I need advice

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Ams123

Junior Member
#1
Mar 20, 2018
5
0
0
#1
Hello everyone,

I'm new here and the reason I joined was for some Christian discussion. I'm at a lonely place in my life. I also needed some advice about family problems. I'm 20 years old, a woman and still living at home. I've been told by some people that my parents have problems and it's taken me awhile to see it. They control every aspect of my life. They tell me what to wear, what to listen to, what friends to have, they don't want me getting a job or having a Christian boyfriend. They guilt me if I have different convictions then them. They say I'm a rebel and ungodly for wanting a little more freedom. They have to know everything I do and I'm not aloud to text friends. My social media is monitored. I have never given them any reason to think I'm immature or irresponsible. They have held me back from being able to become an adult because of these things. I want peace between my parents and I but there is no talking through things with them. I kinda want to move out of the house but they are of the mindset that women shouldn't be independent like that.
I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would be great.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
Let's see, you are 20 years old, and you ARE an adult. Your parents obviously have control issues. Politely but firmly tell them that while you appreciate their concern, that this is YOUR life. If you want to move out, do so. It's long past time that you should have moved out anyway... If you stay any longer you'll be trapped and will have your entire life controlled by them.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
You're free to move out.
But don't rush. You'll be better off taking your time and making sure you so things right rather than scurrying away quickly and ending up needing to move back.
 
R

reneweddaybyday

Senior Member
#4
Mar 23, 2016
6,799
1,635
113
#4
You're 20 years old and your parents don't want you to get a job???? Why would your parents not want you to work? Are you a student in college? Have you ever worked? Do you have any training?

Your parents don't want you to have a Christian boyfriend, yet call you "ungodly"? If not Christian, what beliefs do your parents hold to?

While 20 is considered "adult", there is still a lot of maturing going on. I understand you want to be on your own and I would encourage you to set goals to be able to provide for yourself. Save up some money so you can afford to move out. You'll have housing, utilities, food, clothing. If you are not going to rely on public transportation, there's the expense of an automobile (including gas, insurance, maintenance).

Think and plan for your eventual move.
 
A

Ams123

Junior Member
#5
Mar 20, 2018
5
0
0
#5
My parents don't want me to get a job because they believe that women should stay in the home and that daughters can't leave the house until they get married. My parents are christian but they don't want me to date anyone. They want me to wait until they think someone is right and then they want me to do courtship.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#6
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
#6
Join the Army, and just leave your folks
 
J

jovanovic

Banned
#7
Jun 13, 2017
136
2
0
#7
boyfriend is not allowed in the bible. what is allowed is a husband.
 
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Ams123

Junior Member
#9
Mar 20, 2018
5
0
0
#9
Thank you all for your advice. A lot to think about
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#10
Aug 2, 2009
24,579
4,268
113
#10
Ams123 said:
My parents don't want me to get a job because they believe that women should stay in the home and that daughters can't leave the house until they get married. My parents are christian but they don't want me to date anyone. They want me to wait until they think someone is right and then they want me to do courtship.
Click to expand...
Your parents are not being realistic. Their way of thinking ended centuries ago. Now it takes two incomes just to afford a house and kids. If you can't change your parents' minds, then you will need to simply go against their wishes and let them deal with it. Catering to their wishes will just leave you miserable, dependent on them, and under their control.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#11
#11
Ams123 said:
Hello everyone,

I'm new here and the reason I joined was for some Christian discussion. I'm at a lonely place in my life. I also needed some advice about family problems. I'm 20 years old, a woman and still living at home. I've been told by some people that my parents have problems and it's taken me awhile to see it. They control every aspect of my life. They tell me what to wear, what to listen to, what friends to have, they don't want me getting a job or having a Christian boyfriend. They guilt me if I have different convictions then them. They say I'm a rebel and ungodly for wanting a little more freedom. They have to know everything I do and I'm not aloud to text friends. My social media is monitored. I have never given them any reason to think I'm immature or irresponsible. They have held me back from being able to become an adult because of these things. I want peace between my parents and I but there is no talking through things with them. I kinda want to move out of the house but they are of the mindset that women shouldn't be independent like that.
I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would be great.
Click to expand...
I think there is reason to think you're immature and irresponsible. Look what you're doing behind their back with this post.

Your parents aren't holding you back. You are by blaming them for daring to act like parents.

