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Christian Family Forum

Discuss family topics/issues, and give and receive encouragement here.

Thread: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

  1. #1
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    Default Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    Hello,
    I having some trouble with my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years now, we live together, and recently things haven't been great, or at least as good as they once were. I thought it was just the end of the honeymoon phase and all that, but now I'm not so sure. I found out a few months ago that my boyfriend was watching porn/viewing nudes on the internet.

    Now, I was flabbergasted. I didn't know what to say. I only come preprogrammed with sitcom knowledge and unfortunately Full house never dealt with this.

    My boyfriend however was inconsolable. He started crying. I thought he was going to have a stroke the way he was going on. He said what he was doing was cheating. I, still too much in shock to be mad or really any emotion, said I wasn't sure it was the same thing. he assured me it was. I asked him how if in his mind this was cheating, how could he do that.

    His answer was insufficient. He was weak, yada yada.

    After a long discussion, He told me he would make a promise to me and to God, that he would never do this again. And I encouraged him to read his Bible, and view other christian websites of people who might have gone through something like this before.

    Time passed, and I asked him how he was doing with temptation etc, he said He had made his promise to me, to God, and he had not failed in his endeavor. That I could even look at his phone history if I wanted.

    In the back of my mind I thought, well surely if you're offering you're at the least smart enough to have deleted any evidence.

    Long story short, he in fact wasn't smart enough to delete his internet history.

    He looked me in the eye and lied to me. He broke his covenant with God. And now I'm wondering, What am I supposed to do about it? I don't know who else to turn to, as I find this whole thing rather embarassing. So now, armed with the anomynity of the internet, I ask you, What do I do now?

    Am I over dramatizing the whole thing?
    Should this be where we part ways?

    I'm out of my wheelhouse here people, please and thank yous in advance!

    Bmerry
    joefizz likes this.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Angela53510's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    It's pretty simple to me. He is addicted to porn. A promise, even to God, is not going to stop that. He needs a male accountabilty partner, someone who is a strong Christian that will work with him. And it will be a journey, most likely, not a deliverance.

    The other part of the equation is also simple. He is an addict who lied to you. And not just lied, but lied in a stupid way, showing that he lied. Either he wanted you to see, and he is faking his remorse, or he is just stupid. How hard is it to erase your web history? Even I can do that!

    So, do you want to live with a liar and addict? If he is willing to get help, maybe you are willing to walk with him. That is something only you can decide. Although, I would be more worried about the lying, which is how he views you. That he can bald facedly lie, and somehow you will not care. If he is not willing to get outside help, you should call this relationship finished - over and done with.

    Just be glad you are not married, and can walk away from this, if you need to.
    Skylar likes this.
    "And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Cor. 12:9 NASB

  3. #3
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    Not to sound amoral, but idle hands are the Devil's playground. A lot of dudes I know are into porn because they have few things better to do.
    RickyZ and joefizz like this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    Get a new boyfriend, and next time, don't live with someone you're not married to.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

  5. #5
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    I'm not married to my dog or my roommate. Should I be?

    My roommate is a dude.

    You've put me into one heck of an ethical quandary.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    Get a new boyfriend, and next time, don't live with someone you're not married to.
    Tommy379 and NoNameMcgee like this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    99 years old and still getting the fellas. That's pretty good.

    He's an addict. Addicts lie. He's either willing to seek professional help and be an open book, or he'd not. If he's not then move on. If he is then give him a chance.

    Porn addiction is very common and growing, even in the church. Among both men and women. It's not at all surprising you're dating someone with an addiction.
    It's up to you to decide if you want to lay some requirements out and see if he follows through or just move on.
    If you stay there's no guarantee he will overcome it. I suspect looking at his heart, not just addiction. Addiction makes good people do crazy things.
    joefizz likes this.
    What allures and arouses the heart we can't figure out
    But it's the quickest way to account for what we prize
    And are most proud about
    These gods make promises but always lie to us
    The kinds of lies that says they'll keep us safe and satisfy us
    We blame the lies outside of us
    But it's the lie that lies inside that captures the depth of desires and false messiahs

    ~Beautiful Eulogy - Messiah~


  7. #7
    Senior Member NotmebutHim's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    Quote Originally Posted by Ugly View Post
    99 years old and still getting the fellas. That's pretty good.

    He's an addict. Addicts lie. He's either willing to seek professional help and be an open book, or he'd not. If he's not then move on. If he is then give him a chance.

