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Thread: Need a little advice, please!

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    Default Need a little advice, please!

    My husband comes from a very close family. He has two brothers who are both married and his Father and Mother. His mother attends church every Sunday and has her own relationship with Christ, however, my husband's Dad and siblings do not. My father-in-law is an alcoholic and my brother-in-law is a heavy drinker which has allowed the two of them to have a very close relationship. Twisted but very true.

    When we are all together, they all like to poke fun and make jokes about us "bible thumpers". They laugh and joke as if it's something to joke about. This is all done around my kids which is frustrating. I don't want them to think attending church is a joke or that they should be ashamed to tell anyone about God in fear they will get picked on. My husband has always been the son who didn't care about what his family thought of him but his brothers are the opposite. They see how critical my father-in-law is and are always wanting to please him that they are now pulling away from God in order to please him and it hurts to watch. When the conversations come up, we are quickly shot down with "well my Mom forced me to go to church and now I hate it so I don't feel like you should make yours go". YES, I understand that we shouldn't care what others think but this is my husband's parents and siblings. It's a tougher situation considering the relationship he has with all of them and our children. One brother has a two year old and the other brother will soon be starting his own family. My question is this, what do I say when we get the rude comments or the jokes about going to church and building our relationship with Christ? How do I handle this as the daughter-in-law to this very outspoken and sometimes mean family? How do I respond to being made to feel like I shouldn't make my kids go? Everyone seems to not want to stand up to my father-in-law.
    RickyZ likes this.

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    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    Seems like a situation primarily between you and your husband. Why does he continue going, and taking you and the kids along, if he knows how it will end. Seems to me it's HIS place to be a man and speak up or tell them none of you will be coming around until they learn to show some respect.
    What allures and arouses the heart we can't figure out
    But it's the quickest way to account for what we prize
    And are most proud about
    These gods make promises but always lie to us
    The kinds of lies that says they'll keep us safe and satisfy us
    We blame the lies outside of us
    But it's the lie that lies inside that captures the depth of desires and false messiahs

    ~Beautiful Eulogy - Messiah~


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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    Your husband must lay down the law in his house.
    Personally, I would not allow this in my house, but I'm not fully aware of your husbands situation.
    Continue to pray to God and appeal to your husband for protection for you and your children.

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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    Quote Originally Posted by LeahK View Post
    My husband comes from a very close family. He has two brothers who are both married and his Father and Mother. His mother attends church every Sunday and has her own relationship with Christ, however, my husband's Dad and siblings do not. My father-in-law is an alcoholic and my brother-in-law is a heavy drinker which has allowed the two of them to have a very close relationship. Twisted but very true.

    When we are all together, they all like to poke fun and make jokes about us "bible thumpers". They laugh and joke as if it's something to joke about. This is all done around my kids which is frustrating. I don't want them to think attending church is a joke or that they should be ashamed to tell anyone about God in fear they will get picked on. My husband has always been the son who didn't care about what his family thought of him but his brothers are the opposite. They see how critical my father-in-law is and are always wanting to please him that they are now pulling away from God in order to please him and it hurts to watch. When the conversations come up, we are quickly shot down with "well my Mom forced me to go to church and now I hate it so I don't feel like you should make yours go". YES, I understand that we shouldn't care what others think but this is my husband's parents and siblings. It's a tougher situation considering the relationship he has with all of them and our children. One brother has a two year old and the other brother will soon be starting his own family. My question is this, what do I say when we get the rude comments or the jokes about going to church and building our relationship with Christ? How do I handle this as the daughter-in-law to this very outspoken and sometimes mean family? How do I respond to being made to feel like I shouldn't make my kids go? Everyone seems to not want to stand up to my father-in-law.
    Sometimes silence is the most powerful response we have.

    Truth is available only to those who have the courage to question whatever they think they know.

    It's hard to learn anything when you always feel the need to be the expert.

    Mark 7:34 “Ephphatha,” that is, “Be opened.”

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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    Quote Originally Posted by LeahK View Post
    My husband comes from a very close family. He has two brothers who are both married and his Father and Mother. His mother attends church every Sunday and has her own relationship with Christ, however, my husband's Dad and siblings do not. My father-in-law is an alcoholic and my brother-in-law is a heavy drinker which has allowed the two of them to have a very close relationship. Twisted but very true.

