Soon to be Marry Problem

[Stanelake]

i was in the same situation with the lady whom i am married to. the problem with women is that when it comes to the wedding the priority lies in impressing everyone else while neglecting the fact that they are marrying someone. my wife forgot all the good that we shared as friends as the wedding drew close-her major desire was the "best wedding." unfortunately this idea brings women under pressure from their own desires and become anti-social to the groom. in africa where i come from- i assume the writer does too- there is an assumption that the man is never keen on the wedding as a result ladies deal with things from the point of view of preconceived ideas that dudes are irresponsible etc. leaving her is yo choice tho. she is under the influence of pressure, extended family interference and a non christian back ground. my advice is that if u choose to stay make sure she gets born again. as a result she will learn to deal with things from a spiritual point of view. even if she receives Jesus, u as the man have to keep in union with Christ and lead her as Christ would. by doing this u will learn to show her the way and receive counseling from the Spirit as you go. Do not let things pull you down cause the devil will find a door into your heart and into your marriage. if its too much deal with it and do not carry it into your marriage otherwise u will loose yoself.

[Steve4U]

Man up! You must sort this out now! All this advice is absolutely the best.

And consistent - notice that?

Get help, if you need to: your parents or a minister, a brother, friend or family member etc.

Call a meeting, if you need to.

Be strong. Be strong. Be strong.

Stand for Christ. Do it now!

if you are christian and she is not .... then you gotta be careful ... because the bible already warned us about this .... i mean about getting married to an unbeliever (non-christian) .... God Bless you ... obey the teaching of Jesus FIRST !! then pray for his will to be DONE in your life !!! ....

[Michelle94]

Originally Posted by rainacorn

God is more important than your girlfriend. You need to understand that and so does she.

NEVER say this to her! lol that is a good way to start a fight and make her feel bad. Whether true or not, some things do not need to be said.

It sounds like there is a lot of underlying issues going on here. This didnt happen over night. Somehow, somewhere along the line, you've allowed her to have this sort of power.

On top of that, she has her own issues to deal with and stress...but that doesnt mean she should treat you that way.

If she even is treating you that way. Your perspective might be altered for other reasons too.

Relationships are about communication. Find a way to have some long talks with her, and have a romantic night out. Go to dinner or something. Get everything sorted out. It's important to do this before the wedding.

If you can't fix these things, can you handle a whole lifetime with her? Consider postponing the wedding or possibly not marrying her at all. It sounds cruel, but there are clearly some problems going on in this relationship and why bring a family into something if its not right?

I'm not saying there is such thing as the perfect relationship. But there sounds like there are some serious issues goiing on here...

Just my 2 cents

[maddy]

I suggest going to marriage counseling and work the problem, before you get married. It sounds like she doesn't respect you or your feelings, and she sounds selfish.Marriage is hard, it takes both couple to work on it. One can't hold all the weight or it's bound to crumble. A good book to read for soon to be married and already married couples is The Five Love Languages. I hope you guys don't get married until you guy's work something out or you'll probably be miserable for your entire marriage.

[roozer]

Go to a Godly and qualified marriage counselor and get some good pre-marital counseling.

[needmesomejesus]

Originally Posted by lichinto

I will try... and atm i just leave her alone, as she will not listen to my call anyway.

It just I try to told her, trying to think about other's people's feeling and think what happen if you in their shoes.

But she just reply back saying its my wedding. It shall be everything basic on me, everyone else go around it. If people not available to help, they shall make room or make themselves available to help and do as she told, because it is her wedding.

Marriage in itself is hard enough without the barrier or not believing the same things. Although it may hurt, it might be good for you and her not to be together for the time being.

[needmesomejesus]

Originally Posted by Michelle94

NEVER say this to her! lol that is a good way to start a fight and make her feel bad. Whether true or not, some things do not need to be said.

It sounds like there is a lot of underlying issues going on here. This didnt happen over night. Somehow, somewhere along the line, you've allowed her to have this sort of power.

On top of that, she has her own issues to deal with and stress...but that doesnt mean she should treat you that way.

If she even is treating you that way. Your perspective might be altered for other reasons too.

Relationships are about communication. Find a way to have some long talks with her, and have a romantic night out. Go to dinner or something. Get everything sorted out. It's important to do this before the wedding.

If you can't fix these things, can you handle a whole lifetime with her? Consider postponing the wedding or possibly not marrying her at all. It sounds cruel, but there are clearly some problems going on in this relationship and why bring a family into something if its not right?

I'm not saying there is such thing as the perfect relationship. But there sounds like there are some serious issues goiing on here...

Just my 2 cents

yah I agree; it may be the truth, but it shouldn't be said. That's a good way to turn her away from Christ. Being that you're a Christian now; you may be the only "Jesus" you see. Saying the truth in love is important.

