Uuuggghhhhh.... My dad -.-

I figured I might as well finally post this, since his "restrictions" keep me from doing most else (I'll get to that in a minute lol)

Firstly- His general personality is hard to argue with. He demands something, no matter how unreasonable, and if I contest it and ask the purpose behind a certain rune, he gives me nothing and just says, "Because, I told you to! God says to obey your parents, that's reason enough?" When I insist on more practical reasons, he just gets aggravated. It's like he just sets rules so he can control me =/

Secondly- Example of a rule =D 8:00 every morning, I have to get up. It's SUMMMEEERRRR. I want to sleep in 'till like 10 every day, like every other person in the world right now. It's my last summer home, and I would really rather not be tired all day just because I had to get up insanely early (I even went to bed at 8PM the day before and STILL couldn't get up well at 8AM). Also, there's no PURPOSE behind getting up this early. We're given a chore or two in the middle of the day, and that's about it. I don't eat breakfast most of the time either, so.... WHY???

Thirdly- This is the one today -.- I'm supposed to be responsible for "pushing all of the chairs in" from the table, because it's where I play my laptop (so I can use a mouse instead of the touchpad). Well, our dog has developed a strange habit of jumping up there and peeing on the table every night -.- So I push the chairs in to prevent that. Well, last night, I guess I tried to push the chair I use in (because it didn't look OUT), but the other chairs must've prevented it from going in, and I didn't notice, so it was about halfway out. There was also another chair on the OPPOSITE end of the table that was out completely that I hadn't seen at all.

Well, last night my dad had some boards on the table, and the dog got to 'em. It wiped off easy, but before that he said absolutely NO computer for fun today, and I'm supposed to spend all day looking up Bible sources (I count you guys lolol).... And what bothered me was that he said it like I'd never done it before (He said "Think of it as exploring new territory," one of those "related real life to video games" things he does that I HATE 'cause it sounds stupid lol).

So basically, I attempted the job, but since it was a practically subconscious action I didn't do it well. Since it wasn't done well, the dog got up and actually peed ON something (It's happened a few times before with no punishment of any sort, honestly, I just had to clean it up. And even then, I had just strait-up forgotten to push the chain in, so... yeah). I guess my dad was mad about that and punished me more than normal, and now he's making me feel "forced" into God 0_o


So what do I do??? Also, I DID find this one Bible site (it's Jewish, but w/e) that says the Bible doesn't say "OBEY YOUR PARENTS." It says honor your father and mother. Honor in that context means that you must care for them (like make food and wash feet and other stuff you'd normally give to company now that I think about it), and it also means NOT to detract from their dignity (so basically, don't humiliate them publicly). It doesn't say "obey without question" -.- But yeah, you guys have any verses that might relate to this situation? Because I feel like I have like a month left in this house, and for some reason my dad is trying to crack down on his control of me instead of letting me control even the basic things in my life =(

Also, if anybody here dabbles into original greek for more specific meanings on stuff-

When the Bible says "children," especially in regard to obeying parents, what is the most specific definition of "child" it has? Because it can mean offspring (meaning obeying 'till I'm like 50, lolwut?) or it can mean pre-adolescence. It all depends...

And as for talking about rebellious children, the Bible goes into detail with the >TYPE< of disobeying it means there. It says "He is rebellious and a drunkard and will not obey the words of his father" or something along those lines. Refusing to get up early doesn't fall along those lines, I don't think =/

I think I found a solution, woo-

Ephesians 6:5 and Colossians 3:21 (which both say the same thing). It says right before these verses for children to obey their parents. Then, these verses say to set rules in such a way that the child does not become bitter/rebellious.

Seeing as I'm general a compliant child (and even my father recognizes that), would this mean that these specific rules are a fault on his part, since it's all I can do to not just say "screw it, I don't care if you "ground" me or not. What are ya gonna do to stop me???" Because I >AM< obeying him for now, so.... Bleh, I dunno. He'd prolly just use that to say "See! You want to rebel, that's a problem on your part! You need to get that right with God@#!@"

-.- @ the hypocrisy *sigh* heck, I might just "rebel" if showing him this doesn't change his min. I mean, all it is is staying in the bed for a coupla hours and then pulling out my laptop when he says not to. Nothing serious like going out and partying or something, though I would consider doing a fake "run away from home" thing to scare the heck out of him lol

Lawl, quad-post XD

But I found this in commentary on those verses

"Here are some additional ways children can be provoked to anger...