    When we are all together, they all like to poke fun and make jokes about us "bible thumpers". They laugh and joke as if it's something to joke about. This is all done around my kids which is frustrating. I don't want them to think attending church is a joke or that they should be ashamed to tell anyone about God in fear they will get picked on. My husband has always been the son who didn't care about what his family thought of him but his brothers are the opposite. They see how critical my father-in-law is and are always wanting to please him that they are now pulling away from God in order to please him and it hurts to watch. When the conversations come up, we are quickly shot down with "well my Mom forced me to go to church and now I hate it so I don't feel like you should make yours go". YES, I understand that we shouldn't care what others think but this is my husband's parents and siblings. It's a tougher situation considering the relationship he has with all of them and our children. One brother has a two year old and the other brother will soon be starting his own family. My question is this, what do I say when we get the rude comments or the jokes about going to church and building our relationship with Christ? How do I handle this as the daughter-in-law to this very outspoken and sometimes mean family? How do I respond to being made to feel like I shouldn't make my kids go? Everyone seems to not want to stand up to my father-in-law.
    You just proved you have the words to say what you want to say.

    Say it to him/them. And say it in front of your kids, so they don't grow up thinking Christians = doormat.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    Quote Originally Posted by LeahK View Post
    My husband comes from a very close family. He has two brothers who are both married and his Father and Mother. His mother attends church every Sunday and has her own relationship with Christ, however, my husband's Dad and siblings do not. My father-in-law is an alcoholic and my brother-in-law is a heavy drinker which has allowed the two of them to have a very close relationship. Twisted but very true.

    When we are all together, they all like to poke fun and make jokes about us "bible thumpers". They laugh and joke as if it's something to joke about. This is all done around my kids which is frustrating. I don't want them to think attending church is a joke or that they should be ashamed to tell anyone about God in fear they will get picked on. My husband has always been the son who didn't care about what his family thought of him but his brothers are the opposite. They see how critical my father-in-law is and are always wanting to please him that they are now pulling away from God in order to please him and it hurts to watch. When the conversations come up, we are quickly shot down with "well my Mom forced me to go to church and now I hate it so I don't feel like you should make yours go". YES, I understand that we shouldn't care what others think but this is my husband's parents and siblings. It's a tougher situation considering the relationship he has with all of them and our children. One brother has a two year old and the other brother will soon be starting his own family. My question is this, what do I say when we get the rude comments or the jokes about going to church and building our relationship with Christ? How do I handle this as the daughter-in-law to this very outspoken and sometimes mean family? How do I respond to being made to feel like I shouldn't make my kids go? Everyone seems to not want to stand up to my father-in-law.
    On a different subject, by the way, there is Internet shorthand for some of those long words.

    FIL - father-in-law
    BIL = Brother-in-law


    (I think you can guess the rest. I just get tired of typing out long words, so go short-hand when possible,)
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    Quote Originally Posted by LeahK View Post
    My husband comes from a very close family. He has two brothers who are both married and his Father and Mother. His mother attends church every Sunday and has her own relationship with Christ, however, my husband's Dad and siblings do not. My father-in-law is an alcoholic and my brother-in-law is a heavy drinker which has allowed the two of them to have a very close relationship. Twisted but very true.

    When we are all together, they all like to poke fun and make jokes about us "bible thumpers". They laugh and joke as if it's something to joke about. This is all done around my kids which is frustrating. I don't want them to think attending church is a joke or that they should be ashamed to tell anyone about God in fear they will get picked on. My husband has always been the son who didn't care about what his family thought of him but his brothers are the opposite. They see how critical my father-in-law is and are always wanting to please him that they are now pulling away from God in order to please him and it hurts to watch. When the conversations come up, we are quickly shot down with "well my Mom forced me to go to church and now I hate it so I don't feel like you should make yours go". YES, I understand that we shouldn't care what others think but this is my husband's parents and siblings. It's a tougher situation considering the relationship he has with all of them and our children. One brother has a two year old and the other brother will soon be starting his own family. My question is this, what do I say when we get the rude comments or the jokes about going to church and building our relationship with Christ? How do I handle this as the daughter-in-law to this very outspoken and sometimes mean family? How do I respond to being made to feel like I shouldn't make my kids go? Everyone seems to not want to stand up to my father-in-law.
    my advice is to lay it out all in front politics and religion should be left out of family fun gatherings. They are big tough bad boys so to speak tell them that you don't like their behavior it makes you uncomfortable. Sometimes being very blunt is the only way to go. If they continue to disrespect your request then stop going to family gatherings for a while...
    Let He Who lives without sin cast the first stone.

