sad discouraged

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bugles

Guest
#1
#1
I am so sad and discouraged about my marriage. My husband is so critical and fault finding. I've been dealing with his fault finding for 25 years. I am weary, weary, weary. I am depressed, anxious and sad. I want him to be on my side and support me. Every day I work hard to do every thing that he wants and yet it is never enough.
 
S

shekaniah

Guest
#2
#2
Remember...it is not your job to make him happy, we are their helper and support. And it is not your husbands job to make you happy. We are to respect one another. The joy of the Lord is our strength.

Does he know and love Jesus? If he does not, love the man hate the sin, give him more grace. You can't exspect him to love you like Christ loved the church, if he does not know Christ.

We are to win them over with a gentle and quiet spirit. When we are axnious, it makes men angry, because they feel helpless.
Try to find ways to make him feel compitent, make sure you point out the things he does right.

I will be praying God gives you insight into your husbands heart.

1 Peter 3:4
Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

2 Cor 4:18
18 So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Isaiah 54:5 - 10
5 "For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts ; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth. 6 "For the LORD has called you, Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one's youth when she is rejected," Says your God. 7 "For a brief moment I forsook you, But with great compassion I will gather you. 8 "In an outburst of anger I hid My face from you for a moment, But with everlasting lovingkindness I will have compassion on you," Says the LORD your Redeemer. 9 "For this is like the days of Noah to Me, When I swore that the waters of Noah Would not flood the earth again ; So I have sworn that I will not be angry with you Nor will I rebuke you. 10 "For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, And My covenant of peace will not be shaken," Says the LORD who has compassion on you.
 
B

bugles

Guest
#3
#3
Thank you for those verses. I awoke in tears this morning.
Thank you for the verse, "Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy."
Yes, my husband is a believer...this does not seem to change his abrasive nature.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
Bottom line is that boils down to emotional and possibly verbal abuse. His behavior needs to be brought to the pastors at your church, he needs to have accountability and consequence. Without these things he is not likely to ever change. And even with those things there is a high probability he won't. Abusers have a very bad track record in regards to changing their behavior. You both need counseling. both as a couple, and individually.
 
Katy-follower

Katy-follower

Senior Member
#5
Jun 25, 2011
2,719
155
63
#5
I know what you're going through because I've experienced it :( :(

It's important you don't second guess yourself. You don't want to reach the point where the simplest task has you anxious and feeling like you're losing who you are as an individual. It's not healthy and it will affect you in so many ways, especially your confidence level.

I would recommend seeing a pastoral therapist from your church. Your husband has issues that need to be addressed and you need to learn how to stop the behavior as it happens. It's affecting you, so you need to talk about it.

Have you prayed about this? Put your trust in God and ask for his guidance.

It would help to surround yourself with loving and supportive people.

I pray things will improve for you soon!

Email me if you want to talk.
 
Snackersmom

Snackersmom

Senior Member
#6
May 10, 2011
1,471
135
63
#6
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, Bugles. I wonder, does your husband even realize how much his criticism affects you? Some people just aren't very sensitive, so you really have to spell things out for them. Maybe, when He's in a good mood, you could have a heartfelt conversation about how much his behavior hurts you? It's possible that he will try to do better if he knows how you're feeling (be sure to cry if you need to, it might help him see his error ;)). You could also tell him in a letter, if you prefer. But, either way, if he isn't too abusive, then it would be best to try to handle it just between the two of you, because you might be surprised by his openess. Don't hold back if you feel like crying when you talk to him, it gets 'em almost every time ;). Love, Nichole
 
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woodl

Guest
#7
#7
bugles said:
I am so sad and discouraged about my marriage. My husband is so critical and fault finding. I've been dealing with his fault finding for 25 years. I am weary, weary, weary. I am depressed, anxious and sad. I want him to be on my side and support me. Every day I work hard to do every thing that he wants and yet it is never enough.
Click to expand...
bugles don't feel sad and discouraged. You are a child of The Most High God. He loves you without no end. Whenever you do your best for your husband and it's not good enough just look beyound that see Jesus standing there. The love he has for you will so out power the love that your husband kept from you. You keep your chin up and just pray that your husband will see that love and will want a part of it. God loves you dearly. Never forget that. God bless you.
 
