Christian attitude to bullying

[ada]

Originally Posted by wyler

No I do not bully, and yes I have been bullied a lot.

Ok i understand,

You said:

Bullies are themselves victims of bullying,
often at the hands of someone they should have been able to trust implicitly, like a parent

So why do you point to parents so as if parents are often those who bully their own children?
Should children not trust their parents?

[wyler]

Originally Posted by ada

So why do you point to parents so as if parents are often those who bully their own children?
Should children not trust their parents?

I said parents just as an example of a relationship where bullying does occur but should not, and that's all, there was no further implication.
But if you must know, one of the people who bullied me through school did so because he suffered domestic abuse from his parents, and violence begets violence.

Once his situation was discovered steps were taken and he began to improve and learn not to be violent and abusive to others, which is why I said earlier that understanding why a person bullies is the first step to helping them to stop, but this is not the case in every situation.

[Liz01]

Originally Posted by djness

I was bullied alot growing up same with my brother, and we were not little runts or anything. Inf act some of the youtube videos you see lately its even smaller kids bulliyng bigger kids. I just didnt fight back.

Something in my brain could not understand why people picked on me when I had not done anything to them, and doing the same to other people didn't occur to me. It just didn't make sense that people wouldn't leave eachother alone. All that got me was being 30 and still bitter and resentful towards people that hurt me for no good reason, and on top of that I am the one who is sinning by being angry....double whammy right? People hurt me ands make me bitter, and its a sin before God that way. Lose and lose as a christian. Its also just affected my adult life and how I react to people.

I was raised in the church and I gotta say I think the whole turn the other cheek thing.....I don't see how it is helpfull. I have only maybe ONCE in my life seen an instance were not responding in kind made the other person change their aggresive behavior.

I would love to know where the line is between turn the other cheek and the old testament, kill any man that looked at you funny.

If I have any kids they are going to be taught to walk softly and carry a mean right hook.

Also since the bible is written to us in a different time were social nuances mean different things. Interpretation of this particular verse sheds a little more light.

self-defense and turning the other cheek

Im sorry this happened to you i think that nobody deserves to being bullyied and i dont like to see happening in others and more in those who are brothers and sisters in Christ.

[Edward_Palamar]

I have met many cyberbullies, none of whom I have forgiven unless they repent.

Rebuking as described in Matthew 18 gives the rebukee chance to repent.

When the bully is a heretical modernist, the same opportunity can be given to repent with direct witness to harsher consequences. It is not the will of God that a single one of us should perish, but if one feeds the bully with support, then one is also actively committing bullying.

The Psalmist thanks God for preparing his hands for war. The cyberbully wars with words and the computer as weapons via the hands, too, and never is the cyberbully thankful.

Though one turns the matter over to God, we are not to propagate the bullies conduct.

http://risen-from-the-dead.forumotion.com/t3-testimony-against-apostates

[Jullianna]

I'm not sure what the answer to the bullying problem is, Liz, but it is an epidemic it seems. In this computerized age, it's not just the playground bully we knew as kids either. I can't believe some of the things people say to one another on facebook and in forums. Perhaps the issue is the lack of accountability...

Look at the Columbine incident. I'm in NO WAY defending what those kids did, but we now know that most of the kids responsible for the attack were bullied by other kids for an extended period of time. Look at the tweens/teens committing suicide due to online bullying. It's tragic.

One thing I have learned in dealing with bullies is that there is strength in numbers. You don't have to beat them to a pulp or anything, but you and others who are experiencing the same thing can stand together and say..hey...enough is enough. We mean you no harm, but knock it off. I've seen this work at schools. I've seen it work in the workplace.

I've arrested bullies. You'd been surprised how quickly they can become meek.

I don't know about anyone else, but I've never met a bully who didn't have insecurity issues. Perhaps ATTEMPTING to befriend them is worth a shot...but..we know that's not easy..but it's not impossible either. I wonder what their response would be if you told them you had sincerely been praying for them? And actually HAD been.

[Liz01]

Originally Posted by Jullianna

I'm not sure what the answer to the bullying problem is, Liz, but it is an epidemic it seems. In this computerized age, it's not just the playground bully we knew as kids either. I can't believe some of the things people say to one another on facebook and in forums. Perhaps the issue is the lack of accountability...

Look at the Columbine incident. I'm in NO WAY defending what those kids did, but we now know that most of the kids responsible for the attack were bullied by other kids for an extended period of time. Look at the tweens/teens committing suicide due to online bullying. It's tragic.

One thing I have learned in dealing with bullies is that there is strength in numbers. You don't have to beat them to a pulp or anything, but you and others who are experiencing the same thing can stand together and say..hey...enough is enough. We mean you no harm, but knock it off. I've seen this work at schools. I've seen it work in the workplace.

I've arrested bullies. You'd been surprised how quickly they can become meek.

