Marriage on the rocks!!! BAD

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CryMad

Guest
#1
#1
So, my husband and I have been together for 6 years and we have a almost 3 year old daughter. He got up with her this morning, but I couldn't sleep so I fallowed about 10 min later. He's sitting on the couch with his headphones in watching porn on the computer!!!!

He didn't see me until I said something, immediately he closed the page and found something more appropriate to watch. It's been over an hour now, and he hasn't spoken a word to me!

Our marriage was already on the rocks because he refuses to grow up and act like an adult, now this, with our daughter in the room!!!!

He knows I don't approve, we've talked about it before, plus 5 years ago I found out he was paying woman on the internet to send him pictures!!! I don't trust him, my love is almost gone, and I just don't know what to do!!

We've been in counseling with our Pastor for almost a year. I mentioned once that I thought he was watching that stuff behind my back, but he swore he didn't!!

What do I do? What do I say?
 
J

johnny33

Guest
#2
#2
Mine...too. I'm not in a good terms with my wife. My daughter watching we both shout at each other...not sure what to do
 
B

BigLionJudah

Guest
#3
#3
Hi i', reply to your thread in the post because i can relate to you i have done the same thing to my wife as goes for act childish and watch porn and you see. This is the bottom line Satan loves to steal,kill,destroy and so by us "Men" having this battle what he/I are doing to ourselves is allowing Satan to steal our purity and lust of eyes and lust of heart in middle Satan loves to use porn to men because it actually what happend to David with Batheseda bathing How did God deal with this and you find your answer and thing is God loves the sinnner hates the sin. Men need accountablity and we need someone to hold us accountable in love and not anger. Maybe considering getting Internet Safety through Accountability & Filtering | Covenant Eyes and the book Pure Desire and get him in a FMO group which is a For Men Only Group and also check Focus on the Famliy that resource is awesome as well you can talk to me because i have been there [email protected] to better understand this at hand
Daniel i will be praying for wisdom for this
GBU
 
J

johnny33

Guest
#4
#4
every word I speak, he is shouting back at me. Today first time I shouted back at her and my daughter ran and came and looked what happened. It pains a lot that she is looking all these things.

I don't know what today. From Monday onwards, I will be spending all my time in office, I will only come back home for a nap and morning again I will rush back to office. Hopefully, I will not her through out the night.

But saturday again scares me.... I used to love saturday and all my time I used to spend with my family. I frieghted to be at home on Saturday. I'm really in a bad position. HELPLESS
 
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CryMad

Guest
#5
#5
Johnny, what is the cause of your arguments? My husband and I argue about him caring more about his Jeep than his family! He makes less than $10 an hour and I cant find a job that has daycare hours. The house we live in is mine, my grandma left it to me, and thats the only thing that keeps us paying the bills. He spends between 100 and 300 dollars a month on his jeep!
 
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johnny33

Guest
#6
#6
I'm not sure, why she is behaving like this suddenly...Its been happening from last 3 weeks. Everytime I try for reconciliation, it end up in figting again. My daughter is suffering becasue of this..thats what pains me a lot
 
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johnny33

Guest
#7
#7
we have been married for 7 years and never went through these type of mental trauma.
 
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CryMad

Guest
#8
#8
My husband plays mind games! He finds a reason for everything to be my fault. He'll tell me I don't fill his needs so that makes it ok for him to look at other woman.

I know I don't fill his needs as often as I should, but everytime I start to trust him again, he does this!! I just don't trust him!! I think he lies about other stuff too and I don't think I wanna make this marriage work.

I've been looking harder for a job, but I was scared that if I got a job and didn't need him anymore that I would kick him out!!

How can he watch that kinda stuff in front of our daughter?? And sitting with his back to the bedroom so all I had to do was open the door and I would see it!! Is he asking to get out of the marriage?

He's also been hanging out with his co-workers lately. One is a girl my age that is in the middle of a divorce. He says she's staying with a male co-worker and he was helping him move a bed, but he was gone for 4 hours, and when he got home he didn't say anything about what he did! Am I just digging for stuff now? I don't know what to say or do!!!

He just left for work and we didn't say more than 3 words to each other!!!!
 
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Ugly

Guest
#9
#9
johnny33 said:
Mine...too. I'm not in a good terms with my wife. My daughter watching we both shout at each other...not sure what to do
Click to expand...
You really need to start your own separate thread on this and not hijack someone elses thread.
 
