I need Christian advice... Please help!

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Kristeno1

Guest
#1
#1
Hi, I'm 27 years old. I have 2 children, one to a previous relationship. My youngest, 2 years old is to my boyfriend I live with. I always feel like I have to chase him. I'm telling him I need love and he doesn't hear me. I tell him I think we should be married and he tells me he isn't ready. It hurts me a lot and I react in a loud manner. I want to change and live like a Christian but I'm afraid to live with out him.
 
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Aqua_Girl09

Guest
#2
#2
You can't just expect someone else to change. i've heard over and over that the only thing you can change is yourself. depending on your support system i would go live with my parents or sister until he decided to get his act together. My cousin had a boyfriend who "wasn't ready to get married" so she said she wouldn't have sex with him until they were. (they were married within the year) and a while after they were married (two kids) he was sitting at home without a job so she left him and lived with her sister (he wasn't allowed to come to). once he founda nice job and got his act together they got back together.

from what you've told me. ur guy doesn't care cause he feels like you're going to stay be him. and if he doesn't care if you leave or not then you REALLY don't need to stay in that relationship. i would say work harder if you were married. but scince you're not you have every right to find someone who will treat you better. and don't just go looking for guys. just let him know that you're going to go away until he can fix himself. ^_^ at least thats what i would do. >_^
 
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dmdave17

Guest
#3
#3
from what you've told me. ur guy doesn't care cause he feels like you're going to stay be him. and if he doesn't care if you leave or not then you REALLY don't need to stay in that relationship. i would say work harder if you were married. but scince you're not you have every right to find someone who will treat you better. and don't just go looking for guys. just let him know that you're going to go away until he can fix himself. ^_^ at least thats what i would do. >_^
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I believe this is good advice. You need to begin to see yourself as God sees you. You are his precious child. He knows your faults and is willing to overlook them just to have a relationship with you. He wants you to come to Him with all your problems, including this one. But He would much prefer, I believe, that you weren't living with someone you are not married to. (Don't let this discourage you from going to Him, He forgives all things through Christ, but it is just something to think about.)

If your "boyfriend" will not change, I believe that you need to rid yourself of him. Even if you totally break off the relationship, you will never be alone. Jesus will always be there for you, and it seems to me that His company would be much more desirable than what it sounds like you have now. Ask God to give you the strength to put this part of your life behind you, and send you a good, Christian man to marry. Then sit back and let Him do His work. He is almost always ready to answer our prayers if what we are asking lines up with His will.

God bless you in your time of trouble.
 
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foreverJaM

Guest
#4
#4
You're not happy, and you never will be as long as you compromise who you are for you relationship with this boyfriend or for any other relationship. The one relationship you should be working on is the one with you Heavenly Father. The better your relationship is with him the more satisfied you'll be in all other relationships. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and its righteousness and all these things will be added to you.
My favorite Scripture, God causes all things to work together for those who Love him and are called according to his plan. There is a plan for your life and its not your plan it God's plan. Move close to him, and remember its not your boyfiend you can't live without It GOD.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
I'm sorry, if you're so desperate to have this loser in your life, you're not even ready to be married. You obviously have no clue what marriage truly involves. He's definately not husband material, and you're not ready to be a wife, either. You're already living together, and sleeping together, so it's apparent neither of you are in God's will in the relationship. So not only is he not husband material, you're not ready to be a wife, neither of you sound like you're walking strong in your faith.
My suggestion. Dump him. And you have a lot of growing to do. Firstly you need to learn to be happy without a man in your life, so that you don't end up desperate and co-dependant again. Second you need to learn what being in a marriage is truly about and the role of a wife and woman in marriage. And lastly you sound as if you need to do a lot of spiritual growth. Find out what God's word says about premarital sex and 'avoiding the appearance of evil'.
Oh, and it wouldn't hurt to learn how to handle stressful situations without 'getting loud'. That kind of behavior can be quite devastating to a marriage. I, for one, would not tolerate my wife yelling and raising her voice at me every time we argued.
Bottom line is you're in the situation you're in because you've made some bad choices. Time to get on your own and learn how to make some right choices.
 
