Husband addicted to porn,drugs,lies

[Taco]

I dont know what to do. Been with him for 15 years, have 3 wonderful children, but he wont change. He moved out 3 weeks ago and is begging to come back home, but hasnt changed. This is the 3rd time he has had to move out over these things. In the beginning I blamed myself, I thought he wasnt interested in me sexually because I wasnt pretty enough or becuase I wasnt good in bed. Later I thought he must have a low sex drive or maybe he is gay. Now I know that he is addicted to porn and masturbation and that he prefers this to having sex with me. I have lived this for 15 years. Im 30 years old, im an attractive woman and he's just not into me sexually. He takes prescription pills, gets them off the street and hides them. He smoked pot for years and then traded this habit for the pills. He lies to me about the porn and pills and has destroyed my trust in him. We are both christains and he believes that these habits are bad but divorcing over them are not justified according to God. We go to church together, but after church when he leaves home he's right back at it again, and of course he just denies it all. He wants to come back home but he hasnt changed, he's in complete denial about all of this. I dont even understand why he wants to be married, he's very satisfied with pleasing himself so I know he isnt missing out on sex, and he hates the fact that I have no tolerence for drugs and lies. So what does he want from me?? Ive prayed and prayed for God to change him or for God to change me so that I can accept his behavior or for God to just put it in his heart to let me go. What should I do?? He seems so clueless, he thinks that because he has good intentions (he wants to quit drugs, porn, lies, and masturbation) but he doesnt quit. It's like he likes the idea of being a good christain man, a good husband and father and he thinks that someday he'll get there but when will that be, how does someone just put something like that off?? And how long am i supposed to wait, ive been waiting for 15 years and its always the same. please help.......

 

[Angelwilliams06302007]

Hi Taco I am 22 years old going into my two years of marriage and we have two kids and my husband is addicted to porn, marijuana, hanging out with his friends everyday and night. I check the history on my computer every night and my husband looks up porn and masturbates almost every night but he also wants to have sex every night (sorry if thats to much information). My husbands grandmother said he has been struggling with porn since before he started having sex. All I do is pray that the Lord deliver him from those things and I talk to him and tell him how it makes me feel. He slowed down on the porn a little but he hasn't given it up yet. I guess we they feel like you are trying to be their mother they want to do it more or something don't quite know. But a wise woman once told me "Don't depend on a man for your happiness God brings you happiness". If you keep praying for him and let the God be your love, joy, and happiness he will come around. If he see that you are always happy and he haven't been the one putting that smile on your face he will want to join in.Just do your job as a wife and be submissive to your husband because when it is all said and done you are doing your part and you will have to go before God for yourself. I'm not telling you to give up on him just saying keep doing your part and praying to God for your marriage and that will be his choice to follow Jesus. You know that there is nothing to hard for God just put him in Gods hand.

 

[thefightinglamb]

Ahhh...
I have not struggled with most of what is posted...as my testimony states I once had an addiction to looking at naked women...

And the thing is God has got to take it from you...its not like you can just 'wish' yourself out of it in the future...as you said and the Bible also says, "who knows if tomorrow will come."

This prayer helped me with women somewhat, perhaps it will help your husbands...

"Let theirs eyes reveal their souls,
and erase their bodies whole."

A bit of a rhyme poem...but it worked for me...

I would ask them to start praying with you more often...and when you are before God together holding hands, tell God what your husbands are doing in front of them, and how much it hurts you, and ask the Lord to release them...stay strong in your faith!

But also, just in general, the saying goes the family that prays together stays together...and also read the Bible together...[I love Hebrews--and every other books as well, but Hebrews is kind of a summary of the Bible to me]...memorize scripture together...and it will strengthen your family's mind, heart, and soul...

I discovered that Jews bless their children at least once a week specially, besides setting apart the Sabbath to say an extra blessing over their children's future...If you focus on building a fortress of holiness, the gates of hell will not prevail against you or your family...

Perhaps you should also be frank with your husband about any fault you have...so that he does not think you are just pointing the finger...exaggerate your spiritual faults if you have to...do not lie...just over emphasize them...so that your husbands can pray for you as well...

And lastly, if you are serious about this, you have got to be willing to be radical, if you have any rated R movies that have nudity in them, trash them; if you have any movies that endorse pot, trash them; and if you are hiding anything from your husband, let go and be open...