Time to grow up and take on your own responsibility, which, btw, is what they've been waiting for.
 
T

ToGoFruit

Junior Member
#12
Oct 5, 2017
11
1
0
#12
Ams123 said:
Hello everyone,

I'm new here and the reason I joined was for some Christian discussion. I'm at a lonely place in my life. I also needed some advice about family problems. I'm 20 years old, a woman and still living at home. I've been told by some people that my parents have problems and it's taken me awhile to see it. They control every aspect of my life. They tell me what to wear, what to listen to, what friends to have, they don't want me getting a job or having a Christian boyfriend. They guilt me if I have different convictions then them. They say I'm a rebel and ungodly for wanting a little more freedom. They have to know everything I do and I'm not aloud to text friends. My social media is monitored. I have never given them any reason to think I'm immature or irresponsible. They have held me back from being able to become an adult because of these things. I want peace between my parents and I but there is no talking through things with them. I kinda want to move out of the house but they are of the mindset that women shouldn't be independent like that.
I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would be great.
Click to expand...
Well, some thoughts come to mind...While moving out at this age is totally possible, you could still be viewed as someone that needs guidance and rules by your parents. Some of this has to do with living under their roof...the transition from kid to adulthood is difficult in regards to parental relationships. However, it also sounds like you live with pretty strict regulations. Do you have someone in your life you can seek counsel from? A safe place that can provide a third party perspective? Friends and people who don't have all the information tend to throw out commentary like, "there's something wrong with your parents"...and while they might mean well, those opinions are ill-informed and often detrimental. Think about someone older and wiser that you could debrief with. Lastly, give this up to God completely. I believe He will guide conversations and create avenues that will either bring clarity to your situation, or provide solutions. Find a quiet place and be alone with Him. Talk it out freely and boldly. Hang in there.
 
CeCe0000

CeCe0000

Member
#13
Feb 7, 2018
82
4
0
#13
I think you should go to college. So when you get older you are able to move out & support yourself. Maybe your parents will not tell you that you cannot work once you get older. Have you made any bad decisions as a teenager? Sometimes parents feel they can't trust you if you have done something wrong.
 
E

EverydayisaGift

Junior Member
#16
Nov 20, 2016
4
0
0
#16
Seems like your parents are overprotective. They are right on some levels, but not everything.

Do you have someone at church who can speak to your parents or persuade them?
 
CeCe0000

CeCe0000

Member
#17
Feb 7, 2018
82
4
0
#17
That might be a little to literal. How do you know you want to marry that person?
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
#18
Jul 18, 2017
24,363
12,877
113
#18
blue_ladybug said:
Let's see, you are 20 years old, and you ARE an adult. Your parents obviously have control issues. Politely but firmly tell them that while you appreciate their concern, that this is YOUR life. If you want to move out, do so. It's long past time that you should have moved out anyway... If you stay any longer you'll be trapped and will have your entire life controlled by them.
Click to expand...
BLB has given you exactly the advice you need. We trust you are earning a living and are able to support yourself. Kindly and politely apologize to your parents for imposing on their hospitality, but let them know that you have to move out and move on.

Since you have not mentioned anything about their relationship to Christ, it is possible that they need to be saved. There's no need for any nastiness or hard feelings.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#19
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#19
Ams123 said:
I've been told by some people that my parents have problems and it's taken me awhile to see it. They control every aspect of my life. They tell me what to wear, what to listen to, what friends to have, they don't want me getting a job or having a Christian boyfriend.

I kinda want to move out of the house but they are of the mindset that women shouldn't be independent like that.
I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would be great.
Click to expand...
Time to rebel, start looking for a job. Your parents are very controlling and aren't letting you grow-up. Once you can independently support yourself, then you can liberate yourself from this extreme parental domination and be free to make your own decisions. Most parents inspire their kids to work and be independent, but yours are keeping you completely reliant on them. This over-protective cult-like environment isn't good for you.. jmo
 
P

Pontiac

Guest
#20
#20
Be polite to your parents and do not dishonor them ... When you are alone in your room pray to God to guide you as to what to do ... Although much advice can be found in this forum, He is the best guide you will ever find ... Myself, I would not recommend going to any college ... Today's colleges greatly influence individuals to become liberals and that is not going to help your walk with Christ ...
 
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