I don't know about anyone else, but I've never met a bully who didn't have insecurity issues. Perhaps ATTEMPTING to befriend them is worth a shot...but..we know that's not easy..but it's not impossible either. I wonder what their response would be if you told them you had sincerely been praying for them? And actually HAD been.

Maybe you are right Julliana, and the best way to deal with bullying is that we stand with the person that is being bullyied, i think its hard because what happens in this situation is that the person being bullyied is isolated but if we all the rest of the ppl stand with them then will be easier for them. Maybe the attitude about bullying is not concerning only in the person bullyied but in the ppl that round him.

That reminds me the verses in bible that talk about to be supportive with the weak (of faith).

What i know and im sure is that if a christian person is offended or hurt by others we all as a family (in Christ) stand with that person supporting them, and i think that may apply to others too even if they are not christian maybe applying what bible says about the good samaritan.

I saw a video lately about it or something that reminds me that

Anti-Bullying ad - YouTube

[VikkiKate89]

It's true that being bullied and learning to overcome it does make you stronger, but that doesn't mean bullying should be tolerated. I'm kind of glad America's taken this recent rise against bullying in the light of those teens who have been killing themselves over it. I'm not a huge fan of some of the legal extremes they've been going to over it, but at least it's finally being treated as an issue. Kids should be taught how to handle bullying without violence and learn to not take what is said or done to them to heart, and most importantly how to stand up for someone who is being bullied.

[dmdave17]

Dear Liz,

I really think you are asking two questions in your post, and that is why you are getting such differing answers. In answer to your first question, "What is the Christian attitude toward bullies?", I think we would all agree that they are to be pitied above all else. As Christians, we should try to show them love and friendship and turn them away from their destructive ways.

However, we also know that, in the real world, "turning the other cheek" often doesn't have the desired effect. A soft spoken response or a kind word just results in more grief for the victim(s) of such behavior, as the bully sees it as a sign of weakness. I don't believe that God ever intends for Christians to be "victims". He may allow bad things to happen to people, but He wants these to be edifying, faith building experiences; not degrading incidents that rob them of their faith.

My adivce to a Christian who is being bullied would be to always remember that he or she is never standing there alone. Jesus is standing right there with him/her. Throughout the Bible, God tells us not to be afraid of "bullies" ("Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”...Deuteronomy 31:6) If a soft reply does no good, as it often won't, the victim needs to tell the bully firmly that he/she is not afraid of them, and their behavior will no longer be tolerated. (Remembering the whole time that they have a "secret weapon", the power of God, on their side.)

I believe that most bullies can be backed down by someone who is not afraid of them. Their whole gambit is fear. When that is gone, they have nothing. And Christians have to ask themselves, "Do I really need to be frightened of this bully with the power of God on my side?". It probably sounds "hokey", but I really believe that if a Christian stands up to a bully, God will see them through.

God bless you.

[angelpie]

Bullying is a so trouble with kids, it make them so sad, I was bullyed in HS, But what I did was I stood up to them many of times, all I do seems to either Ignore them or to REally show them they Aren't controlling me. We should really teach More Words then Action & self condience. Bullying should BE SToped!

[Liz01]

Originally Posted by VikkiKate89

It's true that being bullied and learning to overcome it does make you stronger, but that doesn't mean bullying should be tolerated. I'm kind of glad America's taken this recent rise against bullying in the light of those teens who have been killing themselves over it. I'm not a huge fan of some of the legal extremes they've been going to over it, but at least it's finally being treated as an issue. Kids should be taught how to handle bullying without violence and learn to not take what is said or done to them to heart, and most importantly how to stand up for someone who is being bullied.

Youre right VikkiKate, Its good that at least is treated as an issue and i think is good that many ppl is interested now in learn how to handle it because the violence seem to be going up each day and ppl need to know how to manage that without violence bc a violence answer may generate more violence.
But i think that the rest of the ppl (that is not being bullying) need to take all the courage and be brave all we can to not be part of bullying and to be a support for those that are going through this.
I really think that the other ppl that doesnt say a word (maybe because fear) when someone is bullying other, is taking part of that if that person dont do or say anything. I dont say that we put our swords out or that we start fighting agains them, but i say that we need to support those who are being bullyied because maybe they dont have condifence or are scared but we have the responsabily to help them maybe with words of encourage or love to the victims of bullying and start to being really sons and daughters of God.

Originally Posted by dmdave17

Dear Liz,

I really think you are asking two questions in your post, and that is why you are getting such differing answers. In answer to your first question, "What is the Christian attitude toward bullies?", I think we would all agree that they are to be pitied above all else. As Christians, we should try to show them love and friendship and turn them away from their destructive ways.