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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    My mom made me go to church too. As soon as I was able to make the choice to go or stay home, I stayed home. I closed myself off from Christianity because of the negative feelings I acquired for it. When I was dating the woman who became my wife, she brought me to her church. All of the stereotypes I had configured in my head did not exist there. Within a few months, not only did I enjoy the sermons but I was married, baptized, preached and led men’s ministry at that church. Maybe you should invite your FIL to a service or church picnic. He might get more out of it if he isn’t forced. Perhaps the Lord will use your “enemy” to lead the rest of the family to the Lord. Never cease praying for his salvation. Often the loudest opposers become the most devout followers.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    Well, depending on how one looks at things that could appear to be a very tough situation, but I don't think so. What it seems to come down to is one very simple decision needs to be made. What is more important to you ? Is it pleasing your in-laws OR is it pleasing God ? If you mainly wish to please your in-laws then simply agree with them or don't say much when you're around them. On the other hand, if you want to please God, then I would say you're going to need to stand up for Him and your trust in Him. Now, how can you do that without offending your in-laws ? That ultimately will be up to them. First, don't play their little game of insults. Just stick to what you know is truth and God will guide you in what to say depending on the situation. You already know God is REAL so don't let any Bible mockers tell you He isn't. Stand up to them and tell them the truth. If they don't like it, then you really can't help that. But, if you are truthful with them then it is their chance to learn something. They can either accept truth or continue to deny it, all you can do is to provide it. The rest is going to be up to them. But I would not run, hide nor attempt to avoid this group of people. Stand strong in your faith and God will stand strong with you.

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    Senior Member Nehemiah6's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    Quote Originally Posted by LeahK View Post
    How do I respond to being made to feel like I shouldn't make my kids go? Everyone seems to not want to stand up to my father-in-law.
    You don't respond. Have a serious chat with your husband and let him know that his *previous* family is attacking the faith of his current family and that is unacceptable. Therefore you and your children will NOT be visiting his *previous* family until there is a solemn commitment given by them that they will not attack your faith (which likely won't happen).

    You are not obligated to go visit his family, but he is obligated by Scripture to leave father and mother behind and cleave to his wife and family. Assuming he is a genuine Christian.
    oldethennew likes this.

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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    Quote Originally Posted by LeahK View Post
    My husband comes from a very close family. He has two brothers who are both married and his Father and Mother. His mother attends church every Sunday and has her own relationship with Christ, however, my husband's Dad and siblings do not. My father-in-law is an alcoholic and my brother-in-law is a heavy drinker which has allowed the two of them to have a very close relationship. Twisted but very true.

    When we are all together, they all like to poke fun and make jokes about us "bible thumpers". They laugh and joke as if it's something to joke about. This is all done around my kids which is frustrating. I don't want them to think attending church is a joke or that they should be ashamed to tell anyone about God in fear they will get picked on. My husband has always been the son who didn't care about what his family thought of him but his brothers are the opposite. They see how critical my father-in-law is and are always wanting to please him that they are now pulling away from God in order to please him and it hurts to watch. When the conversations come up, we are quickly shot down with "well my Mom forced me to go to church and now I hate it so I don't feel like you should make yours go". YES, I understand that we shouldn't care what others think but this is my husband's parents and siblings. It's a tougher situation considering the relationship he has with all of them and our children. One brother has a two year old and the other brother will soon be starting his own family. My question is this, what do I say when we get the rude comments or the jokes about going to church and building our relationship with Christ? How do I handle this as the daughter-in-law to this very outspoken and sometimes mean family? How do I respond to being made to feel like I shouldn't make my kids go? Everyone seems to not want to stand up to my father-in-law.
    Your husband should be the one to go to his brothers and talk with them privately to seek to have them cease with the trash talking around you and your kids.. They can believe as they chose to believe but their aggressive attacks upon you and your faith is unreasonable.. If they cannot be civil then i would avoid contact with them as much as possible.. And you may need to sit down with your kids and tell them that they will sometimes come across people who will mock and belittle them for their faith in God.. Prepare them for it and when it happens they will not be shocked..

