Relationship help please

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Compact

Guest
#1
Hi all,

I am struggling in my relationship with my partner and would really appreciate any support and advice you can offer please. Although I have been including this in my prayers, I feel unsure as to what to do and how to react....

We are both divorced and have lived together for 12 years, I became a Christian 7 years ago, but am the only one who believes in Jesus in the whole extended family. Things have been difficult between us for a while, but especially recently. My partner dislikes me going to church to worship and do anything else that is church related. I get on fine with all her family and one of ny partners daughters. Both daughters don't live with us anymore, but the youngest comes home from University at holidays. We never really connected I suppose and I don't really know her at all well. Her mum, my partner, is fiercely protective of both her girls.

I guess I'm unhappy because I have to try and fit my church life into my current family life and this conflicts with what my non church going family want and expect of me. Although I'd like to more involved with living a Christian Life in general, I feel restricted through home pressures. My partner frequently gets very angry at me and makes all sorts of usually very personal criticisms. I find these hard to take. I'm obviously hurting her but certainly don’t mean to, and I feel very sad about this...

Things came to a head recently when I found out our youngest daughters boyfriend will be visiting to stay at our home for a week or two. He lives and studies abroad. I feel sad as I haven't been told about this (the youngest daughter has never communicated much to me in the past) but mum and daughter think it's OK. Am I old fashioned and out of touch with modern life - something feels wrong here? Of course I followed their opinion and agreed to the visit but I think the incident has served to highlight how divided our thinking has become. I can't help entertaining the idea we'd be happier apart.

Can I ask for your advice and prayers please?

Thanks all
 
Mar 22, 2011
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#2
my precious bro, talk to daddy he will see you through
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#3
That is certainly a frustrating situation. Why is she so against your church life? I dont think there is much you can do about the stay, but maybe you can insist they sleep in separate rooms.
 
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KezE

Guest
#4
Hi Compact. You have asked for advice and I am giving advice as my conscience leads. You are not married to your partner & therefore have no obligation to stay with her. If she is a hinderance between your relationship with God, then she is not God's perfect plan for you. It's a miserable life trying to live with one foot in each quarter - a worldly relationship & being in relationship with Christ. My advice may seem harsh, but if you love God with all your heart, the best thing you could do is to leave the relationship & be with someone who is devoted to Christ & will help you draw closer to Him.
There is nothing old fashioned in believing in no sex before marriage. That is God's intention & has not changed because modern society believes it's ok. It is most certainly not ok & if you are in anyway concerned that this may happen, you have every right as the head of the home to insist that they stay in separate rooms (or not at all).
I encourage you to spend time in the Word & praying to God. Open your heart to Him & let Him lead you.
God bless x x x
 
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nomnomnom

Guest
#5
Compact, it sounds like God is really changing your heart from what it used to be and aligning it with the desires of His own. Don't fight Him on it. Thats an amazing thing for Him to do. His Word says that we can't live life with one foot in the Kingdom of God and one foot in the world, because man can only have one master. He is pulling you to fully choose Him, and He will help you to make that decision =]. In the process, He'll be there to comfort you and affirm you through the new changes. Don't worry! =]
 
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Stephen

Guest
#6
Compact, I will have to agree with a couple of other suggestions made here that God is revealing that your current relationship isn't what He wants for you. To leave the relationship will be tough but I think it will have enormous impact on your spiritual growth.

I once dated a woman who was a new Christian and still had one foot in the world. I on the other hand had both feet in with God. The relationship was not benefiting my walk with the Lord and I found myself being tempted to do things I left behind. We were simply in two differently places spirtually and she was not heading in my direction fast enough.

I broke off the relationship. It was difficult because I enjoyed her companionship but I knew the relationship wasn't good for me and eventually would be bad for both of us. The Lord will place people in your life to help you grow....we must listen though.
 
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Ibeleive2011

Guest
#7
Hi
compact I to am struggling in my marriage. I have been with my husband for 8 and a half yrsl.
The important part of working on marriage I beleive is prayer. lift up your marriage and your
spouse. I was told that prayer is a daily thing, because the devil will do what-ever he can to
defeat your prayers. The devil would have you beleive that there is no hope for your marriage
but compact there is. I don't know if you have a church home but have friends.Family or a prayer
group that you feel you can talk to and ask them to also lift you and your husband up in prayer
the more people you have praying the better. I belive and trust that you will begin to see that
change. I don't know you personally but you are welcome to E-mail me if you would like. I beleive
that we should be like christ and be there for others in need. Good luck, God bless. My E-mail is
[email protected]
Love in christ, Shawna Sandoval
 
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nanabean

Guest
#8
This whole post just floors me. I just do not understand it.......nor do I understand the posts that follow it either, actually. I cannot fathom how a person who is living with their partner can think it wrong when their partner's daughter has no qualms in having her boyfriend stay at their house. Unless, of course I am reading this all wrong?? (If so, I offer my apologies for my post.....)