    Porn addiction is very common and growing, even in the church. Among both men and women. It's not at all surprising you're dating someone with an addiction.
    It's up to you to decide if you want to lay some requirements out and see if he follows through or just move on.
    If you stay there's no guarantee he will overcome it. I suspect looking at his heart, not just addiction. Addiction makes good people do crazy things.
    Yeah, Ugly, that got my attention too.
    So you're telling me this is a signature line??

  8. #8
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    She must be an arch-cougar. 99... What is her secret?
    NotmebutHim likes this.
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    Quote Originally Posted by Ugly View Post
    99 years old and still getting the fellas. That's pretty good.
    She must have bathed in the fountain of youth or something.
    Last edited by Stranger36147; 1 Week Ago at 07:45 PM.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    Quote Originally Posted by Desdichado View Post
    I'm not married to my dog or my roommate. Should I be?

    My roommate is a dude.

    You've put me into one heck of an ethical quandary.
    Yes, and because of recent supreme court rulings, I fully support your right to be happy. Haha
    Desdichado and NoNameMcgee like this.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

  11. #11
    Senior Member maxwel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    If you've been living with your boyfriend,
    then you've BOTH been engaging in immoral sexual behaviors.

    Now you're upset because he's added a new "unapproved" immoral sexual behavior to your current list of "approved' immoral sexual behaviors?

    Maybe his porn-watching isn't the problem.

    Maybe you need to reboot your lifestyle choices.



    Sin always causes problems, and before you get upset about his sin, you need to consider your own.
    Are you doing the right things?
    Can you really ask God to intervene and help when you refuse to do the right things?
    You need to reboot your lifestyle.



    God loves you very much.
    But when we sin, it has consequences.
    God loves you no matter what you do,
    but he still wants you to stop doing the wrong things.

    Sin has consequences.
    If you keep doing wrong things, you'll keep getting bad results.
    No matter how much God loves you, sin will always have bad consequences.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Desdichado's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    = = = = = = = = = =

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    Yes, and because of recent supreme court rulings, I fully support your right to be happy. Haha
    We seek him here, we seek him there,
    Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

  13. #13
    Senior Member NotmebutHim's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    It's generally not polite to ask a woman her age, but I figured it was bound to come up sometime.............
    zeroturbulence and joefizz like this.
    So you're telling me this is a signature line??

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    Get a new boyfriend, and next time, don't live with someone you're not married to.
    Short and concise. Agree completely.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Nehemiah6's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    Quote Originally Posted by Bmerry View Post
    Should this be where we part ways?
    Certainly looks like it. Better now than later.
    Angela53510 and Skylar like this.

  16. #16
    Senior Member NotmebutHim's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    *Bump*

    To the OP:

    One of the best ways to get good Christian advice is to actually engage in conversation. Especially if your boyfriend's problem is as serious as you say it is.

    I won't charge for this post.
    So you're telling me this is a signature line??

  17. #17
    Senior Member kaijo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    If you still really want this relationship to work out, then you could try to be a Detective about whats going on in his mind/heart.
    And deduce what the Real cause for this is.

    I imagine that deep down he enjoys intimacy.
    Do you also enjoy intimacy?
    How often do you engage in intimacy with him?
    Enough to keep his mind on You, and not porn?

    Or perhaps he is secretly depressed.
    Did you know that the chemical/s released in the brain during orgasm are probably the most effective, and cheapest (i.e Free) anti-depressant drug available?

    Or maybe, he is depressed because he doesn't experience the level of intimacy that he seeks (combination of both).
    I know ppl wont like my post, but i'm just trying to be realistic.
    It takes real answers to get real results.

    Its up to you how deep you want to dig in order to solve this issue.
    The blame game doesn't really reveal the Truth, from my experience.
    NotmebutHim and joefizz like this.

  18. #18
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    Quote Originally Posted by NotmebutHim View Post

    To the OP:

    One of the best ways to get good Christian advice is to actually engage in conversation. Especially if your boyfriend's problem is as serious as you say it is
    I honestly just don't know what to say. To you guys, to him, to anyone. I don't know how I feel about this whole thing.
    NotmebutHim and joefizz like this.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    The reason God gives us rules and guidelines to live by is because He loves us. If we follow God's design, we are protected from situations like the one you are living in now. God wants the best for us. In a relationship between and man and woman, God has designed the framework of marriage (commitment) and faithfulness. He can only bless a relationship that adheres to His design. Your boyfriend is not being faithful. You both are living outside of His plan for marriage and family. How can He bless this situation? All of the Bible reading in the world will not make a difference to those who don't believe it or follow it.

