bad parent?

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A

AnandaHya

Guest
#1
My in laws came in last night and didn't leave until 11 am and my daughter wanted to go to church. well the church we normally go to is 30 minutes away from our house and the service started at 11am. So I thought we would try the one down the street.

I went in and they didn't have any kids in the nursery or pre k area and no teachers. I was ok so I took the kids in with me to service but then some one told me to get the kids to make less noise with their toys. they weren't talking or anything just clicking of the keyboard and run a car around but I didn't know how to make them more quiet.

My kids love going to church and they love sing Bible songs and making crafts and they tell me about the Bible stories they learn. About Moses crossing the Red sea and how God has a house like the one they made in Sunday School for us in Heaven. They are 3 and 5 years old and I haven't trained them to sit quietly with me in church, well my 5 year old does it by choice sometimes when he doesn't want to go in with the little kids and there isn't anyone his age in the sunday school class, but my 3 year old loves her sunday school class.

There were kids my kids age in the church and they sit next their parents calmly. So does it make me a bad parent or Christian for just leaving in the middle of service and taking them to the park next door and reading my Bible there instead of listening to the sermon?

The kids had fun on the playground but I feel bad because this is the second Sunday I've missed church. My in laws came in last week to and didn't live until 2 pm last Sunday.

I want to go to church but I don't want my kids to keep others from enjoying the service....

I hope nothing comes up next week and I make it to our ordinary church.
 
Apr 6, 2011
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#2
Those quiet kids will probably stop going to church because its so boring for them so letting you're kids play in church is probably a good thing.
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#3
thank PR. I love going to church and I hope they love going to and never lose the enthusiasm to praise God. LOL my daughter was talking to the grandmother at the playground "i went to church with my mom, i love going to church, church is wonderful....." lol even if we only stayed like 10 minutes. for a three year old that counts as going to church, she's happy. :)

:) they randomly burst into kids bible songs. their favorite is the "B-I-B-L-E" song.
 
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AnandaHya

Guest
#5
:) thanks PR your a sweet kid even if you try and hide it behind big guns and sarcasm sometimes:) lol I like your nice guy moments :)
 

BillyTheKid

Senior Member
Feb 17, 2009
274
2
18
#7
One thing to remember as a parent....your kids will never be happy ALL the time. My daughter acts like she hates me sometimes lol, but I know that she doesn't. Now to the question are you a bad parent or bad Christian? I don't think so. My question would be to the church. Why do they not have a nursery or Children's Church program if they don't like the noise? Doesn't make sense to not have those two things and then complain because your kids are being....well...kids. I know my little one is 4 and she is NEVER quiet when I need her to be. That is because she is 4 yrs old. They will eventually get over the noise or offer a program there for children. Like I said, it doesn't make much sense that they don't have it already?
 

Mrdll

Senior Member
Jan 15, 2011
127
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#8
No! You are not a bad parent or Christain in reguards to what you said happened! However, I do wonder about the church you were in. If Jesus was preaching and teaching there, He would have the children with Him and playing with them while He taught. Just sayin! :)
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#9
One thing to remember as a parent....your kids will never be happy ALL the time. My daughter acts like she hates me sometimes lol, but I know that she doesn't. Now to the question are you a bad parent or bad Christian? I don't think so. My question would be to the church. Why do they not have a nursery or Children's Church program if they don't like the noise? Doesn't make sense to not have those two things and then complain because your kids are being....well...kids. I know my little one is 4 and she is NEVER quiet when I need her to be. That is because she is 4 yrs old. They will eventually get over the noise or offer a program there for children. Like I said, it doesn't make much sense that they don't have it already?
they did but the parents didn't use it apparently because their kids could seat with them quietly, just made me wonder if I was spoiling the kids by not making them act better. My husband makes them sit still and look eyes forward when we go to his parents church but he doesn't like going to church so I want them to like going.