P

poju

Guest
#10
#10
I feel your pain, I was married for 10 years. I left my husband and moved out with my three children. Why? Because there was no happiness or joy, no matter how hard I tried to be the "good wife". It was like a job! And after a while, it felt as if the only way to make him happy was to agree with everything he said and did....it was his world and I was just a character in his play. A minor part player. I am still single, and I regret only that my children had to grow up between two homes, and have never seen a a healthy marriage in their immediate life. Marriage is a whole lot of work, not for the weary, and can become unstable quickly, you only truely know how you feel. But regarding a marriage partner, you only think you know how they feel.
 
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MissCris

Guest
#11
#11
CryMad said:
My husband plays mind games! He finds a reason for everything to be my fault. He'll tell me I don't fill his needs so that makes it ok for him to look at other woman.

I know I don't fill his needs as often as I should, but everytime I start to trust him again, he does this!! I just don't trust him!! I think he lies about other stuff too and I don't think I wanna make this marriage work.

I've been looking harder for a job, but I was scared that if I got a job and didn't need him anymore that I would kick him out!!

How can he watch that kinda stuff in front of our daughter?? And sitting with his back to the bedroom so all I had to do was open the door and I would see it!! Is he asking to get out of the marriage?

He's also been hanging out with his co-workers lately. One is a girl my age that is in the middle of a divorce. He says she's staying with a male co-worker and he was helping him move a bed, but he was gone for 4 hours, and when he got home he didn't say anything about what he did! Am I just digging for stuff now? I don't know what to say or do!!!

He just left for work and we didn't say more than 3 words to each other!!!!
Click to expand...

I'm so sorry you're going through this :( I completely understand how difficult it can be, and I wish I had all the answers you're looking for. I'm afraid all I can offer you is my own experience; my own marriage was an absolute disaster for the first 5 years of it.

From experience, I can tell you that praying for your husband daily, and for your marriage, does help. Not always immediately, not always the way you think you want, but it does work.

From experience, I can tell you that while what your husband is doing is certainly wrong, you also have to be open to the likelihood that you are contributing to the problem as well- I know that I was causing at least half, if not MOST, of the problems in my own marriage. It's uncomfortable to think some of it is your own fault, but it could be true.

The last thing I have to say is this: I truly hope you don't decide on a divorce, particularly without any kind of solid proof that he's cheating on you. Fixing a marriage can be done, and it takes a lot of time, a lot of love, and even more forgiveness. God CAN heal this, if you let him. I'll be praying for you both.
 
S

shekaniah

Guest
#12
#12
CryMad said:
So, my husband and I have been together for 6 years and we have a almost 3 year old daughter. He got up with her this morning, but I couldn't sleep so I fallowed about 10 min later. He's sitting on the couch with his headphones in watching porn on the computer!!!!

He didn't see me until I said something, immediately he closed the page and found something more appropriate to watch. It's been over an hour now, and he hasn't spoken a word to me!

Our marriage was already on the rocks because he refuses to grow up and act like an adult, now this, with our daughter in the room!!!!

He knows I don't approve, we've talked about it before, plus 5 years ago I found out he was paying woman on the internet to send him pictures!!! I don't trust him, my love is almost gone, and I just don't know what to do!!

We've been in counseling with our Pastor for almost a year. I mentioned once that I thought he was watching that stuff behind my back, but he swore he didn't!!

What do I do? What do I say?
Click to expand...
I will be praying for your marriage.
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#13
#13
He obviously needs help for his addiction, your not really going to get anywhere until he gets help. Because he will continue to watch porn, stare at other women etc etc if he doesnt recieve help in that area.
Miss cris had it right, pray for him everday. If he is squandering your money on his jeep i suggest you take control of the finances in which ever way you can.

I understand your hurt and upset over this, im not condoning divorce...however maybe you two should seperate until he gets his issues under control.
 
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dhgfort

Guest
#14
#14
Miss Cris - Hi. I actually just joined this website because I not only was looking for a Christian chat room but I read your cry for help and it tugged at my heart and had to reply. I've been married for 22 years and it has not been without it's problems. However, having Christ as the center of the relationship is the biggest help we've ever had. You are connected in the Holy Spirit to your spouse. Marriage is a blood covenant and through Him the connection is the deepest way possible. I know you've been praying about this for a long time - I've been praying for you since I've read your thread late last night and something came to mind. There is an organization called Celebrate Recovery. It is a Christ-centered group that helps anyone who has "hurts, habits and hangups" (their motto), that includes pornography, as well as alcohol and drug abuse. This organization and it's 12 steps has helped 100's of thousands of people all over this country. I took the liberty to look at your file to find where you are and they have a ton of groups in your state, so there's got to be something nearby. If you get on their website - celebraterecovery.com and get on the main home page and click on locations, it will list the states (click on yours), then the churches locations by cities of that state where their programs are held. Please consider this. They will be able to help you through this. Pornography can become an addiction just like anything else. The fact that you feel he might be lying to you, is one of the signs that it's probably become that. However, there is hope in Christ always - don't give up! Take authority over the devil and his activities over your family in the name of Jesus and get your hubby some help. If you want to talk to me further look me up under the members listing on this site. My prayers are with you. The Lord is going to do something about it because I know if he's tapping me on the shoulder to pray about it (as He has many others on this site, I'm sure) you are getting His attention. Just trust Him - but just know the devil hates unity of any kind and will try to fight it and make it look impossible. But God loves faith in the midst of hoplessness, it's where He does His best work! "For we walk by faith, not by sight." II Cor 5:7. You are His child - God will give you the help you need in the name of Jesus! In His Love, Holly
 