I love helping others, I feel I do offer compassion, without judging, but I do not know every ones life's story either, and therefore sometimes it is hard to advise. "Bad" choices in life are not always an indication that those that make them are bad people..........or that they are people who do not know and love the Lord as their Savior. They have sinned,......haven't we all?? But sometimes we have to look also at a full picture too........without more info all I can say is, if "something feels wrong here" look deeper........if the partner's daughter sees no wrong in having her boyfriend over to stay, maybe she has gotten the idea that it was ok by way of the fact that her own mom has a live-in "partner".

I am not sure I want to tackle all the implications of being the only Christan in the household and "extended" family, as only our Lord knows every ones heart, it is not for me to judge, or wonder. All I can say is, I can pray on this situation..... as in leaving it the Lord's hands, and all according to His will.

By the by.......has anyone seen Compact again since he posted this?? I hope he has read the responses as a guest, without signing back in........maybe something posted will help in some way........
 
L

lordsservant121

Guest
#9
I feel for you. If someone has a problem with your being a GOD-ly person, is that someone you want to be around. Maybe this is GOD telling you that HE has other plans for you. I know it is scary but GOD is always with you. Trust in HIM and you'll be fine. You have made you own decisions before now and look where that has gotten you. Trust in GOD. I am praying for you.
 
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dmdave17

Guest
#10
I am struggling in my relationship with my partner
by Compact

compact I to am struggling in my marriage.
by Ibelieve2011

Does anyone else see the obvious difference in these statements? Like KezE, my conscience compels me to suggest that if Compact would start living his life according to God's statutes, the chance would be much greater of a resolution to the situation.
 
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nan

Guest
#11
Hi, brother! Ive to agree with a few comments. You are not married so you are free to make a move, to brake from this relationship. God will provide a better half for you. He always does for His children who love and obey Him. This is end time, lets not waste time on unfruitful relationship
 

slave

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2015
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#12
I feel your pain brother.
I was in a relationship for 13 years that had a women, my partner who although knew of God did not follow Him all-in. And Her family were not Christians.

In MY experience I had become weakened in my faith over time due to the onslaught of non- committal reactions to my every suggestion to invite her deeper in the walk with me in Christ. You see she had Morality as her God. A very charming little creature that, to the world, looks even more like God than God does. But Don't be fooled! It has a different spirit . One of judgement and not unconditional love.

But in my story, I ended up sacrificing my eternity, for my partners stronger personality , and my desire to make our relationship work sacrificing God's truths, and my peace. I started acting Moral too.

I need to pray for you. I believe you will need to look at some hard choices in your life. We need to know that the hope for our partners change may or may not happen. Many of today's divorces come from that premise. God talks about being unequally yoked with our partner. and the conflict that will breed in that relationship. The first thing is pray and stay! Not necessarily with Her but IN CHRIST. and pray for her to come to see the Father. But there is no guarantee.

Hence hard choices....Then there is the scripture that talks about if we are not willing to leave our Mother and Father sisters and Brothers etc... for Him we can not serve the Lord.

He is interested in your whole heart and is a jealous God. If she is not a christian she will have another spirit talking to her soul, as well, and the blaze of unrighteousness coming from the enemy will turn up the pressure against your deepening walk with God. Even, unbeknownst to her. your unease is noted in that.

So Pray and seek God with all your heart, He's asking Do you trust Him right now........Hard choices...My prayers are with you.
 

slave

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2015
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#13
I just saw this was placed 2011...wow...hope to hear your testimony on that one some day .
 
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mystikmind

Guest
#14
It saddens me to see people recommending leaving a relationship that pre-dates the conversion to Christianity. I do not agree with this way of thinking at all.

To me it feels like we are saying that because they are not Christian they are not worthy of a Christian's commitment.

It would be nice if the family were more supportive and understanding, and in a loving relationship you would expect this to be the case, but also that works both ways in this kind of situation, the Christian who fails to understand this will end up in a bitter situation.
 
Sep 9, 2014
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#15
God wants us to be married to our partners. The truth is in the bible.
 

slave

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2015
6,307
1,097
113
#16
It saddens me to see people recommending leaving a relationship that pre-dates the conversion to Christianity. I do not agree with this way of thinking at all.

To me it feels like we are saying that because they are not Christian they are not worthy of a Christian's commitment.

It would be nice if the family were more supportive and understanding, and in a loving relationship you would expect this to be the case, but also that works both ways in this kind of situation, the Christian who fails to understand this will end up in a bitter situation.
In my case I prayed to the bitter end..for reconciliation..I never said or will ever say I give up on my marriage for any reason..Yet when She has followed thru with it..I have no choice but to move on Not right away, for still I pray for hope..But the hope in her is lost, My prayer is in the Lords supernatural power to receive her to His own and reconsider...but in time that hope will move on and if she marries, she will be held accountable to God and I will then close the books.

If you have not been thru this ordeal...lighten your heart for it is not your Hell you have faced....and understanding is in order..never dilute Gods word but all in Love and grace.