Head of the Household (looking for opinions)

[Carmy]

This goes to show us that as women, we really have to make sure that we are marrying a Godly man instead of marrying the first man that comes along and flatters us. I know someone that prayed before she got married and she said that she knew God told her not to marry him. She did anyway because she didn't want to be alone. That ended up being an abusive marriage for her and that changed who she was as a person. She become more insecure in herself and had she followed what she believed God was telling her, then it would have saved her a LOT of grief in the long run.

We shouldn't take the decision of whom we marry lightly.

[Jullianna]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN! If you have any reservations at all about marrying someone and whether you can absolutely commit for life, don't get married. People do take this LIFE DECISION far too lightly.

[CC_Bride]

Originally Posted by Jullianna

P.S. - I have read that children are 90% more likely to follow the Lord if they have christian FATHERS who lead their families and take them to church than if mothers do this alone. Powerful stuff, huh? It falls to somewhere around 30% if mothers try to do this alone. Please be prayerful about our families.

Yes, Ive heard this as well.

God told us as humans to be fruitful and multiply. Its easy to get yourself a wife and kids, but its harder to encourage and lead fruitfulness.

My uncle is one of my most favorite people in the world. Hes remained married to his wife and raised 2 kids into adulthood, comparatively to the rest of our entire family where abuse, divorce and fathers abandoning kids is an occurance for every family member. Thing about my uncle though, is hes not a Christian. What Im trying to say is, hes a decent honourable guy (though still a sinner). But imagine how even bigger his influence and legacy to the world and Gods kingdom would be if he were a christian man, who did lead his family according to the bible.

[Nalu]

The man is the gentle, loving, kind, patient, joyful and self sacrificing head of the household.

The Man is not to be a dictator, he is not mean spirited, he is over to outbursts of wrath or temper tantrums.
He never place's his wants before the need's of his Wife and Children.

Leadership and Responsibility go hand in hand.

I am speaking within the context of a Christian Marriage (for all the Women that desire authority over their Husbands).

If a person is married, they are not to seek another person to replace their spouse.

[xXTroubleXx]

Originally Posted by KiwiCA

So what role did your dad have?

My thinking is this, a son gets his understanding of masculinity from his father and often duplicates what they see with what they do into their own life. Or the go the extreme opposite, in order to avoid familiarity with their father (but I wouldnt say thats healthy either).
Do you have brothers?

My mom and dad shared the same role of just being good parents. Their "roles" in the traditional christian sense were interchangeable: they were both 'bread winners' even while me and my sister were still young, they both made important decisions together without one feeling like their gender gave them the final say by default, my dad did most of the house cleaning and cooking while my mom did most of the lawn mowing, I could go on forever, but the bottom line is my family structure was not modeled after a biblical one and many of the roles that are strictly associated with men were very much interchangeable between both my mom and my dad. If you asked me what specific role they

As I said to you before, "it would be unwise to assume that just b/c a husband/father doesn't take an 'authority figure' type of 'role' in which the things everyone has listed in this post are his and ONLY his responsibilities, then he will, by default, earn little to no respect from his wife and children". What you seem to be implying is that it is not okay for a father to not claim full authority over the family because his sons will allegedly not be able to understand their own sense of masculinity because they will have nothing to learn from their father on the subject, and therefore they will lose respect for him in some cases? I agree that 'children see, children do', but a son is not going to lose a sense of masculinity or his respect for his father SIMPLY because the family is not structured in a biblical way.

I do not have brothers. But, on the flip side of that question, my mom obviously wasn't acting like a traditional christian woman (in that very traditional christians would say that she 'usurped her husbands power' by acting the way she did). Does it seem like I don't respect my mother because she wasn't completely in alignment with the role of a christian wife, and therefore shattered my sense of femininity because she was not a good role model? Quite the opposite, actually.

My dad also doesn't fall under any of those categories that you listed. Why ask me "what category did your dad fall under"? I don't understand why chose to ask that kind of question.