This is just what I felt God speaking to me right now...perhaps it is just for me in the future...but I hope it helps you..and your husbands

God bless
tony

 

[Taco]

Thanks for the advice. This has been such a hard stuggle for me. Ive been with him for 15 years and in all of this time Ive never experienced passion and desire from his end and I long for this. Just as a woman I feel Ive been cheated out of it. It seems so simple, Ive explained to him that when he masturbates to porn everyday theres nothing left for me, all of his passion and desire is poured into pleasing himself and lusting over porn so at the end of the day having sex with me is the last thing on his mind. Yet I dont do these things, he's my only sexual interest, which is how it should be, but all im left with is bottled up passion and desire and no husband to share it with. I have openly discussed this with him over the years and he agrees that it is wrong and he can see the damage its causing, he promises to stop but he never does, theres never any change. I pray about it daily and I know that the Lord hears my prayers, I just cant be certain on what the Lord wants me to do. Do I take him back or move on with my life? Im pretty sure that if I took him back right now, we'd be in the same situation in a couple of weeks. So Ive been praying for God to just put it in his heart to move on, to let go, but he doesnt seem to be moving in that direction. He's still very much involved with me, calls me evreyday and begs to come back home. As i mentioned this is the third time that ive left him over porn, drugs, and lies and every time he comes back its just more of the same. I know that what he is doing is wrong, he is threatening our marriage with these things and I know God isnt pleased with him, but yet I feel like he always gets his way, gets to come back home and do more damage. Ive heard some say that questioning God is wrong and then others say that its okay so long as we are willing to accept and follow Gods will. I do wonder why God allows my husband to treat me this way, why my husband wont just let me go if he wants to do these things that I cannot accept why dont he just go and do them and live his life and let me live mine?? I feel like he has destroyed my trust in him and our intimacy and he is slowly driving me crazy, it just seems so unfair.

 

[TheBigIDea]

Hi Taco I am 22 years old going into my two years of marriage and we have two kids and my husband is addicted to porn, marijuana, hanging out with his friends everyday and night. I check the history on my computer every night and my husband looks up porn and masturbates almost every night but he also wants to have sex every night (sorry if thats to much information).

Sounds like a regular guy. Whats wrong?

 

[jaylynn83]

Sounds like a regular guy. Whats wrong?

The sad part here is that your serious

 

[Relient_Hawk]

Sounds like a regular guy. Whats wrong?

I really hope you are joking this isn't funny if it was a joke

 

[Traveler]

Taco, please check your mail the next time you get a chance. Theres something I wish to share with you.

 

[missy2shoes]

Thanks for the advice. This has been such a hard stuggle for me. Ive been with him for 15 years and in all of this time Ive never experienced passion and desire from his end and I long for this. Just as a woman I feel Ive been cheated out of it. It seems so simple, Ive explained to him that when he masturbates to porn everyday theres nothing left for me, all of his passion and desire is poured into pleasing himself and lusting over porn so at the end of the day having sex with me is the last thing on his mind. Yet I dont do these things, he's my only sexual interest, which is how it should be, but all im left with is bottled up passion and desire and no husband to share it with. I have openly discussed this with him over the years and he agrees that it is wrong and he can see the damage its causing, he promises to stop but he never does, theres never any change. I pray about it daily and I know that the Lord hears my prayers, I just cant be certain on what the Lord wants me to do. Do I take him back or move on with my life? Im pretty sure that if I took him back right now, we'd be in the same situation in a couple of weeks. So Ive been praying for God to just put it in his heart to move on, to let go, but he doesnt seem to be moving in that direction. He's still very much involved with me, calls me evreyday and begs to come back home. As i mentioned this is the third time that ive left him over porn, drugs, and lies and every time he comes back its just more of the same. I know that what he is doing is wrong, he is threatening our marriage with these things and I know God isnt pleased with him, but yet I feel like he always gets his way, gets to come back home and do more damage. Ive heard some say that questioning God is wrong and then others say that its okay so long as we are willing to accept and follow Gods will. I do wonder why God allows my husband to treat me this way, why my husband wont just let me go if he wants to do these things that I cannot accept why dont he just go and do them and live his life and let me live mine?? I feel like he has destroyed my trust in him and our intimacy and he is slowly driving me crazy, it just seems so unfair.

I really feel for you ....I can't imagine what that must be like.....I know if I were in your shoes, I'd have a hard time coping that's for sure.....deep down, we want someone to love us above all others, except Jesus of course, and to really enjoy being with us.....your situation just makes me so sad.....I would give you the biggest hug if I could......just know, that I will pray for you right now, that Jesus will give you guidance in this situation and that the years the 'locusts have eaten' will be restored to you....God bless

 

[ariannaaa]

i would suggest looking into the story of Ted Haggard's wife, her testimony. She had to deal with a husband who was involved in cocaine and buying male prostitution. Her testimony is absolutely amazing, and inspiring. And they are together today. I wish I knew where to find it written, I would send you a link if I did. I heard her live at a church, but I imagine it must be somewhere online. God Bless. I will be praying for you and your family! Oh also, I thought thefightinglamb's advice was very good.

