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Thread: I don’t know how to handle my child

  1. #21
    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    Quote Originally Posted by Didymous View Post
    The main issue about the Father being gone is that some boys will be very angry about him not being there, as I know from my life and those of many of my male cousins.
    In this case, the father isn't gone. Which is neither a good thing or a bad thing. It's an undecided thing. (Might want to check her other post to find out what's happening with the husband relationship too. This is not a one-size-fits-all situation.)
    NotmebutHim and Didymous like this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    BTW, Abby, in your other post you're going to get a lot of advice about leaving him and marriage counseling. BUT I really do think you are a woman treading water right now. Just trying to hang on to what is left of the life you thought you had not that long ago, and very much aware it was never what you thought it was.

    Your children know more than you think, even if they don't know what else is happening. Which is why I'm trying to get your attention on the Lifesaver! And, make no mistake. The Lord is the Lifesaver. He is the foundation. All else is just floundering.

    Not to say you won't be floundering for a while, but see God and see answer -- to both problems. That's where trust starts happening.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

  3. #23
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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    What about food additives? Food Dyes, Fluoride and chlorine in the water. corn syrup. most Corn and Soy products are Genetically modified. I taste the different between regular whole wheat flour and organic. Same with raw broccoli. The regular has a bite to it that organic doesn't have. Plastic food containers and plastic water bottles leach. Sugar is obvious. hydrogenated oils.
    oldethennew and jenniferand2 like this.

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    I am so sorry you are going through this, have you tried getting him (or your family) into seeing a therapist? They may have different choices for you to work with him and you on.

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    Handle them with God's gloves...

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    Senior Member jenniferand2's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    Quote Originally Posted by MamaAbby View Post
    This is my second post today. This is a different topic… About my son.I am a Christian that needs a lot of prayer. I really don’t know what to do. I wake up every morning and say it will be a good day… No screaming and yelling… Happy time with the kids. It seems that the opposite happens. My child does whatever it takes to give me a bad day. I have done enough yelling and disciplining and nothing is working. He is Disrespectful to me and very mean to his siblings. I love my child and i don’t want him to continue with this behavior. He has been this way for the last 4 years and it is getting worse every year not better. God, I need Help. I need all the prayer I can get. If anyone has a difficult chilld and want to share a method that worked for you , please share. This child is just not getting it and doesn’t care. I don’t know how I can teach him anything If he doesn’t care. Today, I lost it because he called his brother the B word and he is only 9. No one in this house speaks that way. I took away his iPod for a month as a punishment. I am not sure if that is enough or not.
    He told me a lot of disrespectful things and I don’t know what to say to him since he doesn’t even pay attention to anything I am saying most of the time. I am praying for a new start on this .i feel bad for everything I have said to him through Anger . I don’t know what to do . I am just so sick and tired. Help

    Have you asked him why he acts like this? Sometimes most often it is a medical issue that causes they behavior or it is because he needs your attention and he does not know how to get your attention other then act out. Most children who act out in anger are actually seeking affection. Do you ever spend one on one time with your children? Do you tell them they do a good job when they do? do you commend them for good things. Children want to be praised and loved. How much screen time are they getting with t.v.I pod etc. are you engaging with them in the evenings like no modern technology just you all playing a game or something? If you are spending the time with the children one on one and having quality time with each one and showing them you care and love them and are proud then I suggest you taking him to a therapist there could be something going on medically in that case. Also people will say I am crazy but what kinds of foods are you feeding the kids? Are you trying to stay away from food that have artificial hormones and a bunch of garbage added to them? gentically modified food are killing our childrens minds and bodies.... I suggest looking at all the above it may be combinations of all of the above he may be getting bullied at school and not telling you.. He maybe eating something causing his brain to fire different. He maybe seeking attention from you and not know how to get it... other then these three main ideas I would have no idea what to tell you..
    Let He Who lives without sin cast the first stone.