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MissCris

Guest
#15
#15
dhgfort said:
Miss Cris - Hi. I actually just joined this website because I not only was looking for a Christian chat room but I read your cry for help and it tugged at my heart and had to reply. I've been married for 22 years and it has not been without it's problems. However, having Christ as the center of the relationship is the biggest help we've ever had. You are connected in the Holy Spirit to your spouse. Marriage is a blood covenant and through Him the connection is the deepest way possible. I know you've been praying about this for a long time - I've been praying for you since I've read your thread late last night and something came to mind. There is an organization called Celebrate Recovery. It is a Christ-centered group that helps anyone who has "hurts, habits and hangups" (their motto), that includes pornography, as well as alcohol and drug abuse. This organization and it's 12 steps has helped 100's of thousands of people all over this country. I took the liberty to look at your file to find where you are and they have a ton of groups in your state, so there's got to be something nearby. If you get on their website - celebraterecovery.com and get on the main home page and click on locations, it will list the states (click on yours), then the churches locations by cities of that state where their programs are held. Please consider this. They will be able to help you through this. Pornography can become an addiction just like anything else. The fact that you feel he might be lying to you, is one of the signs that it's probably become that. However, there is hope in Christ always - don't give up! Take authority over the devil and his activities over your family in the name of Jesus and get your hubby some help. If you want to talk to me further look me up under the members listing on this site. My prayers are with you. The Lord is going to do something about it because I know if he's tapping me on the shoulder to pray about it (as He has many others on this site, I'm sure) you are getting His attention. Just trust Him - but just know the devil hates unity of any kind and will try to fight it and make it look impossible. But God loves faith in the midst of hoplessness, it's where He does His best work! "For we walk by faith, not by sight." II Cor 5:7. You are His child - God will give you the help you need in the name of Jesus! In His Love, Holly
Click to expand...
Er...I think you must have meant to address that to CryMad.
 
D

dhgfort

Guest
#16
#16
MissCris - Ok, this one also got my attention: "How can he watch that kinda stuff in front of our daughter?? And sitting with his back to the bedroom so all I had to do was open the door and I would see it!! Is he asking to get out of the marriage?" You have every right to go in there and tell him that it's inappropriate for those images to be in front of your little girl's eyes, let alone his, because it does not honor the Lord, but do it in a way that is respectful to him as a person, because it's usually the "tone" that starts an arguement. And you maybe reading into that however, but for your child's sake, every time it comes up you should confront it, very carefully. That's what I would do. Confront it in a quiet but firm manner - frankly, you said he's got to grow up. Men need help, whether they like it or not, to become the "good man" or "Man of God" you want him to be. Each married man is a person who needs their spouse's help in the areas that are lacking, and it is the same for a married woman - hence, completing each other. But it doesn't happen over night. It does take work on both parts. You deserve to have his complete and sincere attention with these issues, but the way to accomplish that is to be consistent in tackling the problem when it arises each time. I'm sure there's more to it on your end, but I hope this helps. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give you insight on what I'm talking about, because for me it worked. It's what I had to do 20 years ago and we've been married now for 22 years and 6 months and going stronger than ever. I pray God's wisdom for you and for your peace to be restored because the devil has been robbing your peace. He has no right to it. Take it back, and like I said earlier, by taking authority over the devil and his activities over your family in the name of Jesus. You can do this, you will make it. You sound strong in the Lord. God bless.
 
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dhgfort

Guest
#17
#17
Sorry I'm new to this - didn't mean to mess it up. Again, sorry 'bout that.
 
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MissCris

Guest
#18
#18
No worries, you'll get the hang of it.

Welcome to CC :)
 
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dhgfort

Guest
#19
#19
Are you the one that's been writing the Marriage on the rocks message?
 
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MissCris

Guest
#20
#20
Nope. That's CryMad. I've just been responding to her post.
 
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