what does th bible really say about divorce?

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salty

Guest
#1
hi guys! I'm a new member. just joined because i need someone to talk to. i regret my marriage, i am not enjoying it at all. there is no intimacy between my husband and i, and when i try to "Talk" to him like everybody says, he is dismissive. what ever i say gets into one ear and rolls out of the other. I feel sooooo trapped! i come from a background where divorce is frowned at, and he takes this for granted. We are blessed with a gorgeous daughter, and because of my love for her ( i feel she needs her dad's presence while growing up) i try to endure my situation, but i am miserable!
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#2
Salty, have you heard about the movie Fireproof? If not, google The Love Dare from that movie. It would be a great movie for the two of you to watch together.

Is your husband a christian?

Sometimes, rather than try to talk with someone, we have to show them certain things. Sometimes it's a good idea just to do sweet things for him and hold your tongue. Pay special attention to him when he does have something to say. Send him a love letter. Draw him a bath when he's really tired or offer to massage his back or feet. Does he like a certain sport? Is there a movie he's been wanting to see? Surprise him with something related to something he's interested in.

Being loving toward one another...giving of yourself and your time... is the way to restore intimacy. And it has to start somewhere. Sounds like it's up to you to make the first move. :)

In the meantime, we're here for you. God bless!
 
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salty

Guest
#3
Thanks Juliana, that is certainly food for thought. I'll try to watch that movie hoping that it will hit the right spot in my heart,because sometimes i wonder if i have got the strength to carry on.
 

Kathleen

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2009
3,570
6
38
#4
hey - here basically the godly veiw of marrige/ divorce

get married - and married for life. the only time where divorce is allowed is when adulterry is involved. The innocent party can divorce and find anothe significant other, and marry again - without sin.
the guilty party however - can not marry again.
other than that - the only way out in gods eyes is death.

Corinthians is the book to read - its all about marriage and sexual morality . ect...

if u want the sciptures quoted.. just say :)

God Bless and i pray you overcome this
 

lil_christian

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
48
27
#5
I'll be praying salty =) I really hope your marriage gets better...
 
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Ricke

Guest
#6
I beleive in staying together, and do whatever it takes to try and work it put. Most of the problems on Marriage is due to selfishness on one side or the other.

For Guys; Remember when you were dating you could'nt do enough for her.? And wanted to always be with her? And did sweet things for her she loved? Well guys, you need to try and do a lot of the Same things now like you did then. Compliments, lots of hugs, words of appreciation, even opening doors for her. Too tired you say? Were you tired when you were dating tell the truth?!.

Ladies; Guys hate to be nagged at. Try to use constructive criticism, rather then running off at the mouth if possible. It turns guys off. Hold that tongue IF POSSIBLE.

Another marriage killer is throwing things up in your partner's face that happened ions ago. This ploy is often used whenvthe other Party reminds you of your shortcomings, and our precious little feelings get bent out of shape...

Try love and tenderness and talk in gentle tones both Ladies and Guys........
 
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BellaFlor

Guest
#7
Very Wise Said, Ricke :)
 

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#8
You know, this is a rough subject for many, and I understand in part the pain and hardship of either decision, but you asked what the bible said, so I'll post it up. Before I do, however, I will note that there are several Old Testament passages I've chosen not to post, and the debate about whether or not these are merely cultural understandings, or eternal principles has gone on for centuries.

"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. -Malachi 2:16


"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'[f] 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." -Matthew 5:31-32

1When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'[a] 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

11Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage[c]because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."
-Matthew 19:1-11

1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.[a] 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

17Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. 18Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. 19Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. 20Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. 21Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave. 23You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. 24Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.

25Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

29What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

36If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.

39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
-1 Corinthians 7

Now, pray about this. People take many different stances from the same scriptures, and we should be able to look past our differences and be joined together as one body in Christ. Nonetheless, you asked what the Bible says, and with the exception of those passages found in the Old Testament, I have posted them for you to know.
 
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Traderjane

Guest
#9
First, I wanted to say how truly sorry I am that you are going through this pain. It is a terrible pain. I know you asked for biblical rulings on divorce but I would like to share some thoughts about marriage in general. Whether biblically permitted or not, the truth is that once you have a child together, you can never be truly "divorced." You are never free from your spouse becuase you will always share the most important thing in the world to you both-- your child. You will trade the day to day difficulties of marriage for the nightmare of joint custody. Your child will live with the sadness of shultling from home to home. You will have to deal with each other constantly on issues of parenting and those will always be tinged with the bitterness of feelings left over from the divorce. I am not saying these things to try to hurt you but only becuase I have seen friends end their marriages only to discover that they are less free of each other then they were before.

If your husband is abusive either verbally or physically that is an other matter entirely. But if he is a decent man and a good father then I would think very hard before ending a marriage with children involved.

You didn't say much about what your problems are and perhaps this is not the forum for it. But I sometimes think people expect too much from a spouse. I love my husband dearly but there are still things that I can better share with a girl friend or with my sister. And there is probably some truth to the notion that men and woman have diffierent communication styles and different needs in that area. I'm not saying that he shouldn't try to learn and give you what you need, only to be careful before assuming that there is something so much better for you "out there."

CAn you think back to what attracted you to him in the first place? Have those things changed or been lost somehow? Is it possible to recapture them? Does your husband belittle you or abuse you verbally or is it more a matter of emotional distance?

In any case, I wish you peace in whatever you chose.

Be well,
Jane