A

ada

Banned
#8
Aug 25, 2011
402
2
0
#8
bugles said:
Thank you for those verses. I awoke in tears this morning.
Thank you for the verse, "Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy."
Yes, my husband is a believer...this does not seem to change his abrasive nature.
Click to expand...
Ok you talked about your husbands errors. Lets hear about yours please.
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#9
#9
everyone realizes that the OP is no longer a member right?
 
A

ada

Banned
#10
Aug 25, 2011
402
2
0
#10
Yep. I should have know when i read "guest" first.
 
error

error

Senior Member
#11
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
38
#11
I'm really sorry that you are in a situation like this.Remember-God loves you - just the way you are.
 
Snackersmom

Snackersmom

Senior Member
#12
May 10, 2011
1,471
135
63
#12
AnandaHya said:
everyone realizes that the OP is no longer a member right?
Click to expand...
Yeah, I did notice, but I thought that she might still be monitoring the thread as a guest :). Heart-to-heart conversations can be very effective, at least in my experience (especially if there's a few tears included ;)).
 
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dmdave17

Guest
#13
#13
Dear bugles,

I have known people like your husband, and even though I am on the other side of the fence so to speak, husbands can be just as devastated by unfounded criticism as wives. What I have found is, the more I came to see myself as God sees me, the less I was affected by the criticism of others. You are His precious child. He knows you are not perfect, nobody is, but He loves you anyway. When you actually come to terms with that, it really doesn't matter all that much what any human being thinks of you.

If you are doing your best, and I'm sure you are, ignore the criticism. Put it down as your husband's weakness, not your own. This will not be easy at first, but try this. Every time your husband criticizes you unfairly about something, try thinking to yourself, "Would Jesus have found fault with that?". If the answer is "no", fughedaboudit.

And you could gently remind your husband that the only "person" we are obligated to please is God.

God bless you.
 
J

jimsun

Guest
#14
#14
Hi Bugles. Hope you're ok. I've been sad to read your post. Nor can I say I understand as I've never been there.
I agree ith much
Of what the others venture - especially Ugly.

I've never been in a situation like you describe & @ my wife or kids. I make no pretence & readily accept that, that's because I love 'em do so much.
I feel that homing in & focussing on a diversionary item is the way forward.
My work role is a pretty full- on one & I have regularly/easily
gotten angry @a situation over which I have no control. I feel Frustration because of a lack of understanding or comprehension is my problem. But whenever I get home, to a hotel room or Chambers, I'll put the TV on & make
myself a cup of tea & settle down to watch the news items. - uMP's are fiddling
their expenses; another soldier has stepped on an IED in Afghanistan; a hospital is closing wards because it's management has lost £millions; someone has collapsed with a brain haemorrhage (a state of health I'm no stranger
to!); a baby has died in childbirth, killing it's Mother in the process; Civil rights crowds have been gunned down in Cairo or Damascus & our central heating has packed up.
So there I am, eyes glazed & staring @ the TV.
As I do so, what few brain cells I still possess are realising; "Well at least my God &I are here for each other"!
But, staring @ the suffering coming off the TV screen, it suddenly dawns on me; "My God is here, right beside me so what the heck am I worrying about"!
Does this make sense?!
Give me a shout if you feel the need to!
J.
 
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asd101

Guest
#15
#15
Wow, a husband who doesn't know how to make his wife feel good... hmmm... Pray about it, and maybe have a long talk with him about how you feel about his uper cristicism... Ask him why he's doing it... because nobody is completely perfect, only God is... Also, please know your limits of what you are able to do... It's wrong he shouldn't be doing it, maybe you should draw the line of what you are able to do, and show him where that line is... but, Iget you, don't be sad... here's something that'll maybe lighten you up!!! :p!! please check out he whole mark gungor series on youtube..
 
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