what can you say about this?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
J

julia76

Guest
#1
#1
actually i don't know where to start but i've been married for quite a time already. i experience ups and downs with regard to my married life. i really do not know if the negative things and the fights are just the result of my being immature, as what some people would say to me. But, is it bad if i expect my husband to be at home with me every night? for several years already i just ignore or tolerate my husband's coming home late because of work, because he's out with friends, most often single friends (women or men). But he's a good husband. he provides us with the things we need. it's just that i can't really grasp why he still feels bored and look for female friends to be with him when in fact he already had access to all technologies in the world (internet, cellphone, ipod,etc). i have learned that for several times he's been contacting different single female friends through emails/phones by telling them he is bored and that he missed them. (of course, the mails went this way : i'm bored, i have nobody to talk to. why were you not contacting me anymore? i miss you.) And when he's with me, he'd always tell me that he had a lot of things to do at work, he needs to find more money, etc.that is why he comes home late. i am not really stopping him to be with friends from time to time but i am uncomfortable when he's out with female friends or a female friend alone, ... i don't know...actually i'm confused. i have been thinking of leaving him...so he can do what he wants without having to fight with me. am i just overreacting?
 
M

Mich223

Guest
#2
#2
I'm sorry to hear your husband is with other female friends. You should talk to him about stopping his seeing them if it bothers you. Don't leave your husband - try and talk it out.
 
F

FrankensteinGirls

Banned
#3
Aug 8, 2010
531
3
0
#3
You need to explain to him how your feeling, marriages would last if there was more communication between husband and wife. And if you are feeling bored and lonely, try and make some friends, or maybe take yourself to the movies, try and have a good time. And you can always pm me, I know I'm 18 but I've been going through things and everybody needs a friend.. I don't get along well with people of my age generally lol.
 
O

OStF

Guest
#4
#4
I'm sorry to hear that... But you really shouldn't have to tolerate him coming home late whether it is for work or hanging out with friends. I don't mean you should confront him about it, though. If he says he's working overtime, thank him for working so hard to take care of your finances. Admire his courage in taking the responsibility. Give him a reason to come home.("I want to cook you a special dinner tonight, and it would mean a lot if you could be here." or something. If he says he can't because he has to work, then say "Okay, I understand. I really appreciate you working so hard for us." and pack him a lunch the next day with a short note or something) The fact that he has single female friends is not something that should bother you, however if it does, I would suggest praying to God to "still the storm to a whisper" in your mind (Psalm 107:29). God made marriage to be for life, it's beyond a contract between two people. It's a covenant between you, your husband, and God. And know that even if your husband may not be there for you all the time, God is. Wish you the best of luck =)
 
F

FrankensteinGirls

Banned
#5
Aug 8, 2010
531
3
0
#5
OStF said:
I'm sorry to hear that... But you really shouldn't have to tolerate him coming home late whether it is for work or hanging out with friends. I don't mean you should confront him about it, though. If he says he's working overtime, thank him for working so hard to take care of your finances. Admire his courage in taking the responsibility. Give him a reason to come home.("I want to cook you a special dinner tonight, and it would mean a lot if you could be here." or something. If he says he can't because he has to work, then say "Okay, I understand. I really appreciate you working so hard for us." and pack him a lunch the next day with a short note or something) The fact that he has single female friends is not something that should bother you, however if it does, I would suggest praying to God to "still the storm to a whisper" in your mind (Psalm 107:29). God made marriage to be for life, it's beyond a contract between two people. It's a covenant between you, your husband, and God. And know that even if your husband may not be there for you all the time, God is. Wish you the best of luck =)
Click to expand...

Why shouldn't she confront him about it??

Yes you should give him a reason to come home, but also she needs to voice her feelings, she shouldn't keep him from hanging with his friends, but he also needs to make time for her.


Yes God made marriage for life. but he is not the only who needs to try and make it work. The people actually in the marriage need to communicate, and it can't always be passive, sometimes you actually DO need to not "confront" people, but just bring up the subject and your feelings.
 
O

OStF

Guest
#6
#6
You bring up a good point, and I'm sorry for not clarifying. I meant don't confront him as if he were the enemy. Also, to quote Proverbs, "The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again" Proverbs 24:16. Be encouraged =)
 
F

FrankensteinGirls

Banned
#7
Aug 8, 2010
531
3
0
#7
OStF said:
You bring up a good point, and I'm sorry for not clarifying. I meant don't confront him as if he were the enemy. Also, to quote Proverbs, "The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again" Proverbs 24:16. Be encouraged =)
Click to expand...
No worries :)
 
J

julia76

Guest
#8
#8
Thank you so much for all your replies. i am also working... i do cook or prepare food for him although most of the time, he doesn't like to eat anymore because he's already full.. it's either he has dined out with friends or was given free dinner.:) the conflict actually comes in when i start expressing how i feel. and he would take it as a sign of immaturity.
 