(1) Overprotection--never allowing them any liberty, strict rules about everything. They do not trust their kids and the child despairs & can lead to rebellion. Parents must communicate that they trust.
(2) By showing favoritism, often unwittingly.
(3) By depreciating their worth. Many children are convinced that what they do and feel is not important. One way to decrease worth is by not LISTENING. These children may give up trying to communicate and become discouraged, shy, and withdrawn.
(4) By setting unrealistic goals--by never rewarding them. Nothing is enough so they never get full approval. Are you trying to make them into a person they are NOT? Some kids become so frustrated that they commit suicide.
(5) By failing to show affection (verbally and physically).
(6) By not providing for their needs.
(7) By lack of standards (the opposite of overprotection). These children are left to their own. They cannot handle that freedom and begin to feel insecure & unloved.
(8) By criticism. "A child learns what he lives. If he lives with criticism he does not learn responsibility. He learns to condemn himself and to find fault with others. He learns to doubt his own judgment, to disparage his own ability, and to distrust the intentions of others. And above all, he learns to live with continual expectation of impending doom." Parents should seek to create in the home a positive, constructive environment.
(9) By neglect. David was indifferent to Absalom.
(10) By excessive discipline. Never discipline in anger."

I think my dad is like... (3). The not listening is what's really gotten to me lately, I think. It's not on purpose, I don't think, but I really feel like he doesn't care about ME and just cares about CONTROLLING me.

On a sidenote, I think ma ex-gf's mom was #10 lol

My old man used to get rip-roaring drunk, throw things, yell things and threaten to beat me. I'm pretty sure I can't type what he'd call me as his pet name as it is quite profane. In public I was known as dummy. When I'd have friends over, he'd be passed out in his whitey tighties, drunk and in a puddle of his own urine. My fondest memory of him is when he rolled his land cruiser, drunk as a skunk with me in it. Or perhaps the time he landed his car upside down in a river in the winter time. Or the one time he did actually show up to one of my shows, I had to ask him to leave becase he ws so disruptive. When all the other kid's parents showed up for baseball games, school plays, etc, mine was drunk in a puddle of his own...stuff. He didn't even show for my high school graduation. The good days were when I was younger and he wasn't around. On his best day I recall him and his brother trying to wack lit cigarettes out of eachother's mouths with a baseball bat. My 5th grade science project was a hydroponics growing tank which he later used to grow pot. I could find my pop's cocain stash at age 9. I had the dubious honor of meeting one of my dad's many mistresses and spending the weekend with the two of them on a camping trip my sophemore year in high school. Once I got my license, I was my dad's dedicated designated driver.

Now I am a father. My own father didn't seen his grandson until he was 5. I can count the number of times he's seen either of his grandchildren on three fingers. He calls now and then, mostly when he needs money or a place to stay. He's 56, terminally ill, cannot work, is strung out on pain medication in addition to his alcholoislm that is the primary cause of declining health. He cannot hold down a job. He was evicted from his house. Now, I get the wonderful honor of helping my brother tend to my father while he slowly and painfully dies from his lifestyle choices. So just when I am at a point when I can really heal, I have to help him die.

I could go on for hours. It's surely cost me a pretty penny in therapy. I'll spare you, as I know that there are people around who experienced much worse.

I shared this with you so that you may have something you didn't have before reading it - perspective.

I'm sorry, but stories like that do NOTHING for me. My dad is ABLE to run things correctly, but I don't know if he knows how, and he won't accept any input from me, even on the stuff that concerns me and ONLY me.

But yeah, about those stories. Think of it this way-
One person has brain cancer
One person has Huntington's Disease (or whatever causes you to spontaneously die in mid-20s)

Which one is gonna die? BOTH. Different disease, but it's no less deadly. Your dad may have been HORRIBLE, but it doesn't mean mine doesn't have problems ~_o I'm just asking what I can do about these problems, and "Just take it and be his slave" is not an option.

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I was thinking along the same lines as broken, You think you have it bad?? Waking up at 8 am??? you think thats early?? You have one month left at this house, i think you can endure that for one month.

[tryingtofindhim]

I'm sorry this is happening, but you only have a little more time try to find the silver lining through it. Maybe you could talk to your dad when he's in a really good mood maybe treat him to dinner and respectfully share you thoughts. Also don't forget to pray. Hope everything works out. (:

Its not a story, its my real life. Obviously wasted effort.

