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N
I don't think is it "unrealistic" for teens to practice ABstience before marriage. I even want to say I beleive more do so, than many think do. However, teens can also be very OBstinate, when it comes to "listening" to their parents. You say you have "really good open communication" with your son....thats AWESOME!!! Keep up the good work!!! Keep talking to/with him...even when he doesn't seem like he wants to hear what your saying..he will hear it!!! I don't mean to say harp at him.....but I am sure you know your son well...and can find appropriate times when a gentle word or a nice long chat can come naturally. I have two girls myself, and I know that some of our most heartfelt talks have come at some of the "oddest" times....but when all was said and done...it was the PERFECT time!!! Let it come natural.....but do let it come!!! He needs to hear how you feel and what you have to say....even if he doesn't want to hear it right now...he will be glad you were always there for him. If he doesn't "heed" everything you have to say right now.....he will still remember,.. and what is the passage...."raise a child ...and he will not depart from it....?? I forget how it gooooes!!!!! but what I hear from that is not that he wont make mistakes, but that he will KNOW the path to get back on.......God Bless.......you and yours are in my prayers..as is the girl and her mother too....
L
Dear Nhisgrip :
This situation affects many many Christian families. In fact, I'm witnessing the same situation in my own family. Essentially you are at the point where you know that your son is sexually active and is unfortunately chosing to live a different way then to what he was raised. But how do you approach it? I know from experience then when my mom took the Christian approach speech with my brother, he became exceedingly frustrated and felt like he was being 'condemned' and having religion 'shoved down his throat'. That is why I intervened. My brother views me as a 'neutral' party and feels open to talk with me. I asked him a lot of hard questions to make him think. While I still emphasized the importance of upholding Christian values, I also asked him alot of what would be considered 'secular' questions. This included things such as the importance of birth control, the risk of STDs, the risk of pregnancy, what would he do if she got pregnant, does he consider abortion an option, does he love the girl, is he just fulfilling his sex drive or does he deeply care for her, etc. He is currently struggling with those questions, and is slowly considering a change in his behaviour. Because I was a 'neutral' person, I was able to ask him alot of hard questions and create an environment that he felt safe to talk in. I would strongly recommend that if there is an older sibling or perhaps a trusted young adult within your church that he could relate to, maybe it would be best if they spoke to him. It is important that 'neutral' person does keep things in confidence, and tells your son that. If your son believes that this 3rd person will come running back and tell you everything, it will undermine what you are trying to acomplish.
It's hard to sit back and let something like this happen. But I will warn you, I strongly believe that it is important for a trusted 3rd party to speak with him now, because things have the potential to greatly progres downhill from here. My brother started out this exact way. Then after he broke up with his long time girlfriend, he fell into the cycle of sleeping with many girls to fulfill that love he was missing. That further progressed to him 'picking up' 1 random girl from the bar. I believe that if I had spoken to him a year ago, I could have prevented a few 'random mistakes'. While I would not have been able to prevent every future girl he had sex with, I would have had an impact on the numbers he has had. I am being realistic and addressing the fact that I know my brother will have sex. I am just trying to prevent him from taking random girls home from the bar, sleeping with girls if he's not dating, and at least trying to get him to wait for a few months of dating them before he does that. I know it's not a perfect Christian aproach to take, but at this point, I would rather him only sleep with 5 girls in his whole life than 55.
Hope this is of some help. I'll be praying for your situation.
Lisa
This situation affects many many Christian families. In fact, I'm witnessing the same situation in my own family. Essentially you are at the point where you know that your son is sexually active and is unfortunately chosing to live a different way then to what he was raised. But how do you approach it? I know from experience then when my mom took the Christian approach speech with my brother, he became exceedingly frustrated and felt like he was being 'condemned' and having religion 'shoved down his throat'. That is why I intervened. My brother views me as a 'neutral' party and feels open to talk with me. I asked him a lot of hard questions to make him think. While I still emphasized the importance of upholding Christian values, I also asked him alot of what would be considered 'secular' questions. This included things such as the importance of birth control, the risk of STDs, the risk of pregnancy, what would he do if she got pregnant, does he consider abortion an option, does he love the girl, is he just fulfilling his sex drive or does he deeply care for her, etc. He is currently struggling with those questions, and is slowly considering a change in his behaviour. Because I was a 'neutral' person, I was able to ask him alot of hard questions and create an environment that he felt safe to talk in. I would strongly recommend that if there is an older sibling or perhaps a trusted young adult within your church that he could relate to, maybe it would be best if they spoke to him. It is important that 'neutral' person does keep things in confidence, and tells your son that. If your son believes that this 3rd person will come running back and tell you everything, it will undermine what you are trying to acomplish.
