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Thread: Update on Friends Marriage

  1. #1
    Senior Member kaylagrl's Avatar
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    Default Update on Friends Marriage

    Hey all,long time no see.Some of you may remember a while back I mentioned a pastor and his wife,friends of mine that were going through marriage trouble. They pastored a church I was in several years ago. I had talked about her and her issues with insecurity. Well last night she wrote me with an update.She has decided to divorce him. I guess she found out that he had cheated with two women,(that he is admitting to).

    I cant blame her for divorcing but she told me that she has a male friend that has been helping her through this difficult time, and he's not a Christian but is willing to go to church with her. I told her to take things slow and to be very careful. But its rather hard to give advice to your former pastors wife.She wrote me tonight and said she heard her soon to be ex is going to marry the woman he cheated with as soon as the divorce comes through. She was upset and I told her she was lucky to be rid of him. I feel bad for her,Im still stunned that he would do such a thing. He has grown children and grandkids for pity sake. I want to give good advice but Im having a hard time considering they were people I looked up to. I think the world of her but I think she is very vulnerable and could make a big mistake. Anyone have this type of situation or advice on how to handle it? Hope you all are doing well.
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    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    In my case, it was the woman who gave me my first teddy bear. She was married for 35 years to a truly good man. And then a Young Turk came along and changed that. I was dumb enough to believe she was laughing at the kid's attempt at seducing her with me, until years later. We were both friends online, and I kept emailing her, even after she stopped emailing back. Years later, her husband wrote me to tell me she left him to marry a kid. Not my crowning moment on how to do things right, but at least you know others don't get it right either.

    I do think it's time to reconsider how you perceive her though. You see her as insecure still. Ends up, she had every reason to be insecure. She wasn't secure.

    And, I absolutely know whenever a married woman (or man) goes on her own again, there is a train load of guys at her door ready to pounce at their chance. They, too, are the type she shouldn't feel secure with either. They're targeting her, under the assumption she is feeling insecure, so they can gather their securities by weighing her down.

    The best advice John ever got was to stay off the market until the divorce was finalized. (And it's good solid Christian advice, since he was still a married man until then.) And that included woman wanting "to be there for him during his divorce."

    It gave him enough time to wrap his head around what his wife did, what he did, how it all fell apart, and then what happens with the rest of his life. Most importantly, it kept the vultures at bay! The vultures seem very nice and very pretty, but they are vultures!
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Senior Member Huckleberry's Avatar
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by kaylagrl View Post
    Anyone have.......advice on how to handle it?
    If you want her to remain your friend, only give her gentle
    recommendations, and keep all your opinions to yourself.

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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    What a horrible situation. I'm sure your friend is grieving and you probably also are-with the loss of trust in your (former?) Pastor. I'm sure the entire church and community is also grieving. In addition to the marriage issues, he breached trust of those in his church and smeared the name of Christ. The shame and detriment is far reaching, I am sure. As to your friend and how to advise...I'm reminded that we should weep with those who weep. I agree, the less words the better and if you're going to do anything, I'd pray with her! Give her little notes with applicable Scriptures in them. Remind her that although her husband walked away, God will never leave or forsake her. She needs to hear all of that to keep her feet on the right path, and jumping into a relationship with someone else is predictable but not wise. Especially with a non-believer. That won't end well, and she's going to need you when everything comes crashing down. Right now, she's just trying to bury the pain and survive. Remind her that how she handles things now will impact their kids and grandkids. I went through a rough divorce after 25 years and was glad for friends who loved me but also gently spoke truth of Scriptures to me. I won't say I handled it perfectly but my integrity stayed intact and my kids and grandkids are serving the Lord, because I did not turn away from my faith. Hope this helps! Praying for her and for you all!
    Last edited by Grace7; 5 Days Ago at 09:48 PM.
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    things are so 'often', not very pretty or nice' - find the courage to make the RIGHT choice,
    which can only come from our Holy Saviour, Jesus Christ, if we go and seek Him in loving,
    submissive, humility and thankfulness...
    Last edited by oldethennew; 5 Days Ago at 11:18 PM.
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Ask her if she would like you to pray with her.
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    Senior Member kaylagrl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Huckleberry View Post
    If you want her to remain your friend, only give her gentle
    recommendations, and keep all your opinions to yourself.

    The only thing I told her was to take it slow. While I want her to remain my friend I dont want her to jump into a relationship with a man thats not a Christian and get herself in a worse situation.

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    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by kaylagrl View Post

    The only thing I told her was to take it slow. While I want her to remain my friend I dont want her to jump into a relationship with a man thats not a Christian and get herself in a worse situation.
    Here's a tough question: What about him?

    One of John's first pastor did the same thing -- cheated on his wife. He was thrown out of the church, married the woman he was cheating with, and almost everyone forgot about him.

    Almost, one other pastor didn't. And because of that pastor, he repented, (still married to the woman he cheated with), and came back to the Lord.

    Cheating is very messy, but even the cheater needs a friend in Jesus.
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    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Didymous View Post
    Ask her if she would like you to pray with her.
    She probably doesn't want her to play with her.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Play with her? You may be right!

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    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Didymous View Post
    Play with her? You may be right!
    Sorry, I was just gherkin your chain.
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    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Hakuna-matata
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    It pickles me that you were trying to jerk my chain.
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    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Didymous View Post
    It pickles me that you were trying to jerk my chain.
    You're a good sport. I learned that term today in the Conversation About Nothing In Particular thread. Just a bunch of zany peeps who pray together and play together. The peeps there are simply awesome. We speak our own kind of language and have many words in our vehicular. If you haven't been there yet I guarantee that you would be most welcome and would fit right in. Yeah, I know that the word is really vernacular but that's how we roll 'em there.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Kewl..........
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    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Didymous View Post
    Kewl..........
    Yeah, you get it but there are over a hundred posts a day there and you may have some ketchup to do. Mayo-abit later.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Alrighty then, terrorist!
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    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Didymous View Post
    Alrighty then, terrorist!
    Actually that's kinda witty and kewl.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Yeah, Ive been told I have a most unique sense of humor, but that it's too bad it isn't funnier:. I find that hilarious!
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  20. #20
    Senior Member kaylagrl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Update on Friends Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Depleted View Post
    Here's a tough question: What about him?

    One of John's first pastor did the same thing -- cheated on his wife. He was thrown out of the church, married the woman he was cheating with, and almost everyone forgot about him.

    Almost, one other pastor didn't. And because of that pastor, he repented, (still married to the woman he cheated with), and came back to the Lord.

    Cheating is very messy, but even the cheater needs a friend in Jesus.
    Right now he is out of touch with anyone who doesn't agree with him. Focused on the other woman.In fact told his wife he could "satisfy" them both. Thats waaaaay out of my depth. He's on his own unless or until he changes his path.
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