Dealing With Sexual Harassment in the Work Place (From Customers.)

[Tumnus]

Wow! I agree with Good-ground's posts. I'm sorry you are going through this, seoulsearch. I've always worked in administrative positions where I was stuck behind a desk and men would come up to me to proudly discuss their extramarital affairs (just out of the blue!), tell raunchy jokes, and thought it was so funny when I told them I was offended by the comments. Unfortunately, I had a female supervisor who thought those kind of comments were funny as well so I felt really alone. The idea of telling her superior would have been fruitless as well since they were drinking buddies. All of that is to say, I empathize with you and know how troubling it must be to your spirit to tolerate that.

I was also thinking about staring him down and saying, "That remark was really offensive and I don't appreciate it. Don't say anything like that to me again. Would you want some old man saying that to your daughter?" Searching's trick about asking the old man to repeat what he said over and over again is pretty cool too! I'll have to remember that one! Women were not designed to be objectified; we are co-heirs with Christ and should be treated as such whether we are young and what the world deems "hot" or are more mature and seasoned. Forgive others, yes, but we aren't called to be silent when the truth needs to be heard. Silence to some equals compliance...and that's just not on.

My prayers are with you.

[Liz01]

This has happened to me a lot at work, and in the past i cried, i complained, i talked with my bosses, i got angry, i tried to be patient and the only thing that i missed to do maybe was kick someone in the face (but i have never done that lol).

But, since some months ago a friend told me to read the psalm 37 and i found out this verses "Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil."

So sometimes just smile (not laugh) and let it go without thinking anything i just rest in the Lord and it has worked very good to me because when they see that what they doesnt bother me they stop telling bad things

[AnandaHya]

Originally Posted by seoulsearch

Hello everyone,

I would like to get some advice regarding how to deal with sexual harassment in the work place--from customers. This means you can't fight back, you can't defend yourself, and you can't do anything but stand there and take it because anything else means the loss of a sale, and especially in this economy, no boss will keep an employee who loses a sale. (And I don't work at a bar, but rather, a small, family-owned grocery store.)

Some of the things I'm talking about are:

1. A co-worker being told by an older male customer that she probably "has a second job (at an adult entertainment establishment)" and that he would "love to visit her there." (She most certainly does not work in such a place--she is a hard-working, single Christian mom.)

2. An older male customer offering money to some of our young female cashiers to "pay him a visit" at his house, explicitly telling them it won't be for housework.

3. A man in his 70's asked me if I had been keeping busy at work, and I said, "Yup, they have to keep me out of trouble somehow!" His reply? "I'd love to take you home and show you what trouble really is."

I was too shocked to even think of anything clever to say. Our boss shrugs it all off as just a part of everyday life... and I know this is mile compared to what some of you out there probably face.

But as Christians... What is the best thing to do?

Most of the time it goes over my head and if it doesn't I pretend like it does and try to intentionally misunderstand such comments, ignore or just change the subject.

Sometimes I have a bunch of index cards with my favorite Bible verses on them.

Someone approached me once and said something like that and I just looked up and said I'm sorry I was thinking about _____________

then pull the card out of my purse and ask them what they think of the verse.

lol, most of the time they walk away after that but sometimes they will discuss the Bible with me which is a pleasant surprise


this is one of my favorites

Psalm 19:14
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.

[violakat]

Originally Posted by AnandaHya

Most of the time it goes over my head and if it doesn't I pretend like it does and try to intentionally misunderstand such comments, ignore or just change the subject.

Sometimes I have a bunch of index cards with my favorite Bible verses on them.

Someone approached me once and said something like that and I just looked up and said I'm sorry I was thinking about _____________

then pull the card out of my purse and ask them what they think of the verse.

lol, most of the time they walk away after that but sometimes they will discuss the Bible with me which is a pleasant surprise


this is one of my favorites

Psalm 19:14
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.

Clever. I'll have to remember that for the future.