    The only way out of this mess is to change your mind about your lifestyle. This is called repentance. You need a real relationship with the God who loves you. Do you know God? Do you love Him? Jesus said if we love Him, we will obey His commandments. This is the place to start. Examine your heart before Him and ask Him to draw you close to Him and help you to love Him. I will be praying for you. I know He has better plans for you.

  20. #20
    Senior Member joefizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! My boyfriend keeps watching porn

    Quote Originally Posted by Bmerry View Post
    Hello,
    I having some trouble with my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years now, we live together, and recently things haven't been great, or at least as good as they once were. I thought it was just the end of the honeymoon phase and all that, but now I'm not so sure. I found out a few months ago that my boyfriend was watching porn/viewing nudes on the internet.

    Now, I was flabbergasted. I didn't know what to say. I only come preprogrammed with sitcom knowledge and unfortunately Full house never dealt with this.

    My boyfriend however was inconsolable. He started crying. I thought he was going to have a stroke the way he was going on. He said what he was doing was cheating. I, still too much in shock to be mad or really any emotion, said I wasn't sure it was the same thing. he assured me it was. I asked him how if in his mind this was cheating, how could he do that.

    His answer was insufficient. He was weak, yada yada.

    After a long discussion, He told me he would make a promise to me and to God, that he would never do this again. And I encouraged him to read his Bible, and view other christian websites of people who might have gone through something like this before.

    Time passed, and I asked him how he was doing with temptation etc, he said He had made his promise to me, to God, and he had not failed in his endeavor. That I could even look at his phone history if I wanted.

    In the back of my mind I thought, well surely if you're offering you're at the least smart enough to have deleted any evidence.

    Long story short, he in fact wasn't smart enough to delete his internet history.

    He looked me in the eye and lied to me. He broke his covenant with God. And now I'm wondering, What am I supposed to do about it? I don't know who else to turn to, as I find this whole thing rather embarassing. So now, armed with the anomynity of the internet, I ask you, What do I do now?

    Am I over dramatizing the whole thing?
    Should this be where we part ways?

    I'm out of my wheelhouse here people, please and thank yous in advance!

    Bmerry
    Seems like I'm destined to keep responding to porn threads,if not for a crazy kid named stevie and a guy named joe(not me a son of my uncle's boy friend) and comedy central(ads of ggw) I wouldn't know about porn but well everything happens for a reason I suppose...
    A few things I've learned about this junk I'll share how to help him overcome this if you can get him to be "truthful" that is...(no relationship works without honesty and quite frankly you are "adults" so talking about something as trivial as porn shouldn't be like talking to a kid with a hand in the cookie jar)
    1.Try to focus his interest else where or find a substitute like anime(what I strive to do and successfully keep to if I get the urge in place of porn,seriously it's a lot "healthier" mind wise)
    2.Try to talk to him even if he gets ticked off and express that you care for him.
    3.Don't make a big commotion about his foolish habit as best you can but try to talk it over if for some reason the subject comes up.(deflection can result from getting wound up)
    4.Get him involved with something like church or something to do around the house,or encourage him to go out somewhere or stay in and watch something.(try to clear his head of that garbage with waking up his brain and getting him to focus less on "habit" and get him to stop "thinking alot" on the same old filth,the more he thinks on it the more he'll pursue it)
    5.Use a password block app for the internet if you can for whatever devices,if you feel it's necessary or if he admits he needs the support.
    6.Switch up viewing habits,for example if you watch soaps or shows with sexual tendencies to things like "clean shows" like PBS kids(it might sound silly but kid like stuff helps the mind remember "innocence") or shows that detail how the world "actually is" like maybe documentaries(boring but hey you gotta fill his mind with something)tv preachers,(not all preach what you might believe but him "hearing" God's word and Gospel songs can certainly "get his mind thinking" and "view sin differently" and "boost his spirit"
    If you don't believe in true love then please don't tell me not to believe in it because I believe it to be real.
    I'm a self proclaimed troll tracker.
    I am hopeless...thankfully though Jesus's grace is sufficient for my weakness.
    I have a tendency to speak through the spirit if you can't handle that get some ear plugs.
    Quote Originally Posted by WineRose View Post
    Joefizz = Jojo's Bizzare Adventure!
    Quote Originally Posted by Milktalk View Post
    haha joey joe joe - a roo!

    ​

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