Husband has lseft me and the kids

[shay1981]

We have been married for 10 years and we have 3 sons,We been having issues with his infedelity numerous of times and when i confront him about it he blames me and leaves and then i will always beg him to come back..Recently we seperated bc of the infedelity and me and the kids are staying with my mom.So he asked me if we can talk yesterday so i told him yes and to call me when he gets off and even suggested counseling for us,well i never heard from him at all.So i tossed and turned all night and i finally text him 5 am this morning and basically poured my heart out on how much hurt i feel and how i love him and for him to stop cheating but all it did was anger him and he text me hateful things saying he doesnt want me anymore he is tired of me always wanting to talk about this,Im so confused why would he even ask me if i want to talk and then dont even attempt to do what he says,He always does this to me but as long as im letting him be and praying to God for direction and not calling him,then its like he wants me back..But the minute i agree to try he pushes me away again..Please pray for us bc i love my husband but if its in Gods will for me to let him go,then pray for me to find the strenght,Its already hard bc im taking care the kids without any finacial help from hom at all and doesnt even spend time with the kids unless he is not mad at me for something other than that,he dsnt call or see them at all..Please pray for me to have peace and sense of direction on what to do next..I have started fasting today for restoration of my marriage and for God to change my husbands hardened heart Thanks

[Ugly]

You know, the problem started as his, his infidelity. But now the problem is on your shoulders. Its quite obvious the man has had no intentions on being with you in any serious manner, for quite some time. He keeps cheating, then blames you. And you beg him to stay? You're not only being emotionally abused, you're begging him to come back and keep doing it. Your husband has as good as moved on without you while you're still sitting in the past. Its times to get over him. Stop spending your life chasing after someone who doesn't want you and start focusing on your kids.
Also, bear in mind, God cannot force a heart to change. He can act and move in a manner that may bring change, hopefully, to that person. But no praying in the world will cause God to just, poof, change someone who doesn't want to be changed.

[loveme1]

May God be your comfort.

[shemaiah]

I will pray for you, that God may give you strength and guidance on the steps to take. God bless

[Aqua_Girl09]

I'll pray for you. Keep looking to God and not your own will, my mom went through the same things. the eventually got a divorce and it was hard for her but shes never been close with God cause she feels like she had to save herself. now shes all about independace and it takes a toll on me and my siblings as well as my step dad cause no one does anything right. we don't know what she went through and we never do anything as good as her.

I pray that he'll lead you in the right way. keep your faith in God. ^_^

[dmdave17]

Dear shay1981,

I prayed that God would be with you in your time of trouble and give you His strength to face the decisions you must make. But I think that I must agree with 'ugly'. There is no indication from your husband that he intends to change. And God will not change him just because you, or anyone else, asks Him to. I feel like it is time for you to try to move beyond your dependence on him and become the person you can be in Christ.

And while it pains me to say it, sometimes what God cannot accomplish, a good attorney can.

God bless you.

[xJoe]

My father was a cheater and such as well. My mom kicked him out. She in no way wanted someone like that around the house. I am glad I was raised knowing that my mother would not tolerate a cheating man. I could only imagine the horror of having to grow up in a home where my mom deals with infidelity. Don't ruin your kids.

[Seriously_Cool_Wife]

That was some great insight from the eyes of the kids, Joe, thanks for sharing that with her.

Shay, I'm so sorry! My husband and I had a rough spot, too, and I remember how scary it was thinking about starting over by myself pregnant with my third child. I was sitting in a battered women's shelter, because he hit me a few times at 7 months along. He was depressed, we were living with his mom, and things were pretty low. I thought our marriage was over, because who should stay with a man that would hit a woman when she's pregnant?? Whether he was just going through a temporary depression or not, I had to get out.

We did end up having a happy ending to our situation, and I would love that for you, too. However, that's not always the case.

My only advice is to throw yourself completely into God and being a single parent to your kids. I would consider counseling with a trusted pastor, teacher, etc... that can help you establish Godly boundaries. Because it sounds like if you do pick yourself up and move on, then your husband might try to do the whole come back to you thing again and just keep playing games.

I know Hosea in the old testament had a prostitute wife, and he took her back many times and gave her forgiveness many times. However, the difference is that God actually called him to marry her in the first place because it was supposed to represent his relationship with Israel and how God is continually forgiving His people.

