divorced christian dad of 3 stressed...

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dadnky41

Guest
#1
#1
Hello room. how is everyone? i am a proud dad of 3 kids. fraternal twin girls age 14 yrs. and a son age 11 yrs. I have been married twice. The 1st marriage was 8 yrs long, and the 2nd lasted 4. Both marriages were bad because both wives were unfaithful to me. the stressful problems I am having is my kids seem to not wanna be around me. They are very foul mouthed, disrespectable,against other races of people,act vulgar at times and are physically abussive to one another. I attend church and try to raise them with a christian outlook on life, while their mother shuns her parental responsibliities, and relies on the kids to fend for themselves. She is a negative role model when around them. she lets them date boys up to age 17 when in her custody. She talks vulgar in front of them, as well as does sexual things with her boyfriend within their hearing ability or eyesight. How I know this is my kids told me it. She also leaves the three kids at home while her and her boyfriend go get liquor. It hurts me that although I try to raise them to be good, they druther be with their mom because apparently their is very few if any rules at her home, and they pretty much do as they please. I am a grown man, but I sometimes feel like crying inside my heart. Whenever my kids rebel against me or say bad things towards me, I tend to think back when they were only 4 yrs. old and as sweet as honey. My daughters use to smile so cute and give me a hug and kiss and tell me: ''I love you daddy''. I feel like somewhere along the way I messed up as a parent. I reckon the divorce caused alot of the hostility. But their mom is the one with all the bad habits and bad influences. I do not lie, cheat or steal. I do not smoke, drink or do drugs or abuse others,but even so I still feel like the bad guy !:confused::( Any advice is appreciated,Ty and GOD BLESS............
 
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Rheod

Guest
#2
#2
Get custody
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#3
May 23, 2009
14,944
4,589
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#3
I know this probably isn't very helpful, but I can't help but notice how much most of your post was centered around the mistakes and perceived bad habits of your kids' mom. I can relate to bad exes, but I was just wondering, do you speak of her this way to your children?

I was just thinking it might explain some of their hostility--kids especially are very protective of their parents in most cases, and hearing one parent talk about the evils of the other parent won't exactly give them loving, respectful hearts.

I'm sure there are many other factors involved but if you tell them what you're telling us about their mother. On the other hand, the other reason they probably hesitate is because it sounds like she lets them do whatever they want and you're trying to instill rules and values in their lives, something they're probably not very keen to right now, especially if "anything goes" while they're with their mother.
 
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dmdave17

Guest
#4
#4
Dear dadnky41,

Unfortunately, in today's world there isn't a lot you can do to change the situation. I would agree with Rheod, but we both know that moral values count very little in deciding child custody today. All you can do, I believe, is to set boundaries for them while they are with you and set a Christian example. They are probably old enough to at least partially understand if you sit them down and have a serious discussion about why you are setting those boundaries. But children are much more affected by what they see, than by what they hear. If you are a loving and forgiving person, they are much more likely to want to be like you, than if you are saying one thing and showing them by your actions something else.

Finally, always remember that they are still your children. Somewhere inside them are those four year olds who melted your heart all those years ago. Pray for them, and for their mother, and treat them with as much love and kindness as you can.
 
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talitha

Guest
#5
#5
hi. its a difficult situation i know. from personal experience, my ex is very 'worldly' shall we said. bad mouth. bad attitude. bad habits. but i cant and dont judge him for that. i too have my faults and there are underlying reasons as to why he is how he is. i feel that in the past when iv felt hostile towards him and angry, things were a whole lot worse than what they are now. he hasnt changed a bit, but my outlook on the whole thing has. i have forgiven him for everything he is and has done. i dont...
 
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talitha

Guest
#6
#6
... have the right not to forgive him. the lord says forgive as we have been forgiven, and i have been forgiven a lot! it was difficult but i feel so much peace now. the stress of the situation has minimalised significantly. he doesnt even know hes forgiven but thats irrelevant. let go. all you can do is set a great example and love your kids unconditionally, regardless of their behaviour. it hard. but its essential. pray. continuously for both them and their mother. seek god 1st and the rest will follow!
 
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