I worked as a safety complaince officer. First step, write down the time date and all details that you can. Now keep several copies. Talk to your boss and give him a copy. Document the date, time and reaction and anything he/she tells you about your complaint. If he doesn't do anything about it, call either the Department of Labor, or OSHA. Tell them everything and send copies to them. Also, call the police and make a report. If nothing has been done by this time, call an Attorney. You are protected by laws. If your boss can't get by without that customer, then the business must be in financial trouble. The boss would prefer to loose one customer than have OSHA and the Law to get into all of his business. I would also get a copy of the employee handbook and see what it says. If it doesn't cover this issue, bring that up to OSHA or Department of Labor. They love to find undocumented issues.

[dominicanbeauty]

IVE DEALT WITH SEXUAL HARASSMENT BEFORE ALSO I TELL THEM TO LEAVE ME ALONE BUT IF THAT

DOESN'T

WORK OR THEY START GRABBING ON ME I JUST SAY NO THANK YOU IM NOT INTERESTED N A GUY THATS

OLD

ENOUGH TO BE MY DADDY THEN I JUST SMILE SAY EXCUSE ME N MOVE ON THE OTHER WAY BUT IF ONE

CATCHES MY ATTENTION I MIGHT STAY N CHAT WITH HIM AWHILE THEN ID CALL MY FRIENDS OVER SO

THEY CAN STAND AROUND

LAUGHING N RECORDING FOR FB

WHILE I PLAY AROUND WITH THE DUDE I LOVE PLAYING WITH GUYS THAT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ESPECIALLY

NERDY ONES ID GET LIKE 15 LIKES A POST

NO CREEPY GUYS CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING NOW THAT WE HAVE CELLS IF THEY TRY ANYTHING AT ALL WITH ME THAT I DON'T LIKE

MY FRIENDS OR I WILL RECORD THEM THEN EXPOSE FOR ALL TO SEE MY DAD GOT ME A CELL WITH VIDEO

RECORDER ON IT FOR EMERGENCIES BECAUSE I GOT ATTACKED BY 3 GUYS ON MY WAY WALKING HOME

FROM MY AUNTIE HOUSE GOOD THING THEY WERE ALL IN THERE TEENS THE ONLY THING I GOT OUT OF IT

WAS A SWOLLEN LIP, TOOK 5 DAYS TO HEAL SOME FAINTING, ROUGH TOUCHING N A TORN BRA THOSE GUYS TRICKED ME GOOD LOOKING ALL

SWEET WE WONT TO MAKE SURE YOU GET HOME SAFELY YOU SHOULD WALK WITH US THERES ALOT OF

CRAZY MEN AROUND HERE THEY COULD HURT YOU COME ON LET US PROTECT YOU WHEN THEY WERE THE ONES THAT I NEEDED

PROTECTION FROM ALL ALONG I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FOOL FOR TRUSTING THEM

I don't have a clue what resources or laws are on your side, but that info above looked useful. Is there be some way that your employer would be under law to provide you with a safe working environment? Wherein sexual harrassment would actually make your boss at fault as well as the perpetrator?
If this actually happens pretty frequently to you and your co workers Id say you had every right to kick up a fuss.

What I do reccommend is, buy a small notebook and record EVERYTHING you remember as much as possible including, name of perpetrator (if you can), the date and time and ver batim comment they made and also the responses of your boss, and have your co workers do the same thing and build up a collection of evidence. Without evidence, no one will take this validated complaint seriously, and don't tell your boss what you are doing or they will make you stop so as they will not look bad. If they do find out, don't let them guilt trip you by making you think that laying a sexual harassment complaint will ruin the business.

And above all else, pray over all of this.
I will pray for you sister

God Bless

Melody

When I was a teenager I dealt with sexual and verbal harassment daily from a male family member, its incredibly horrible and uncomfortable to go through and I understand the feelings you have, luckily I don't have to deal with that sort of thing (at that level) anymore.