However, we also know that, in the real world, "turning the other cheek" often doesn't have the desired effect. A soft spoken response or a kind word just results in more grief for the victim(s) of such behavior, as the bully sees it as a sign of weakness. I don't believe that God ever intends for Christians to be "victims". He may allow bad things to happen to people, but He wants these to be edifying, faith building experiences; not degrading incidents that rob them of their faith.

My adivce to a Christian who is being bullied would be to always remember that he or she is never standing there alone. Jesus is standing right there with him/her. Throughout the Bible, God tells us not to be afraid of "bullies" ("Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”...Deuteronomy 31:6) If a soft reply does no good, as it often won't, the victim needs to tell the bully firmly that he/she is not afraid of them, and their behavior will no longer be tolerated. (Remembering the whole time that they have a "secret weapon", the power of God, on their side.)

I believe that most bullies can be backed down by someone who is not afraid of them. Their whole gambit is fear. When that is gone, they have nothing. And Christians have to ask themselves, "Do I really need to be frightened of this bully with the power of God on my side?". It probably sounds "hokey", but I really believe that if a Christian stands up to a bully, God will see them through.

God bless you.

dmdave, thanks for your answer, the first thing in my mind when i think in a christian person is on Jesus giving the other cheek, suffering in the last moment of his death and not saying a word but asking God for forgiveness or the life of the apostles,so i put those 2 questions because how do we know? in which moment we should give the other cheek or just go away? because i agree with you in that a soft spoken response or a kind word just results in more grief for the victim but in the other side we have to be humble and not give anyone a reason to stumble in their way to Jesus.

Originally Posted by angelpie

Bullying is a so trouble with kids, it make them so sad, I was bullyed in HS, But what I did was I stood up to them many of times, all I do seems to either Ignore them or to REally show them they Aren't controlling me. We should really teach More Words then Action & self condience. Bullying should BE SToped!

Im sorry you were bullyied, but thanks for share it, it is racing a lot and i think we need to prepare us.

[Jullianna]

I just saw a story on the news about a school that has activated a text line to report bullying and other offenses anonymously so that school officials can investigate. Some of the tips may be false, of couse, but sometimes knowing that you are being investigated is enough to put an end to that sort of behavior even when the behavior can't be proven.

[zeroturbulence]

Originally Posted by Jullianna

I just saw a story on the news about a school that has activated a text line to report bullying and other offenses anonymously so that school officials can investigate. Some of the tips may be false, of couse, but sometimes knowing that you are being investigated is enough to put an end to that sort of behavior even when the behavior can't be proven.

I think that's an excellent idea! They should do that in all schools.

[apples]

It's a funny title to me: Christian attitude to bullying.
The only times I've been bullied were at a Christian school.
4th, 5th, and 9th grade, I attended a Christian school; every one of those years, every single kid in my grade bullied me. Funny stuff.
Somehow, only public schools leave me alone.

[shekaniah]

I always taught my kids to laugh at bullies...I taught them to say things like "That might be true in your world, but not mine." Or " In your dreams, but not in mine." Because My daughter kept up a strong attitude, her bully became her friend. I have taught my kids that most of what bullies say or do is to make themseves feel big. If they don't play into the teasing, and they laugh with them, it takes away the power play.

Also if you don't respect the person who is putting you down...why give their words any respect or power...laugh.

If it is not true...why get upset over a lie.

Most of all we pray for those who bully, because you don't know what is going on at home. They might be acting out what they have been learning.

[rainacorn]

You need a thick skin and a willingness to set aside personal feelings for the good of the work if you want to move up and be successful in business. You can't take it personally if someone doesn't like the work you're doing, you need to just do better work. I know this isn't directly the bullying situation, but I will say I have encountered much worse situations in the working world than I ever did in school, and I was both poor and fat. The bullying double whammy.

I work with a girl now who is quite bit younger...like just out of school. I have seen her have a full emotional breakdown 3 times since she was hired in June. At work. About work. She won't be with us much longer.

It seems callous, I guess, but should the whole company come to a screeching halt because she CANNOT be corrected without melting into a puddle of victimhood? Some in the company feel as though they're being held hostage by this young woman who comes in every day, but never has to work because of her threat of breakdowns and accusations of bullying and unfair treatment. It's literally insane... and we're teaching whole generations of kids to behave this way.

Self-esteem is important, yes, but that doesn't come from shielding children from everything bad in the world- it comes from teaching them how to handle it. Let the bad stuff roll off and know your worth in God's eyes and your family's eyes. That's all that really matters. Overcoming adversity and solving problems are GOOD things and shouldn't be discounted for the sake of instant gratification.

This girl I work with is bright, but it seems like she's never been challenged in her life. She's unbelievably lazy and entitled. This is her first 'real job' and while it should be an amazing learning experience and the launching pad for future success, she's squandering the opportunity. It's a shame, really.