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Bobbyking

Guest
#6
#6
Kristeno1 said:
Hi, I'm 27 years old. I have 2 children, one to a previous relationship. My youngest, 2 years old is to my boyfriend I live with. I always feel like I have to chase him. I'm telling him I need love and he doesn't hear me. I tell him I think we should be married and he tells me he isn't ready. It hurts me a lot and I react in a loud manner. I want to change and live like a Christian but I'm afraid to live with out him.
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Hi

God's Marriage according to the Bible is for the man and woman to be married first before living together, share the same bed and starting a family. And when God introduces this instruction, it is to:

1. Bless us through the marriage
2. To protect us through the marriage.

You need to make a strong decision in your situation now. It's wonderful to hear that you desire to live the christian life but your boyfriend may not want to. And according to what you wrote, he does not show love to you.
 
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spirit

Guest
#7
#7
my ex sister in law was similar with her anger and found out later she had OCD ( obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Being married for 20 years I advise you strongly that marriage is not a rush job.You both need to be mature to even comtemplate in getting married. If you are confused, I believe you can try living together first ( I know its against religion) but believe me that would save your sanity . God Bless x
 
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barukhmalachi

Guest
#8
#8
We all have some problem where we want to be a good christian in a situation and seek answers from god. But there's to much us and not enough god in our stories. We all want a need a companion here on earth but we are supposed to crucify the flesh. Meaning put god first above our emotions our wants and so on. We are supposed to give our cares to god and keep our mind stayed on him. Easier said than done I know. Put your focus on god then kids then you then your boyfriend in that order. You don't know when god has something better for you. We tend to see our situation and what we want. Pray without ceasing and seek god first. If you can put your emotion aside completely, let us all know how, its an easy concept but hard to do. Be encouraged and prayerfull and god bless you
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#9
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#9
I agree with aquagirl and dmdave.....Christians should not live together in a sexual relationship without marriage. This is for our protection. The committment needs to be in the relationship to hold it together and that is what marriage is. I admire you for seeing that you need to make some changes in your life!

Aqua girl had some good suggestions. They may seem drastic but if your boyfriend loves you, he will listen to what you are saying. Can you get him to go to church with you? That would be a start. Maybe you can go on this spiritual journey together.

You CAN live without him if you have to. Your two children will learn from you....set them a good example of what a strong Christian woman can look like. Even if your bf won't go to church, I strongly recommend finding a church you feel comfortable with (and take your children) and find some mature Christians who can help you learn about God and the forgiveness and guidance He offers us through Jesus Christ.

Don't give up....and stop yelling at your bf :)
 
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KiwiCA

Guest
#10
#10
When we're in a dating relationship, we are supposed to be on our best behaviour.

This is the best you are ever going to get from this man, it certainly wont get better with nagging marriage with a man who "isn't ready" and who doesn't sound to be Christian at all (esp if hes willing to cohabitate, have premarital sex, get you pregnant and not commit to a biblical marriage).
It sounds like hes got all the benefits of marriage without having to ever commit or serve you.
Why would he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free so to speak? (thats a saying, Im not calling you a cow but just describing his way of thinking)

I recommend you watch this sermon privately then make your verdict:

Marriage and Men | Mars Hill Church
 
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shekaniah

Guest
#11
#11
Aqua and Ugly both made very good statements...
I will pray for your whole family...
Find a good church and get councel...
 
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valientgirl325

Guest
#12
#12
you have to decide who you love more Jesus or your boyfriend. I know that if you take the leap of faith and do what is right God will be there to catch you.
 
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Romansonetwentytwo

Guest
#13
#13
You're post has a lot of holes in it. How long have you've been together? How old is he? Why is he not ready for marriage but you are living together and you already have a child with him? We all struggle with our Christian walk so I'm not judging the living together and having a child but just curious to as why he is not ready.
 
Avinu

Avinu

Banned
#14
May 18, 2011
1,815
10
0
#14
Hi, I'm 27 years old. I have 2 children, one to a previous relationship. My youngest, 2 years old is to my boyfriend I live with. I always feel like I have to chase him. I'm telling him I need love and he doesn't hear me. I tell him I think we should be married and he tells me he isn't ready. It hurts me a lot and I react in a loud manner. I want to change and live like a Christian but I'm afraid to live with out him.
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The first thing is if you truly want to live right according to God, then you have to do get that started first. Which means letting him know that you want to live for God, and if he is not willing to do it right by getting married, then he needs to get his own place. For God to bless your situation, the living in sin has to stop first. Doing right by God has to come first regardless of anything else. Then praying for God to change his heart to also want this the right way. It's not easy, but God is more important, and your salvation is more important also. Shalom
 
