Fatherless/Motherless generation???

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happywithhim

Guest
#1
#1
Recently the Lord has been taking me through a time of healing,and although I had once said I didnt care the Holy Spirit has been showing me the effects of not having my dad in my life.

He was never married to my mom and he has two other children which are pretty much the same age as me,he also had a step family with another woman.So as you can see dad was very busy,this left him breaking his promises towards me and putting more time and effort into his step family rather than his biological kids....

Holy Spirit showed me this was the root of the orphaned spirit that I was battling with.I felt a sense of abandonment and as though I wasnt good enough to be loved or fathered...:(

He is walking me through a process of healing right now,its very difficult,I have some up days where I want to face it all and other days which I just dont want to think about it...

Can anybody relate to this,or share their own experiences of their family leaving them or not fulfilling their responsibility,and how God has helped heal you from this??:)
 
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happywithhim

Guest
#2
#2
How is it i have many views on this thread but 0 replies,do people find it difficult 2 share their experiences with this??
 
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Bookworm21

Guest
#3
#3
Dear happywithhim, I can relate to a certain extent. My dad was 65 yrs old when I was born and my mother 33. My dad had ten kids before I was born and my mother, two. Then when I was 15 my dad died and my mother went her own way...tried to put me in an orphanage type place while she found someone else and remarried. (I ended up living with a older sister for a while and ended up getting married at a very early age). Anyway, I went through many years of having an abandonment issue (even dealt with having a drinking prob for years and going to treatment twice and had a child at the age of 20). Anyway, I say all that to say this...you are going to have to rely on God the Father as your dad. This is what Psalm 27:10 says:
"When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up." (memorize it, it will help)
Ask the Lord to heal you of abandonment and orphaned spirit. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal scriptural meanings also. These are things I did and I am being healed. Also, scripture like Proverbs 3:5,6 ... Psalms 139 and 2 Timothy 1:7....
Also, journaling helps...Just let the word of God soothe your hurt and anguished heart....and know that there are ppl "out there" that do care. Thank you for giving me this opportunity for me to share. I will be praying for you and please pray for me. May God wrap his angel's wings around you, my love and keep you in His loving care for now and always!
In Christ's Love,
bookworm21
 
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STRUGGLING

Guest
#4
#4
Never wastheir a man in our house , but the depleted,scorned,orphaned,spiritually destitute iare the object of a special love and concern . I mean we know our reward is truly in Heaven if omly to far from here and nearest to the Love of ALL loves and those we have loved. we are then able to endure WITH Him knowing the TRuth the Hotel jesus we turn away from and Our Lord has suffered even kuch more while on eath than ourselves>Be encouraged in knowing you know the Truth about Christ thia world this life , our fleshly humgers even are NEVER a True frind. So when given the gift of love for everyone STILL holding stones you must know now what it means to be loved by Heaven(Him!)luv-Struggling
 
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Sweetheart1987

Guest
#5
#5
Hi Happywithhim,

I can relate to your situation,as I'm sure many can. I think due to it being such a sensitive subject,many don't like to touch on it so to speak. It's painful, and maybe they still have that ''orphan spirit'' about them. Anyways,I grew up without either of my parents around. They both chose to go their own ways,and went down the wrong path in life. They got caught up in the wrong things,and with the wrong people. They were ''young and stupid'' as they say. Well,it was rough of course,and my dad sent a picture in the mail years ago of a little girl,and said it was our sister. He was off in Texas then.Anyhow,I may or may not have a little sister who knows. I dealt with feeling neglected,abandoned,worthless,etc. Every emotion that we know of,I felt it.

Long story short,I went through on and off again times in life with my mom. She would come around when it was for her own gain,and she was showing off for a man she was with. My dad didn't really come around much,mainly in my early teen years I was around him....then it wasn't great. He was drunk and high,well he would get that way,so I would leave and go home.

I prayed and prayed for as long as I can remember,Lord help mama and daddy,keep them safe,save them if they aren't saved,and draw them to repentance and acceptance if they aren't saved,and so on. I prayed they would be delivered from their addictions and things. Well in 2009 my dad called me finally,to tell me some bad news...he was terrified and didn't know what to do. He was relying on me,and I couldn't turn him away. So I was there for him,then didn't hear from him again until early last year. Then he was scared again,dealing with things,but I rushed to the hospital when he needed me.

Then not long ago,he called me and was just a changed man it seemed. He apologized for everything from the heart,he talked about God,the Bible, having faith,so many things that wasn't the ''dad'' I had ever known. I was so confused,should I give him a chance,how do I know it's real,etc. He really wanted to talk with my sister as well,but she flat out refuses to have anything to do with him,let alone speak to him. Anyways, I prayed a lot on it,and everything else. Finally I decided okay,there must be some ''ground rules'' that he MUST respect and agree to,or I can't do this. I can't set myself up to be hurt all over again.