While there is clearly a problem with cyberbullying and people feeling like they can say and do whatever they want without consequences of any kind, that comes off to me as more of a parenting problem than an issue with the kids or the schools. Parents are doing an awful job.

[Jullianna]

Maybe the issue is that parents aren't paying attention to a few things:

1. Teaching kids responsibility and accountability so that they don't break down at the slightest bit of criticism later on in life;
2. Teaching and LIVING godly lives, including MANNERS and consideration of others (walking the walk, not just talking the talk);
3. Keeping an eye on their kid's behavior for signs that the child is withdrawing somehow due to bullying;
4. Not allowing violent tv programs and video games..and watching for insecurity issues..that would perhaps be indicative of a child who might become a bully. Seems like dealing with it when they are small would be far easier than continuously bailing them out of jail or worse down the road.

[Liz01]

Originally Posted by rainacorn

You need a thick skin and a willingness to set aside personal feelings for the good of the work if you want to move up and be successful in business. You can't take it personally if someone doesn't like the work you're doing, you need to just do better work. I know this isn't directly the bullying situation, but I will say I have encountered much worse situations in the working world than I ever did in school, and I was both poor and fat. The bullying double whammy.

I work with a girl now who is quite bit younger...like just out of school. I have seen her have a full emotional breakdown 3 times since she was hired in June. At work. About work. She won't be with us much longer.

It seems callous, I guess, but should the whole company come to a screeching halt because she CANNOT be corrected without melting into a puddle of victimhood? Some in the company feel as though they're being held hostage by this young woman who comes in every day, but never has to work because of her threat of breakdowns and accusations of bullying and unfair treatment. It's literally insane... and we're teaching whole generations of kids to behave this way.

Self-esteem is important, yes, but that doesn't come from shielding children from everything bad in the world- it comes from teaching them how to handle it. Let the bad stuff roll off and know your worth in God's eyes and your family's eyes. That's all that really matters. Overcoming adversity and solving problems are GOOD things and shouldn't be discounted for the sake of instant gratification.

This girl I work with is bright, but it seems like she's never been challenged in her life. She's unbelievably lazy and entitled. This is her first 'real job' and while it should be an amazing learning experience and the launching pad for future success, she's squandering the opportunity. It's a shame, really.

While there is clearly a problem with cyberbullying and people feeling like they can say and do whatever they want without consequences of any kind, that comes off to me as more of a parenting problem than an issue with the kids or the schools. Parents are doing an awful job.

Thanks for your post rainacorn, I agree with you that bullying its not only in the schools, its is in working world too as you say.

I dont know the girl that you mention but what i have seen is that its normal to ppl have problems at work once in a while, but when someone at work is having a hard time, its because something is really happening there but ppl tend to ignore it. As i wrote, i dont know that girl, maybe is her inexperience as you say but in my opinion something more is happening in your work, but you know that better than me.

But I think that could be an example too of what i talk about, when bullying happens, we are used to see it as if its only something happening between victim and bullyier, and i think we need to stop doing that and take accountability and instead of only looking what is happening, we should be supporting those ppl that are being bullyied. We should stop blaming the parents, i agree with that its very important to teach the children to handle bullying and to respect others, but what happen for example with the children that didnt have parents? and that they are suddenly weak without the values or the enough strenght to face bullying? i think that we should teach children and ourselves (maybe at work or where we live) about love and show love and support in the middle of the situation of bullying instead of just looking how others bully them.

[Liz01]

Originally Posted by shekaniah

I always taught my kids to laugh at bullies...I taught them to say things like "That might be true in your world, but not mine." Or " In your dreams, but not in mine." Because My daughter kept up a strong attitude, her bully became her friend. I have taught my kids that most of what bullies say or do is to make themseves feel big. If they don't play into the teasing, and they laugh with them, it takes away the power play.

Also if you don't respect the person who is putting you down...why give their words any respect or power...laugh.

If it is not true...why get upset over a lie.

Most of all we pray for those who bully, because you don't know what is going on at home. They might be acting out what they have been learning.

I agree with you

[katystar]

For me bullying should be dealt right away and not in a 'fighting back' kind of way. I personally don't believe in violence. I guess, go to authorities. Go to the school's principal and and maybe the guidance counselor. For the parents, make sure to always know what your kids day went so that we can pick up right away if there is bullying happening and make a stop to it right away. Bullying is rampant nowadays that hopefully authorities and schools will be able to prevent it soon.

[ms_ina]

Never correct
Adults should be mature enough, if not, then lets call them babies, to understand how to be adults

Tell authorities, because if a bully persists, their life will be partially ruined, and then hopefully, they will have learned their lesson!

Speaking from someone who has been bullied as a child, and an adult, by other adults.

It happens in workplace, in churches, in commuities, in families

Because everyone has agendas, motives, and feelings, and it all gets mixed up, chaos, fighting, and all wrong!

Do not agree or entertain this kind of behavior!