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    Quote Originally Posted by MamaAbby View Post
    Thank you mar09. I am still trying to figure out how to reply to messages on here. I do need to seek out help from My Pastor. They are praying for my marriage and I have not mentioned to them much about my child. I do need a support to be covered in that area too. Re activities: My son loves basketball so he does that. I think my kids are spoiled and provided too .. I have a feeling it is time to get serious and work on some good disciplining techniques. We do pray together every night… They know God. I feel like I’m a good mother… I provided in every area with the help of God. I teach my kids about the Lord… I send them to school and Bible study which also teaches them more about the word. I just feel very overwhelmed with everything on my Late I am just running out of patience. When you’re in the situation and you have a very difficult child on top of that… It is very difficult to manage life. I don’t know what prayer to pray but I am on my knees crying to God every night. One thing I know for sure is I need to give time for myself and take care of self so I can take care of my family.Thank you for all the reply, it was very useful

    Okay i see now after my first post that there are marriage issues this is also why he is acting out.. He sees the tension going on and feels that if he does something bad maybe it will take the heat of you and husband arguing or destroying each other... Your entire family needs to sit down have a family conversation about behavior and what good behavior looks like set down rules etc.. P>S> if you think your children can not hear you and your husband fighting you are dead wrong.... on that note you and husband need to have a quiet calm sit down and discuss what is going to happen with your marriage. A plan needs to be made and it needs to be followed. If it means separating a while then do it. If it means going to marriage counseling then do it. Your child I can almost gurantee is trying to get you two adults to stop what ever arguing and he does it by acting out himself.
    LaurieB likes this.
    Let He Who lives without sin cast the first stone.

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    Hi:
    From your post, I am not sure what the problem is for your child, but four years is a long time and I am sure you have tried al ot of different things? Like spanking, removing privileges, talking to him and explalining ... and nothing works?

    At that point, what I would do is see a Counselor .. first alone (one who specializes in children) ... and then they might suggest you see the Counselor together? I really dont have any answer but I think this situation calls for something above and beyond all you have tried. Make sure this counselor specializes in child psychology, though. An appointment alone will let you explain what is going on .. then he/she may want to see you and your child.

    I wish you the best of luck with this. Take care.

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    Quote Originally Posted by jenniferand2 View Post
    Okay i see now after my first post that there are marriage issues this is also why he is acting out.. He sees the tension going on and feels that if he does something bad maybe it will take the heat of you and husband arguing or destroying each other... Your entire family needs to sit down have a family conversation about behavior and what good behavior looks like set down rules etc.. P>S> if you think your children can not hear you and your husband fighting you are dead wrong.... on that note you and husband need to have a quiet calm sit down and discuss what is going to happen with your marriage. A plan needs to be made and it needs to be followed. If it means separating a while then do it. If it means going to marriage counseling then do it. Your child I can almost gurantee is trying to get you two adults to stop what ever arguing and he does it by acting out himself.
    YES. Awesome reply.

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    I think he is hurt, and he does not have another way to expres it. It does not have to be something you did, could be something at school, or how he thinks about himself, tension at home, etc.

    I would advise you to keep your calm. He obviously can not control his emotions, but you can, altrough I can imagine it will be difficult.

    Show him grace. Show him redempion love. And keep your voice calm and ask what he is feeling. This is a deeper issue he has. You have to get to the root of it.
    Learn him to use his words instead of his emotions.

    I guess whats it happening right now is he gets mad an fustrated about small stuff and you get fustrated because he won't listen or do what you want him to do. And you trigger each other in this. He gets emotional and you get emotional too. And one person must get out of this circle to break it.
    Last edited by Angelique; 4 Weeks Ago at 02:35 AM.

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    This is a sermon on redeption love.
    It can change your marriage. And change the way you interact with your child.

    Please take the time to watch this and change/save your marriage, God bless

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=llf-aoQfLkA

    Sermon by Jimmy Evans called: When your spouse hurts you.
    Last edited by Angelique; 4 Weeks Ago at 02:36 AM.

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    Hi, it sounds like you have a lot going on at home. Your marital issues are going to affect your children one way or another. My prayer is for you and your husband. Whatever is going on is hard. But I will pray that you will do what is good and right in God's eyes. He will give you His grace as you step out in faith. May He give you wisdom and deep abiding peace through Jesus Christ who loves you and is carrying you today. 2Cor 4:8 (NLT), We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.