On the other hand I still get the odd "You're a beautiful young woman you are..." or "If I was 30 years younger..." or "You're husband is lucky he got to you first.." but these comments have come from male clients at my work and I take them with a grain of salt because Ive build up a rapport with these men and I am surrounded by colleagues who would come to my aide immediately if something did occur or was said, and I also have a degree of power over the client. Only once did a client accuse me of being sexual with him verbally (this client was also clinically psychotic) because I politely called him up on an inappropriate comment he made while looking at my chest (which isnt small).

Im not trying to be crazy feminist about this and I am aware of some very stupid women who lay sexual harassment charges (when no harassment actually occurred) in order to manipulate people. As women and Christian's we need to be discerning as to what is a compliment (cos we can't stop all of them) and what is abuse. I think women who call a compliment from an elderly man abuse is stupid, its not the compliment they have issue with its the person its comming from. You can have lovely gentlemanlike older men as well as creepy perverted old men - same with young men.

If an older gentleman gives you a compliment about your beauty then I suggest you smile and thank them graciously and modestly and remind them young people can be sane and respectful.

I know the above scenario is not whats happened to Kim, Im just aware this issue could make a lot of women become extreme in their view and turn sexist and ageist toward young and old men because of nasty experiences like these.

[VikkiKate89]

Man even my work place encourages me to tell off the pervs.

I guess if all else fails either say, "I'm uncomfortable with this conversation, but you can speak to my manager about the issue if you like." Or just immediately call over a manager.

I get creeps all the time at work and I usually either ignore them, or if they're the more assertive type I tell them off. The book store tends to not want non-family friendly patrons anyways lol

[VikkiKate89]

Originally Posted by dominicanbeauty

IVE DEALT WITH SEXUAL HARASSMENT BEFORE ALSO I TELL THEM TO LEAVE ME ALONE BUT IF THAT

DOESN'T

WORK OR THEY START GRABBING ON ME I JUST SAY NO THANK YOU IM NOT INTERESTED N A GUY THATS

OLD

ENOUGH TO BE MY DADDY THEN I JUST SMILE SAY EXCUSE ME N MOVE ON THE OTHER WAY BUT IF ONE

CATCHES MY ATTENTION I MIGHT STAY N CHAT WITH HIM AWHILE THEN ID CALL MY FRIENDS OVER SO

THEY CAN STAND AROUND

LAUGHING N RECORDING FOR FB

WHILE I PLAY AROUND WITH THE DUDE I LOVE PLAYING WITH GUYS THAT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ESPECIALLY

NERDY ONES ID GET LIKE 15 LIKES A POST

NO CREEPY GUYS CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING NOW THAT WE HAVE CELLS IF THEY TRY ANYTHING AT ALL WITH ME THAT I DON'T LIKE

MY FRIENDS OR I WILL RECORD THEM THEN EXPOSE FOR ALL TO SEE MY DAD GOT ME A CELL WITH VIDEO

RECORDER ON IT FOR EMERGENCIES BECAUSE I GOT ATTACKED BY 3 GUYS ON MY WAY WALKING HOME

FROM MY AUNTIE HOUSE GOOD THING THEY WERE ALL IN THERE TEENS THE ONLY THING I GOT OUT OF IT

WAS A SWOLLEN LIP, TOOK 5 DAYS TO HEAL SOME FAINTING, ROUGH TOUCHING N A TORN BRA THOSE GUYS TRICKED ME GOOD LOOKING ALL

SWEET WE WONT TO MAKE SURE YOU GET HOME SAFELY YOU SHOULD WALK WITH US THERES ALOT OF

CRAZY MEN AROUND HERE THEY COULD HURT YOU COME ON LET US PROTECT YOU WHEN THEY WERE THE ONES THAT I NEEDED

PROTECTION FROM ALL ALONG I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FOOL FOR TRUSTING THEM