but i think i'll just stick to our usual church and stay at home when we can't make it. its just my daughter really wanted to go to church and we live 30 minutes away and would have missed half the service.
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#10
No! You are not a bad parent or Christain in reguards to what you said happened! However, I do wonder about the church you were in. If Jesus was preaching and teaching there, He would have the children with Him and playing with them while He taught. Just sayin! :)
i think i'll just avoid the church in the future. there are other local ones I can try if I don't have time for the drive.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#11
i think you're leaving few things out on this as well. If there are that many children that young able to sit quietly in church, perhaps the parents aren't the only ones making it known to the children about how to behave. & since you aren't a regular attendee you don't gain that benefit. maybe i'm wrong, but its a possibility.
also, not all kids are the same. some kids have a quiet nature, some loud.. i have a friend who has 3 kids. her oldest 2 are very strong willed & defiant & a bit mean, quite honestly. they are the kind of kids that almost no punishment worked. her youngest on the other hand is very sweet & loving. you can just look at her angry & she will break down in tears, if she knows shes in trouble.
my suggestion, go ahead & work a little more with your kids on listening. its hard to say if you're doing anything wrong without knowing the details, but it can't hurt to try a little extra. maybe it will help, maybe not, but at least you try.
lastly, as far as PR's response about kids not having fun at church, i would not accept that advice. its my understanding he is not a Christian, & not offense meant, but he is not going to have a Christian understanding or priorities. The goal in taking your children to church is not to keep them entertained enough that they keep going as they get older. the goal is to introduce them to a relationship with God so that as they get older they can learn to love God for themselves & go to church to learn & fellowship. If a child is raised that church is all about fun, then once the 'fun' side of church stops (often after youth group, or perhaps college age) then their interest in church may stop as well. Before anyone complains, please not i did Not say children should not have fun in church. what i did say was that should not be the priority.
 
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AnandaHya

Guest
#12
perhaps but what I left out is that we used to go to the church and most of the people knew us and we used to be regulars and they used to have teachers and kids but when we went back this Sunday they didn't and we were made to feel unwelcomed even though we had been attending off and on for four years.

We changed churches because my husband preferred the other church my kids were enrolled in preschool at. he works most of the time. we haven't attended the church in a few months but I didn't think it would be that different, thats part of why I was upset.

there used to be 5 or 6 kids in the nursery and teachers with good Bible based lesson plans, 3 or 4 in the pre K class and now only 2 or 3 in the congregation of both ages.
 
B

basschick

Guest
#13
If your kids were running up and down the aisles, crawling under the pews, hollering, being terrors then I may question parenting skills... However, it sounds like you're kids were being kids! And it sounds like they're good kids! :) Children can't handle the unrealistic expectation of sitting through a service like adults. Shoot, I still have a hard time sometimes! Maybe that's why I feel more at home helping out with kids church stuff! It's not that they aren't well enough behaved, it has to do with where they're at developmentally. That's a part of why most churches that I know of and have worked with have childrens programs-its a place where they can learn in a setting geared toward where they're at and how they think and process. It sounds to me that you are a great parent-it sounds like you're raising your kids well, and as you said-your kids enjoy and want to go to church! That's great! :D
 

pickles

Senior Member
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
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#14
I believe you are a wonderful mom, stop doubting yourself. :)
As I read through these posts, I could not help but think about the scripture where Mary and Joseph had to turn around and head back to the chuch when they saw that Jesus was not with them.
I know Jesus had great understanding, but I have always wondered that He was able to enter into conversation.
Too often children are dismissed in churches, one can only consider, what gifts we have lost in this.
Just a thought. :)
Thankyou anandhya for sharing.
God bless.
pickles
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#15
I went in and they didn't have any kids in the nursery or pre k area and no teachers. I was ok so I took the kids in with me to service but then some one told me to get the kids to make less noise with their toys. they weren't talking or anything just clicking of the keyboard and run a car around but I didn't know how to make them more quiet.

