a two bedroom apartment or house. I don't know that I could do foster care, I would be stressing out all the time about bonding with a child only for that child to be moved to a new family or reunited (not saying that that is wrong, it would just tear me up inside).
We tried to adopt 4 black kids when we lived in Oakland, Ca. We fostered them for almost three years and everything was done except the finalizing. Just before it became final there was a turnover at the DHS. The new case worker and her supervisor didn't approve of inter-racial adoptions: this was 1991. A year later, the Federal government pass a law that hindered these people blocking those adoptions. Too late for us.
Myself and another family member were adopted, as well as two cousins, and I learned a lot from the experience, and these many years later, I think it would be very helpful since I've heard many stories over the years and read many of them in media.
Back in the day-- 1950's--- the thing was not telling the child they were adopted. The other family who adopted, told their children from as young as they could understand. I have also read stories about adult children who found out many years later, and were outraged that their parents led them to believe that they were naturally born children. they felt deceived and betrayed. I think the flip side is that parents want their children to feel the security of being naturally born. but, it is really kind of delusional or denial to think that this can be hidden from children, since they will eventually notice differences in appearance, and the intentions of the parents to preserve a sense of security will just unravel anyway.
I think I have heard psychologists say that young children up to the age of 2 or 3? not sure, but, please check it out-- the age of disclosure is very important-- they say it might be helpful to not tell the children until this age-- to give them a sense of emotional security and not rock the boat at such a young developmental age.
But, I think the key is to not hide this from the child once they reach an age where they are ready to understand-- and that age might depend on their own emotional development-- like some children mature faster, etc... there is a difference between age of maturity between boys and girls, also.
Christian families have the advantage to teach their children that being adopted is a special gift since it represents how all Christians are adopted into God's family of faith, and how Jesus pointed out that the people gathered around Him, were His true family, when His earthly family may or may not have followed Him. Jesus was an only child, but, He did have half-brothers and sisters, and or cousins, etc.. back then, the definitions were not clear between half-brother/half-sister, or step-brother/sister; cousin, etc...
And Jesus was adopted by His step-father Joseph. Moses was also adopted-- these things should be taught to children to help them, and help their siblings to value them equally. Earthly family can become an idol-- families aren't meant to be closed-cults... but, obviously, it is important who comes and goes and stays for dinner.
In a sibling's case, she was very upset, like most adopted children, to find out she had been deceived, even though the parents may mean well. I think it is fair to say, that if an adopted child is not told, that the fallout is always going to be serious. in my own situation, where other twins were involved, it created serious havoc--
I think the best legal solution would be to require disclosure to children, but at the same time legally require them to honor the confidentiality of their birth parent. twins should never be separated, especially if they look alike, or if they are, they should have the legal right to know where their siblings are. in fact, it should be the same with all siblings separated while young-- they have the right to know where their siblings are, and who they are, and not 20 years later either.
But, being raised in a Christian family, and introduced to Jesus is a priceless gift-- no matter how much your parents might think they have messed things up. Even if I might still require counseling at age 60 (and I'm not confirming or denying this)
it was all worth it--
so....food for thought! you sound like you are a compassionate parent, or would be--
herald
Back in the day-- 1950's--- the thing was not telling the child they were adopted. The other family who adopted, told their children from as young as they could understand. I have also read stories about adult children who found out many years later, and were outraged that their parents led them to believe that they were naturally born children. they felt deceived and betrayed. I think the flip side is that parents want their children to feel the security of being naturally born. but, it is really kind of delusional or denial to think that this can be hidden from children, since they will eventually notice differences in appearance, and the intentions of the parents to preserve a sense of security will just unravel anyway.
I think I have heard psychologists say that young children up to the age of 2 or 3? not sure, but, please check it out-- the age of disclosure is very important-- they say it might be helpful to not tell the children until this age-- to give them a sense of emotional security and not rock the boat at such a young developmental age.
But, I think the key is to not hide this from the child once they reach an age where they are ready to understand-- and that age might depend on their own emotional development-- like some children mature faster, etc... there is a difference between age of maturity between boys and girls, also.
Christian families have the advantage to teach their children that being adopted is a special gift since it represents how all Christians are adopted into God's family of faith, and how Jesus pointed out that the people gathered around Him, were His true family, when His earthly family may or may not have followed Him. Jesus was an only child, but, He did have half-brothers and sisters, and or cousins, etc.. back then, the definitions were not clear between half-brother/half-sister, or step-brother/sister; cousin, etc...
And Jesus was adopted by His step-father Joseph. Moses was also adopted-- these things should be taught to children to help them, and help their siblings to value them equally. Earthly family can become an idol-- families aren't meant to be closed-cults... but, obviously, it is important who comes and goes and stays for dinner.
In a sibling's case, she was very upset, like most adopted children, to find out she had been deceived, even though the parents may mean well. I think it is fair to say, that if an adopted child is not told, that the fallout is always going to be serious. in my own situation, where other twins were involved, it created serious havoc--
I think the best legal solution would be to require disclosure to children, but at the same time legally require them to honor the confidentiality of their birth parent. twins should never be separated, especially if they look alike, or if they are, they should have the legal right to know where their siblings are. in fact, it should be the same with all siblings separated while young-- they have the right to know where their siblings are, and who they are, and not 20 years later either.
But, being raised in a Christian family, and introduced to Jesus is a priceless gift-- no matter how much your parents might think they have messed things up. Even if I might still require counseling at age 60 (and I'm not confirming or denying this)
it was all worth it--
so....food for thought! you sound like you are a compassionate parent, or would be--
herald
I did! LOL Little Bean is growing so fast and strong (almost 1 year old)! I love him so much<3 I also have two princesses, 4 and 2 (almost 5 and 3) and they are so wonderful little girls. who I adore.
I'm trying to plan ahead with the next one. lol I just have a lot of love for children, even when they drive me crazy.
I'm not wanting to have more children right away, I'd like a bit of a break before starting the process of having another child either through pregnancy or adoption. and I want a slightly bigger house with a different environment.
I'm trying to plan ahead with the next one. lol I just have a lot of love for children, even when they drive me crazy.
I'm not wanting to have more children right away, I'd like a bit of a break before starting the process of having another child either through pregnancy or adoption. and I want a slightly bigger house with a different environment.