Husband has church problems that effect me spiritually

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Depleted

Guest
#21
Oh..he knows how I feel. Should have mentioned it sorry. But he doesn't know what to do. Maybe there is a church somewhere, but honestly this is not like the USA. Or Australia where I grew up. There aren't much options...but yes, God knows..I'm praying for an answer cause its not spiritually healthy for us..I would say even mentally.. We love the ppl here...he grew up here too. Maybe that's the problem.
The exact problem with our first church together -- we loved the people, (it's where we met and got married, so definitely felt like family), but grew apart from the message. And then grew anti-their-message, but still loved the people. Have the two of you talked out what to do about it? As far as I can tell, there are still only three possible answers:
1. Stay.
2. Leave.
3. Wait.

All three are legitimate answers. We waited until asked to change back. That wasn't negative. That was our impetus for our next decision.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#22
True. But the problem isn't the church. Its the elders....most see the problem too. These elders don't get paid though. They don't do it for money. Thanks for relpying
As far as I understand it, elders are supposed to be godly men the people trust. If they aren't both, (godly men and trustworthy), they aren't elders anymore. They can be removed from office as much as a pastor can be removed from office. It just takes a congregational decision.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#23
He says things that are wrong about how things are done and taught at church according to the bible. He preaches how unbiblical things are done and taught and then he preachers how it should be according to the bible. The elders obviously feel accused, so its logical they don't let him preach anymore but instead of going to the bible to see if hub is right or wrong they just take it as a personal thing.
It is quite possible your husband didn't handle this well. The elders feel accused because hubby spoke of the problem in a sermon? No kidding!

What happened to Matt. 18:15-18?
 
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renewed_hope

Guest
#24
True. But the problem isn't the church. Its the elders....most see the problem too. These elders don't get paid though. They don't do it for money. Thanks for relpying
It seems like the church passed judgement on you and your husband from the very beginning. My question is how do you introduce yourselves when going to church? My suggestion is to keep the fact your husband is a pastor to yourselves at least until you've been there for a while. I don't see this as bring deceitful because when the time is right be open about how some churches youve been to have been intidimidated because he had been a hubby for years and you wanted to get to know the church family as people rather than a title. As far as your current situation I would pray about it and personally I wouldn't want to attend a church where the members are passing judgement and the elders do nothing to correct the behavior and they aren't preaching the bible which that's what it sounds like from the way you explain how your husband feels :)
 
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susi

Guest
#26
So you are saying your husband IS wrong? Why would your husband say things that are wrong? Maybe your husband needs to say things that are correct.
No. Sorry I'm not explaining properly.
 
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susi

Guest
#27
It is quite possible your husband didn't handle this well. The elders feel accused because hubby spoke of the problem in a sermon? No kidding!

What happened to Matt. 18:15-18?
No. Sorry it seems I'm not explaining myself. Personal problems are dealt in private. I'm talking about theological truth which hub preachers, isn't tolerated by the elders. They just want to tickle peoples ears.
 
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susi

Guest
#28
A few things came to mind. You and your husband are not pastors or elders of
this church. Therefore you are not responsible for the other church members.

As man and wife you have a responsibility to each other.

The other church members are responsible for themselves. They have to make
their own decision as to whether to stay or leave this church.

So what im saying is that it is up to each church member and each couple
to decide what it right for themselves in this situation.

If you both decide to stay at this church. Then you will have to “put up and shut up”.
If you decide you cannot do that, then leave. It really is that simple.

Oh I know this will shock some but going to church (while it is a good thing to do)
is not the be all and end all of the Christian faith. You won’t go to hell for not going to
a church. You won’t lose your salvation for not going to church. There are other options
like on line churches. On line services.

Someone mentioned setting up a house group, sounds a good idea if you have
like minded friends.

I went to a church years ago. It was good to start off with but many years later
it went sour. There was bickering, different groups and ideas about how people
thought things should be run. It was a toxic situation. Several people left.

I hung on for a while longer, I knew these people they were friends I felt if I went
I would be betraying them in some way, like betraying the church. In the end I could
not put up with it any longer so I left. It was the best thing I ever did, it had
become a dead church.

That church declined even further after until only a handful of the original old people
were left. They didn’t have the resources to maintain the building so it fell apart.

Eventually a leaking roof forced the remaining people to vacate the building.
They still met up for a while in a local village hall.

The original building then got vandalised and later set on fire. It’s been demolished
now for a few years.

As to the people meeting in the village the older people have
either since died or are too infirm to go to church. A new minister came and seems
to have turned it around. There is now a new congregation of people of all ages.
They still meet in the village hall as they have nowhere else to go.

Im sad by what happened it was a big part of my life in my teens and 20s. But I
can’t help thinking about the Israelites in the wilderness. They were set in their
ways, there was no helping them to change. So they were destined to walk
around the wilderness for 40 until most of the original group had died off.

Only then with new generations could God begin to do a fresh work.

My old church was like that, it was stagnant, unhealthy, too many bosses
each pushing their own idea.

If your church is not going, growing and glorifying God, then get out.

That is motto of my new church Going (moving forward spiritual, reaching
out to others, etc). Growing, Glorifying God.
Yes, you are so right. Its not our responsibility. And yes we thought about" put up and shut up or leave" many times. So leaving is mainly on our mind now. Problem is hub feels responsibility cause ppl want him to teach and disciple them. The youth come to him for discipleship.... they want "Word" cause they feel they aren't getting enough. He disciples at home...but elders dont seem happy with it but cant do much cause we do it at our house. Its uncomfortable this situation. Should we turn our back on the youth for example? Is that what God wants?
 
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susi

Guest
#29
I have read both post. In both, she writes that her husband says things that are wrong.
Yes. I have explained it wrong. I meant to say the things the church are teaching are wrong. Although he doesn't say it in those words or points out anyone. He corrects things. Maybe he shouldn't...maybe its not our responsibility...
 
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susi

Guest
#30
Can you start a new church?
We have been advised to do this before but to us it would be more like causing a division. We fear God. Its not our church its His.
 
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susi

Guest
#31
The exact problem with our first church together -- we loved the people, (it's where we met and got married, so definitely felt like family), but grew apart from the message. And then grew anti-their-message, but still loved the people. Have the two of you talked out what to do about it? As far as I can tell, there are still only three possible answers:
1. Stay.
2. Leave.
3. Wait.

All three are legitimate answers. We waited until asked to change back. That wasn't negative. That was our impetus for our next decision.
Thanks for the advice
 
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susi

Guest
#32
Yes, you are so right. Its not our responsibility. And yes we thought about" put up and shut up or leave" many times. So leaving is mainly on our mind now. Problem is hub feels responsibility cause ppl want him to teach and disciple them. The youth come to him for discipleship.... they want "Word" cause they feel they aren't getting enough. He disciples at home...but elders dont seem happy with it but cant do much cause we do it at our house. Its uncomfortable this situation. Should we turn our back on the youth for example? Is that what God wants?
Too many bosses..each pushing their idea...yes sounds like our church..
We dont want to participate in that. Makes me think..wow. Thanks for the description of how that church died...so graphical
 
Oct 14, 2017
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#33
Jesus is truth.. and any church that teaches less than that isn't a church of Christ. Maybe Jesus would want more of HIS churches established.
 
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susi

Guest
#34
Thank you all for taking your time to read my post replying. For your advice.
GBU