pregnant teen

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advise

Guest
#1
#1
my sons girlfriend is pregnant. He came to me in confidence because his girlfriend is going to have an abortion and he does not want her to have one. I have gently spoken to her about her other options and asked her to speak to a councelor. She said she would and is doing so tomorrow. Her abortion is scheduled for this sunday morning. If after she talks to the councelor and decides to have the abortion anyway what should I do.

I feel that since she is only 16 that she needs to speak with her mom before she makes a final decision. She says it is her right legally not to tell her mom and that I should not force her to do so. I don't know if I can live with my conscience if I don't let her mom know.

I would love some help in my decision process. Time is not on my side.
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#2
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
11
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#2
Oh my! :( I would be quite torn as to what to do!

Is she not telling her mom because she is afraid that she will get in trouble because she is having sex? Or is she just not wanting the baby at all?

Do you think going to the councelor with her would help? (you and your son?) It would be aweful knowing that you have a child and have no say as to what could come of their future.

I don't want to give advise per-se' ...... but I think if it were me, I would talk to the girl again from that standpoint that that baby is your flesh and blood too and you do want to see their life taken before even having a chance to truly begin. I don't know what you, your husband (if you are married), and/or your son are prepared to do for this baby if that is an option to her NOT having an abortion.

I could not stand by and watch that unfold without doing something. I would not go to her mother without her knowledge...but I would do whatever I could to stop my grandchild from being taken from my life and future memories.

Best to you in this...and please let me know what the outcome is. I AM PRAYING!
 
Shard

Shard

Banned
#3
Jul 8, 2010
309
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#3
That said I do believe if you told the mother there may be possible legal routes that the girl could take against, or you risk the mother blowing up at you.
 
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bonnie2

Guest
#4
#4
Definitely tell her mom! Tie her up if you have to! Sorry if this sounds insensitive, but this is a human life you are talking about! What if you saw someone trying to kill a 2 year old? What lengths would you go to to stop them? Would you be willing to risk legal action by this girl to stop her from killing a 2 year old? And do you really believe that there is any difference?
Job 31:15- Did not he who made me in the womb make him? And did not one fashion us in the womb?
Psalm 139:16- Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
Jer. 1:5- Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.
 
AliceOfLegend

AliceOfLegend

Banned
#5
Jan 20, 2010
206
0
0
#5
Do you know why she is not telling her parents? While I do think she should talk to het mom, it's not your choice to tell her mother for her, she is right, legally she does not have to.

I had a friend at school, she had an abortion, her father found out and tried to kill her, he would have done that either way though.

But really, I don't think you that talking to her and telling her as someone else suggested that is your flesh and blood, while that is true. It's not your choice to make, and that would make me feel like someone was trying to guilt trip me into doing something I didn't want to.

You do have to realize that while this stressful to you and your son just imagine what she is going through right now, it's a hard thing to decide no matter what she chooses, her life is going to change, forever.

But, I'm glad your son was able to come to you, a lot of kids I know would not do that for fear of being disowned, I've seen it happen.

Best of luck to you all and my prayers are with you
 
AliceOfLegend

AliceOfLegend

Banned
#7
Jan 20, 2010
206
0
0
#7
I've read those stories/poems before.

Still, it is not this woman decision to tell the girls mother.
 
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bonnie2

Guest
#8
#8
AliceOfLegend said:
Do you know why she is not telling her parents? While I do think she should talk to het mom, it's not your choice to tell her mother for her, she is right, legally she does not have to.

I had a friend at school, she had an abortion, her father found out and tried to kill her, he would have done that either way though.

But really, I don't think you that talking to her and telling her as someone else suggested that is your flesh and blood, while that is true. It's not your choice to make, and that would make me feel like someone was trying to guilt trip me into doing something I didn't want to.

You do have to realize that while this stressful to you and your son just imagine what she is going through right now, it's a hard thing to decide no matter what she chooses, her life is going to change, forever.

But, I'm glad your son was able to come to you, a lot of kids I know would not do that for fear of being disowned, I've seen it happen.

Best of luck to you all and my prayers are with you
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Seriously, AliceofLegend? You think it's okay for her not to tell her mom because "legally she does not have to", that it would be a guilt trip for the baby's grandma to tell her it is her own flesh and blood? I don't agree that it's a hard thing to decide. Not if you see that baby as a life that God created, that He has sovereignly planned. That is a baby who is meant to be given a name, to learn to walk and play with toys, to know joy and sorrow, to go to school, get a job, date, get married, contribute something to the world! God already knows everything that little life is going to do. Yet you think it's okay to cut it short? That it's a choice?
 
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bonnie2

Guest
#9
#9
AliceOfLegend said:
I've read those stories/poems before.

Still, it is not this woman decision to tell the girls mother.
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Okay, but what about what God says? What about the fact that He CLEARLY states that He planned the life of this child from the womb?
It is not this girl's decision to kill a child made in the image of God!
 
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bonnie2

Guest
#10
#10
How would you feel if someone took a photo of you right in front of you and crushed it and ripped it? That's probably a little how God feels when someone kills a person, who is in His image (like a photograph).
I would say that carries a LOT more weight than "legal rights." This child has the God-given right to live.
 
AliceOfLegend

AliceOfLegend

Banned
#11
Jan 20, 2010
206
0
0
#11
Yes seriously. It is the girls decison whether or not you like that.

You can't dictate what she does.


Really I think what happens should be a joint choice between the mother and father of the child, but you can't force her to do something that she doesn't want.


And I'm not saying that abortion is okay ( they are situations where it has to happen). I just don't think that this woman has the authority to go to this girls parents.
 