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    Senior Member MessageOfTheCross's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    Quote Originally Posted by LeahK View Post
    My husband comes from a very close family. He has two brothers who are both married and his Father and Mother. His mother attends church every Sunday and has her own relationship with Christ, however, my husband's Dad and siblings do not. My father-in-law is an alcoholic and my brother-in-law is a heavy drinker which has allowed the two of them to have a very close relationship. Twisted but very true.

    When we are all together, they all like to poke fun and make jokes about us "bible thumpers". They laugh and joke as if it's something to joke about. This is all done around my kids which is frustrating. I don't want them to think attending church is a joke or that they should be ashamed to tell anyone about God in fear they will get picked on. My husband has always been the son who didn't care about what his family thought of him but his brothers are the opposite. They see how critical my father-in-law is and are always wanting to please him that they are now pulling away from God in order to please him and it hurts to watch. When the conversations come up, we are quickly shot down with "well my Mom forced me to go to church and now I hate it so I don't feel like you should make yours go". YES, I understand that we shouldn't care what others think but this is my husband's parents and siblings. It's a tougher situation considering the relationship he has with all of them and our children. One brother has a two year old and the other brother will soon be starting his own family. My question is this, what do I say when we get the rude comments or the jokes about going to church and building our relationship with Christ? How do I handle this as the daughter-in-law to this very outspoken and sometimes mean family? How do I respond to being made to feel like I shouldn't make my kids go? Everyone seems to not want to stand up to my father-in-law.
    You are fighting a enemy what you can not see, but the results you can see. We are not wrestling against flesh and blood. Satan has been defeated through the Cross. Principalities and powers have been spoiled (Col. 2:15). We are enforcing this victory through applying the Cross of Calvary to the pulling down strongholds by placing and maintain our Faith exclusively in Christ and the Finished Work at Calvary Cross where the victory was won, i.e., "The Blood of Jesus." Our source of Power is the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.

    We have been given the keys of the Kingdom (Matthew 16:19). This gives us the authority to "bind" and "loose." "Binding" ties Satan's hands and stops his power to "steal, kill, and destroy," likewise, the "loosing" releases all that Jesus did at Calvary and the Resurrection. "Binding" has to do with the spirit world of darkness while "loosing" has to do with the Spirit world of Light. To "bind" means to restrict, stop, hinder, fetter, check, hold back, arrest, or put a stop to. To "loose" means to untie, unbind, unlock, liberate, release, forgive, or free.

    Authority can never be released in silence. The bible says, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” The whole idea and reason why the Devil want the Christian believers to keep their mouth shut is because if you don’t speak, spirits don’t leave.

    Now that you are saved, you should ask the Lord to baptize you with the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:4).

    While it is certainly true the Holy Spirit came into your heart and life the moment of your Salvation, still, He now wishes to endure you with power from on high. Consequently, Jesus told all of His followers immediately before His Ascension, that they should "wait for the Promise of the Father" (Acts 1:4). He was speaking of being "Baptized with the Holy Spirit" (Acts 1:5).

    You must understand that there is a great difference in being "born of the Spirit" than being " Baptized with the Spirit." They are two different works altogether.

    To be "born of the Spirit" is that which took place at your conversion, as the Holy Spirit brought you to Christ and performed the work of regeneration within your heart and life. To be "Baptized with the Spirit" is in order that you may have Power with God (Acts 1:8). Every Believer should ask the Lord to fill them with the Holy Spirit, and expect to receive (Luke 11:13).

    Last edited by MessageOfTheCross; April 10th, 2018 at 07:16 AM.
    For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and Him Crucified. 1 Corinthians 2:2

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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    When your family is being rude, you could tell them that everyone has choices to make in life, and choosing to be Christian is yours. And just like you respect their choice not to believe, they in turn, can respect yours. In other words, just because two families have differences in belief systems, doesn’t mean they can’t get along. We can stand up for our faith with a-gentle-strength-like Jesus. May God bless you and your family.

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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    Don't go their house......simple....and tell your husband they are not welcome in your house if they are going to mock you and your Lord.........and too be honest.....they have no respect for you, your kids and or your beliefs...........

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    Default Re: Need a little advice, please!

    LeahK - Sadly that is how people cope with what makes them uncomfortable. Stay true to your stand and respond in love. Sometimes it takes years for them to understand. My inlaws over the years did the same thing for awhile. It has only been recently that you can see God opening up thier eyes. So don’t give up, respond in love, pray and let God work on them. At the same time He keeps working on us. Blessings - Rachel

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