talking to parents

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
T

Theron

Guest
#1
ok i need to know how to be real with my parents, beacause, its a pain keepin them out of my life and strechin simple things and making it seem like im lettin them in

my dad is fine i ccan talk to him whenever about whatever

but my mom,.... ehhh not so much
mom admits she hates letting go but (i later realized this was a dumb excuse) sometimes i would feel as if her overprotectiveness was pushing me to lie to her and do things i normally wouldnt

like say, i can completly understand wanting to meet someones parents, i can get that i can also get other things parents do ... call to check up on someone but sometimes mom seems to go overboard, saying i cant do this if no chaperones are available (mooommmm its a park!!) and i dont ask to go to parties clubs none of that i dont drink or smoke

and one thing that hurts my feelings, is she doesnt think im a virgin she may never outright admit it but its implied heavily
and she says alot of times thinks that make me feel like i wasnt sposed to be born (i promise if you werent here...") "if it was just me n ...." etc and i confront her about it but she wont change ive prayed also but nothing gotten better we argue daily the simplest things turn itno arguements she alot of times says hurtful things on purpose and of course i do my part i may annoy her by not doin what she ask but its not consistent enough to receive this kind off treatment whenever we argure i always come back ang apologize, never the other way around, i have to "grovel and kiss hands" to go places she just makes me feel unwelcome any thing can help me right about now

 
S

Saint

Guest
#2
well, if keeping things away from her doesn't work, become 100% honest. Tell her anything and everything, and pray that God gives both of you wisdom. Whenever you have a problem, immediately talk to her and your dad. whenever something is going right, tell them. Whenever they are yelling at you for something you didn't do, or something that you definately don't deserve, accept it, and after you guys have cooled off, tell them politely what's going on. and i know it'll make you angry, but remember, even if she grounds you for something you say or do, it will not matter in the future. and most importantly, if you don't listen to anything else, tell her what you just told all of us, and pray. and hey, the worst that could happen if you listen to me is she yells at you. which is what she already does.
 
B

BellaFlor

Guest
#3
I totally get you Theron, because my mother is a lot of the same. Except of that I don't trust neither of them and don't feel well talking with both of them. Though it is sure much easier with my father too than with my mother, but that is most because he doesn't always says so much. It isn't always easy being a teenager and living under same roof with parents, especially not when having a mother like yours. I have been going through much of the same at your age, and still it is difficult with them now that I am a grown up.

I do agree with Saint about you being 100% honest, but not with telling them anything and everything. I don´t know about your father´s relationship, if you feel like you can trust him, and talk to him about most things? Though perhaps if telling him many things that comes from your heart he may tell your mother about it too? When still living under same roof like them, the best advice I can give is to keep a bit more low. And yeah, it won't be easy, but if you can try being the peacemaker, and whenever she tries to provoke you or want to make an argument get started, go away from her, and don't respond her. If she doesn't stops being the troublemaker, you at least can let her think she is winning by not responding back to her. In real you are the one who wins, because you don't give in to any of her misbehaviour.

It may come some times that it might be difficult to keep the peace, my mother has many times made me totally boil over and then I responded back to her as bad as she did to me, and when that happened, like you, I always came to my parents appologizing for my bad behaviour, and they accepted it. But they are never coming first to me whenever they are doing me any wrongs, and like you that could hurt me too. Still, you are doing the right thing when you regret about your wrong doings, and appologize or ask for forgiveness. If they don't want to come and appologize nor ask you for forgiveness when doing something wrong, they aren't doing the right thing. And yes, it hurts you that they don't want to confess it for you whenever they know they weren't saying nor doing the right things. But at least you are feeling more free from guilt and regret when you confess your wrong doings, whilst they will still be having a bad knot growing inside of them.

Also prayer is important, of course... Though if you are going to some Christian Youth Fellowship, or Youth Bible-Group, that will also be very helpful for you as well, and you feel more supported through prayers and someone to talk to. It is very important with some form of support, also to be able talking out about your frustrations and difficulties with someone, also in real life. It is nice talking through the internet, but we are social humans that needs some contact also with someone you can see face to face, or in a group, etc....

Just know that you aren't alone in feeling this way, and you aren't to be what your mother nor father wants of you. If they can't take you the way you are, it is their own problem. You weren't meant to become the way they see you nor the way they would like you to be, God created you the way you are, and you are to being formed, also in character, the way God had intended you to being in Him. Now He created you the way you are now too. You should just continue being you.