 

[SethSethSeth]

The sad fact is that if it where not for the internet, this would probably have never happened to you.

I don't care what anyone says, Our "Media" is the reason for all this. They tempt us BEYOND GOD's grace to keep us from sin.

Perhaps that's why in the end, he says HE is going to have to cut the days short because even HIS ELECT would be deceived.

OUR current BLOCKBUSTING MOVIES, our putting these images of LUST and SIN in our heads all the time, Bill-boards, it never ends....

BUT i believe the "INTERNET" ALONE has caused more DAMAGE to us as Christains that anyone thing PERIOD.

Just because says they are a true believer does not mean they really are...

 

[rbowentn]

do not give up read my testiomoney i know what you are going through i posted it in the family section there is 3 parts, God loves you and your husband talk to him about the lord show him the love of god through your self read 1 john over and over again untill in sets in you need his agappa love it is unconditional and the holy spirit will convict his heart. if you need an email mine is [email protected] i can email it to you i believe it will help you

 

[susi]

Taco, I know exactly what u r going through. I never kicked my husband out of the house but yes the urge to. Its painful and hard. The thing is that my husband is also the leader of the teaaching at church. I used to get very angry and would say.. " How can u go to church and teach with what your doing?" and the thing is that that would only make it worse. Yes I also thought." Whats wrong with me? what am I doing wrong?" But the truth is that nothing is wrong with you. Your husband has a problem. Mainly spiritualy. Cause when u commit yourself to God His healing and power is just so awesome. He is REAL and if yoy let Him He works everthing out.
I myself have been away from God for a long time, but recently Im starting to have a closer relationship with Him. I pray more read more, Im growing in Him and seeing how God just simply heals all these things. Being close to God is contgious. My husband watches me, sees what God is doing in my life.
We now pray much more TOGETHER. We r having a much better sexul life.
You must prey for him everyday. First you must do what you have to do infront of God. When your face to face with Him, He´s not going to ask what our husband did in this life He´s going to ask about we have done .What have you done? Have you obeyed His word?
Your husband has a fallen nature like you do, and God will judge that.
I like "the fightinglambs" advice. Prayer is the key. Pray together. Thats where the power is. and leave it to God.

Fight the battle evryday to stay close to God and then let your light shine on your husband

 

[sweetie36]

Everyone here is so helpful........I know some were in the Bible is says... Do not spill your seed'..... I may not be quotiting it right but I know it says some were not to sill the seed or your seed.
We are not supost to Masterbate.....
I have been told...... I am not trying to bring anyone down but I will pray for you.........

 

[sweetie36]

I shouldnt have said anything my husband and I have been married for 5 yrs we havent had sex in almost 4 yrs...
I am fine with it. I dont think he masterbates I havent seen him, so I hope he doesnt......
I feel like we have been married 20 yrs.... because we dont have sex any more..........

 

[missy2shoes]

awwww Sweetie that must be hard ........I know sex isn't all a marriage is.....but I believe it plays a big role in it......*hugs*

 

[Slepsog4]

Taco,

You say, "We are both Christians". How can you possibly believe that he is a Christian with these on going problems? He is an impenitent sinner. He has not been born again. He is not the New Creation. The fruit of the spirit includes self-control. The works of the flesh include fornication (porneia) and sorcery (pharmakeia).

 

[Slepsog4]

Sweetie,

The scripture does not explicitly state "do not spill your seed". The case of Onan is that he did so in pleasuring himself with his deceased brother's widow. He was supposed to raise up off spring on behalf of his brother so that the inheritance remained in the family. This was a provision of the Law. He took advantage without responsibility. God condemned him for it.

PS. This was not the same thing as masturbation.

 

[ForeverYours]

I shouldnt have said anything my husband and I have been married for 5 yrs we havent had sex in almost 4 yrs...
I am fine with it. I dont think he masterbates I havent seen him, so I hope he doesnt......
I feel like we have been married 20 yrs.... because we dont have sex any more..........

Haven't had sex with your husband in almost 4 years?? Wow. Do you 2 just not get along or is all the passion just completely gone?

To taco, you have been with your man for 15 years. He's been doing this the whole time and you are still with him. You've kicked him out and taken him back in. Maybe he thinks that he can do all this stuff but he won't lost you cause you've been with him so long already. Just what it sorta sounds like.

I'm sorry for all of you though and I hope that your marriages can become like new again.

 

[Came_to_my_rescue]

Pray about it. Maybe bring your husbands to church, and have the pastor talk to them