Anything typed here is wasted effort. Pray bro. Genuinely seek God on this issue and pray

[tryingtofindhim]

Originally Posted by Vidy

I figured I might as well finally post this, since his "restrictions" keep me from doing most else (I'll get to that in a minute lol)

Firstly- His general personality is hard to argue with. He demands something, no matter how unreasonable, and if I contest it and ask the purpose behind a certain rune, he gives me nothing and just says, "Because, I told you to! God says to obey your parents, that's reason enough?" When I insist on more practical reasons, he just gets aggravated. It's like he just sets rules so he can control me =/

Secondly- Example of a rule =D 8:00 every morning, I have to get up. It's SUMMMEEERRRR. I want to sleep in 'till like 10 every day, like every other person in the world right now. It's my last summer home, and I would really rather not be tired all day just because I had to get up insanely early (I even went to bed at 8PM the day before and STILL couldn't get up well at 8AM). Also, there's no PURPOSE behind getting up this early. We're given a chore or two in the middle of the day, and that's about it. I don't eat breakfast most of the time either, so.... WHY???

Thirdly- This is the one today -.- I'm supposed to be responsible for "pushing all of the chairs in" from the table, because it's where I play my laptop (so I can use a mouse instead of the touchpad). Well, our dog has developed a strange habit of jumping up there and peeing on the table every night -.- So I push the chairs in to prevent that. Well, last night, I guess I tried to push the chair I use in (because it didn't look OUT), but the other chairs must've prevented it from going in, and I didn't notice, so it was about halfway out. There was also another chair on the OPPOSITE end of the table that was out completely that I hadn't seen at all.

Well, last night my dad had some boards on the table, and the dog got to 'em. It wiped off easy, but before that he said absolutely NO computer for fun today, and I'm supposed to spend all day looking up Bible sources (I count you guys lolol).... And what bothered me was that he said it like I'd never done it before (He said "Think of it as exploring new territory," one of those "related real life to video games" things he does that I HATE 'cause it sounds stupid lol).

So basically, I attempted the job, but since it was a practically subconscious action I didn't do it well. Since it wasn't done well, the dog got up and actually peed ON something (It's happened a few times before with no punishment of any sort, honestly, I just had to clean it up. And even then, I had just strait-up forgotten to push the chain in, so... yeah). I guess my dad was mad about that and punished me more than normal, and now he's making me feel "forced" into God 0_o


So what do I do??? Also, I DID find this one Bible site (it's Jewish, but w/e) that says the Bible doesn't say "OBEY YOUR PARENTS." It says honor your father and mother. Honor in that context means that you must care for them (like make food and wash feet and other stuff you'd normally give to company now that I think about it), and it also means NOT to detract from their dignity (so basically, don't humiliate them publicly). It doesn't say "obey without question" -.- But yeah, you guys have any verses that might relate to this situation? Because I feel like I have like a month left in this house, and for some reason my dad is trying to crack down on his control of me instead of letting me control even the basic things in my life =(

Ephesians 6 says Children obey your parents in the Lord so that you may have a long life on the earth. As long as your dad isn't abusing you, telling you to do something against the Bible do it and with a good attitude. (:

Originally Posted by broken

Its not a story, its my real life. Obviously wasted effort.

Anything typed here is wasted effort. Pray bro. Genuinely seek God on this issue and pray

I'm sorry if saying story offended you =S I realize that it really happened, and I'm sorry for you. That is a HORRIBLE situation to be in. But being in a situation worse than mine doesn't change the fact that my situation still has some problems. They aren't HUGE problems, but they're problems nonetheless, and I want a way to address them in such a way that I'm not dishonorable to my dad, but I still lighten the stupid rules and punishments that shouldn't even pertain to high-school students, much less those going into college.

i know you may not like the way your father handles things in his home...but it is his home and as long as you live there you have to obey him and his rules......my son is an adult and he lives at home here and i have rules that anyone that stays here ....they will follow....if they dont then there is the door......when u turn 18 its probably best you pack your bags and get a place of your own if you can......your dad is a very stern father and you are not going to change him.....

i for one can not live w/my father.....the man is a neat freak and i do mean severe about it.....hes practically a germaphob....it drives me crazy.....you can not walk through the house w/shoes one...if one speck of dirt is on the floor then out comes the vacuum and shampooer.......when you take a bath he expects your skin to glow....if it dont he swears you are seriously dirty and need to go scrub harder.....it drove me crazy....

so as long as you live in your dads house you will have to go by his rules and just bide your time til you can legally move out....and the bible does say to obey him...remember he does truely love you.....thats the main thing.....hes not doing this to make you miserable....its just the way he is....try to look past it and love your dad to the very best of your ability the way Jesus would want you too.....blessings to you

[Wonderland]

Vidy,

I have no good suggestions, but I feel for you man. Keep looking forward--you are almost out! Hallelujah! And in the meantime, try to be patient with your dad. The way he is treating you is not right, but God does say that even slaves need to obey their masters... He will give you the strength you need to stick it out.