It's hard to sit back and let something like this happen. But I will warn you, I strongly believe that it is important for a trusted 3rd party to speak with him now, because things have the potential to greatly progres downhill from here. My brother started out this exact way. Then after he broke up with his long time girlfriend, he fell into the cycle of sleeping with many girls to fulfill that love he was missing. That further progressed to him 'picking up' 1 random girl from the bar. I believe that if I had spoken to him a year ago, I could have prevented a few 'random mistakes'. While I would not have been able to prevent every future girl he had sex with, I would have had an impact on the numbers he has had. I am being realistic and addressing the fact that I know my brother will have sex. I am just trying to prevent him from taking random girls home from the bar, sleeping with girls if he's not dating, and at least trying to get him to wait for a few months of dating them before he does that. I know it's not a perfect Christian aproach to take, but at this point, I would rather him only sleep with 5 girls in his whole life than 55.
Hope this is of some help. I'll be praying for your situation.
Lisa
Teenage is a difficult time for many girls and boys. Open communication between parents and children are very important. Myself and my wife take infomal time with our children to discuss many things including sex and mariage. It is good to clear their doubts and questions. Many of our teens are misled by the influence of media and books. They need to be corrected at an earlier stage. Praying for them and praying with them makes a lot of difference.God can work in their lives.
Hi I agree with what the bible says about sex in marriage, I had mine lost a few years ago at 32 and was devastated and repented. I regret it happening cause it would be a good gift for marriage. I was upset cause i don't see the girl anymore so it did scare me a little, however it did get me closer to the lord cause i was stressed at the time. im now nearly 37 and have been faithful to the lord since that day till marriage.
Try convincing your son the lords way so he doesn't get hurt and pray to the lord about the problem. Everything is possible with GODS hand. May God bless you and your son.
Try convincing your son the lords way so he doesn't get hurt and pray to the lord about the problem. Everything is possible with GODS hand. May God bless you and your son.
W
hello just wanna share my opinion. You said that he already did it well first of all, we can't change it and already happened secondly, he might be exposed to any pornographic materials thirdly, when temptations come it's hard to resist especially when you lack in faith to him but the bottomline here is when the surroundings are bad and you're not well prepared, you may acquire whatever you see but not all people get corrupted because they choose GOD over death.My advice to you is to talk with him more deeply and instead of punishing him, make him realize how GOD loves him and tell him about the consequences that he could face after the sins he has done. Say to him that GOD doesn't want him to go in hell because he's also his son.He is forgiving and tell him that there's still time to claim GOD as his SAVIOR!
hope this helps:]
GOD BLESS!
hope this helps:]
GOD BLESS!
A
Being a teen as well- a lot of this is going on in high school. It most definitely is a personal choice or not whether to do it or not. It is great that you and your son have really good open communication. Everyone makes their own choices and you can't physically control them. All of what is going on is in God's hands. I'm sure your son will continue to be successful in life...even though he is sexually active.
-Hope this helped a little
-Hope this helped a little
It is not right for anyone to be sexually active before marriage and to say or agree with it being ok is condoning sin.If they were robbing and stealing from people than the remarks would be different. Now, if you have shown him and her that it is against God's commandment then that is all you can do, if you step in yes it may make him pull away but if you sit back and allow it then you are saying it is ok also. Make thier visits supervised as much as you can. But if they want to have sex you cn't stop them.
Now for all you who say you are a believer if you can't give Godly advise then it is best not to give any advise. That is the problem with the world today we christian compromise and that is sin.
Now for all you who say you are a believer if you can't give Godly advise then it is best not to give any advise. That is the problem with the world today we christian compromise and that is sin.
X
I'm sorry that you had to find out that way. When my mom found my older brother's out that he was having sex, she cried. Sadly, he is no longer a Christian which makes me upset. I don't think you can do anything about the sex thing with your son. Only because he will do what he wants. They can listen to advice, but ultimately it's up to them to make decisions. It's great that you and your son have great communication, as well. I'm sure he didn't tell you he was having sex simply because you're his mom and he knew you would be upset. Just pray...and keep praying. :]
F
It is very hard to tell a teenager not to have sex when they already had it. Once it is done it is very hard to stop. Even being a Chrisitian, its our flesh that gets to us. The best thing to do is to calmy talk to him and tell him what God thinks of it (Verse 1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body) There are many other verses in the Bible about this (you can always go to Biblegateway.com to find a few if you need help to prepare.) One fact is that you can help him by showing him what God has to say about it and pray about it. Just know he is his own person and it will be his decision. This world just shows as sex before marriage is normal and waiting until you are marriage isn't. It's a tough situation. I would also pray that God comforts you in this hard time in your life.
