Seperated

[FirstToTestify]

The easiest way to put it is this: I don't feel like I'm truly a part of my family. For 4 years, I've been dealing with verbal abuse. I've had them tell me I'm not pretty, I'm not motivated, I'll never get anywhere in life, I'm fat, and other things. Most recently, I've been told that I'm a burden on everyone around me. Who knows? Maybe they're right. I don't like thinking that though. Granted, it's not my whole family that talks to me like this. The ones I don't see as much as I would like are really sweet people. But, my parents and my grandparents have something negative to say to me on a daily basis. I don't like ranting about it, but I really don't know how much longer I can take it. Prayers and advice are always appreciated. Thank you and God Bless!!

[zeroturbulence]

It breaks my heart that you have to deal with all that. Don't believe any of what they are telling you. You are precious in the eyes of God, and to others you are a valuable human being. Everything they are telling you are lies. They will have to answer to God for all of things they are saying to you. God doesn't care what someone looks like, or how talented they are, or how capable they are. God loves you because you are his daughter. You are God's precious child and no one can ever change that. He made you with love in His heart and with that same love He will carry you through this difficult time. Keep praying and believe that one day all the bad talk will stop and you will hear only praise and adoration. It may not be for awhile, but that time is coming and every day it is one day closer!

6 God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you 7 and give relief to you who are troubled, and to us as well.
2 Thessalonians 1:6-7

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk to someone. God bless you and I will be praying for you.

your brother in Christ,
gabriel

[zeroturbulence]

Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.

Isaiah 61:7 NIV

Just wanted to offer support to you.
ChosenByGod

My heart broke just reading it. Just remember, you were created by God and He loves you unconditionally. Just knowing that always warms me. I will pray for you!

[annie123]

You know... i really feel for you! God created us, and He made us the way he wanted to, and if anybody tell you your fat or ugly or anything negative, its like a slap in Gods face... because He made us! Just remeber God knows what you are going through, and He loves you just the way you are!

God bless!!!

[SonOfAdam]

My ex fiance was told that all the time by her family. And still is frequently.
It is all lies. Nothing but lies.
She is very beautiful, but she never let me tell her that and she always contradicted it when I did because she was always told she wasn't.

You are precious. You are made specially for someone in this world. Genesis says that God designed a woman to meet the man's needs.

God doesn't make mistakes And he is the one who designed you.

[FirstToTestify]

Thank you guys so much for the support and the prayers! It means a lot that people who have never even met me would reply to this and just keep me in their hearts and prayers.
SonOfAdam, I know exactly what you mean when you talk about your ex fiance. I know it's not a good thing, but I have a tendency of doing the same thing to people. I just have a really hard time accepting compliments now because my family has convinced me that it's all wrong.
Thanks again you guys.

[SonOfAdam]

It is all about changing the way you think. You have been trained to think certain things automatically. If I call you beautiful you think "......". Why? Because you hear their voices in your head saying it. So much so that you also repeat it in your own voice.

What needs to happen is you need to start listening to your own voice only, and when you hear it, stop and think about the reason for you answering the way you do. Is it because other people have said it or is it something that you can actually know for certain?
Example: If something bad happens around you you may automatically think it is your fault and that you caused it. But, if you stop and think about what actually happened you may find that logically it would have happened if you were there or not. Or that someone else is at fault for it and not you.

It's about realising that the opinions that pop into your head, and that come from their mouths are not based on facts.

My ex an I have been through a lot of this stuff. She is 19 now and only in the last years has she realised this and started to take control of her own thinking. Until now it has been automatic. It will take persistence and effort on your part, but know also that there is another voice in your head you can listen to that does know truth. God's Listen to that one the most.

Praying for you right now.

FirstToTestify,.... Your post touched my heart deeply. These are not just mere words. What you are experiencing is the most troubling form of self-esteem destruction that anybody could face ......because it is coming from your parents and your grandparents, the people most responsible for building up a childs worth. What I first want to say and want you to understand, however difficult, is that the things they are saying to you is a reflection of how they truly feel about themselves. This type of abuse is a learned behaviour and you can rest assured that one of your parents (whoever is the child of your grandparent's that are also saying negative things) was told the exact same things as a child that they are now passing on to you. I'm in no way excusing them for it.....not in the least. But it is essential that YOU understand from where it has it's origins. They are completely ignorant of the pain they are inflicting on you .....or as it could also be said, they are passing on the shame that was passed on to them on to somebody else, which in this case is you. One of the most interesting lines I have ever read and that has always stayed with me was from a book written by a man named John Bradshaw. He was speaking about this very topic that you wrote about in your post and he said...." It was easier for the abused children in the concentration camps of Nazi Germany than it is for a child in an abusive household ....because the children in those camps were free to despise their abusers ". We're not afforded this emotional luxury (for lack of a better term) when it comes to our parents because as their offspring, it is every childs desire to dearly please them .....and to be loved and accepted by them. I want you to know that every one of us that reads your post is here to tell you that you are indeed worthy of being loved. Every part of your soul, body and mind is precious ......not only to God our Father but to those of us as well that understand the tremendous pain that you are enduring. This treatment towards you IS NOT ABOUT YOU. I want to reiterate that it is about them .....and their own unresolved feelings of not having experienced the love of their own parents. We teach what we learn. I looked at your profile here and I want you to know that I saw a picture of a beautiful young woman and as a father of four daughters, I would be more than proud to call you my own. I pray that God gives you the wisdom and grace to come through your situation unscarred. And I pray as well that He open your eyes to the beautiful person that you truly are. "Healing The Shame That Binds You" by John Bradshaw would be a great read for you. I'm sure it's available at your nearest library. God bless and keep you in His arms

