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Thread: failing marriage, love and disaster?

  1. #1
    traciconfused
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    Default failing marriage, love and disaster?

    At first God gave me clear answers, now I can't seem to find him...
    Hello, I'm Traci, I'm nineteen, a strong believer in Jesus, and i need help and advice BADLY.
    I am torn in two directions, here is my problem:


    I got married at eighteen to a man who I loved very much. We were married for six months, and then after leaving my family and moving across the country to Seattle WA with him, he left me.
    I was heartbroken.
    I moved home to Colorado to be near my family.
    I stayed in Colorado a grand total of three days before God gave me this strange and very clear message to move. Its a long story but eventually, I ended up in South Carolina, and fell in love with a new and amazing guy.
    We stayed together for about six months, when I decided a relationship was unhealthy until my divorce was legally finalized, and also I needed to get to know myself better and go to school.
    I moved back to Colorado, and started school.
    The thing is, after moving back home, I formed bad connections, fell in to bad temptations, and realized I was not doing well being single.
    then in the midst of all of this my husband changed his mind and decided he wanted to stay married. Also, at the same time (the same day actually) the new guy told me he couldn't be without me and started begging me to come back.

    I care very much about South Carolina boy, he is sweet, caring, protective funny, everything I could want and perfect for me.
    My husband has also changed, he is working hard, feels horrible about leaving (says he got cold feet) and wants to go to counseling and fix things.

    I want to be with south carolina boy
    I feel like i should morally be with my husband.

    I cant just give up both, I already tried, it was a disaster.
    This post is a mess and is probably a stupid attempt at finding help, but I need to decide because the inner turmoil is driving me mad and I don't know where else to turn.
    any advice or words from the lord would help,
    seriously anything.
    k sorry for this weird post, thankyou.

  2. #2
    Senior Member TheAristocat's Avatar
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    Default Re: failing marriage, love and disaster?

    Quote Originally Posted by traciconfused View Post
    At first God gave me clear answers, now I can't seem to find him...
    Hello, I'm Traci, I'm nineteen, a strong believer in Jesus, and i need help and advice BADLY.
    I am torn in two directions, here is my problem:


    I got married at eighteen to a man who I loved very much. We were married for six months, and then after leaving my family and moving across the country to Seattle WA with him, he left me.
    I was heartbroken.
    I moved home to Colorado to be near my family.
    I stayed in Colorado a grand total of three days before God gave me this strange and very clear message to move. Its a long story but eventually, I ended up in South Carolina, and fell in love with a new and amazing guy.
    We stayed together for about six months, when I decided a relationship was unhealthy until my divorce was legally finalized, and also I needed to get to know myself better and go to school.
    I moved back to Colorado, and started school.
    The thing is, after moving back home, I formed bad connections, fell in to bad temptations, and realized I was not doing well being single.
    then in the midst of all of this my husband changed his mind and decided he wanted to stay married. Also, at the same time (the same day actually) the new guy told me he couldn't be without me and started begging me to come back.

    I care very much about South Carolina boy, he is sweet, caring, protective funny, everything I could want and perfect for me.
    My husband has also changed, he is working hard, feels horrible about leaving (says he got cold feet) and wants to go to counseling and fix things.

    I want to be with south carolina boy
    I feel like i should morally be with my husband.

    I cant just give up both, I already tried, it was a disaster.
    This post is a mess and is probably a stupid attempt at finding help, but I need to decide because the inner turmoil is driving me mad and I don't know where else to turn.
    any advice or words from the lord would help,
    seriously anything.
    k sorry for this weird post, thankyou.
    That's a lot to go through at 19. Since we're both Christians we have to put our lives to the litmus test of God's Word: 1. Do you think God would smile upon your relationship with this new man if you divorce your current husband for him? 2. You said you loved your husband very much when you both first got married. If God would like your new relationship then do you think ending your marriage for another man you love very much now would turn out even better? 3. If God doesn't like your new relationship, then do you think having him as an enemy would make that new relationship work?

    You have told this new guy that you are married, right? And he still wants to be in a serious relationship with a married woman?

  3. #3
    CryMad
    Guest

    Default Re: failing marriage, love and disaster?

    Are these men Christians?
    Do they have the same beliefs that you have?
    Do you want the same things?
    Where do you want to be in 5 or 10 years?
    Is God telling you to be with one man?
    Are you fighting that decision because you want the other man?
    Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?
    Who does God want you to spend the rest of your life with?
    Can you forgive your husband for what he did?