Well,I came to find out my dad is totally drug free,doesn't drink,or anything anymore. He has been sticking with things,and I even went to see him yesterday. He agreed to the rules,which were the simple things of 1:he has to mean it and 2: he has to stick with it,this has to be a for good thing,not just this now,then leave again. and 3:no drinking or anything around me.

God totally turned my dad's life around,he is a whole new man. I'm not sure what all started it for him,but I know this much:from the first time he called me scared to death because his fiance had cancer,I witnessed to both of them. Maybe a seed was planted who knows. I let him know it was okay,I understood and forgave him,and loved him. But that most of all,God loves,understands,and forgives you as well. Maybe that's something he needed to hear,only God knows and I was just saying what I felt led to say.

So you see,when you just keep praying,ask for wisdom,knowledge,understanding,patience, the ability to forgive and move on,to be healed, and all that,the Lord gives us the desires of our hearts so long as we're faithful and obedient to Him,and all that. Plant seeds and let the Lord take over. Even if the only way you can plant one is praying for years...trust me,it works! I did,sometimes it takes longer for others. Don't give up. Stay blessed.
 
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Sweetheart1987

Guest
#6
#6
So just wondering about something here....the original poster got upset when no one responded. Yet when people do respond,they say nothing else...not accusing them of this,just asking a question,but does anyone think it may have been an attention thing? just kind of like ''poor,poor,pitiful me,no one understands,and I'm the only one who has been there and dealt with this'' or something? Just seems a little too much like an attention and selfish thing. Get mad if no one responds,but then they do and they disappear...I dunno,I pray the Lord helps,blesses,heals,and delivers them soon from all their abandonment issues and everything.They must be willing and ready first though.
 
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wyldkat

Guest
#7
#7
I know exactly where you are coming from happy. I didn't have my father in my life till I was 14 and he had another son at this time. My brother's mother gave him a choice of me or my brother. I wasn't the choice. I don't think I am totally healed from it, but I have gotten over that part of my life. He has walked out of my life more times then He was in it. And my mother had nothing to do with my upbringing either. I was for yrs under the impression she was my sister, and that my grandmother was my mom.
 
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dmdave17

Guest
#8
#8
Dear happywithhim,

I totally understand what you are saying. I lost my father to a heart attack when I was 5 years old, and was raised by a mother who was not into physical (or verbal) expressions of love. As a result, I found it very hard to relate to my loving Father in Heaven. While I always believed in God, it was many years before I could accept His love on an emotional level, because I didn't know what it meant to experience parental love.

I believe that this (one-parent families) is one of the primary reasons for the rise of secularism in this country over the past 50 years. Starting in the 60's, which ushered in the era of "no fault divorce" and the "war on poverty" (which made it easy for fathers to shirk their duty), many children did not grow up in traditional family settings and, thus, could easily believe that "God was dead".

God has a good reason for everything, and the traditional family environment is one of them.
 
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Seriously_Cool_Wife

Guest
#9
#9
My parents stayed married, and I still felt "orphaned"... my mother was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive when she was anything at all... the rest of the time she stayed in bed constantly. I DO have a few decent memories with her, but they were so few and so cheap, that they def didn't overrule the rest. My dad? He started driving truck when I was about 9... prior to that, he was working constantly to keep us afloat... I do have a rare picture or memory of him fishing with me or something... but again, the absence and being left to my mom all the time really drowns out the good. He wasn't around, so he had no choice but to believe her and side with her... though, part of me thinks he should have known better sometimes... that the problems weren't all me. And he was so stressed all the time too, that I remember times he punched me in the back himself, or smashed me on the ground, or shoved me hard under a bed and scratched my back on the bedrails trying to get me to clean out from under it.... so it wasn't just mom that got a little physical. Although, I really don't classify myself as physically abused...

They refused to travel over here to attend my wedding, they weren't involved in any of my kid's births... even when we moved by them, they yelled at me when I got pregnant with my third instead of being excited because we were in the process of paying them back for helping us move to them. Big disappointment as that was what I missed most... I wanted that "mom" to be there during the pregnancy and birth of at least one of my kids. We had nothing but problems when we were living near them.

((PS. We borrowed 10K, although 5K was supposed to be an investment that they made in our business, which changed within two weeks of us being there to a loan instead. We had paid back the first 5K within the first year, but were hit and miss on the second 5K, as we hadn't expected to owe it to them in the first place!!!)) Let me just say that I'd sell both kidneys before I'd ever borrow off them again, or really off anyone I know after this experience. If I can't afford it, I don't need it...

We couldn't please them... nothing we did was good enough. So, as our business we were trying to start up was not thriving, we gave up and moved away again back to where his family is from... I was 7 months along at this point, my older two were 5 and 3. I called and said, "We are moving back, we'd like to bring the kids by to see you." And I got told no... no... don't bother because we have said everything we have to say to each other just send a check in the mail to pay us back."

So, yeah, maybe we are a huge generation that is fatherless and motherless.