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mostprecious

Guest
#15
#15
I was in a similar situation some years ago. I decided I wanted to get back in church and living for the Lord, so I went to my boyfriend of 15 years and told him the choice I had made and told him I didnt mind remaining friends with him,but I had made a decision to rededicate my life to Christ and that meant no more shacking up. Long story short,then he wanted to get married, he got saved a year later,got off drugs and alcohol instantly when he got saved and now he teaches and preaches the Word. We have been happily married since 1997. You have to decide CHRIST or uncertainty and unhappiness. If you have to beg anyone, then something needs changing and you need to be on your knees praying to the Lord. Dont settle for less than the best life----the kingdom of God!!!
 
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BADDOG

Guest
#16
#16
so your 27 and 2 kids and you yell at your guy then ask him to love you ,,,,, clearly thats not working for you ,,,and it wont work on most guys ,,,,, you want to marry this guy and he is asking for more time,,,,,,, i think he is very wise ,,,, your heads in the wrong place and if you got married it would fall apart very quickly ,,,,, if your a yell'er you will yell at your kids as well ,,,,, you change and he will also ,,,, right now its all his fault or so you think *its not all his fault *
you yell he shuts up and locks you out ,,,, mos men hate all that yelling thing and it drives guys away ,,,,, talk dont yell works a lot better ,,,,, talk more yell less ,,,,,
all your yelling has done nothing for you so far and unless you stop it your likely to be alone very soon ,,,, with 2 kids

Grow up and stop yelling cause its not working for you
 
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holylez

Guest
#17
#17
Hello,
We all were born in sin and made a lot of mistakes before coming to know Christ. Knowing Christ corrects our mistakes and empowers us to live above sin. First of all living with someone who is not married to you in such a manner will make you to continue to commit fornication which is a sin against God and your body. So first whether he loves you or not such cohabitation must stop. You should move out and live together after being married properly so that the mistake can be corrected and you avoid committing the sin of fornication. So far as you continue to live together without being married you cannot have a good christian life... If anyone tells you you can he or she is lying to you and if you think you know someone in such condition living a good christian life, you are mistaken because that person is living a life pretense. For light has nothing to do with darkness and the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity
 
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AnandaHya

Guest
#18
#18
Kristeno1 said:
Hi, I'm 27 years old. I have 2 children, one to a previous relationship. My youngest, 2 years old is to my boyfriend I live with. I always feel like I have to chase him. I'm telling him I need love and he doesn't hear me. I tell him I think we should be married and he tells me he isn't ready. It hurts me a lot and I react in a loud manner. I want to change and live like a Christian but I'm afraid to live with out him.
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Matthew 6:33
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

before your relationships with anyone else can work you must first pray and seek God and have a secure relationship with Him.

Learn what it means to love by accepting His unconditional Love first. We can't give love until we learn to receive it from God.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ezrFxWjyZQ[/video]

remember you are never alone, because God is just a prayer away.
 
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korvah

Guest
#19
#19
Hi,Christian brothers and sisters i need your help in my marriege .I got married in 2010 and i was working by 2011 i lost my job and she is working but i do not know how much is her salary i do not know ,even if she is giving her help she will not tell me .she now sending three of brothers to school which i do not know there is no respect is given me.and when i get contract i make show i bring the money home .i have talk still there is no change and i am not working and there no unstanding.But now i want leave the home ,what should i do .



thanks mr,korvah
 
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Ugly

Guest
#20
#20
korvah said:
Hi,Christian brothers and sisters i need your help in my marriege .I got married in 2010 and i was working by 2011 i lost my job and she is working but i do not know how much is her salary i do not know ,even if she is giving her help she will not tell me .she now sending three of brothers to school which i do not know there is no respect is given me.and when i get contract i make show i bring the money home .i have talk still there is no change and i am not working and there no unstanding.But now i want leave the home ,what should i do .



thanks mr,korvah
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You should start a new post of your own and not post your problems in other peoples posts. This could be considered rude behavior using someone elses post where they're seeking help for their problems, then you take over their post for your own problems. Please, put up a new post for yourself.
 
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