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Credo_ut_Intelligam

Guest
#12
#12
The fact that it is her legal right shouldn't weight too much in your decision.

In Nazi Germany, what Hitler and the SS did was their legal right. Civil law is, unfortunately, not synonymous with moral law.

Bonnie is right. If the "fetus" is a human person then abortion is murder, even if it is legalized murder (just like the Nazis legally murdered the Jews), and you can simply use a counter-example involving some other human person:

Imagine that Mr. Black is going to smother his grandmother to death on Wednesday and he informs his best friend, Smith, about his murderous intentions that Monday.

It seems fairly obvious that Smith has the obligation to try to prevent Mr. Black by persuading him not to and, if that fails, by going to the police and informing them of Mr. Black's murderous intent.

Saying "But what if the police arrest him and send him to jail?" would obviously be inconsequential. Likewise, saying "But what if Mr. Black's father (the grandmother's son) upon finding out about his plan to murder his grandmother tries to get revenge on his son by murdering him!!?" is obviously inconsequential. It's useless speculation, which, if consistently applied, would thwart us from doing almost anything we know to be morally praisworthy because there may always be some unintended negative consequences (if I help an old lady cross the street, she may get mugged!).

I think you have the obligation to try to persuade her to not get the abortion. If that fails, you should inform her parents or anyone else that you think may be able to prevent the murder from occuring. The fact that it is someone's choice to abort (murder) a child has no more significance than saying it was Hitler's choice to murder the Jews.
 
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bonnie2

Guest
#15
#15
AliceOfLegend said:
Yes seriously. It is the girls decison whether or not you like that.

You can't dictate what she does.


Really I think what happens should be a joint choice between the mother and father of the child, but you can't force her to do something that she doesn't want.


And I'm not saying that abortion is okay ( they are situations where it has to happen). I just don't think that this woman has the authority to go to this girls parents.
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What situations? If you're talking about a situation where the mother's life is in jeopardy, I would much, much rather die than kill my baby.
When a law is wrong, I mean WRONG, you can go against it. I think this is such a case. You don't give a teenager, who is leaning toward the wrong choice, that kind of freedom. If it were legal for 16-year-olds to kill 2-year-olds, Christian people would stand up against it, more than they stand against abortion. They would tell their parents that they're trying to kill a 2-year-old, because it is WRONG.
 
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Credo_ut_Intelligam

Guest
#16
#16
bonnie2 said:
What situations? If you're talking about a situation where the mother's life is in jeopardy, I would much, much rather die than kill my baby.
When a law is wrong, I mean WRONG, you can go against it.
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In fact if this lady did inform the girl's parents she wouldn't be going against any law, that I know of, since there is no law that says if a 16 year old girl tells someone she is going to get an abortion that the person she told has to keep it a secret.

If it were legal for 16-year-olds to kill 2-year-olds, Christian people would stand up against it, more than they stand against abortion. They would tell their parents that they're trying to kill a 2-year-old, because it is WRONG.
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Exactly. But, unfortunately, Christians are very influenced by the culture they grow up in. They tend to adopt the sentiments and thought patterns of their age.
 
A

advise

Guest
#17
#17
The girlfriend actually used to go on chat lines and defend the baby and thought that abortion was wrong. Her mom had her at 16 so I know her mom would be very receptive to speaking with her. She is a very nice lady. If she were 18 I would speak with her and try to guide her but she is only 16 and not mature enough to make this decision on her own. My son, husband and I would help in every way if she decided to keep the baby. We would even adopt it if she allowed it. However, I am not even arguing if she should have an abortion or not. I hope she does not but my concern right now is her mental health and making an informed decision and having emotional support. Her mother and father would not harm her in any way. She told me her mom would not make her have the baby. She just does not want to dissapoint her mom. I understand but feel she really needs to speak to her and I feel since my son is partly responsible for this and I am his mom that I should tell her mom and since she is a minor that her mom should know.
 
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Credo_ut_Intelligam

Guest
#18
#18
advise said:
The girlfriend actually used to go on chat lines and defend the baby and thought that abortion was wrong. Her mom had her at 16 so I know her mom would be very receptive to speaking with her. She is a very nice lady. If she were 18 I would speak with her and try to guide her but she is only 16 and not mature enough to make this decision on her own. My son, husband and I would help in every way if she decided to keep the baby. We would even adopt it if she allowed it. However, I am not even arguing if she should have an abortion or not. I hope she does not but my concern right now is her mental health and making an informed decision and having emotional support. Her mother and father would not harm her in any way. She told me her mom would not make her have the baby. She just does not want to dissapoint her mom. I understand but feel she really needs to speak to her and I feel since my son is partly responsible for this and I am his mom that I should tell her mom and since she is a minor that her mom should know.
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Then if the counselor fails to persuade her not to have an abortion I would definitely inform the parents. The girl may have said that the mother wouldn't make her have the baby, but maybe this was said to dissaude you from telling her parents. But even if this was something her mom said at some prior point, the mother's position could change by the reality of her daughter being pregnant.
 
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Credo_ut_Intelligam

Guest
#19
#19
advise said:
...my concern right now is her mental health and making an informed decision and having emotional support.
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Keep in mind that we are talking about a person's life being at stake here.

I'm not saying the girl's health and emotional support should be of no concern, but it would be very twisted to be more concerned about the person with murerous intentions than the intended victim.
 
AliceOfLegend

AliceOfLegend

Banned
#20
Jan 20, 2010
206
0
0
#20
Just keep talking with her. Have your son keep talking to her as well.

She's probably got alot on her mind, keep the communication lines open and keep suggesting she tell her mom..

And btw everyone, I'm not saying that I want this girl to abort.
 
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