So does it make me a bad parent or Christian for just leaving in the middle of service and taking them to the park next door and reading my Bible there instead of listening to the sermon?
No, but it makes whoever told you to make your kids quiet a selfish grinch. In my church I saw a kid playing with his little brother and they were chasing each other around and dipping the soles of their shoes in the fountain of holy water (!) and the father who brought them in didn't do anything and no one said anything either and it was very disruptive, but I guess the people in my church just aren't as quick to speak up.
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#16
No, but it makes whoever told you to make your kids quiet a selfish grinch. In my church I saw a kid playing with his little brother and they were chasing each other around and dipping the soles of their shoes in the fountain of holy water (!) and the father who brought them in didn't do anything and no one said anything either and it was very disruptive, but I guess the people in my church just aren't as quick to speak up.
maybe but i sent the pastor and a close friend an email apologizing for leaving in the middle of service. It was just you can't take toys away from kids and expect them to be quiet. Its ok though, before we left we got to hug a handful of old friends we hadn't seen since last month when we dropped by.

we changed churches because of my husband's preference not because of the people. The pastor understood and gave us his blessings.

I like any church that praises God's name. I'm not going to judge a church based on the feelings and words of one person, but it did hurt my feelings. we left just so that one person wouldn't be offended. He could have been expressing the opinions of others and it wasn't worth staying even if a handful of my friends still attend.
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#17
maybe but i sent the pastor and a close friend an email apologizing for leaving in the middle of service. It was just you can't take toys away from kids and expect them to be quiet. Its ok though, before we left we got to hug a handful of old friends we hadn't seen since last month when we dropped by.

we changed churches because of my husband's preference not because of the people. The pastor understood and gave us his blessings.

I like any church that praises God's name. I'm not going to judge a church based on the feelings and words of one person, but it did hurt my feelings. we left just so that one person wouldn't be offended. He could have been expressing the opinions of others and it wasn't worth staying even if a handful of my friends still attend.
I would have been offended too. That person should have understood that the toys were to keep the kids quiet and that you can't control how much noise the toys make. People in general seem to loathe children these days. I remember years ago that people seemed to love kids and always smiled at them and talked to them whenever they saw a child in public. Now it seems that people see them as a nuisance.
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#18
AnandaHya

What happened to you is absolutely unheard of in every church instance Ive ever been to. I didnt understand the concept of church really until I was about 10 and aside from sunday school, if that wasn't on my mother usually bought my barbies or some pencils and a colouring book though I don't recall ever being noisy but Ive never heard of a pastor or usher or any other church person asking a parent to take their children out.
In my church every now and then you get a kid who gets out of their parents hands and does a runner while giggling madly while everyone is concentrating on the sermon. Sure, the kid is being a nusance to the parents BUT really thats just kids for you. And its sad when others arent more tolerant of kids just being kids.

The best example I ever saw was a preschooler loudly interrupting our vicar (not on purpose) in the middle of his sermon by running up the isle and being generally loud and he stopped what he was doing, smiled and picked up the child and played with the child on his hip while continuing on with his talk. Now there is a man who takes Jesus' words regarding children literally.
 
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AnandaHya

Guest
#19
kiwi_OT they didn't ask for us to leave just to get the kids to play quieter with their toys but we left because I didn't see how it was possible since I had no control of the toys and taking them away would cause a louder problem and headache so I didn't think it was worth it to stay.
 
L

lightbliss

Guest
#20
The way I see it:

Good parent = Increasing the enjoyment of your children; fun at the park > fun playing with toys.

Good Christian = Not letting a situation deter your close time with God.

Seriously, several people would have left the service and called it a day.

I really hate the term "good" Christian and "bad" Chriatian because either you're a Christian or you're not, albeit some people who profess to be Christians are a bit shaky in some aspect but it's you relationship with God/Christ that matters... although many "shaky Christians" say the exact same.