Maybe God will call you to continually forgive your husband and to allow him to keep coming back into your home... but I don't think he's going to ask you to do that unless he has a great plan for how you are going to over come. I also think that God would make such a request very clear. If you have strong doubts, then I doubt whatever you are hearing is from God.

Biblically, I think it's ok to let him leave. He's not behaving like a follower of Christ, so I think you aren't sinning by letting him go and letting him end your marriage. So, that's not an issue.

Now, for the practical side of things.... Go ahead and establish child support. You can text him and ask him nicely if he wants to set up child support without involving the courts, or if he'd rather everything just be handled professionally. Don't fight with him, because I'm sure he won't respond the way you want him to, but I'd just tell him that you need help raising the kids and will be filing for child support in two weeks if he hasn't started support by then.

Be sure and not let him contact you just before two weeks is up and ask to start paying next month, he'll just be putting you off. Basically, be kind about it but have the thought in your mind of "show me the money".... LOL! Don't accept promises or future plans to pay.

He may ask about visitation and you can suggest he call you when he wants to stop by for dinner with the kids, and unless you think the kids are unsafe, you can set up a plan for visiting the kids at that time. If the kids are old enough for input, ask them how often they want to visit dad. Do they want to spend every other weekend with him? Do they not want an overnight, but maybe to spend an occasional Saturday with him? I would ask them these things openly and objectively right in front of him. If the kids are angry at him, he can hear why from their own mouths and you guys can work on that with them. Assure them that it's ok to be angry about the changes, but that he is their Dad and it's important to still care about each other.

It's not easy, but having these boundaries accomplished and things out in the open will give you the chance to know what to expect and to not be yanked back and forth or abused constantly with his blaming and guilting you.

I also think it's a good idea that you are doing... if he calls and wants to talk, set up a future time to talk (Call me Friday night at 7, and I'll make sure I'm available to talk.) One thing about this is, he has to make the commitment and follow through to call you back. This will prevent his getting emotional one night and the next day feel completely different. He can't jerk you around as much this way. If he doesn't call when he's supposed to, then the next time he "wants to talk," you can remind him of that and just say, "I'm willing to still have a talk sometime, but why don't you make sure that's what you want first."

In other words, be polite... pray for him, but let yourself move on!!! You might always have to have some kind of relationship with him, because of having kids by him, but you can start setting boundaries on that relationship.

Oh, and you might want to talk to a divorce lawyer. You want to be prepared for how he handles his affairs. I don't know how you will split up cars, bank accounts, houses, bills, etc... but being prepared helps him to not rake you over the coals. You don't want surprised. Most lawyers will give you a free initial consultation, so you don't need any money. And if you need legal help and can't afford it, it's possible you might be able to look up information on free legal aide in your town.

There are a lot of services available if you are struggling to make ends meet, but many of them rely on your filing for child support off the dad. They would expect him to fulfill his obligation to his kids, and if he doesn't, then they will go after him for it. I don't know much about it, but they have all these dead beat parent laws and such now.

God bless, hon, I'll pray God walks you through this. I know he will, but it's always nice to pray for it anyway.

[spirit]

God Bless you and the family
You are lucky to have your Mum's support as my mother would not even think about helping as it is unacceptable in her culture. Allow your Mum to give you support , so that you will become stronger everyday.

[Adama]

May God give you strength and peace but God will remember you. He makes ways whare there is no way.

[BRIDGE]

i am going through a similar situation in that i had to ask my husband to leave because he was on the internet 90 percent of the time and not wanting to work and having me to carry the load of paying all the bills etc. this has caused my son, who is now 21, to be very bitter towards him. he was also smoking marijuana and other drugs and stealing money from me. i put up with this for several years feeling that God hates divorce but at the same time knowing that God does not want this for me or my son. It is a bad influence on my son and at the same time bringing me down. i would come home from working 10 hours only to find him on the internet or sleeping. i had finally had it. i would deeply appreciate your prayers as now i have to get used to being single and that scares me too.

[johnwf]

Allways remember that God will allways love you and the boys, when you fell like there is nothing to hold on to God is there, you can feel the comfort in his loving arms. God bless you, your brother in Christ Jesus ,,,,,,. John