How Do i get my nephew.

[MunkyBeans]

To stop lying, he is constantly lying to me over and over again. I know his pot smoking Uncle doesn't help he is also constantly getting him to lie. But he is a very impressionable kid and he is living in my home yet i have No say so with what he is doing and who he is hanging out with. So when i do put my foot down i get lied too? How do i nicely get him to stop?

 

[Seriously_Cool_Wife]

You don't really...

Are you the adult responsible, or is he and his father staying with you for a bit? If you are the one in charge of him, then you can take disciplinary action. Otherwise, you need to let the adult that IS in charge of him know that certain behavior from the nephew is part of the stipulation of them staying there.

Discuss with the adult first that you appreciate not being lied to, and that certain house rules be followed. Then lay out the house rules.

If you get one on one time with your nephew, then be sure to share the importance of making the right decisions, pray for them, and let your witness stand firm, but loving.

Oh, and if the nephew is a young adult living with you, I hadn't thought of that.... then you can set down house rules and make sure that telling the truth and not hiding things be one of the rules. Make it clear, he's an adult that makes his own choices, but that if he chooses to live there, then he chooses to accept those rules.

 

[MunkyBeans]

Its just him, he is my husbands Nephew, he doesn't have a dad. His mom wanted us to take him and teach him some responsibility. His uncle is my hubbies brother, he is a liar and a manipulator and he gets my 14 yr old nephew to lie and smoke pot. im trying to put my foot down its just hard and i really needed to vent im going through this spiritually right now trying to stand strong in my beliefs that drugs are wrong and I wont have them in my house. Seriously i can't stand being lied too.

 

[jimmydiggs]

Ultimately if he doesn't see any reason to not lie and to not smoke pot. Not a lot you can do, you can try to enforce, but generally rebellion will take place. He has to have a reason. You could explain it logically, lieing isn't fair to people, smoking pot will get you arrested, hurt your lungs, etc etc...

You could take the ultimate route on reasons to not lie and smoke dope... Christ.

 

[MunkyBeans]

Yeah but he is coming from a house where Christ is never mentioned or brought up. i say his name and tell david everyday something new about the lord or the bible Im trying!!

 

[grace]

Ok, I have a question or two if that is ok?

If your nephews mother (your sister-in-law) is wanting him taught some things by you and your husband (her brother?) then it seems to me that you do have ALL the say. She has all but made you guardians of her son for the time being.
Why do you say that you have no say over what he is doing and who he is hanging out with?

Also, from all appearances it seems that this boy is like your own son right now because you are acting like his parents and his mother is trusting you to act as his parents. With that said, I know for my own children, that I have house rules that revolve around our faith and family values.
I expect my children to obey these rules, and respect them. I also expect that my family and friends also respect them (even if they do not agree).
If there are people who are not going to have respect for the values and *rules* of our home and family then their relationship with my family may change.
Soooo, what I am trying to say/ask is why are you and your husband allowing the uncle (your brother-in-law and your husbands brother) to negatively influence this boy entrusted to your care, and also do things illegal in his presense and cause him to break the law by partaking in these same things then why are you allowing him around your nephew?
(I am not judging...just trying to understand.)

It seems to me that the boys mother thinks that you and your husband exhibit the values she respects and wants her son to be influenced by those values and is wanting you to enforce those values in your home while he is living there.

Anyway...I will leave it at this for now and see what you say to my question.

Blessings.

 

[Seriously_Cool_Wife]

ok, now I know more... I agree completely with Grace.... but grace says it with better grace than me... LOL!

1.. Hubby needs to lay down the law with uncle. Uncle needs to not be permitted to see nephew if uncle can't follow the rules himself.
2.. Hubby needs to take firm hand with nephew... treat him like you would your own boy.
3.. you both need to be 100% on the same page (hubby and you)...
4.. Mother of nephew really has little say in the matter. Just be kind when she complains and say, "We understand how you feel, but this is our home and how we choose to run it."

5...... PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! and LIVE LIVE LIVE the example....

God bless you and may this hard time reap many future rewards.... may you see your hard work, discipline, and prayers be fruitful and see blessings in that young man's life.

 

[Wonderland]

Tough love. Set clear expectations with consequences and rewards. When he breaks a rule, follow through with the consequence. If he follows the rules, follow through with the rewards.

Keep close tabs on the kid. If he says he's going to Billy's, get Billy's number and call to check up on him. Etc.

Don't take his crap. If you know he's lying, call him out on it.

You may consider calling the police if he is using drugs. I know it's hard to put a black mark on the kid's record, but he is a minor, and that may give you access to programs to help him get clean. If you just can't bring yourself to do that, how about looking into counseling or AA meetings?

Mentorship--can he get hooked up with a Big Brother mentor, or a Boys and Girls Club? How about a young man at the church that you trust to take him out fishing or shooting hoops? Your nephew needs healthy men to look up to.

Healthy activities--what can your nephew do besides drugs? Does he have a hobby? Can you help him get interested in one?

Stay strong. I'm sure this kid is wearing, stressing you out, stressing your marriage, but do NOT give up! Kudos to you for being this boy's hero! It may not seem like it now, but someday he will be so thankful he had you in his life.

Be blessed

 

[MunkyBeans]

Thank you all for the advice. I called his mother the other night and said Look Hallie i want you to give me full permission to say No to your brother james. If he wants to visit david he has to stay here where i can supervise them. She said thats fine i didn't know he was getting him high. God did hear my plea foe help, he sent a young girl davids age who he just adores she is a GOOD GIRL! a christian, straight A student who is in cross country and cheer and she already went hiking with us all on sunday after church. IT IS AWESOME! finally someone his age who will be a good influence and a reason for him to stay on weekends over here at my house. Also i told my husband, Done with the pot thing im not having it anymore i wont allow it in my house and i wont allow my nephew to come home high off it either my husband agrees but of course i have to be the bad guy and set down the law. i love my husband but he is a push over and he knows first hand how hard it is to leave pot behind, so he goes easy on him. Anyway! i laid it down for the uncle and his brother of david and they do not like me right now and i dont care! i will bring god home everyday and i wil teach david about Him everyday. So Help Me God.

 

[DanuckInUSA]

The book "To Train Up a Child" by Michael and Debbie Pearl is awesome on how to rear a Godly child.

 

[Pinemeadowsgeorge]

I think that like Adam and Eve, everyone goes through a period of semi decietfullness or total decietfullness.. The best thing that my parents did for me when i went through this difficult time was to repremand me until I broke almost completely away from them, then once we both saw how we had hurt one another we drew closer. I think patience, although to me the most difficult thing, would be very appropriate. You don't need to blame anyone for the way your nephew is acting, take the burden of the way he acts on yourself so you can sincerely change the way you approach him. Striving to continue to care for someone who does not seem to care back is the ultimate test of our faith, even the tax collectors love those who love them. He sounds like me. In all honesty I dont regret the expirence I had in the shallow lifestyle of a stoner. It showed me to a greater path. The path of our Lord would not have ever been a priority to me if I hadn't gone through a period of darkness. I think we all need to get contrast on Good by expirencing some form of evil. The Lord will not abandon your nephew no matter what he chooses to do... after all he didn't abandon this lowly sinner when i completely turned my back so many times on Him.. Hope my words help you in the difficulty you are expirencing.

 

[MunkyBeans]

Thinks have changed alot in the last week or so. david tells me everyday he loves me and i do the same, there is love there i just need to stay strong and not allow myself to falted when it comes to school and chores and manners and just letting him in on the good news, Jesus Christ. other than that everything will fall into place even through the tough times i will not give up on him.