Originally Posted by maddy

A good book to read for soon to be married and already married couples is The Five Love Languages.

Yes; The Five Love Languages book is a very good book. Worth reading, and having as an reminder to us when we only think of our own needs to thinking also of the other person we are married to. The other's "love tank" needs to get filled up too.




Besides, lichinto; I also think it would be wise to working this situation out with her, and having a serious talk about whether you should marry or not. Can be that it is best cancelling this Wedding, and then keep on focusing most on growing closer to each others in the relationship, or that you both decide breaking it up. That depends on what you both decide, whether you want to try giving the relationship a new chance or not, but then all before committing into such an serious commitment like a marriage is.

Of course, she might become upset about not fullfilling all her plans and wishes for "her wedding", but now marrying is not only about that day. It is a "two ways" commitment, and the wedding day should be as much yours as hers. But truly; It is better cancelling a wedding than to walking into it with an unsure feeling over you. Worse thing is when marrying a person was a mistake that you already saw the time before marrying each others. And it is such a waste to marry and then to divorce soon again.

[akirarene]

Just put God first like everyone is saying. Can you take sometime to imagin wht will happen when u get married and she's like this the rest of ur lives, wht do you think it will result in. You might want to ask her to work on telling you the issue that you did wrong instead of getting mad and walking away. Can you imagain ur intier marrage with her donig that to you.. Just put ur foot down and say I will not be with someone who will can talk out there problems. This makes me think this person is really young... I know I would get upset at my boyfriend in the past and now some what because I was abused. But a lot of people left me including my boyfriends at the time who i loved a lot and it really changed me. This is because I was trying to change my self so i could be with them again.

I know now these boy's were not for me and i'm happy I didn't get married to them. I thought loved them and didn't realize wht true love was then. Maye you should tell your girl untill theres changes i can't be with that sort of person, sorry... If you r ment for each other then it will work out but if things are not worknig out u may not be for each other.. With the guy im with now everything just works out it's only been a year and a half; I also don't get really mad at him and being with him has really changed me. We are not ready for marriage yet, this will have to be in Jesus timing.

[debrina]

WEDDINGS ARE SO IMPORTANT AND EXCITING TO US WOMEN. WE WANT EVERYTHING TO BE JUST SO SO AND GO OFF BEAUTIFULLY WITH NO PROBLEMS.

I AM SURE SHE IS FEELING OVERWHELMED AND ANXIOUS. BUT AFTER SAYING ALL THAT I THINK WE CAN LEARN A LOT ABOUT EACH OTHER IN HOW WE

ACT DURING STRESSFUL TIMES. YOUR WIFE TO BE NEEDS TO REALIZE SHE IS MAKING EVERYONE SO NERVOUS AND TENSE THAT THE DAY OF THE

WEDDING NO ONE IS GOING TO ENJOY IT BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO BE SO AFRAID OF NOT DOING EVERYTHING JUST RIGHT AND THEY WILL JUST BE

PRAYING IT IS OVER QUICK. AND I CAN GUARANTEE YOU NO MATTER HOW HARD SHE TRIES IT WILL NOT BE PERFECT I PRAY SHE DOESN'T PUT

ALL HER TIME AND MONEY INTO A DAY AND NOT REALLY ENJOY IT I PRAY SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND BRINGS OTHERS IN TO HELP AND ENJOY THE

PLANNING AND DAY OF WEDDING BUT I PRAY YOU AND HER WORK OUT ISSUES BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED OHTERWISE YOU'RE OUT A LOT OF MONEY

TO LOOK GOOD AND PARTY FOR ONE DAY ITS ALL THE DAYS AFTER MARRIAGE THAT REALLY COUNT AND YOU BOTH NEED TO COUNT ON EACH OTHER

AND ALWAYS LOOK UP TO GOD FOR GUIDANCE

[Fencepost]

Originally Posted by thurie

hi,
keep praying ask God to help you finding the best way how to deal with your situations. people can gv you advice but you are the only one who experienced the situations. you just need time.
God bless

Thanks for these words, I will try and remember this.

[Barbet]

Don't let yourself be emotionally manipulated. Jesus loves you too much for that. Find some good counselling in any case .

[FREDDY01]

If someone cares about people say instead God will. Think it through. Do not give such huge step; but give her a chance if she does not change.
Scape sorry i must be honest.

Yahweh's blessing brings wealth,
And he adds no trouble to it.
Proverbs 10:22.

I hope it could be helpful my dear bother, hope, faith,love, and mercy lead you, on your way in this earths enjoy, the time it is too short. have peace.
By: Just a friend past through the same.