    If you are in a want of reading something about child rearing, you can check out http://bit.ly/2qNTIIc
    You have a lot of sisters and brothers lifting you up in prayer. Please let us know how we can better lift you up~
    Blessings


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    Senior Member Dan58's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    I know its politically incorrect these days, but my mother would always tell us; "Wait until your Father gets home". It worked, because we all knew ole Dad would spank our butts good. He was a firm believer in "He that spareth his rod hateth his son" (Proverbs 13:24). Physical punishment is greatly underrated, it instilled the necessary discipline in me better than anything else.. If all else fails, its time for a whipping, find yourself a good ping-pong paddle ... jmo

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    Quote Originally Posted by Depleted View Post
    In this case, the father isn't gone. Which is neither a good thing or a bad thing. It's an undecided thing. (Might want to check her other post to find out what's happening with the husband relationship too. This is not a one-size-fits-all situation.)
    I am sorry you are going through this. Just take a breath and find out what you need to do for your child. Do what is in their best interest.

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    Senior Member razor17's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    a spanking will get the point across......
    Demi777 and Mel85 like this.
    When I'm looking down, When I'm losing ground, I won't turn around, cause I can't lose forever. No, I can't lose forever. I can't lose with you (Jesus) -Downhere

  16. #36
    Senior Member Elizabeth619's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    I’ve learned from my own parenting when a child “acts out” there is an underlying reason 99% of the time. This may sound silly but I posted a quote on my Facebook the other day that stated “ 9 times our lf 10 the misbehavior won’t make you angry but will break your heart.” Maybe there is an underlying issue you’re not aware of. This doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. Your child may just be dealing with something that he doesn’t know how to handle.

    Id also like to add that I’m a single mother. While it is God’s natural plan for a child to be raised by two parents in the home sometimes things happen where one parent is absent. While it can have a negative impact on a child if the one parent raises their children in a Godly home there will ALWAYS be a father present. I don’t care what studies show from a secular viewpoint it is NEVER and I mean NEVER a good idea to throw at a struggling parent their child is more likely to be a criminal or follow bad behavior because of an absent father. My father died when I was 11. I became a single mom when I was 20. I have never had a criminal past. My son is an honor student and has never had a behavior problem. I am financially stable. My child is well clothed, fed, and I live in a very nice brick home where God comes first. He has never had to want for anything and it is by the choice of his father that he is absent from the home. So LLOYD, be careful how you say things. Not all “studies” determines real life of those who do everything they can to make sure their child thrives. Oh, and I’m plenty capable of disciplining my child just fine. I’ve brougt him to his knees many many times.

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    There are many different parenting styles as you can see from the various posts on this thread. I would like to share this very helpful site on effective discipline. I think you will find it very informative and I pray this will help you find some of the answers you are looking for. http://bit.ly/2qVSLg2

    Blessings~

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    Default Re: I don’t know how to handle my child

    Quote Originally Posted by loyaldisciple View Post
    Then your cousin was very fortunate. There is a tremendous amount of proof to support what I said. Boys without a father in the home are at a much higher risk of becoming a criminal, going to prison and becoming addicted to drugs. Many studies have shown this to be absolutely true. A boy does need a father's discipline. You can disagree if you wish, simply based on what your cousin did if you like. But that was just one case. It does not reflect the overall effect of boys being raised without their fathers and does not reflect their added chance of having difficulties in life as a result.

    https://www.fatherhood.org/fatherhood-data-statistics
    Just because parents get divorced doesnt mean the child will have no father, he will still be his father regardless .

    HOWEVER,
    Constant Conflict between parents, might do more harm to children than divorce:

    In an unhappy marriage, where tension and conflict is the norm, parent-child interactions also seem to show signs of strain.

    Conflict drains the resources of a relationship and in doing so, can give way to ineffective or inconsistent parenting. Parental energy is also strained, leaving less to invest in the children.

    Marital conflict is associated with a range of internalising (such as depression, anxiety, withdrawal) and externalizing (such as aggression, non-compliance) outcomes in children.

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