    We can't tell you what to do, and most will just say to stay with your husband because he is your husband. Your gonna have to figure out what you want, and what God wants for you. I know that no matter what you decide that God ALWAYS love you, your his child, and maybe he needs YOU to make this choice? You'll do fine, just clear your mind and think of what you really want or need. Pray about it, and give yourself some time to just think.

    Oh, and stay away from the bad stuff, your better than that!!! If you want or need to talk just let me know. By the way, I'm in Olympia Washington.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: failing marriage, love and disaster?

    Quote Originally Posted by traciconfused View Post
    At first God gave me clear answers, now I can't seem to find him...
    Hello, I'm Traci, I'm nineteen, a strong believer in Jesus, and i need help and advice BADLY.
    I am torn in two directions, here is my problem:


    I got married at eighteen to a man who I loved very much. We were married for six months, and then after leaving my family and moving across the country to Seattle WA with him, he left me.
    I was heartbroken.
    I moved home to Colorado to be near my family.
    I stayed in Colorado a grand total of three days before God gave me this strange and very clear message to move. Its a long story but eventually, I ended up in South Carolina, and fell in love with a new and amazing guy.
    We stayed together for about six months, when I decided a relationship was unhealthy until my divorce was legally finalized, and also I needed to get to know myself better and go to school.
    I moved back to Colorado, and started school.
    The thing is, after moving back home, I formed bad connections, fell in to bad temptations, and realized I was not doing well being single.
    then in the midst of all of this my husband changed his mind and decided he wanted to stay married. Also, at the same time (the same day actually) the new guy told me he couldn't be without me and started begging me to come back.

    I care very much about South Carolina boy, he is sweet, caring, protective funny, everything I could want and perfect for me.
    My husband has also changed, he is working hard, feels horrible about leaving (says he got cold feet) and wants to go to counseling and fix things.

    I want to be with south carolina boy
    I feel like i should morally be with my husband.

    I cant just give up both, I already tried, it was a disaster.
    This post is a mess and is probably a stupid attempt at finding help, but I need to decide because the inner turmoil is driving me mad and I don't know where else to turn.
    any advice or words from the lord would help,
    seriously anything.
    k sorry for this weird post, thankyou.
    If at all posseable you should stay with your husband. That's what God would want you to do. God doesn't like divorce. Unless he has cheated on you. When you said your vows it was for better or for worse. You should honer that. When my wife and I got married we became one. We had our ups and downs but we always cared for each other. Next month it will be thirty years.
    Try to work it out and let God control your life. Seek his will. I hope you all the best, God bless you.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Warrior777's Avatar
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    Default Re: failing marriage, love and disaster?

    Matthew 5:32
    But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

    Matthew 19:9
    And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery

    Mark 10:11-12
    So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

    Malachi 2:16
    “ For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. “ Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”



    Keep Your Marriage Vows

    1 Cor 7:10-16 + 39
    10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
    12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

    39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.


    You wanted a word from God - well I think this is very direct and clear. He already has spoken about your situation, you should know inside what the right thing to do is, but if we want to really follow God and love God we need to keep His commandments.

  6. #6
    Senior Member shekaniah's Avatar
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    Default Re: failing marriage, love and disaster?

    You should try to work things out with your husband...Warrior777 has given you what God says about it.
    I will pray for you...God bless
    Ephesians 6:18
    And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: failing marriage, love and disaster?

    You've got good loving advice here.

    Traci,

    You've got problems, and you've got turmoil. Try not to make hurried decisions on your problems just to get rid of the turmoil. That won't help in the end. All you need to do is slow down, because your problems are not as bad as you think.

    Apart from the turmoil, actually what you've got a lot of girls here would just love to have.

    You've got two serious guys interested in you, a family, friends, you're young although you may not see it, and have plenty of options.

    Now, this turmoil. It's your only real problem.

    I know you want this all settled to get relief, and to get on, and get your needs met and so on, but, is it going to help, to make a decision that doesn't work out? No. There's your first reason why you MUST SLOW DOWN.

    But here's the best one: this situation is actually settled already. The situation is settled and stable already. It's just you that's still spinning. It is actually settled already because you've got these two guys. They're not going anywhere. You just need to slow down. Stablise. And take time.

    The best decision will come out with time.

    Get comfort and companionship from your family, look after yourself (stay away from people that drag you down), find worthy companionship at church or where you can, and make smart decisions to build a future. You've got a great future.

    Don't yeild to the pressure either of them put on you. Tell them you need time. It's your right, you're a woman.

    You've actually got all the time in the world. Take it...

    Then read all of the above posts.

    You WILL make the right decision

    (or probably it will make itself.)

    ...

    When you wait on God, God will bless you.

    In the days ahead your needs will be met.

    ...

    God be with you, and may God bless you.

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