What do you do when your spouse tells you, "I'm not in love with you anymore........

[Background]

Ok so my husband of three years told me,"I'm not in love with you and I'm not attracted to you." What do I do? I'm still completely in love and wasn't to be together but he doesn't and refuses to go to therapy or even try............

[Cheekygrin]

I'm really sorry to hear that Background. It sounds like a really important time for you to seek God for wisdom, strength and guidance. Take it to Him in prayer and trust Him to extend grace to you and the situation.

[Brandon777]

Join with me in prayer. The enemy won't win here. We have to trust that. Keep loving Him and praying with him. If he's a Christian try praying together, that always brings people closer. Say really kind things to him all the time. It's hard to not love someone who is loving you unconditionally all the time. To be in that environment is infectious. Say things like: "I hope you have a good day." or more specific things that you know about. example: like, " I hope that you like dinner. or saying thank you for the things that he does that are good. If he's not a complete lazy bum, I'm sure you can find things to complement him on. I don't know what your attitude is towards him, now or how much of a change this might be. Maybe not at all, I don't know. If it is a sharp change he might react strongly against it at first, lashing out for his own reasons. Just keep at it knowing that you have reward in heaven for it, that and you will understand the comfort of Jesus more strongly. Maybe this happened so that you would lean more heavily on emotionally relying on Jesus for your heart's refuge. Being close to and loving God is more important than your husband loving you back. If he becomes verbally abusive, then guard your heart as the Holy Bible tells us to. Your heart ultimately belongs to the Lord, so don't let people trample all over it. You don't have to grow cold. The further you may drift from your husband, the closer you must come to God. You can do it! Keep your joy with the Lord!!!!

[keep_on_smiling]

Background: I'm truly sorry that you had to hear that. Keep loving your husband and don't let the enemy get between you both. It's going to be important to keep positive and keep praying for comfort. I'm not sure what would make him say such things, but I know people do say things they don't mean. I hope things work out for you both. Seek God for comfort.

I really like the suggestions that Brandon777 has given you. I will be praying for you

Psalm 31:24
Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

[FrankensteinGirls]

First off, I'd ask why.

[thirdbase]

Yes, I agree with Frankenstein. What you should do depends on why he has told this to you. This past year, I told the same thing to my wife of 18 years. I knew I didn't love her a long time ago, and it took this long for me to be honest and tell her. It wasn't easy, for her or me. But I gave her an honest explanation so that she would be able to make informed decisions.

[Mrdll]

Well, when mine told me that, I looked into her eyes and said, Then you never loved me in the first place! That was almost 10 years ago. Have no idea where she is.

[crystalco]

You can't MAKE somone love you dear. And if you live in a loveless marriage then you will be miserable. Take the voice of experience! IF there is a chance for you two it has be based on GOD and nothing else. Prayers for you!

[Bobbyking]

Originally Posted by Background

Ok so my husband of three years told me,"I'm not in love with you and I'm not attracted to you." What do I do? I'm still completely in love and wasn't to be together but he doesn't and refuses to go to therapy or even try............

Hi

Be strong in the Lord.
And it's time to focus on a open and honest communication with him. Find out why. Work with the Holy Spirit to ask questions to help both of you understand the issue. Avoid pointing fingers or come to any conclusion. And do not be afraid to ask 'is there another person?'

In my own marriage, there are times when the love is cold and usually it is not one party's fault. My wife and I take the joint responsibility to revive the love.

Commit the issue to the Lord. Ask God to help your husband to open up.

Rgds
Bob

[RachelP03]

I heard this too last December, 2 days before Christmas. I was with my husband for 10 years and we were married for 4. We had alot of ups and downs and alot of trials that we endured together. But then my husband started working at a prison and just a few years into it, i say he lost his mind. He left me for a homewrecker who has broken up other marriages, who is married still herself. My husband and I were a good Christian couple, we even waited till our wedding night to make love. I dont see how and why he did this. He told me, hes so empty and lost, but says hes happy with her. I dont get it!!! BUT then I do. I also strayed this past summer and lived in darkness. Not as quite as dark as he has, but we ended it, because God changed our hearts. I didnt want to be with my husband and he still hasnt gotten me a divorce. NOW.....when I ended the relationship that I had with this other man, a few weeks later God spoke to me and told me to fight for my marriage, to watch Fireproof and to even put my wedding bands back on. I told my husband and he didnt know what to say. I dont know how or what Im fighting for, but I trust in God and believe anything can happen. I know if I stay focused on Him and do HIS will, then who knows how God can change my husbands heart. OR, God might have someone else out there for me. Ive taken both of them and accepted it and trusting God. If you ever need to talk, I am totally here!!!!!

[doe]

One can not fall out of love.

[Asianplum]

What do you do when your spouse tells you, "I'm not in love with you anymore.....

No one ever wants to hear those words. I've never been married but I was told those words. When someone says those words, there is a reason behind it. 10:1 it usually involves another person. Usually means the person who said it, has cheated. If your husband did and repented, then my understanding you are suppose to forgive him. But if he hasn't repented, then you can divorce him. I agree with everyone and give it to God. If will give you the answers you need.

[resurrection33]

Originally Posted by Background

Ok so my husband of three years told me,"I'm not in love with you and I'm not attracted to you." What do I do? I'm still completely in love and wasn't to be together but he doesn't and refuses to go to therapy or even try............

His statement sounds cruel.

[dmdave17]

Originally Posted by Background

Ok so my husband of three years told me,"I'm not in love with you and I'm not attracted to you." What do I do? I'm still completely in love and wasn't to be together but he doesn't and refuses to go to therapy or even try............

I am always sad when I read things like this in our threads, mainly because it shows how much we have allowed worldliness to creep into our lives as Christians. There is a vast difference, I believe, between "being in love" with someone and "loving" someone. Being in love is the selfish pursuit of pleasure, the thrill of passion, the physical desire. It is the secular world's view of love.

Loving someone, in my opinion, is something altogether different. It was probably best exemplified by Christ himself who said, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." (John 15:13) And the apostle, Paul, described it as follows, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking..." (1 Corinthians 13:4-5, emphasis added)

The world around us is constantly telling us that there has to be "spark" in our marriages. But I don't think that is God's view. If your husband is a believer, you may ask him how his decision equates with God's definition of marriage. If everyone quit just because "the spark" had gone out of their marriages, the divorce rate would be even higher than it is.

If he is not a believer, pray for him and your marriage. But don't be terribly surprised if the "world" and the "prince of this world" win the day. The influence of modern society is very strong.

God bless you in your struggle.

[2havefaith]

Originally Posted by Background

Ok so my husband of three years told me,"I'm not in love with you and I'm not attracted to you." What do I do? I'm still completely in love and wasn't to be together but he doesn't and refuses to go to therapy or even try............

Background, I'm so sorry to hear that your husband told you something so insensitive; my sister-in-law told her husband the same thing after 10 years of marriage... however you have to stay strong and keep your FAITH in GOD.

And the Lord shall guide you continually and satisfy you in drought and in dry places and make strong your bones. And you shall be like a watered garden and like a spring of water whose waters fail not. Isaiah 58: 11