You are still very young, so the best is to be doing what I said above, also if you can try not getting too much into conflicts, although your mother might seem to start them, still, if she is messing up with you, then be straight honest towards her. It is better telling the truth and perhaps it might hurt her at times that you are so honest with how you feel, and your opinion about her misbehaviour, etc... But this is much better than lying to her. Once you have moved out on your own this will be much easier, though it will not mean that they won't stop trying to control you, but at least then you decide more for yourself and can put and make your own decisions. This way it will also be easier for growing and becoming more independt as well. Keep the faith, and stay as strong as you can through this, also knowing that God is with you, and He will help you get through this all. And just know that though you may feel very weak now, you will endure more and become much more stronger by going through this too. God Bless You!
 
C

choZn

Guest
#4
I have a 17 year old daughter myself.She is a part of my soul and we are very close. However, she has also called me over-protective and felt at times as if I don't understand her. This is equal to the fact that she doesn't always understand me and why the rules are the rules. We have established a relationship where she can tell me anything and I won't overeact. Her part is to accept guidance and, in extreme cases, consequences.I totally agree with 100% honesty with your mom. We all will give an account before God of our actions. You can't go wrong with honesty.Also, have you tried telling her how you feel about your relationship with her and the type of relationship you want to have with her? Parents aren't perfect just because they are adults. Chances are, she would like to have a better relationship with you,too.Think about exactly what it is you want from a relationship with your mom, what your willing to give in return, write it all down if you need to to help you sort it all out, pray over it and commit it to God then make good on your commitments. I"ll pray for you and your mom and your dad, too.
 
D

DanuckInUSA

Guest
#5
Submit to your parents. Know that God is working through them to form you into an amazing woman of God.
 
B

BellaFlor

Guest
#6
I'd say; Submit to God. Through Him you will be formed into an amazing man/woman of God. :)
 
D

dmdave17

Guest
#7
Theron,
You are indeed at a very awkward age. You view yourself as an adult but your mother still looks at you as a child. I believe that you need to do what you can to show her that you have grown up, and that you are ready to be responsible for your own actions. And, believe it or not, I think that you need to cut her some slack. Be patient with her. No doubt she loves you or she wouldn't be overprotective. In my opinion, the more respect that you show her, the more respect you can ask for in return. Proverbs 15, verse 1, says "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.".
Also, I believe that you need to closely examine why you think she is being overprotective. Is it because she truly doesn't recognize how old you are, or are you asking to do things that are really not acceptable in a Christian setting? Remember, (forgive the cliche') just because "everybody is doing it", doesn't make it right.
In short, I think that the more grown up you show yourself to be, the more your mother will have to admit you are.
Best wishes in your quest, and God bless you.
 
S

Seriously_Cool_Wife

Guest
#8
I'm the one that slides the other way. When I was a kid, my mom was hurtful no matter what I tried. I tried to ask her to stop calling me fat once...nicely, and she flipped out so bad on me that she had me cowering in the bathroom having sharp pains in my neck from a panic attack.

Sometimes all you can do is to be the BEST that you can be in any situation. God calls you to love and honor them, so love and honor them. Try to grow up knowing that in spite of the bad stuff, you will choose to follow God and not rely on man.

It does pass. It feels like it lasts forever when you are in the middle of that type of terror... but it stops... and before you know it, you've grown up, are living on your own, and have your own family to raise.... and suddenly all that stuff starts to not mean as much.... In fact, you can see it as a badge of courage...

(not saying to hold silent if there's abuse...but just stop fighting directly with them. talk to a school or church counselor on ways you can handle it better and pray a lot. God will lift you up and see you through if you turn to Him)
 
D

dmdave17

Guest
#9
I'm the one that slides the other way. When I was a kid, my mom was hurtful no matter what I tried. I tried to ask her to stop calling me fat once...nicely, and she flipped out so bad on me that she had me cowering in the bathroom having sharp pains in my neck from a panic attack.

Sometimes all you can do is to be the BEST that you can be in any situation. God calls you to love and honor them, so love and honor them. Try to grow up knowing that in spite of the bad stuff, you will choose to follow God and not rely on man.

It does pass. It feels like it lasts forever when you are in the middle of that type of terror... but it stops... and before you know it, you've grown up, are living on your own, and have your own family to raise.... and suddenly all that stuff starts to not mean as much.... In fact, you can see it as a badge of courage...

(not saying to hold silent if there's abuse...but just stop fighting directly with them. talk to a school or church counselor on ways you can handle it better and pray a lot. God will lift you up and see you through if you turn to Him)
I do agree also. I must admit that I glossed over Theron's last paragraph. If there is real abuse involved, then all bets are off.