Wow, this all sounds so awful, like I'm really angry... I'm not anymore. Am I sad?? shoot yeah... I wish they would surrender to Jesus and live their lives with love instead of that awful bitterness I grew up with. But I don't want bad things for them. However, I'll admit, I don't know if I can be around them much unless I have some hope that God is changing them.... mainly because my 5 year old (at the time) cried for more than two years because Grammy and Pap-Pap didn't want to see us again... She's a good kid, though, she still prays for them when she thinks of them. She also blames herself a little because one argument we had was over something she said. Ridiculous... I really can't let my kid walk that road again unless God specifically tells me to.

I'm pregnant again... and it might be the pregnancy hormones, but I tear up thinking how they have never seen the three year old yet and don't know about this baby. I don't know if I have the strength to tell them, anyway... they'll probably just yell at me since we still owe them about 2K of the 10 we borrowed.

The funny thing, my mom had these issues with her mom... (ok, her mom tried to get me to commit suicide when I was 11, so she had probs too)... and they didn't talk for about 20 years. I remember my mom crying and saying, "...but that's my MOTHER,... you expect a better relationship with your MOTHER..." Is this what those generational curses are all about???


LOL!!! I only opened this can of worms because you asked!! LOL! Sorry so long and sorry it might sound touchy... I don't feel touchy about it, just sorrowful and hopeful that maybe God might miraculously change it.
 
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twyllaluvsme

Guest
#10
#10
hmm ...okay so with all these hurts that come along with a child not having one of the other parents there.
how then, if there is a way, can i protect my child from these feelings in the long run.
im a single mother, and my daughter is 4, almost 5. she seems to be asking more and more about her dad. sadly though he has never been apart of her life. he simply 'disapeard' when he found out i was pregnant.
they way i have approached it so far when her questions arise i tell her. 'my dear GOD is your father!' and well she pleased and very assured with theses words. she has cousins her age that, well question her when she tells them this. but i remain and stick to the truth. i tell her well are they your mom? i am you mom and im telling you the truth.
this young bright child of mine, i do not forget where she has come from... from the day i found out i was pregnant my belief was , through this baby god has saved my life :)

through her everyday i see gods love shine through.
a few weeks ago i was having a very hard time and had noticably had been crying. and in her comforting tiny voice she said these words to me. ' mom why are you sad? ..remember mom god answers our prayers, he hears us mom'
my own mother had said something to me last month that makes so much sense and is something im always thinking of she said 'children are the closest to god!' and well its soooo true, and i see it through my girl <3

THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER FOR THIS SPECIAL GIFT YOUVE GIVEN ME, THIS CHILD!
although i do struggle with being the only adult in her everyday life, or when shes sick and i sit alone at the hospital , i know that i am really not alone , beacuse GOD is the father to the fatherless. :D
 
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Seriously_Cool_Wife

Guest
#11
#11
I don't know if you can "protect" her from all of it, twylla. There will come a time when she will want to know where her physical dad is because she will know that YES, God created her, but not the same way He did Jesus. I think it will be OK then to tell her that the world is full of sin. That many people that are very sinful live very selfish and unloving lives. It's ok to tell her (when you think she's ready) that her physical Dad became selfish and wanted to live a life without family responsibilities. But make sure that she knows that God, our heavenly Father, promises to be that father to the fatherless, and that He will be with her more than any earthly dad can be.

Also, allow her to be sad over it. Especially if she sees other girls with their dads. You might go ahead and point out, though, there are lots of children without a parent and it's nothing that any of those kids did wrong... it's the parents that have walked away from the family God gave them. Also encourage her to grow close to a grandpa or uncle...

oh, and one final thing... trust God to embrace her and fill the gaps in her heart.. just as he does for all of us.
 
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twyllaluvsme

Guest
#12
#12
yes i was telling someone this the other day. she isnt deprived of a male figure in her life, u see i come from a very large family. 5 brother and 5 sisters. and to very amazing parents :) ..shes very close with her uncles and know that they'll always be here for her. if something exciting happens in her life, she immediately will state ' mom tell unlce josh!'
shes very close with god already at this young age that she is ..if u hear her bedtime prayer, and hear her lil songs she makes up u would be quite amazed :)
ill give you a lil taste. her bed time prayer a few wks ago: dear god , thank you that my auntie ashley is getting better, my uncle jeremiah is getting better, thank you god that me and my mom love eachother...and thank you so much that u made the angles come down to tell people when jesus was born.'
and heres her song she sang as she twirled round n' round: praise the lord, praise the lord, he is a good dad praise the lord, he doesnt want to hurt peoples feelings praise the lord, praise the lord praise the lord!'

she knows that all good things come from god, and she truely appreciates it :)
i have pictures of her dad, and she knows his name...but she understands quite well that the heavenly father is the father to the fatherless , that he loves her soo dearly and will always be with her :)

thanks for your feedback *Seriously_Cool_Wife
god bless
 
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