R
Being Christians does not make us bulletproof, or perfect, or better than non-believers. We are all sinners and our God knows this and knows what our children are going to do before they do. Some of the best lessons I have learned in my life, I learned because I was a sinner, and my Father chose to use those sins/mistakes as a tool to teach me. Some unfortunately where very hard lessons to learn. But these teachings or "hard lessons" God taught me were so worth learning after I went through them. We as parents love our children just as God loves us, but God allows us to make our mistakes so he can teach us very important things. He never stops loving us. Continue to love your children, try to guide them and support the right choices they make, but when they make bad choices allow them to learn the lesson from it. As parents, it hurts, but sometimes we as parents have to let our children be accountable for their choices in life, just as God does for us, we are his children too. You don't have to condone their actions and choices, and you can let them know that, but they will make their own mistakes, whether you are there or not. I am currently going through some very rough times with my children, and have been for quite a while now, it is so hard that sometimes I don't think I can make it through. And I know I can't make it without God in my life. So I understand what you are going through. I apologize for being long winded, this is my very first post and could write a novel on my experiences on this subject. I have given everything over to God to handle, because I can not handle it anymore. You sound like you are doing all the right things. Just remember to not be to hard on yourself over your children. In Gods eyes, our capabilities are limited compared to him. Allow him to work through you and others to do what he wants to do. My prayers to out to you and your son.
W
This brings back memories...
I was 16 when i lost my virginity, but for young boys in sweden, getting rid of is a better way to say it. I was with a two years older girl. We had been seeing each other for a few months and i slept at her house one night when her parents were away. I was very nervous, shook like a startled rabbit as i remember it. Im 19 now and has been "sexually active" now and then for the past few years. I remember that my father wanted to talk about sex once when i was 16. I laughed because it was pointless; i already knew about STDs, protection and all that stuff.
I'm not a christian as some of you may know. I dont understand why this is such an important matter. Sex at its best is a loving act and it makes both people involved feel very good. It is not harmful at all if you do it right. You say its a sin, but why is it a sin? Most sins i can understand; violence, stealing and lying causes harm to yourself and other people, but sex just doesnt harm anyone. I think the christian faith is beautiful and constructive in many ways, but this fear mongering is one of the reasons i can never become a christian (again).
I was 16 when i lost my virginity, but for young boys in sweden, getting rid of is a better way to say it. I was with a two years older girl. We had been seeing each other for a few months and i slept at her house one night when her parents were away. I was very nervous, shook like a startled rabbit as i remember it. Im 19 now and has been "sexually active" now and then for the past few years. I remember that my father wanted to talk about sex once when i was 16. I laughed because it was pointless; i already knew about STDs, protection and all that stuff.
I'm not a christian as some of you may know. I dont understand why this is such an important matter. Sex at its best is a loving act and it makes both people involved feel very good. It is not harmful at all if you do it right. You say its a sin, but why is it a sin? Most sins i can understand; violence, stealing and lying causes harm to yourself and other people, but sex just doesnt harm anyone. I think the christian faith is beautiful and constructive in many ways, but this fear mongering is one of the reasons i can never become a christian (again).
H
The testimony is a true account and maybe it will help and maybe not, its up to the person recieving it. It was early in life that i accepted what Jesus had done for me at calvary. So there was alot of things that the still small voice kept telling me that i wasnt supposed to be part of. I never tried drugs of any kind and i had promised myself that i would save my gift for the person that i would eventually marry. It was by no means an easy time in my life when those around you are constantly asking the obvious questions that most guys ask after you have been dating the same girl for a while. And there were times that there would be pressure from certain girls to do the certain thing that i had promised not to do. There were times that i would have to just walk away and there were times that im sure the girl i was dating thought something was wrong with me. The only way i knew to explain it was i know there are alot of people that are doing this but it still doesnt make it right. I eventually met a girl i considered to be the girl i would eventually marry and still i stayed true to my promise. We dated and I thought we were building a good relationship, but eventually we broke up so im glad that we didnt take it a step further. It was then i made one of the biggest mistakes(Choices) of my life, one that would change me for a long time. I met a girl that i considered to be very attractive, but she didnt share the same veiws because she seemed very foward when it came to the (Gift). It wasnt very long before i fell prey to satans voice and gave in and sacrificed the gift that should have been saved for my wife. We ended up getting married because i felt a strong sense of obligation for the choice regardless of it being the wrong choice. We seemed happy at first but it didnt take long to fall apart we were only married for 4 years when we seperated and eventually divorced. I say this, we can try to build a marriage but if it is not built on a strong foundation(Truth) it will eventually crumble unless the two are willing for it to be re established in truth.Now the Gift had been given to the wrong person so it will not reach its full potential or perfect plan. While it is certainly a better choice to do the right thing(Truth) it is much harder to be restored once the Gift is given away. You cannot ask for it back and it will never be the same. God will RESTORE the Gift if we are sincere and truly repent. I eventually met the Girl that is now my wife and we have been married now for 22 years and yet things are not always easy it has been worth the effort to work through the hard times and submit to God's Plan for our lives. My son shared with me that he and his girlfriend of 4 years had been active and he sensed that is was wrong so he broke up with the girl for a while and said that he was sure that she was the right one for him but he need some time to think. She eventually dated others and admitted to him that she had been with another guy while they were apart. He was devistated, He felt betrayed and he came to me and wept and The spirit of the Lord told me Just hold him in your arms. The spirit also told me to tell him that he would restore the things that he had allowed satan to take from him if in fact he was truly sorry for giving in and had truly repented . He is now truly restored and is blessed with a Awesome Wife and they are about to celebrate their 2nd anniversary in July this year. You can see their pic on my profile. I am very proud of the Life he has now chosen and they are both very involved in the church that they attend. I say all this to say....God Restores! God Mends! and God Honors His Word Above Himself!