[FirstToTestify]

SonOfAdam: That's a good way to look at it. I think I'm definitely going to try to drown out their negative comments, especially when they're not around and I still hear them.
Fabfam12: Thank you so much!! It means a lot.
Unclefester: Don't get me wrong. I know you meant everything you said with the best intentions. But, I'm not completely convinced that it is a reflection of their childhood. I never met my grandpa, but my grandma thinks the world of my dad. At least, that's how it's sounded all my life. As for my mom's parents, I never really get to see them that much since they live on another continent. So, I'm not entirely sure if it stems from that, but they've always treated me kindly. I'll see if I can find that book anywhere though. It seems like it could be interesting. (: Oh, and thank you for the compliment.

[stone]

Jesus loves u sister. When Gabriel came 2 Daniel told him your greatly loved in heaven. So don't worry if d whole world hates u God will give u Joy an virtue to bear with it. Like Stephen when he was stoned had love 4 them

[TheJesusfreak1990]

Everyone in the world has some use! And U r bought at a price. So u must be amazing!! Cus God gave his son for u!! Dont let people influence u!! THEY SUCK!! In most cases. U cant be someone else. God made u. So u r perfect the way u r to God. And the term ugly is relative. To someone a person may seem really pretty to some they seem very ugly. Dont let someones opinion get to u. Ur parents and grand parents r not everyone.
God bless u!

Originally Posted by FirstToTestify

For 4 years, I've been dealing with verbal abuse. I've had them tell me I'm not pretty, I'm not motivated, I'll never get anywhere in life, I'm fat, and other things. Most recently, I've been told that I'm a burden on everyone around me. Who knows? Maybe they're right. But, my parents and my grandparents have something negative to say to me on a daily basis. I don't like ranting about it, but I really don't know how much longer I can take it.

Fair enough FirstToTestify I'm not nearly as interested in being "right" as I am in you growing up believing in yourself. Today you are 17 yrs. old. This means that you've been hearing these comments since you were 13 yrs.old. When things get repeated often enough, they are easily believed .....particularly in our formative years and even more so when these comments are coming from our parents and further confirmed by our grandparents..... people that we look to for guidance and assurance. I'm not suggesting that you hate them for this treatment but I do hope for your own sake that you understand that what is happening to you isn't conducive to growing up with a healthy self-image. It is never an easy thing to hear a criticism of those we love, especially our parents and I am not judging anybody here. But parents do sometimes make mistakes. Believe in yourself because God believes in your potential. May God richly bless you

[Jullianna]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'll be praying. Not only for you, but for your family as well. If they are treating you this way, they are most likely mistreating others as well.

May God richly bless you <3

[Clement]

After reading your post, this song was the first thing that jumped into my head and I thought I should share it with you.
You are golden child! Don't let go. He loves you! God Bless

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. - Psalm 55:22

Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you. - 1 Peter 5:7

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31

Love in Christ

Clement

These words of wisdom express my thoughts better than I ever could. This poem came to mind when I was saying a prayer on your behalf. I'll take my leave now. God bless us, each and everyone

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance, and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world.
-Author unknown

[FirstToTestify]

Stone: Thank you so much!!
TheJesusFreak1990: That was really encouraging. Thank you.
Julianna: I really appreciate your prayers.
Clement: That's a GREAT song!! Thank you so much!!
Unclefester: Thanks so much!! I know you're not trying to judge anyone and I'm sorry if what I said came off as an accusation. That wasn't my intention. Your comments really have been encouraging and I really like that poem. I'm gonna save it to my computer. Thanks for everything.

From reading your post it sounds like these interactions you are having with your family are making you feel poorly in self-esteem. Which is due to hearing people you love and care for very deeply saying hurtful and negative things to you. Try if you can to seek out someone positive at your school, neighborhood, or church. I'm sure you have many gifts that GOD has blessed upon you, but you need a little help letting that light shine from within. Finding a positive outlet (like what you have done with christian chat) is a great way towards positive feedback and moving towards the light within you. Pray that GOD sends someone into your life that is a positive influence and that you can talk to. Be Blessed!