O

OStF

Guest
#9
#9
Hmm... it does sound difficult. How about planning it out ahead? Tell him to come home early because you want to cook him something special maybe? Also if he's not willing to change based on what you tell him... perhaps write to God. I find that writing helps me calm down and collect my thoughts, and helps avert heated arguments between me and the husband. It helps me keep my words kind to my husband even though I may not always feel that way, because I can vent the negative thoughts in my notebook to God. Keep your head up =)
 
T

Traderjane

Guest
#10
#10
Hello,

I'm so sorry that you are having this trouble. I can understand a little bit. My husband works very late most nights. But i know that he is doing it so that our famiy can have what we need. I'm thankful becuase it allows me to work less and be here for the children. I tell him often how much I appreciate his hard work and that I'm proud of him and grateful.

However, it would kill me if he were out spending time with friends rather then coming home. And it would really kill me if I knew he were telling others that he has no one to talk too. That would just crush my heart. Don't get me wrong. He does sometimes go out with friends to play poker or golf or just have some time. He needs that. But it would hurt me so, if I felt that he were becoming emotionally close to others rather then me.
 
J

julia76

Guest
#11
#11
@OsTF: yes, i think writing to God and keeping a journal would help. Thanks!


@traderjane: i can always understand if he just wants to unwind and be with friends but you're right, that's where my hurt was comng from, when he goes out with single female friends (well, there were times, with a single female friend alone) and tells them he's bored and he has nobody to talk to. he just loves to have single women to be emotionally close to her. He wants them to be dependent on him emotionally. I don't know, maybe it's already part of his personality.
 
Wonderland

Wonderland

Senior Member
#12
May 6, 2010
247
19
18
#12
I'm sorry to say this but it sounds like he's cheating on you.
 
H

Happy2bme

Guest
#13
#13
I have no advice for you, but want u 2 know that I will pray 4 u. Having experienced a huge dose of reality in my marriage lately, I know that turning to GOD and following HIS lead is the only way. I pray 4 u to be the most important thing in the world to ur husband-second only to GOD and 4 your feelings to be the same for him.
 
E

evamu

Guest
#14
#14
My dear friend or sister I feel for you, the only only advice I could give is to sit down with your husband and talk over as adults will alway do. Find out his disagreements and and agreements, only then you both will know you is at fault. And a remainder, before any conversation take place, say a word of prayer, ask God presences at that very room you suppose to chat with your husband. Inviting God is the most inportant thing to do because nothing is impossible through Him.
 
D

DanuckInUSA

Guest
#15
#15
There is a book by Debbie Pearl called Help Meet that saved our marriage when I being the man was in much the same position as this man, I recommend it

Check out my blog: Jesus Wept
 
S

Slepsog4

Guest
#16
#16
If he isn't going to be home for supper, then meet him where he will be eating. Get to know his other friends. get involved. become a part of that world. Be stealthy.... seduce him. Nagging just drives the wedge deeper.
 
D

dmdave17

Guest
#17
#17
Slepsog4 said:
If he isn't going to be home for supper, then meet him where he will be eating. Get to know his other friends. get involved. become a part of that world. Be stealthy.... seduce him. Nagging just drives the wedge deeper.
Click to expand...
Believe it or not, I have been on both sides of this issue in my lifetime. And in both situations, it was a strong signal of trouble in my marriage(s). I agree with many of the suggestions made here, particularly the one quoted. What I do believe is that you need to take action soon. You are not being immature or unreasonable. Pray for guidance. Then follow God's direction as best you can. But do something! If you let this situation go on as it is, you will wake up one day and find that it is too late.
God bless you.
 
S

sensitive

Guest
#18
#18
I'm so sorry you are going through this. There is something wrong and you already know it in your gut and you are just trying to push the truth away from you. The fact that you read that he is telling single women he is lonely and bored? Lonely and bored with you around? Something seriously wrong there. He is already forming emotional relationships to other women beside you, his wife! Really bad! The marriage is in serious trouble. Your gut is trying to tell you this and you hope someone will just tell you it is your imagination when it is not.
You need to sit him down and have a heart to heart serious talk. NO yelling, no accusing, just tell him how much it hurts your feelings that he feels bored and lonely with you and that you feel he is looking outside the marriage to get those needs filled. Ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot so to speak. If for instance he found notes from you to other single men telling them how you miss them, and you are bored and lonely. The first thing he would think is she is having an affair or looking to have one!
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#19
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#19
Have someone follow him after work to see what he's really up to. If he's really working late or just hanging out with friends then you have nothing to really worry about.
 
Last edited:
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#20
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#20
ALSO, If he tries to accuse you of spying on him, ask him to explain his emails to his girl friends.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.