[AnandaHya]

Originally Posted by xXTroubleXx

My mom and dad shared the same role of just being good parents. Their "roles" in the traditional christian sense were interchangeable: they were both 'bread winners' even while me and my sister were still young, they both made important decisions together without one feeling like their gender gave them the final say by default, my dad did most of the house cleaning and cooking while my mom did most of the lawn mowing, I could go on forever, but the bottom line is my family structure was not modeled after a biblical one and many of the roles that are strictly associated with men were very much interchangeable between both my mom and my dad. If you asked me what specific role they

As I said to you before, "it would be unwise to assume that just b/c a husband/father doesn't take an 'authority figure' type of 'role' in which the things everyone has listed in this post are his and ONLY his responsibilities, then he will, by default, earn little to no respect from his wife and children". What you seem to be implying is that it is not okay for a father to not claim full authority over the family because his sons will allegedly not be able to understand their own sense of masculinity because they will have nothing to learn from their father on the subject, and therefore they will lose respect for him in some cases? I agree that 'children see, children do', but a son is not going to lose a sense of masculinity or his respect for his father SIMPLY because the family is not structured in a biblical way.

I do not have brothers. But, on the flip side of that question, my mom obviously wasn't acting like a traditional christian woman (in that very traditional christians would say that she 'usurped her husbands power' by acting the way she did). Does it seem like I don't respect my mother because she wasn't completely in alignment with the role of a christian wife, and therefore shattered my sense of femininity because she was not a good role model? Quite the opposite, actually.

My dad also doesn't fall under any of those categories that you listed. Why ask me "what category did your dad fall under"? I don't understand why chose to ask that kind of question.

from what I have read it sounds like you grew up in a very Christian household and that your mother and father loved and respected each other.

I don't understand these "roles" you are referring to. it sound more man made traditions then what the Bible says.

Have your read this recently?

this woman engaged in trade and worked and was very much in charge of things.

Proverbs 31
10 Who[b] can find a virtuous[c] wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.


in addition your father sounds like he obeyed God's commandments concerning being loving and valuing his wife:

Christ was willing to die for His bride. Do you see the same type of love in your parents?

If so then you have been truly blessed.

[AnandaHya]

Originally Posted by xXTroubleXx

Hello!

Although I'm not the most bible-literate person in the whole world, I understand that the bible roughly states that men should be the heads of their households. I did not grow up with a male head of the household, so I am interested to read some different opinions about the topic of men being the head of a household. Here are a few questions to ponder, although it is not mandatory that you answer them as I am looking for anyone's own unique opinion, but perhaps these questions will make for good discussion...

1. What is the job of the male head over the family? How do you perceive a family with no male head? For example, if a woman is raising her 2 children alone, is her family considered 'headless' (for lack of a better term) or without complete guidance?

2. How would you perceive your own family if you were in that situation?

I would teach that God is their Heavenly Father and they should look to Him and pray to Him and seek guidance from the Holy Spirit.

3. Would you feel it is irresponsible for a woman to simply not look for another husband if her previous husband has left her and the children?

no if the husband is still alive I would not recommend remarriage and even if she is a widow, personally I would seek male role models for the children but not necessarily marry them. perhaps uncles or grandfathers or family members who would mentor the children. However God may place someone in their lives to play the father role so it really needs heartfelt prayer in such matters.

4. Which situation is better: a male who is present and active in the family, but who does not identify as the head of a household, or a completely absent male?

5. Experiences are very welcome!

Please offer any and all ideas and/or beliefs you have! I'm interested to read some different opinions!

Peace!

which is better? Love

a community of love that helps each other grow and become the people God intends us to be, with out titles but walking in the Holy Spirit.

[xXTroubleXx]

Originally Posted by AnandaHya

from what I have read it sounds like you grew up in a very Christian household and that your mother and father loved and respected each other.

I don't understand these "roles" you are referring to. it sound more man made traditions then what the Bible says.
.

I was responding to the person who asked me what 'role' my dad had. I was trying to explain that my family doesn't necessarily recognize roles for the husband/wife in the sense that many christians believe that the man has the role of being the 'head of the household', which entails certain responsibilities, and then the wife and children have their own roles which entail certain expectations and responsibilities. You can get a sense of what I'm talking about if you read some of the other posts. It's really different for every family and I just like reading the different interpretations.

However, I sort of took issue w/ the person I was quoting b/c it seemed he was implying that if a family is structured differently (ie: if the father doesn't identify as the head of the household) that inherently means that the wife and the children will respect the father less than a father who would identify as someone who is the main influencer, the main decision maker, the main bread earner, the 'head' of the family, while his wife is more of a 'helpmate' w/ a different role to submit to the 'head' of the family (as Jullianna describes it).

All I was basically saying is that my family doesn't identify w/ those roles, and even though we are not structured that way, it doesn't mean I have less respect for my parents (or that other children would have less respect for their parents), which is what KiwiCA seemed to be saying in earlier posts.

Hope that makes sense.