Be blessed.

[nanabean]

Hi Vidy.........we parents are such pains huh?? We make rules and expect them to be obeyed and respected. We disipline when they are not obeyed/respected. We try to guide, to teach, and when our children curve away from our guidance, our attempts to ingrain basics for lifetime fulfillment, we rise to try try again, in forms of what may appear to be "stupid" in our children's eyes at the time.

What I am saying here is that if your dad sets rules, he probably has reasons......you may or may not agree with his reasons, but I am sure he has them. Might be a good idea to talk with him, ask questions as to why he sets certain rules. And be big enough to apologize when you do not follow through with what he expects of you.

I have read many of your posts in the forums, you do not seem to me to be a ....hardcase smarta** (sorry...couldn't think of a better way to put it!) however sometimes I do find you to be uncareful how you say things to/or about others. (ex: It's SUMMMEEERRRR.) I pray you do not speak to your dad in the tone in which the way you type the words indicate. I would just also like to add that if I came down to dog pee on my table after knowing one of my own children had carelessly left a chair out after being asked to push it in, and ALSO knowing that they knew that if they left said chair(s) out, the dog would do this?? yes, you betcha my child would be disiplined. (note: not beaten.....DISIPLINED)

About the asking for a definition of "child" .......I am not sure I have a magic age to give you, but I would say to be no longer a child would include being mature enough not to do a fake "run away from home" thing to scare the heck out of him lol .......

I don't buy into he doesn't care about ME and just cares about CONTROLLING me. I do not know your father, I really don't even "know" YOU.......but this just sounds like a boy who needs to do some more growing. Maybe I just don't "get" it, I don't know, but I would have to say I would hazard a beleif that your dad does love you.

One more thing.......you live in your parent's house, you live by their rules....with respect. I really like the scripture tryingtofindhim gave you and as a final note will repeat it..........

Ephesians 6 says Children obey your parents in the Lord so that you may have a long life on the earth. As long as your dad isn't abusing you, telling you to do something against the Bible do it and with a good attitude. (: (I like this comment too!!!)

[nanabean]

broken.....I am at a loss for words, as I many times am when I see such painful pasts (and presents) shared in these forums, but I just wanted to extend my heartfelt prayers for healing and strength for you..and your family. God Bless you.

I agree with Nanabean. She knows what she's talkin about.

I'll be honest, you sound a bit like I did when I was your age. Trying to reason out the verses in the NT so that dad comes across as the bad guy instead of us. It's all dad's fault because he doesn't know how to discipline correctly, if only he would discipline me in a way that didn't anger me... Yeah, you'll soon realize that is a stupid way of thinking. I came to that realization myself. There is no way a person can be disciplined and be happy about it.

I wrote a song about my dad, titled "Infuriate me" that is basically complaining about how he never listens to me, and just tells me what to do. And sure he does that, but that doesn't give me the right to disobey him. If he tells me to clean the kitchen in an infuriating manner, that doesn't mean I now have the right to not clean the kitchen. I am living in his home rent-free, I will do as he says. You are living in your dad's home rent free, you will obey him.

~~

I'm not trying to paint you as a bad guy here or anything, but you seriously need to realize your dad isn't out to get you. Dads can seem over-bearing at times, but that is like required for them. They go to a stern-dad convention or something upon becoming a dad.

My dad used to get me up everyday at the crack of ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, oh wait ,,, in my household there was no dad. Never mind.

[greatkraw]

Dude,

your post shows that your dad is right

you are a long way from growing up

i challenge you to go to bed 9pm each evening

then you will get up ok

this is an example of God gives us the parents we need

it is good you are doing some Bible research

how about in the bible where rebellious teenagers are stoned to death?

ask your dad if he wants to stone you to death

it is time you started learning to manage people

these experiences are all good for your future

[IrisHouse]

I was seventeen once.... hang in there and try and reason with him by saying something like " Dad it really bothers me when you....." in the ..... insert something that he did to bother you there If he doesnt listen try and have another family member or friend talk to him for you... hope everything works out

[pickles]

Vidy, rules dont have to make sence now, they will make sence to you one day.
I would take all your rules just to know the presance and care of a father in my life for one day! I dont say this to be mean, I say this so that you may know that the terrible ruling father is a gift that I know many like myself wish we knew.
Its one summer in a life time of summers, consider it a gift to your dad, the last summer that he feels he gets to be your ruling dad.
Hang in there. smiles
God bless, pickles