Greg
Greg
D
Hi all,
Abstinance is not impossible. It's merely a choice. Do we love the idea of sex and fitting in with the world more, or do we love God more?
My wife is an incredibly beautiful woman, and coming from a Christian family, she chose to keep God's word until we were joined. It was not easy for her, because she had many approaches and often wanted to experience what other people her age were going through, but she persevered.
I was the opposite. I was not a Christian and was very sexually active. To be honest, I can't even remember most of the girls I was with. I can say to you now though, that I wish I had stayed a virgin until marriage.
Why? Yes, it is God's will, but why does God want us to keep pure for the one we will marry?
I believe it is because God created us, and he knows what is truly best and beneficial for us. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Ge 1:27)
When my wife and I are together, she can give herself fully to me. I am the only man she has ever known, and sex for her is completely tied to me and the love we have together. I believe the Bible tells us that when we have sex with a woman, we become 'one flesh' (Ge 2:24). I've united myself with so many women, and they each have a small part of me. When I am 'with' my wife. I'm only partially there. My thoughts sometimes drift to other women... and this is not fair to her, to our relationship, or to the commitment I made with God when I married her. I truly wish I could be as sexually devoted and focussed on her as she is to me.
There is also a price to pay for the women I've been with. In some way, I've also left my mark on them, and been responsible for some of the brokeness in their relationships because of that. This was my act of selfishness, because I think as men, we know that sex often means more emotionally to the woman than it does to us.
The idea that sex makes us men is a lie. Following the herd because I am too weak to stand by what I believe does not make me a man.
Having the strength and the courage to do what is right, and Godly, not through my strength, but through God's... that makes me a man. God has so richly blessed me in every way, but most of all through Christ in my life. How can I not give him what little I have to offer?
Abstinance is not impossible. It's merely a choice. Do we love the idea of sex and fitting in with the world more, or do we love God more?
My wife is an incredibly beautiful woman, and coming from a Christian family, she chose to keep God's word until we were joined. It was not easy for her, because she had many approaches and often wanted to experience what other people her age were going through, but she persevered.
I was the opposite. I was not a Christian and was very sexually active. To be honest, I can't even remember most of the girls I was with. I can say to you now though, that I wish I had stayed a virgin until marriage.
Why? Yes, it is God's will, but why does God want us to keep pure for the one we will marry?
I believe it is because God created us, and he knows what is truly best and beneficial for us. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Ge 1:27)
When my wife and I are together, she can give herself fully to me. I am the only man she has ever known, and sex for her is completely tied to me and the love we have together. I believe the Bible tells us that when we have sex with a woman, we become 'one flesh' (Ge 2:24). I've united myself with so many women, and they each have a small part of me. When I am 'with' my wife. I'm only partially there. My thoughts sometimes drift to other women... and this is not fair to her, to our relationship, or to the commitment I made with God when I married her. I truly wish I could be as sexually devoted and focussed on her as she is to me.
There is also a price to pay for the women I've been with. In some way, I've also left my mark on them, and been responsible for some of the brokeness in their relationships because of that. This was my act of selfishness, because I think as men, we know that sex often means more emotionally to the woman than it does to us.
The idea that sex makes us men is a lie. Following the herd because I am too weak to stand by what I believe does not make me a man.
Having the strength and the courage to do what is right, and Godly, not through my strength, but through God's... that makes me a man. God has so richly blessed me in every way, but most of all through Christ in my life. How can I not give him what little I have to offer?