Joy of the Lord need!

[Valor]

Been married for 15 years, getting closer to God all the time, but as I get closer my marriage takes big hits.
I know all the pat answers about ensuring that both parties are spiritually fed, regular prayer times together, but ultimately we are responsible for our own spiritual growth.
We have both had issues in our life, but I feel there is a lot of anger and frustration in my wife, issues with self esteem and not feeling good enough.
I have been through tough times and am feeling I am getting through, but my wife sees what I am doing, ie. praying, more quiet times and feels more inadequate and attacks me then apologizes, attacks, apologizes, etc.
There is no Joy left, we have 2 great little boys 6 & 8 and I feel we should be enjoying life.
As a man I have tried to offer advice (a fix) which does not go down well with women. I have tried just listening (I am then told I don't care). We have been to counseling, which highlighted the issues. I have changed (because I would have reacted to me wife's anger in the same way) - which I do not now. I will remain calm (but am accuse of bottling up my anger) which in the past would have happened, but I feel God has done a work in me. And I know that you should never expect your partner to change, change should come from you.
I am desperately praying for this to work out. My gift is Intercession, praying for breakthrough in our church and Island - doing battle in the heavenly's. But praying for my marriage is more difficult than this!
Help - need something.

 

[BLC]

You are in need of wisdom from above. There is no doubt that you love your wife and would lay your life down for her. We get caught up in life, looking at things from human viewpoint instead of God's viewpoint. Even when we try to implement advice from others, if we continue in human viewpoint we stop walking by faith and we become frustrated with the details of life. Details are a part of God's plan to get us to look to Him and start seeing things from divine viewpoint. The more we see things from divine viewpoint the more we see God's solutions to our problems. When we only look from human viewpoint, all we see are problems. Who wouldn't get frustrated!

This is why the word of God is so important to our lives, because God's word always direct us to what God thinks and that is God's viewpoint. We take God's word and hide it in our heart. That word produces faith in us so we can trust God. When the details come, the Holy Spirit takes the word in us and quickens us so that we can see things from divine viewpoint. That's a good thing because now we have faith in God's provision for the very thing we are being confronted by. This provision become the wisdom that God gives us that provide the solution we need. As a husband you see a great need in your marriage and you commit that to God. Now you continue to walk by faith in God's viewpoint, no matter how the details have effected you or your spouse emotionally. God will see your faith and give you His wisdom from above, that will supply what you need according to the riches of His grace (Eph 2:7, Phil 4:19). Don't question the wisdom that God gives you, just apply it by faith. The wisdom that comes from God above is described in (James 3:17).The both of you are one flesh and that is how God sees it. When He gives you wisdom, it is for the both of you because He only sees one flesh (Gen 2:24, 5:2).